A Confession

Jan 10, 2008 brian rated it really liked it · review of another edition

in his 50's, a severely panicked and depressed tolstoy wished for the strength to kill himself, but couldn't do it. instead he wrote this book detailing his discovery that life is 'evil and meaningless'. the first half is simply astonishing: i can't recall reading a more honest description of a life lived under the shadow of the inevitability of death; much less from a man who was, at the time, one of the world's most famous people. tolstoy's Confession is staggering in its simplicity, which is ...more

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Nov 10, 2013 Hammad Ali rated it liked it

Love Tolstoy but judging by this book Tolstoy would have made a horrible dinner companion (or be really really bad at small talk).
"The fish is really good"

Tolstoy: "It is no good deceiving oneself. It is all vanity."

"So how was your day"

Tolstoy: "Why does everything exist that exists, and why do I exist? Because it exists"

"The weather is pretty nice today"

Tolstoy: "Surely that question has been asked since man began"

Overall good book, it has provided me with enough "DEEP" one liners that I c ...more

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Dec 19, 2013 هالةْ أمين rated it really liked it · review of another edition

يقول الشيخ عبدالله الهدلق:

" السيرة الذاتية في تراثنا العربي قليلة جدا بالنسبة إلى موروثنا من فنون التأليف الأخرى، وذلك لأن ثقافتنا تقبّح الحديث عن النفس على أي صورة كان
وأما في التراث الغربي فقد ساعدت فكرة " الاعتراف " الكنسية على رواج كتب السيرة الذاتية ، وأشهر سيرة في المكتبة الغربية قديما كتاب
"اعترافات القديس أوغستين"
وفي المكتبة الغربية الحديثة "اعترافات جان جاك روسو " ودلالة التسمية هنا " اعترافات " ذات إيحاء كنسي.
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وكما نرى في كتاب تولستوي هذا المسمى بـ"اعترافات تولستوي"
يتحدث فيها عن رحلته ا يقول الشيخ عبدالله الهدلق:

‏" السيرة الذاتية في تراثنا العربي قليلة جدا بالنسبة إلى موروثنا من فنون التأليف الأخرى، وذلك لأن ثقافتنا تقبّح الحديث عن النفس على أي صورة كان
‏وأما في التراث الغربي فقد ساعدت فكرة " الاعتراف " الكنسية على رواج كتب السيرة الذاتية ، وأشهر سيرة في المكتبة الغربية قديما كتاب
"اعترافات القديس أوغستين"
وفي المكتبة الغربية الحديثة "اعترافات جان جاك روسو " ودلالة التسمية هنا " اعترافات " ذات إيحاء كنسي.
.
وكما نرى في كتاب تولستوي هذا المسمى بـ"اعترافات تولستوي"
يتحدث فيها عن رحلته الإيمانية، أو كما قالوا على غرار مصطفى محمود
" رحلته من الشك إلى اليقين "
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هذه الرحلة التي تخبط بها تخبطا شديدا عظيما جعله يشعر ويؤمن بأن حياته شر والحياة ككل شر ولا سبيل للخلاص من هذا الشر والشقاء سوى أن ينتحر، لكنه كان أضعف من أن يقتل نفسه، فأخذ يبحث أكثر مستخدما عقله الذي كان سبب شقاءه حيث أنه ركّز في بحثه على فهم الأمور الفلسفية وفهم كل ماهو فوق الادراك فما زاده هذا إلا بؤسا..
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هذه السيرة تعطينا لمحة عما كان يعانيه تولستوي ومن هم على شاكلته ممن آثروا الدخول في منظومة الفكر واخضاع كل الأمور ظاهرة كانت أو غائبة تحت مايسمى بالمنطق والادراك..

يعني سيرة حياة تولستوي - التي في هذا الكتاب- لم تتضمن سيرة حياته الأدبية وتأثير مؤلفاته عليه أو تأثير فكره على ماكتب بقدر ما احتوت على سيرة حياته الايمانية ..

