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Archive for October, 2011

Like A Soldier

Like a soldier,
(which he was when he was 18),
the young professional in the designer jeans,
turned and said,
חיכיתי עד לכן, אז אכשיו זה תורך”
I waited till now,
its your turn.”
As if we were comrades in arms,
and not strangers waiting for the late night bus at three AM.

I was looking for where to wait,
earlier,
but there were no signs to indicate,
and there was a creepy man with his hand,
in a place I would rather not say,
in the bus shelter,
so I walked past in a hurry.

At a different stop,
I saw a hooker,
wearing jeggings and five inch black heels,
put down her drink by a sports car,
to get in and do her deed,
and then pick up where she left off.
It made me sad.
It made me leave.

I came back,
to that other stop,
and the ex-soldier was there fighting sleep.
I knew he was safe,
because he had nice shoes,
and designer jeans.

Two minutes after the soldier’s command,
the bus came,
and he jumped to attention,
before I had a chance to mention.

Before I had a chance to say,
thanks for sharing guard duty with me,
thanks for keeping us safe.

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Mornings

I love my mornings,
a few hours of quiet,
(my roommates are late sleepers),
before the bank can call me and remind me that I am overdrawn and I bounced a check,
too early for errands because the city is asleep.

I run,
bathe,
play,
think,
pray,
eat,
drink.

And then I have to break,
my solitary freedom,
as the rest of the country starts to wake,
long after the sun and I.

Then hyped on coffee,
I have to face the cars.
There are so many cars!
They move with such urgency and disregard.
And the people,
(and I do love people),
all rush,
they all have somewhere to be,
chained to their lives and their destiny,
as am I.

But in those wee short hours,
when I am solitary,
I am free.
Free from responsibility,
family,
friends,
the need to succeed,
to be good,
to be something.

Blank slate.

I wake up early,
to be,
to feel,
free.

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They’re not feminine.
Yep, I’ll let her know.
You looked hella hot in the flannel.
Um… K I love you.
I would love but I can’t.
You want to get the key from me maybe?
I just want to see you sweetie.
I’m almost there, where are you?
I went to stare at the sea.
Out for pizza, send my best.
Are you high?
I’m high on valium.
Tomorrow, I believe.
You awake?
I totally had a nice nap.
Welcome back to life.
I’m just trying to give it a shot.
I’m on a quest.
Sounds good.
Seriously.

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Second-Rate

How many low wage jobs can I hold while trying to pursue my second-rate dream?
The first-rate was vetoed by my parents as impractical,
but seven unpaid internships later,
and about to embark on a Master’s degree,
I regret being so practical.

My bank account cringes.

Waitress,
babysitter,
museum guard,
dining hall manager,
secretary,
administrative assistant,
editor,
gift shop associate,
gallery sales clerk,
psych experiment guinea pig,
herpes experiment lab rat (I officially don’t have it),
Sunday school teacher,
Hebrew tutor,
Judaics tutor,
and camp councilor.

From this list,
could you guess,
deduce,
gamble,
at what I really want to do?
I doubt you could.
I doubt I can.

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Closer

I want to pull you closer.
I want to see your face in the flames of the bonfire.
You hide in the evergreens,
ever green,
always scared of the vulnerable release.
I can’t stand the silence,
it compels me to fill it with nonsense,
striking perfect imbalance,
because to me it is nonsense,
this level of privacy.
And in an act of desperate piracy,
I attempt to steal what I can,
but you feel robbed and pull in your defenses closer.

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Tetragrammaton

In a puritanic style,
he has never been drunk,
and I have never been high.

However,
in the dark of the night,
we embrace and imbibe,
binging on each other.

Four small letters,
we never string together,
because manuscripts don’t burn,
and promises,
eternal flames,
seem ungodly.

Finger tips,
light the night,
like sacramental candle sticks,
working religiously to bring us to a higher plane.
Bodies press as close together as possible,
without melting into an inseparable blob.
Lips part,
greedily gasping for air,
but hoping to inhale,
something more.

The after glow,
always shines for about a week or so.
In a week and a half,
encrypted messages buried in text,
will tease the hungry fire.
The call to prayer,
will ring in our ears,
and pull at our feet,
and I will kneel.

When is it permissible to whisper the ineffable name?

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The Waiting Zone

In a neutered neutral space,
balloons cling to the ceiling,
and emotions bubble,
in a multitude of languages,
over the babling waterfall.
Grandparents hold their grandbaby for the first time.
A husband embraces his returning wife.
A stranger cradles a sign.
And I,
I wait for mine.

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