Say no to bullying

A must see video with a powerful poem about bullying written by Shane Koyczan because of his experience with violence in schools.

New Zealand is a great country to bring up children as the environment is fantastic for kids. At school there is holistic education; It is not only about academics but they learn about the arts,sports,outdoor education, drama and more. There is however one thing I find difficult to cope with. This is the high percentage of bullying as you can see here. As I  helped out at school a lot in the past, I have heard about it and seen it happening.

One mum told me that her child was not allowed to play with the other children. Her child tried to find a connection but  then one child started to spread a rumour through the school that her child had a contagious decease. This resulted in everyone running away from the child when he approached and he also got physically hurt. The mother went to the teacher but nothing was done. The  police came to the school to raise awareness about bullying  and the mother of one of the bullies went to the teacher and told her that the bullying towards the child had to stop as she learned that her own child was bullying. This was very courageous of the mother. The result was that the bullying stopped and the child who was bullied was suddenly included. Every one learned from this.

I do think the schools are trying more and more to stop bullying but it is a difficult task. As you learn from the poem in the above video it is very important to keep working on it.

There are different reasons for bullying; Lack of empathy, the child has been bullied themselves and as a result of authoritarian parenting with high use of controlling and punitive discipline or simply like he said in the video; because we are afraid of our own abandonment.
It is not easy to change these influences. What can be done though is to make sure there is a no-tolerance towards bullying. I think however that it is even more important to teach children how bullying effects others. I always tell the children I work with, that they have to treat each other with respect. When they use harsh language towards someone else I stop them straight away. Exclusion of children isn't allowed.  Problems don't disappear overnight but we keep working on it.

I think social and emotional development should be a taught at school. Especially in this computer era where children get less practise in social interaction. Philosophy would also be on my wish list so children learn to question things and not blindly follow the crowd.
We all can however play a role. By being respectful and tolerant to others we will be great role models and we will change the world one step at the time.

Wonder and happiness

"In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions: "When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop being enchanted by stories? When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?" Gabrielle Roth

Children carry the secrets of happiness. They live in wonder, play with their environment and learn naturally. They have already so much wisdom within. We can find that wisdom as well. Just connect to the child inside you and wonder about the beauty around you:

See the colours, the charm of old houses, the magic shape of a rose, the twinkling of light in a bottle, look at the sacred flame of candlelight.

Hear the laughter in the street, the crackling of autumn leaves or fresh snow, the steady relaxing sound of crashing waves.

Feel a soft cooling breeze on your skin in the summer heat, the touch to your heart when seeing an old couple holding hands, the fresh water splashing on your skin.

Become alive

The internet is full of beauty to enjoy. Peggy my blogging friend told me about pinterest and now I collect the photos of children, beauty, poetry, music and dance. For the origin of the photos above check out pinterest. If you want to cut out pictures for your own use go to Start, search for snipping tool, select and snip :)

Do you want to see real wonder and joy. Look at this child who experiences rain for the first time.

We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices

 

 

I love quotes and inspirational stories. The quote above is simple and complicated. Every day, we make many, many choices. We have the freedom to choose between good and bad. Sometimes we make a wrong choice and are not aware that it is wrong. We do it unconsciously, because that is how we learned to do something when we were young. By learning the hard way, by becoming aware, by reading quotes and by being honest to ourselves, we get many chances again to make a better choice and move in the right direction (or not). It is hard though. We are attached to material things, to our ego and to wrong habits. If we are making increasingly the right choices this will result eventually in a better future. All the choices, good or bad made us into what we are now.  When we become more aware and choose more consciously, the more in control we are.

This is what I think is also what karma means. When something bad happens to me I say jokingly "Oh it is bad karma"  Karma is however not something that overcomes us and is not simply a matter of retribution or reward. It is more a matter of cause and effect I think.

When you look at the beautiful story in the next movie than I see that the cause is that the man in the storie unconditionally gives to others. He had a positive live changing effect on the young boy as we see later. When the boy became a man it enabled him to do what he did and be very appreciative. We don't always know what effect we have on people.
I think that if we can positively change the lives of others just a bit than we are doing well and we become better at it each time. If we all would try that than we could change the world. :)  Enjoy the story!