تستحق الاطلاع .. ...more

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Jan 06, 2016 Hesam rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorite, معنای-زندگی

آنکه عمری در پی او می دویدم کو به کو
ناگهان اش یافتــــم با دل نشسته رو به رو

چند سالی هست که به شدت به مساله معنای زندگی، چرایی و چگونگیِ زندگی، مرگ، جاودانگی و ... می اندیشم. نه لزوما با مطالعه و تخصصی و تحلیلی که گاه در سکوت هم که نشسته ام –به تعبیر امیرخانی- نیمکره های سنت و مدرنیته ی مغزم خودکار مناظره ای ترتیب می دهند و شروع به بحث و جدل می کنند و من تنها ناظرم...مساله اما اینجاست که بین همه کسانی که به نوعی با ایشان معاشرت دارم –مجازی و حقیقی-، تعداد کسانی که حرف ام را درک می کنند و با من ه آنکه عمری در پی او می دویدم کو به کو
ناگهان اش یافتــــم با دل نشسته رو به رو

چند سالی هست که به شدت به مساله معنای زندگی، چرایی و چگونگیِ زندگی، مرگ، جاودانگی و ... می اندیشم. نه لزوما با مطالعه و تخصصی و تحلیلی که گاه در سکوت هم که نشسته ام –به تعبیر امیرخانی- نیمکره های سنت و مدرنیته ی مغزم خودکار مناظره ای ترتیب می دهند و شروع به بحث و جدل می کنند و من تنها ناظرم...مساله اما اینجاست که بین همه کسانی که به نوعی با ایشان معاشرت دارم –مجازی و حقیقی-، تعداد کسانی که حرف ام را درک می کنند و با من همدل و همزبان اند، از تعداد انگشتان یک دست هم بعضا کم ترند... نه اینکه لزوما من حرف خارق العاده ای میزنم، نه اینکه لزوما و احتمالا من چیزی میفهمم که دیگران نمی فهمند ، اما من چیزهایی رو درک میکنم – در باب پاسخ این پرسش که برای چه زندگی می کنم؟ چگونه باید زندگی کنم؟ آدمی که به هیچ بند است و مرگ سایه به سایه ی او می آید وهر آن ممکن است که دیگر نباشد چطور آرامش می یابد؟ اصلا در یک کلام و به زبان خودمانی برای چه و خب بعدش چی؟- که دیگران شاید همدلی ای با آن ندارند و اگر هم دارند به شکلی خود رو به تجاهل می زنند و از زندگی سرمست اند که برای من شگفت انگیز است...اصولا سوال اینجاست : چرا زندگی من با اندیشیدن به مساله معنای زندگی ومرگ متوقف شده،چرا مثل دیگران نمی توانم زندگی کنم، کار کنم، خانواده تشکیل دهم، بچه دار شوم، بگویم، بخندم و ... و همه این ها البته فارغ از وحشتِ نبودِ معنایی در زندگی ، فارغ از وحشت مرگی که دم به دم نزدیک تر می شود و این در حالی ست که میلیاردها انسان روی این کره ی خاکی از همین روند معمولی زندگی سرمست اند. آیا آنها به مرگ نمی اندیشند، آیا معنای زندگی برای آنها ارزش و جایگاهی ندارد؟ آیا آنها آن کوزه را آن گونه که من و خیام می بینیم نمی بینند، که:
این کوزه چو من عاشق زاری بودست ............. در بند سر زلف نــــــــــــگاری بودست
این دسته که بر گـــــــردن او می بینی ............. دستی است که بر گردن یاری بوده ست
اصلا معنای زندگی از نگاه آنها چگونه است؟آیا وقتی معنایی برای کشف در زندگی وجود ندارد، باید دست به جعل آن زد؟
در کتاب اعتراف، تولستوی داستانی را نقل می کند از یک افسانه ی شرقی که چنین است:

