The National Lampoon’s first original album in 35 years is The Final Edition’s “Are There Any Triggers Here Tonight?”

McDonald's and Pfizer have announced plans to merge to allow McDonald's myriad meat patents and other intellectual properties to sustain Pfizer's long-term positive economic outlook.

Hey America, know how you're always moaning about the decline of the middle class, obscene income inequality, stagnant wages, jobs being outsourced to Asia, no paid vacation or sick days and how you're getting bankrupted by health care costs? Why is that?

A charming fable about how the core American values of inventiveness and stick-to-it-iveness are rewarded.

Thorbjorn Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, said today that President Obama “really ought to consider” returning his Nobel Peace Prize Medal immediately, including the “really nice” case it came in.

The Real Hillary Clinton Email Scandal

The GOP in Texas, Arizona, Kansas will support a replacement non-non-profit entity to provide a full raft of women’s health services, including bloodletting, fertility spells, wet-nurses, anti-suicide counseling, and in some cases, chastity belts.

The continuing misadventures of a hard-working, misogynistic, sadistic, and violent terrorist...

In a move that took both Wall Street and Main Street USA by surprise, the world’s largest nation has announced the acquisition of the world’s largest retailer.

The race for your retina is on! Media have always been obsessed with your eyeballs. Attracting them, keeping them, selling you stuff you don't need. Now with its Project Glass reality glasses Google wants to cut out the middleman – you. But Apple has an even better idea...

We at Koch Industries wanted to know what freedom means. So we got opinions from the people who matter the most: Ordinary Americans.

Today's mandatory article about Facebook.

VIDEO: Life sucks, then you meet someone, then you die

The following message is brought to you by, "The Republican Effort to Totally Revamp Ourselves" or... RETRO.

What books are currently on your night stand?

The Final Edition presents a series of true legends, stories of the greatest warriors for freedom and justice this - or any - generation has ever seen: Facebook Heroes

The United States Government is now using military drones to evict families from foreclosed homes. The measure not only increases real estate efficiency, but saves taxpayers by replacing sheriffs and their expensive pensions, healthcare benefits, and mustache maintenance.

Who's responsible for all the gun violence? The First and Second Amendment shoot it out. There are tumbleweeds.

The Arizona Book Banning and Burning Board, a division of the Arizona Dept of Education, today outlawed any teaching of, or reference to, the Bible in its schools.

At steak-sauce-and-whisky-fueled blowout in Dallas this week, META, the first grass-roots carnivorist organization in US history was born.

Noam Chomsky is America’s leading dissident, linguist and small dessert expert. He has agreed to sit for an interview with The Final Edition but only during the commercials.

A public service announcement from Idiots With Guns.

Hello ladies. Are you 40? Single? Married? Divorced? Overworked? Unemployed? Bumping against the glass ceiling?

Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.

A tale of modern love and full calendars.

From an engineering standpoint, the Titanic was not really a ship at all but a gigantic, seagoing zeppelin.

Still mourning after the death of CEO Steve Jobs, Apple has announced a new line of products to tap into the largely untouched and forgotten post-living market.