Truth a matter of perception

Does the truth set you free?  But what if the truth is different for each person. Being an immigrant I had to rethink the whole concept of truth.
When you come to a new country you suddenly learn that they do things differently and have different values. Your truths are shaken.
When you grow up you learn values and knowledge from your parents, teachers, society. Did you test it if it was true. No you just took it on. If you challenged "the truth" you were sometimes told of. Most people learned to take everything on face value.

In ancient Greece, Socrates encouraged people to think for themselves and let them question their dogma's and beliefs. I think this is a healthy thing to do. Even the scientists don't know it all. I have done a psychology diploma. I remember that I sometimes found opposing research and than choose the one which fitted most with my own experience. This makes the flowing quote true for me:

"Man is the measure of all things: of things which are, how they are, and of things which are not, how they are not" Protagoras

So truth is a matter of perception.  Our knowledge is filtered by experience, culture, education, our genetic inclination etc. I have worked with children with learning disabilities. They quickly tell you that they can't do anything. If you get to know them you know that is not true. Some things which are simple for most people are very difficult for people with LD. Therefore they are often told that they are stupid and can't do anything right. They start to believe this and get anxious when they are asked to do something and subsequently do it wrong, which fits their believe.

So people see an aspect of the truth and think it is the whole truth and therefore make it into a believe. Other people who have different believes are by some thought to be ignorant or evil by distorting the truth. I think people are often afraid that their truth and therefore their being gets challenged and  that they might loose part of themselves if they admit that others ideas are be true. Their ego might get a punch. Often though all people are partly right and all have it wrong as the gorgeous poem underneath explains.

Blind Men and the Elephant

John Godfrey Saxe

It was six men of Indostan,

To learning much inclined,

Who went to see the Elephant

(Though all of them were blind),

That each by observation

Might satisfy his mind.

The First approach'd the Elephant,

And happening to fall

Against his broad and sturdy side,

At once began to bawl:

 "God bless me! but the Elephant

 Is very like a wall!"

 The Second, feeling of the tusk,

 Cried, -"Ho! what have we here

So very round and smooth and sharp?

 To me 'tis mighty clear,

This wonder of an Elephant

Is very like a spear!"

The Third approach'd the animal,

And happening to take

The squirming trunk within his hands,

 Thus boldly up and spake:

 "I see," -quoth he- "the Elephant

Is very like a snake!"

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,

 And felt about the knee:

  "What most this wondrous beast is like

Is mighty plain," -quoth he,- "

'Tis clear enough the Elephant Is very like a tree!"

 The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,

Said- "E'en the blindest man

Can tell what this resembles most;

 Deny the fact who can,

This marvel of an Elephant Is very like a fan!"

The Sixth no sooner had begun

About the beast to grope,

Then, seizing on the swinging tail

That fell within his scope,

  "I see," -quoth he,- "the Elephant

Is very like a rope!"

And so these men of Indostan

Disputed loud and long,

 Each in his own opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong,

Though each was partly in the right,

 And all were in the wrong!

Evaluate your truth and that of others carefully and realise that we often don't know the whole truth.
We do have some truth's where most of us agree upon for example around the values what is good and what is bad. I think that we instinctively know that, if we are honest to ourselves. Being aware of all this could take us on the road to free ourself.

Gay marriage allowed in NZ

NZ has become the 13th country in the world where gay marriage is legalised. I am from the country which was the first in the world. I am proud of it. I lived in Holland for 37 years and part of my experience of being Dutch is being tolerant.
Thanks to the tolerance and open mindedness of the Dutch Holland flourished in business for centuries.
There is considerable discussion going on if the Dutch are still being tolerant today, but that's a different story.
Being tolerant is not the easiest way of living.
Everyone has their own beliefs, perceptions and values. Being an immigrant I know how difficult it is to experience that what was once your "truth" suddenly isn't true anymore because of different cultural values. It is threatening when other people have other and sometimes opposing beliefs.
Threatening towards who you are and what you belief in. It can rock your beliefs. You don't feel accepted or understood. Don't you feel more one with someone who thinks alike. We  might be afraid of what is different.

However If we don't challenge our beliefs or if we never listen to other ways of thinking or accept other ways of living there would be no room for growth. Did you never get the aha moment when you listened to others and started to see things from a different perspective and were able to adjust your opinion. You might need some courage for that as you have to admit that you made a mistake or you were to quick with stating an opinion. It also might make you feel less in control. Sometimes you realise that there might be more than one truth depending on your perception or depending from which angle you look at things.