مسافری در دشت به درنده ی خشمگینی برمی خورد. برای فرار از این درنده به درون چاه بی آبی می پرد.ولی در ته چاه اژدهایی می بیند که دهانش را برای بلعیدن او گشوده است.مسافر نگون بخت از ترس آنکه طعمه ی درنده ی خشمگین شود جرات بیرون آمدن از چاه را ندارد و از ترس آنکه طعمه ی اژدها شود جرات ندارد به انتهای چاه بپرد.پس به شاخه های گیاهی وحشی که در شکاف چاه روییده دست می اندازد و به آن آویزان می شود. دست هایش رفته رفته ضعیف می شود و احساس می کند به زودی تسلیم مرگی خواهد شد که از دو سو در انتظار اوست.ولی همچنان خودش را نگه می دارد و در همان حال که خودش را نگه داشته به دوروبرش نگاهی می اندازد و می بیند دو موش،یکی سیاه و یکی سفید، با سرعت یکسان دور ساقه ی بوته ای که او به آن آویزان است میگردند و آن را می جوند.بوته خیلی زود خود به خود کنده می شود و او به درون دهان اژدها سقوط می کند.مسافر اینها را می بیند و می داند که به طور حتم از بین خواهد رفت ولی در همان حال که آویزان است دوروبرش را میگردد و روی برگ های بوته قطرات عسل می بیند، زبانش را به آنها می رساند و آنها را می لیسد

این داستان همیشه و همه ی انسان هاست، شب و روز –دو موش- ساقه ی عمرمان را می خورند، اژدهای تاریکی و مرگ هر دم در انتظار سقوط ماست و ما تنها به چند قطره عسل روی بوته دلخوشیم...
بیت ابتدای نوشته از آن روست که احساس میکنم ، همدلی نه از معاشران زنده که از میان مردگان و در لابلای کتابی به نام اعتراف یافته ام...کسی که همان حرف هایی که سالها دانسته و ندانسته در ذهن و ضمیرم بوده است را از اعماق به سطح آورده و صورت بندی کرده است...با صداقت ، بدون خودسانسوری،بدون ملاحظات بی هوده!
من هم با تولستوی هم دردم آنجا که میگوید:

حرف همان آدم هایی را می زنم که سوار بر قایقی در تلاطم باد و امواج گرفتار شده اند و به جای پاسخ دادن به یگانه پرسش اصلی یعنی "به کجا چنگ بزنم؟" ، می گویند " داریم به کجا کشیده می شویم؟!"

یا آنجا که می گوید:

به همین گونه روزگار می گذراندم ، ولی 5 سالی بود که رفته رفته چیز عجیبی برایم اتفاق می افتاد: نخست دقایقی سردرگم می شدم ، زندگی ام متوقف می شد انگاه نمی دانستم چگونه باید زندگی کنم و چه باید بکنم، خودم را گم می کردم و درمانده می شدم. ولی این حالت می گذشت و من زندگی را به شیوه ی پیشین ادامه می دادم. سپس این دقایق سردرگمی پیوسته بیشتر و بیشتر اتفاق می افتاد و درست به همان شکل . این توقف های زندگی همواره به شکل پرسش های یکسانی بروز می یافت: برای چه؟ خوب، بعد چه؟
ابتدا به نظرم می رسید این پرسش ها بی مورد و بی جاست.به نظرم می رسید اینها همه واضح و روشن است و اگر زمانی هم بخواهم به پاسخ آنها بپردازم این کار زحمتی در بر نخواهد داشت... ولی پرسش ها پیوسته بیشتر و بیشتر تکرار می شدند ، نیاز به پاسخ با سماجت بیشتر و بیشتری خودنمایی میکرد و این پرسشهای بدون پاسخ چون نقطه هایی که روی یک محل ثابت فرو بیفتند، به لکه ای سیاه تبدیل می شدند. همان اتفاقی برایم افتاد که برای هر فرد مبتلا به بیماری کشنده درونی رخ می دهد.ابتدا نشانه های کوچکی از ناخوشی پدیدار می شود که بیمار به آنها توجهی نمی کند.سپس این نشانه ها بیشتر و بیشتر تکرار می شوند و به صورت درد و رنجی بی وقفه در می آیند . رنج افزایش می یابد و پیش از آنکه بیمار به خود آید ،در می یابد که آنچه آن را ناخوشی می پنداشت همان چیزی است که برایش در دنیا از همه چیز مهمتر است، یعنی مرگ

