A Labyrinth

I accidentally slept in because I worked at the bar till five in the morning so I missed Minyan and only had time to say Brachot but I still got to learn with Orli before work. Vayera is another jam packed parsha full of tons of difficult questions. How is it that we manage to teach our children Bereshit without getting into deep philisophical questions about right and wrong, especially in the realm of sexuality? How much did my teachers skip over?

One of my favorite Perkei Avot (Chapter’s of the Father’s) is:

“There are four character types among people. One who says, ‘What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours’ is of average character, and some say, this is the character of Sodom. [One who says] ‘What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine’ is unlearned (lit., [of] the people of the land). [One who says] ‘What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is yours’ is pious. [One who says] ‘What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine’ is wicked.” (P.S. English majors, aka Deb, I know this is not indented correctly but is a pain in the butt to do it right on the web.)

Why is it that saying “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours” is a characteristic of Sodom? This is a clue as to why they were destroyed. They would not share with anyone at all. This means they were inhospitable, unfriendly and unwilling to help anyone out. Everyone was to live in their own island, on their own plane of existence, fighting to take as much from this world as they can. Survival of the meanest. It’s a fairly American attitude. 🙂 Why would this lead to sexual immorality? Well, if you only care about yourself and your own gain, you demand that others stay out of your business, don’t believe in community and think that the individual should not be part of a whole then of course you will be sexually immoral and immoral in general. Morality stems from empathy. Understanding another person and wanting their experiences in life to be as good as your own. This world is one organism meant to breathe together. If we can’t see the forest from the trees we can become a deady fungus.

At first, I had some difficulty with the pious man being the one who says “what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is yours” because then he is left with nothing. But this is how you create community. You give from your property and you respect the other’s property and if the entire community acts in this way there will be harmony. Why is “‘what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine” an unlearned man? Well, it shows a lack of respect for both your own belongings and the other person’s. It is like living with a roommate who comes and borrows your favorite sweater without asking and thinks it is ok because he/she wouldn’t mind if you did the same thing. But, maybe you do mind. It was a gift from your dead relative and the roommate spilled beer on it. Lack of respect and empathy.

Lot’s daughters thought the world was destroyed except for them and their father so they got him drunk and slept with him. Why didn’t they consult him? Shouldn’t he have been in on the deal? Lot’s daughters were young unmarried girls who had grown up around the self-preservational attitude of Sodom. This had nothing to do with Lot in their opinions. This was about their own self-preservation. Lot was around Avraham long enough to know that this would have been an incorrect behavior but the girls had not. Their children are the forefathers of the nations of Ammon and Moav, who would not give water to the Jews in the desert and are the only nations that are not allowed to convert and marry a Jew(‘cept Ruth, she was special). It is extremely important to place yourself and your family in a nuturing community. And to teach them to give as well. To teach empathy. I think this is the most important lesson of this week’s parsha. When we give, and when we understand others life experieces then we find safety, security, beauty and God. So… please tip me, thanks!

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It can often be found, when a person comes from a particularly educated background, they miss the obvious basic things because they are taught to think only about the deeper levels. People, in general, often do not see the obvious questions and inconsistencies in their culture because they are thus absorbed in it. I find this idea to be very true of myself in regards to my Jewish edcuation. I am blessed with parents with great educations, both Jewish and secular, I attended a good Jewish day school, I went to Jewish summer camp and a Jewish gap year program. All of these experiences were very important in forming my identity and they gave me a very strong Jewish education.

Orli and I have been studying Parsha (weekly Torah portion) for about two months now. We decided to stay away from commentary for the most part and read the text carefully and discuss the issues we come across. Orli comes from a very similar background to me but we are working hard to subvert our educated handicapp. Mostly, we are trying to understand the characters in the Torah and why they do what they do and why God chose them and wrote about them they way that he did.

This week’s Parsha is Lech Lecha (Go Out). God tells Avram to leave his father’s house. Orli and I found many actions to be critical of in this Parsha. First of all, Avram left his hometown with his Dad last Parsha and settled in Haran. This happens after we read that Sari was barren. This is the first mention of a barren woman ever. When God tells Avram to move, he mentions that he will have children where God sends him. This is a BIG deal. No invetro back then. She must have been treated as an oddity. Then Avram goes to Israel but leaves almost immediately to Egypt due to famine. He uses Sari’s beauty to get rich there. She would have been raped had God not intervened. And it seems that God punishes this infraction of Avram’s by not letting him enjoy his new wealth. His wealth drives a wedge between him and his nephew who he has been raising since his brother died. Essentially, his only son at the time leaves him over the money he got by using his wife. Then there is the war of the four kings and the five kings. Avram gets richer, he complains about not having children, and then makes a covenant with God. Suddenly Sari feels even more pressure to have children and she gives her Egyptian servant (revenge against Egypt? They say Hagar was a princess from there.) to her husband. Hagar is not consulted. As far as I am concerned this is a form of rape. Women can be cruel to other women (although I think that she was conditioned that using a woman this way is okay). Hagar gets pregnant. In the text it says she hates her, but it doesn’t really clarify who hates who. Acording to many commentaries, Sari causes Hagar to miscarry because she is so jealous. Hagar runs away and an Angel tells her to go back. Hagar gives birth to Ishmael (no wonder, later he is cruel to Isaac, he is protecting his mother). Avram gets circumcised. God tells Avram that he will have a son through Sari. Avram does not tell Sari. She doesn’t find out till next week when the angels come.

WOW! What is going on with these people? Rape, war, coercion and cruelty. These are our heroes? Well, who said they were perfect heroes? Ummmm… my preschool teacher. Well, maybe they were just the right people for the job. Avram seems to have very poor relationships with those that are close to him but he is good at following God’s orders (even at the expense of his family) and he is good at charming strangers. Also, how can we learn from perfect people? Isn’t the point of the Torah to teach us?

Recently I was shown a beautiful video poem called Blue Blanket by Andrea Gibson about rape. The line repeated throughout the four minutes is “what will you tell your daughters?” but she ends with “what will you teach your sons?” This is a very important message. In the case of rape we terrify our daughters about trusting men but we assume that our sons will be good without teaching them. That it is obvious that men should not rape. But it is not. All the time in visual media (TV, movies, ads) rape and sexual violence are glamorized and encouraged. “Just get her drunk man.”

Well, from these characters in the Bible, if we read with scutiny, we can see the sins are obvious and there actually are punishments that make sense. Sara dies because she thinks that her husband sacrificed her son. Avraham went through all sorts of pain having to send away Ishmael and Hagar. They may have been functioning in a society where the things they did were normal but they were still wrong. And they were punished. From this we can teach our sons and our daughters.

It is a shame that the more difficult Bible stories are often softened for children and young adults. Children and young adults are the ones who need to learn these things. They are being educated all the  time through our culture and media to develop violent and cruel behaiors, and that it is okay to behave that way, even good. If we teach Torah from the text, in an open discussion, we can teach that these behaviors are not okay. And, also we can see that you can still be a great person even if you make mistakes. As long as you learn from them and follow God. Respect men. Respect women. Respect God. The Torah is a fertile learning ground. Lets grow in it.

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