Being open minded can also mean respecting that other people have just as much the right to live their lives in their way as you do. It is necessary in creating peace by starting to understand our differences.

You don't have to agree with everything but you could start seeing others who are different with exploring new countries. When you go on holiday to a foreign country you don't think "it's different, therefore I don't like it". No people enjoy the out of the ordinary.

I'll try the best I can to be tolerant of other peoples way of living and believing. Live and let live! I do have limits and that is when other peoples ways and beliefs are harm full to others than I become intolerant.
I don't see gay marriage as harm full at all to others. So congratulations to them for being accepted. This NZ politician doesn't think so either. I love his speech and sense of humor.

A little philosopher

Have you ever pondered if there are other galaxies, if we have free will or what the meaning of life is?  Try to answer these questions and you know how difficult it is. How do we have to approach this? What knowledge do we have? You easily get stuck. When we get older we start to understand more about the world and how we relate to it. We better accept mistakes or acknowledge that we don't know everything. There are people among us who have an innate wisdom and who are able to navigate quite well through this matter. Sometimes he is only 9 years old.

Living a dream

People who know me longer than today know that I love kids. They are hard work but most of all they are an inspiration and a joy. I believe that most kids are good kids. When they aren't there is usually something going on. They ask for negative attention because they didn't get enough positive attention in life, and any attention is better than non.

They might play up because they had bad experiences or have learning disabilities etc. If you believe in them however and give them an encouraging environment they will amaze you. Their honesty and directness and their unbundled energy, creativity and imagination is a pleasure.
The kid and dad in the video underneath is a great example of a kid living his dreams and I just love it.



If only we all could live our dreams. To live our dreams I think we should first dare to dream. Don't think of anything being impossible, just enjoy dreaming away and let your inner child do the work. Remember the last time you were excited and forgot about your worries. What were you doing. When was it when you completely lost yourself, because you were engaged in something you liked doing.

Next do it. Like the child in the video, just start with what you have. Do it on a small scale in the time you have. As long as you love it than it will grow. Do you enjoy building something or writing a story? Keep on doing it, you will grow and become better at it. Get inspired and eventually others will be inspired but even when you just get to do what you love than it doesn't matter in what stage you are or how you do it.

I am lucky to work on a dream. We started a Free club where kids can develop creativity and computer skills. It is growing slowly but it is a delight to see the kids enjoying themselves. We are learning alongside the kids and it is so much fun. It will take time but the following quote says: "Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway" Earl Nightingale

Keep holding on

Sometimes I feel a bit down, a bit stuck. Everyday I try to work on a dream. Sometimes I get stuck because the way I envisioned things is not the way things are going to happen. I try different ways but to no avail. Than to protect myself  I become an automatic pilot and numb my feelings  to not have to deal with disappointment and I become boring as the young Kid president in the video says. I am on his team. He inspired me again not to give up but keep on trying. The Indian prayer inspired me too, to just keep holding on. Yes we all need a pep talk now and then and a believe that all is going to be all right. It is not going to be easy but if we hold on than we are going to get there. The farmer doesn't know that his crops will come up, he just handles in believe when he sows. We have to keep on believing that we are going to get there.

Hold on to what is good, Even if it's a handful of earth.

Hold on to what you believe,
Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.

Hold on to what you must do,
Even if it's a long way from here.

Hold on to your life,
Even if it's easier to let go.

Hold on to my hand,
Even if someday I'll be gone away from you.

A Pueblo Indian Prayer

International woman's day

 

 

I grew up in a men's world having three brothers. I went to trading school where most were men. I worked in jobs alongside mechanics, shoemakers,IT people. I can get along very well with most men. My respect goes out most to women though. Woman who are so strong to combine a family and a job. When they are sick they still care for others first if they have too.  They keep the whole circus going. Most woman give everything to their children. They feel their pain and they are their best cheer leaders. They often work hard and smart, are sensitive and organised and hardworking.
I am lucky. I feel respected,safe and have all I need. I know this isn't the case for many women. Therefore I send out my love to my sisters in all corners of the world and wish them peace, love, courage and strength. Today my thoughts are with you all. Today my tears and smiles are for you. Arohanui tuahine!

Butterfly delight

More sunflowers today but the focus is this time on the butterfly who is posing patiently for me long enough to go inside grab my camera and make a picture.