من هم مثل تولستوی ، به این نتیجه رسیده ام که علم به تنهایی راهگشای مساله معما و معنای زندگی نیست و به تعبیر تولستوی هر چه بیشتر از این هدف –تبیین معنای زندگی- دور می شوند و انتزاعی تر –همچون علوم تجربی- روشن تر ، اما وقتی به مساله نزدیک تر میشوند مبهم تراند و ناتوان تر در ارائه پاسخی.
به نظر من هم ، همه چیز عقل نیست ، برای من چیزهایی وجود دارد که عقلانی نیستند اما برایم به اندازه گزارهای استنتاجی عقل حجت اند، البته غیرعقلانی نه به معنای منفی که صرفا به معنای آنکه در حوزه مباحث عقلی و با ابزارات آن قابل صورت بندی نیستند...برخی گزاره های دینی از این دسته اند، آنها که اتفاقا بیشتر از گزاره های علمی، -به تعبیر تولستوی- زندگی آفرینند.
علی ای حال به عادت این چند سال بازهم میخواهم به این مساله بپردازم اما این بار کمی جدی تر. از برکات سال پیش ، آشنایی با جناب امام محمد غزالی بود. حکایت سرگشتگی اش آن هم در اوج شهرت و مرتبت علمی برام بشدت جذاب بود ، این که او هم در اوج جامعیت و بزرگی مرتبه علمی در 38 سالگی و بعد از یک عمر به قول خودش غوّاصی در دریای علوم دین، به همین پرسش رسید که : خب، بعد چی؟ آن همه شهرت ، جاه و مقام و دانش و شان مرجعیتی که می خواستی را به دست آوردی اما این ها به چه کار می آیند. شرح شیرین این داستان در کتاب "المنقذ من الضلال" به خامه ی خود او قلمی شده است. از طرفی چند روز پیش در پی جستجویی مرتبط به سخنی از جناب مصطفی ملکیان در همایش علمی امام محمد غزالی رسیدم که گفته بود : کتاب المنقذ غزالی را با اعترافات آگوستین قدیس، تأملات دکارت، اندیشه های پاسکال، اعترافات ژان ژاک رسو، اعترافات من تولستوی و گزارش به خاک یونان نیکوس کازانتزاکیس که شباهت خانوادگی با این کتاب غزالی دارند مقایسه کرده‌ام.
لذا این کتاب ها را هم به برنامه می افزایم تا خدا چه بخواهد...
...more

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Aug 28, 2010 Joe rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: 2010

It shouldn't surprise you when it happens, but it always does: you read someone's thoughts from over a hundred years ago and they mirror yours, exactly, in content if not in eloquence. Tolstoy's struggle extrating a faith he needs from a doctrine he abhors is a nearly universal intellectual journey.

The book is most valuable for two reasons: it explains how the irrational conclusions of fate actually fit into a system of reason, by changing the expectations of reason, and it details how denomina It shouldn't surprise you when it happens, but it always does: you read someone's thoughts from over a hundred years ago and they mirror yours, exactly, in content if not in eloquence. Tolstoy's struggle extrating a faith he needs from a doctrine he abhors is a nearly universal intellectual journey.

The book is most valuable for two reasons: it explains how the irrational conclusions of fate actually fit into a system of reason, by changing the expectations of reason, and it details how denominations and sects ultimately work against the simple purpose of faith.

