New Images of Wreckage of Flight 370 Found in Water! THIS IS NOT A POTENTIAL DISTRACTION!! (images)

Posted on March 23, 2014 by willyloman

by Scott Creighton, from the Creighton “News” Network (a.k.a. C”N”N)

{Please consider the following as my application for employment at CNN}

Stunning new reports are in of various items found in the ocean in various locations that could be from Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370!

When asked about these new developments, an unnamed dude with special insight into the investigation said “yeah… they could be from anything… really… kinda”

Our crack team of Flight 370 investigators concluded with absolute certainty that meant they couuuuuld be from Flight 370!

French authorities have released a statement saying they have an image of some stuff in the water in the Indian Ocean Garbage Patch. What are the odds of that?

“A statement from Malaysia’s Ministry of Transport said Malaysia received the images from “French authorities showing potential objects in the vicinity of the southern corridor.”… The statement said the images had been sent to Australia, which is coordinating the search about 2,500 kilometers (1,550 miles) southwest of Perth, but officials there could not immediately confirm they had received them…The pallet was spotted by a search plane Saturday, but has not been closely examined. Wooden pallets are commonly used in shipping, but can also be used in cargo containers carried on planes.” AP

CNN is on top of this latest distraction… uh, I mean evidence. “Malaysian authorities have been given photographs that couuuuld show potential objects in the southern corridor of that search area”

Not only that, but the intrepid journalists at CNN went so far as to show an image of a random pallet which they claim couuuuld be used in the aviation industry.

pallet

Look at that! Fascinating stuff. Brings you right in there into the story doesn’t it? You can practically smell the rotting fish they couuuuuld have loaded onto that Boeing 777-200 on that cartoonish wooden pallet.

Not to be outdone by CNN (who stole my trademark and slightly altered it from C”N”N) we here have found reliable unnamed super-secret sources who have confirmed the validity more or less of a series of images of other possible random stuff that could be from a plane and therefore proves it’s actually from Flight 370. The sources requested to remain anonymous considering the fact that they are imaginary and thus don’t actually have any authority to supply anyone with any information regarding Flight 370, the search or anything else for that matter.

Below are images, ground-breaking images, of potential stuff found floating in something that couuuuld be from Flight 370.

Remember, you saw this first right here on C”N”N!!!

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Filed under: Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, Satire, Scott Creighton | 7 Comments »

Everything Would be Just Fine if Not for Those Damn Poor People

Posted on May 13, 2010 by willyloman

(I have often wondered what my writing would have been like had I gone to journalism school… had I learned the “proper” way to report and to write for the MSM type publications in ways that would not rattle those institutions. I once had a professor in college who did everything he could to instill in me the desire to fit-in, to accept the institutional view of whatever process I was involved in. He said I had great potential and that if I could just get over this one little flaw in my character, then anything could easily be within my grasp. With that bit of advice in mind, I am going to attempt to “report” on a recent story, keeping in mind the strict parameters of the current state of modern journalism. Maybe the New York Times will give me a job afterwards…)

by Scott Creighton

Reports show that the poor people are ruining America and certain White House sources, who cannot be named because they haven’t been given the authority to speak about this matter even though they did speak about this matter to this reporter, claim that the poor are actually al Qaeda fighters cleverly planted in this country generations ago as “Sleeper Workers” with the intention to use them to undermine our freedoms by eating all the fast food in America.  It was also stated that they hate us for our freedom and our large penises.

That’s just how devious and insecure they really are, according to some experts.

Studies have proven that poor people have no souls and don’t use the bathroom.  Pentagon officials, who spoke on the condition of remaining anonymous due to fears of actually being held accountable for what they say, have made it clear that they believe the poor can shoot laser beams out of their eyes and their extensive studies show that if you put 3 poor people into a room together, they will construct a car-bomb out of bubble-gum wrappers and sperm. Then they will use that bomb to attack someone who has something to do with Israel.

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Filed under: Satire, Scott Creighton | 11 Comments »