 

When you come to the end of all the light you know, and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: Either you will be given something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.   Edward Teller

 

Just when the catterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly. Proverb

I love butterflies because they are beautiful but also because of their symbolic meaning.The most significant thing about butterflies is that they go through an enormous change. They transform inside the chrysalis where new genes are turned on which changes their form from an earthy caterpillar into a free flying colourful butterfly. 

 The Greek word Psyche means both butterfly and soul. I think inside our soul rest the secret of who we are. We are already perfect just like the butterfly. We don’t know that and look to the outside world of how to be and how to behave. It can take us a lifetime to find out what our passions and strength are.

 For years we can run after shallow ideals to become rich and powerful only to find out that we were chasing some ghosts. We really want to be loved and respected. When we discover our passion, enjoy life and send out ripples of love we will move towards becoming a butterfly. We need to believe that we already possess the genes to become a butterfly. We just have to turn them on by following our intuition.

We change all the time but significant changes are rare.  We too can experience a transformation from a sudden insight when somebody turns  our light on inside or when we discover one day what our passion is, when we learn that love is the most important thing in the world whatever we do. The hard work becomes a game. Sometimes we have to bump our head many times and sink deep before we learn the right lessons, before we are able to make that important change.

When we are lucky to go through a transformation and become a butterfly we must remember that we were once a caterpillar and respect that stage of life in others as well. Only then we can show our full colours

A change of conciousness in the air

The beginning of a new day
Photo by Mayke

A lady told me a while ago that her daughter was terrified because she believed that the end of the world was coming in the end of 2012. I told her that I had read about the Mayan calendar and that it only means the end of a period and that the Mayans believe that it will be a time of big changes and the start of a new conscious. She asked me to tell that to her daughter to calm her down. I did. I hope it helped as I felt sorry for her. I also heard about change of consciousness because of the age of Aquarius and because I was curious I did some research on both.
I read that the new age movement is a spiritual movement which became widespread in the second half of the 20th century e.g. thanks to the movie hair. The movement is a mixture of eastern and western spiritual and metaphysical traditions and includes e.g. holistic health, psychology and quantum physics. Popular new age writers are James Redfield, Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson and Deepak Chopra to name a few. New age refers to the Age of Aquarius. I have read some of these books without realising they were New Age books. I think there was a lot of wisdom in it and a lot of food for thought. I especially liked the concept of synchonisity which I experienced as you can read about here.

Anyway according to Western astrology we are moving from the age of Piscus to the age of Aquarius. Some say that it has already started others say it is coming up. The age of Aquarius is a cycle of astrological ages where every 2180 years the stolstice sun arises against a different constellation. We are now moving from Piscus to Aquarius.

Some astrologers believe that these ages affect mankind and that they are symbolic. The symbol of Piscus is two fishes swimming in opposite direction. This is the symbol of dualism which causes conflict. Conflict between people, countries, religions.
The symbol of Aquarius is the water bearer, pouring out water of knowledge. According to the beliefs in the new age there will be a great development of e.g. knowledge and technology. Most importantly however it will be a time of spiritual awakening. An awakening from the madness of the world in conflict because of people thinking they are better than other people, countries, religions. An awakening to love and understanding. An awakening to the fact that we have to respect mother earth and stop consumerism, pollution and eroding landscapes to name a few.
Then there is a different thing altogether which is that the Mayan calendar will end on the 21st of December of this year. For the Mayans this is just the end of a time period. It is seen by them as moving into a new period of harmony and a transformation of consciousness. The end of time stuff is just a crazy Hollywood hype.

Weather you think of all the above as knowledge or nonsense, it is a fact that the world could use more love, peace and respect for mother earth. So let’s hope there is some truth in it.

Instant gratification

I dropped my children of at school this morning because the rain poured down. I started pondering tonight and thought I shouldn’t have done that. I deprive them from the change to learn that they won’t melt from a couple of rain drops. Our kids and actually increasingly our entire society are getting used to instant gratification.  We don’t work for anything anymore; everything is made easy for us.