"Having looked around further at people in other countries and at my contemporaries and predecessors, I saw the same thing. Where there is life there is faith. Since the day of creating faith has made it possible for mankind to live, and the essential aspects of that faith are always and everywhere the same." [58:]

Whatever answers faith gives, regardless of which faith, or to whom the answers are given, such answers always give an infinite meaning to the finite existence of man; a meaning that is not destroyed by suffering, deprivation or death. This means that only in faith can we find the meaning and possibility of life... Faith is the force of life. If a man lives, then he must believe in something. If he did not believe that there was something he must live for he would not live." [58:]

"To know God and to live are one in the same thing. God is life. 'Live in search of God and there will be no life without God!' And more powerfully than ever before everything within and around me came to light, and the light has not deserted me since." [75:]

"I shall not seek the explanation of everything. I know that the explanation of all things, like the origin of all things, must remain a secret of eternity. But I want to understand in such a way as to be brought to the invetably inexplicable. I want to realize that all that is inexplicable is so, not because the demands of my intellect are at fault (they are correct and apart from them I can understand nothing), but because I can recognize the limits of my intellect. I want to understand in such a way that everything inexplicable presents itself to me as being necessarily inexplicable and not as being something I am under an obligation to believe." [94:] ...more

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Oct 15, 2015 Mohammad Ali rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: فلسفه, ادیان-و-عرفان, زندگی-نامه, ادبیات-خارجی, اندرز

نمره ی واقعی: دو و نیم

مثل کتاب دیگه ای که از این مجموعه خوندم یعنی گفتار در بندگی خودخواسته کتابی است فاقد ظرافت های منطقی و پر از خلل استدلالی. اما مثل همان کتاب دیگر توانایی های خطابی خوبی دارد

نوشته بر اساس عنوان فرعی در واقع مقدمه ای است برای کتابی نگاشته نشده و این با خواندن پایان متن هم تا حدی هویدا است زیرا پایان متن در واقع نویدبخش آغاز یک کنکاش دیگر است

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چند فصل اول کتاب شرحی است از زندگی تولستوی در هنگام تعلق به طبقه ی اهل فضل و ثروت؛ آن هنگام که در روزنامه و مجلات قلم می زد و با با ...more

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Aug 08, 2013 Ahmad Sharabiani rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: biography, philosophy, non-fiction, literature, russia, 19th-century

کتاب غیرداستانی «اعتراف من»، اثر تولستوی، در حوزه فلسفه و تفکر فلسفی است. این کتاب نخستینبار در سال 1386 منتشر شد، و به گفته مترجم در «جام جم آنلاین» روز پنجشنبه 17 مرداد 1392 در صفحه فرهنگ و سینما، کتاب از سوی «ارشاد» خریداری شد، ولی در بازار توزیع نشد. اخیرا با ویراستی دیگر، از سوی نشر جامی چاپ و عرضه شده است. ا. شربیانی ...more

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Oct 31, 2016 Francisco H. González added it · review of another edition

Lev Tolstói (1828-1910) convertido en una gloria nacional de las letras rusas entra en barrena.

Superados los cincuenta, Lev reniega de su fama, de su gloria, de sus riquezas, dado que se siente vacío. Cree que no tiene nada que enseñar a nadie y que su escritura es pólvora mojada.

Necesita encontrar un sentido a su vida o hay muchas posibilidades de que cualquier día se vuele la tapa de los sesos o se ahorque.

La vida que lleva -a pesar de sus riquezas materiales y espirituales (su esposa, sus h Lev Tolstói (1828-1910) convertido en una gloria nacional de las letras rusas entra en barrena.

Superados los cincuenta, Lev reniega de su fama, de su gloria, de sus riquezas, dado que se siente vacío. Cree que no tiene nada que enseñar a nadie y que su escritura es pólvora mojada.

Necesita encontrar un sentido a su vida o hay muchas posibilidades de que cualquier día se vuele la tapa de los sesos o se ahorque.

La vida que lleva -a pesar de sus riquezas materiales y espirituales (su esposa, sus hijos)- no le llena; todo le resulta frívolo, impostado; digamos que la vida que lleva es como ver una película, todo falso, cuando Lev lo que quiere, lo que necesita -pues le va la vida en ello- es llegar al meollo de la vida, al hueso y no arañar la piel. A tal fin Lev se embosca en múltiples lecturas -con el fin de saber por qué estamos aquí, de qué va todo esto-: Kant, Sócrates, Schopenhauer, Salomón, Buda... que no le aclaran, ni le solucionan nada, pues ni le dan la fuerza necesaria para suicidarse, ni tranquilizan su conciencia burguesa de tal modo que le arrojasen en el regazo de las corrientes epicúreas.