When we don’t want to cook we go to get a pizza, quick and easy, when we fight with our partners we easily think about breaking up instead of hanging in there and working on our problems. I read a story about a couple who couldn't afford to break up and decided to safe first and wait a year. They are married for 45 years now.
When we want a new TV we get a loan and buy it instead of saving up for it first. It even happens among the Dutch all the time these days.
When we want to talk to somebody we don’t go to them anymore but grasp our cell phone
We get influenced by sales people because they know about our weakness for instant gratification

With increasing health problems and an economic downturn some of us are forced to make the choice to delay instant gratification.
For our younger people this will be a lot harder as they are not used to it at all. I think eventually it will be a lot better for everyone when we toughen up a bit, and feel proud when we achieve something after some hard work, which will make us grow. What do you think?

(Talking about instant gratification instead of going for exercise I had too much food in the last year to relieve my stress. Have to do a lot of work now to get it all off again. Time to toughen up.)
Arohanui Marja

Harvest

We must not hope to be mowers
and gather the ripe gold ears
Unless we first have been sowers
and watered the furrows with tears
It is not just as we take it
This mystical world of ours
Life's field will yield as we make it
A harvest of thorns or flowers

Goethe

Magical moments

courtesy of google

"There are occasions when this vision of the world takes us by surprise, the mind having slipped unconsciously into a receptive attitude. It is like the oft-recurring tale of coming upon an unexpected door in a familiar wall, a door that leads into an enchanted garden, or a cleft in a rock that gives entrance to a cavern of jewel. Yet when one comes back to the place again, looking for the entrance, it is no longer to be found. It was just in this way that late one afternoon my own garden became suddenly transfigured - for about half an hour, just at the beginning of twilight. The sky was in some way transparent, its blue quiet and clear, but more inwardly luminous than ever at high noon. The leaves of the trees and shrubs assumed qualities of green that were incandescent, and their clustering were no longer shapeless daubs, but arabesques of marvelous complexity and clarity. The interlacing of branches against the sky suggested filigree or tracery, not in the sense of artificiality, but of distinctness and rhythm. Flowers - I remember especially fuchsias - were suddenly the lightest carvings of ivory and coral." Alan Watts

Did you experience such magical moments? Some do and most of you did. Many forgot about it. When we were children we absorbed the world through our senses and picked up the magic. Children don't think, plan or worry. Children are in a state of flow. Of course we need these skill for our survival but actually they have taken over who we are. Our mind is a problem solver but often we created the problems in the first place. People think they have to be rich, successful, smarter, skinnier etc in order to be happy, accepted, loved . All their senses are focused on the stones to pave their road towards it. They fail to see the flower or the child alongside the road they are building. Or they might see the flower but not on a level that they process the colour, the shape the smell. They might see the child but they don't really listen to what's on their mind or watch with them the butterflies in awe. When we remove the filters by questioning some beliefs in our mind we will be opening up again to love and beauty and receive what we need. To put our trust in this will take a while but it is the key of the door to the enchanted garden.

Affection

"The body is affected by everything that is happening around you, it is not separated from what is happening around you. Whatever is happening here-there is only the physical response. This is affection."

U.G. Krishnamurti

Puzzled? I was too when I read it till I read it further that the real meaning of affection isn't love or caring but "being connected with" When we are young we discover that we are separate from the world and develop ego boundaries. The ego is all about me. The ego limits us. When we love something or somebody than these boundaries or limits seem to dissappear. Seem , because love isn't just a feeling. When we feel we love somebody but don't act on it (like doing what is best for, or by paying attention to somebody or something) than the ego boundaries are stil firm in place or fall quickly into place. No we only grow by committing ourself out of love to something. By doing that we learn about that person or about your garden or anything. It becomes part of who you are.The more we love in this way the bigger our self becomes Boundaries dissappear and we are connected and one with the world around us.

Do be do be do

Have you seen this before? Which one is right? Let’s explore To do and To be

We know what it is to do. We live in a world of doers. People who are always busy doing something; studying, working, running. You could use every possible verb.

Let’s consider what it is To be. Simply To be requires consciousness. Being is not just being alive. Many people don’t feel being alive at all because they live in a kind of dream. Thoughtlessly they do what they have to do and suddenly they are old. They are too busy To be. To be is not just sitting there and thinking. Many just think about things what happened in the past or worry about the future. No when you sit there, To be is to be aware of your surroundings. It requires you to pay attention to it. To take it all in, to enjoy it. To be there with all of you makes you feel alive. When you feel alive and see the beauty in everything love flows freely. Intelligence and work in the world of people will be empty without this love and the results which will be achieved with doing, without love, without your being in it can even be disastrous. Looking at it from this perspective we can say that Sinatra is the closest to the truth. One isn’t the other but you need both of it. When to be and to do both is in working, it means you enjoy what you are doing, but be aware of the beautiful words of Eckhart Tolle: "When you say, ’I enjoy doing this or that’, it is really a misperception. It makes it appear that the joy comes from what you do, but that is not the case. Joy does not come from what you do, it flows into what you do and thus into this world from deep within you." When you live automatically and just identify with your job, your possessions, your role, without putting your being in it, when you look outside you without looking within, you will separate from the world. When you pay attention to what you say and what you do, when you put your being in it, your love flows with a ripple effect through the world and you will be one with it Aroha, Marja

Wasting Time ?

(Courtesy of google) Ticking away........

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking And racing around to come up behind you again The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines Hanging on in quiet desperation is the english way The time is gone, the song is over, thought Id something more to say

Intriguing words from Pink Floyd's song Time. I think many can relate to it. We just seem getting on with daily life, when I was young we just "hang out" now it is earning a living and stuck up with lot of not very important things.

But are they not important? Some years ago I struggled with the question which way do I go and I read in the paper that there was a workshop by a famous psychic on the Mind Body and Spirit Festival about finding your purpose. Just what I need I thought, although I am not a psychic kind of person. My main interests at that time (still is) were children and writing. I had a huge (beginners) luck of getting 3 articles published in parenting magazines.

I became a bit disinterested when being told that your purpose was basically what you really wanted to do now. Duh, I was already doing that but I didn't know what to choose because I wanted to do one or the other on a higher level to be able to have a real impact. After an exercise in which you were teamed up with your neighbour and really didn't get further than I already was, I listened to the psysic going through the process on stage with a lady who was totally stuck and had no idea where she wanted to go. I suddenly became alert when I heard the outcome. She said your goal in live is giving love and it doesn't matter how you do it, by writing magazine articles or by looking after children. Next I heard the lady on stage saying I don't do any of the two you suggested. "I know" ,whispered the psychic. The lady I was teamed up with nearly pushed me of my feet and said excitingly "that's about you". Was she right? There were maybe only 30 people in the audience. How many of them wrote magazine articles and looked after children. Coincidence? Maybe - Maybe not, but it made me look at what I do in a different way. No I am not wasting my time I am on the right track. Ahora Marja

Just saw that the naked soul wrote today something simular about your purpose in life and that it doesn't have to be something complicated. It is at a time that I needed to be reminded again.

Coincidence? Maybe - Probably not!!!

Mistakes

courtesy of google

It was late. In the light of the oil lamp John was mixing ingredients to form a medicine. Than he made a mistake. John accidentally added carbonated water instead of plain water to his recipe. John took a sip. Mmmm this tastes delicious and refreshing, he thought It was 1886. The man was John Pemberton He just invented Coca-Cola Especially when trying something new we tend to make mistakes. Through trial and error we learn. There are not that many people though who turn mistakes into opportunities or learn from their mistakes. We cover up mistakes or we tell people off when they make a mistake.Did you ever hear somebody say "oh come here I'll do it from now on. This is already the second time that you make a mistake." Some hear it often when they are young. A door is closed for them. They don't get the opportunity to learn anymore. The more risks you take in your life the more change you make a mistake. I think the reason that people are afraid to make mistakes is that they are too often panalysed for it. That's why they invented brainstorming to come up new ideas. The rule is that no idea is strange or get ridiculed. Every idea is valid. People feel than safe and are not afraid to make mistakes. The creative juices flow. The most successful people I think are the ones who persevere. If you are able to deal with the feeling of frustration and rejection you move forwards. A great thing is that you still can build self esteem in a child by allowing him to make mistakes and not making a big deal out of it. When the child becomes an adult they will deal with mistakes a lot better. Of course you have to take calculated risks or you let a child do things you can think he can handle. You have to try new things that are safe. Just as a pilot can't take a risk a young child can't take too many risks either. If you do make a mistake, stop and think. What did I do wrong. How can I do it better next time.I make this mistake many times. Every time I diet I am too strict for myself I can't keep it up and stop but....I make the same mistake next time. In many things I have to learn to think first and find new ways of behaving. I have to learn from my mistakes. By the time I learned from them all I will probably be old but a lot wiser. Therefore we can learn a lot from old people. Don't make the mistake to ignore them. They carry a lot of wisdom. If At First You Don't Succeed Author Unknown Failure doesn't mean - "You are a failure,"It means - You have not succeeded. Failure doesn't mean - "You accomplished nothing,"It means - You have learned something. Failure doesn't mean - "You have been a fool,"It means - You had a lot of faith. Failure doesn't mean - "You don't have it,"It means - You were willing to try. Failure doesn't mean - "You are inferior,"It means - You are not perfect. Failure doesn't mean - "You've wasted your life,"It means - You have a reason to start afresh. Failure doesn't mean - "You should give up,"It means - "You must try again. Failure doesn't mean - "You'll never make it,"It means - It will take a little longer. Failure doesn't mean - "God has abandoned you,"It means - God has a better way for you. Wish you a lot of mistakes today, Marja