Al final Lev llega a la conclusión de que hay que despojarse del conocimiento y aprender del pueblo, tal que si éste cree en Dios y ahí encuentra el vulgo un sentido, ahí está entonces la verdad que él está buscando y entonces sofocando Lev sus pasiones y dominando el cuerpo será virtuoso y encontrará la paz, amamantado por la fe -su única esperanza de salvación-. La encontró, ya que tras estos devaneos existenciales (y mucho circunloquio, a ratos plomizo) sufridos a los cincuenta, Lev, viviría hasta los 82 y seguiría abundando en la cuestión religiosa (https://estebanlopezgonzalez.com/2016...)

Lo publica Acantilado con traducción de Marta Rebón.

No sé si a vosotros os pasa, pero cuando llega el otoño -iba a apostillar, y con él el frío, pero de momento no- me gusta leer novelas de escritores rusos. Recientemente leí La gaviota de Chéjov, ahora ha sido esta Confesión de Tolstói. Estoy leyendo también La isla de Sajalín; luego continuaré con Los demonios, con En vísperas de Turguénev y muy posiblemente otra vez con Tosltói y sus Diarios y Correspondencia. Si tenéis alguna sugerencia, más allá de los clásicos que todos conocemos, me gustaría oírlas. ...more

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Jul 22, 2016 Ammara Abid rated it it was amazing

Shelves: exceptional-books

One of the most terrific account I have ever read. This confession left me completely awestruck.

Don't know what to say....
Great people
Great courage
and
Great sayings.....

"I did not myself know what I wanted: I feared life, desired to escape from it, yet still hoped something of it".

"I began to understand that in the replies given by faith is stored up the deepest human wisdom and that I had no right to deny them on the ground of reason, and that those answers are the only ones which reply to l ...more

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Apr 20, 2015 Joey rated it really liked it

Shelves: fictions, religion, 1001-best-novels-you-must-read, philosophy, classics

I have been an avowed atheist for two years. I had mustered up enough courage to abandon the Christian life after a long battle of shattering the doubts. I was not able to do so because of the fear instilled in me that I would go to hell or not be saved from the Judgment Day. At that time, I was still an utter simpleton believing in something beyond logic. After reading some said heretical books such as of Richard Dawkins’ God Delusion ( 5 stars), Sam Harris’ A Letter to a Nation ( 5 stars ) and I have been an avowed atheist for two years. I had mustered up enough courage to abandon the Christian life after a long battle of shattering the doubts. I was not able to do so because of the fear instilled in me that I would go to hell or not be saved from the Judgment Day. At that time, I was still an utter simpleton believing in something beyond logic. After reading some said heretical books such as of Richard Dawkins’ God Delusion ( 5 stars), Sam Harris’ A Letter to a Nation ( 5 stars ) and An Atheist Manifesto ( 5 stars ) , Christopher Hitchens’ God is Not Great ( 3 stars ), and George H. Smith’s Atheism: The Case Against God ( 4 stars ), I have been awoken to the reality as though the experience was a rude awakening. So, do not dare lecture me that I must be veering off my faith because faith is another argument of foolish illusion. By the same token, I have read one apologetic book to defend the sides of the Christianity . Still, the side of the atheists stands for me. For sure, I would be the subject to the brick brat here on Goodreads. Like or unlike this , it is neither here nor there.

This book deals with Leo Tolstoy’s midlife crisis in his spirituality and existentialism. Like what the atheists above experienced , Tolstoy came to the point that he questioned the religious teachings foisted upon him since he was still young. To find the answer, he went on a pilgrimage until he thought he had found the answer to his questions: He concluded that God does not exist. Still, not completely convinced , he had the persistent and obtrusive realization that there may be Supernatural unknown which can be called God. His experience was like backsliding to his delusion. In other words, Tolstoy ended up as agnostic- a question which has been a debate among religion and atheism apologists.