Don't follow the crowd

(picture courtesy of google)

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. Friedrich Nietzsche

Usually I am easy going. Don't make much fuss about a lot of things. One of them is that as long as the house is clean that's fine. I don't care when books are lying around or when the place looks untidy. I am aware that others find this basically important so I do back them up when possible. I find it however difficult to compromise on living a relaxed live. Some people can nag continuesly about small things. Leaving a cloud of stress behind. It's not worth it. When I have the possibility to learn something interesting, give some kids a good time and teach them something or have a walk and talk with a friend. These things are much more important. I like having people around but I realise that I am not the easiest. Yes most of the time I am easy and fun loving, but......

I make up my own mind about everything. It is also a part of being Dutch. They have an opinion about everything and love to share it. They simply call it discussing something. When I was young there were nights when we would "argue" as friends till the morning about something and I enjoyed that. It keeps your mind fresh. You had to come up with good arguments and sometimes you had to admit that the others arguments were relevant and made your view invalid and so you changed your mind.

I often heard that people find that the Dutch are being confrontational and sometimes oppositional. When I sense that I can't speak my mind, mostly in a different culture than I just keep my mouth shut. Except when I see that the things I believe in are violated or when I want to improve something than I become a rebel. Which means I will be called stubborn and Difficult. This difficult woman doesn't care and hold no grouches against anyone who says I am.

Most people are other people, Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. Oscar Wilde, De profundis, 1905

Do not believe in anything (simply) because you have heard it. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

Do not believe in anything because it is spoken and rumoured by many. Do not believe in anything (simply) because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.

But after observation and analyses when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conductive to the good and benefit of one all then accept it and live up to it.

The Buddha

Spiritual matters

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I think that there is a reason for everything. Even me being very tired. I do a lot of thinking these days and bump into lots of stuff to think about. The funny thing is that they are all related. It is as if they are answers to my questions. I believe in synchronicity, that the puzzle pieces fall into its place when you look for it and that if you ask for something, you will receive someway. Synchronicity means meaningful coincidences. I experienced it regularly some years ago and was utterly surprised. I didn't know the word back than. I had a friend with whom I regularly walked and I started to talk about it. She was surprised I hadn't heard about it and suggested some books. By discovery I found many puzzles and together I composed my own experience of live and of God. When I was young I always went to church. I questioned many things but was still attracted somehow to the word in the bible. Till a pater of the church said to me. What's in the bible is true but it didn't necessarily all truly happen . That appealed to me but I still didn't understand why religions had to fight each other, why people go to church and than hang their religion with their coat on the coat rack and lived life as if they didn't have heard the message etc. so I went on searching. Were I am now is that God is in all of us. When we connect to the God part in us, if we choose the good and love others we will be connected to them and to all there is. We experience heaven. When we choose for the bad part in us, we built a wall between us and others and everything around us. We will experience loneliness and pain, we experience hell. We are on a road of awareness, all of us are in a different stage. I feel I am moving forwards and wanted to share that with you. I was this afternoon aware that I am attracted to orange at the moment. A colour I hated it the past. I googled it and discovered that it is the colour of change and healing. The second step was that from the word healing I came to the video of Deepak Chopra. I had heard of his name and books but that is all. I watched his video and his message is closer to my believe than anything I came along. It is a one hour video about the different stages we pass through. If you are interested here it is. The way of the wizard You don't have to agree with me this is just my own personal journey and I am still learning. Love you all and visit you soon, marja oh and I only now realise the candle is orange too.