If Tolstoy had existential crisis in his 50’s , it may be ridiculous for others if I say that I have had come to it in my 20’s .Perhaps, information in the internet is now accessible to everyone.

Tolstoy, as a rule, is considered as the world’ best novelist . His writing for others is considered flawless. No doubt in this book, every sentence is beautifully written- the aftereffect of his emotional impact, an experience bears half resemblance to Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore and Antichrist by Nitzsche. Probably the big credit is to its English translator.

As a bright philosopher put it that there are many kinds of truth since there are many kinds of beholders, you might misunderstand that Tolstoy’s’ intellectual hubris is conveyed in the sentences. In this book, Tolstoy said that people who believe in something beyond logic are not intellectual. Come to think of it. Do not be carried out by your deep-seated beliefs.

Rating : 4/ 5 stars for Leo Tolstoy’s beautiful sentences.
...more

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Sep 23, 2016 Amir Azad rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: philosophy, essays, wisdom, autobiography, religious, non-fiction, russia, spritual, christianity, life

جستوجوی شورانگیز برای یافتن حقیقت و معنای زندگی ...more

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Dec 22, 2015 Fidaa Fares rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: في-حضرة-الذاكرة-والفصح

" إنه يستحيل أن أوجد على هذه الأرض بدون غاية معينة لوجودي ، أو معنى مخصوص لحياتي، ولا يمكن البتة أن أكون ( كما كان يخطر لي بعض المرات ) فرخاً صغيراً سقط من عشه صدفة على الأرض . ومالذي يحملني على الصراخ كما يفعل الفرخ الصغير بعد أن يقع على ظهره على عشب الحقل ؟ أليس هذا دليلاً على أن هناك أماً ودلتني ، واعتنت بتربيتي وأطعمتني ، وأحبتني ؟ ولكن أين هي ؟ أين تلك الأم ؟

وإذا كنت قد رميت من عشي ، فمن رماني ؟ إنني لا أستطيع أن أتعامى عن رؤية هذه الحقيقة ، وهي أن كائناً أحبني وكان السبب في وجودي ، فمن هو ...more

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Aug 15, 2015 Dilara rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: my-little-library

4.5'tan 5
Tolstoy'un hayatın anlamını arayışını anlatan kitap cogunlukla depresif bir ruh haline sürükledi beni. Hayatın anlamını bütün bilim dallarında arayıp sonunda dine yöneldi ama nasıl bir dini inanç içinde huzuru bulduğunu söylemedi.
Bence güzel bir kitaptı. Sonunda Tolstoy kendi iç huzurunu ve yaşama nedenini dinde buldu fakat benim düşünceme göre yaşama nedeni ve hayatın, yaşamanın amacı herkese göre farklılık gösteriyor, herkes kendi iç huzurunu yaşayarak, görerek bulabilir.

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Oct 24, 2011 Bogdan rated it liked it

This book is not for religious persons only. As an Atheist I was quite touched by Tolstoy's struggle with the absurdity of life and the inevitability of death. Tolstoy looks for answers to life's biggest question "Why?" in the fields of science and philosophy but he is dissatisfied. Reason cannot explain the absurdity of life. Because of this, Tolstoy turns his attention towards faith. I was quite impressed by the hardships he suffered in order to reach a truth that has meaning to him. All those ...more

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Mar 13, 2014 Lynn Beyrouthy rated it it was ok

At first glance, you would probably scoff at this typical account of a non-believer who finds his way back to God, something I'm sure everyone has been exposed to during their excruciating years on the desks of Jesuit classrooms. But you would find yourself intrigued and disconcerted when the author is none other than the Russian giant, Leo Tolstoy.

And really, who am I to give a mediocre rating to a book by such an erudite writer and ingenious thinker? It is the man whose anarcho-pacifism inspir At first glance, you would probably scoff at this typical account of a non-believer who finds his way back to God, something I'm sure everyone has been exposed to during their excruciating years on the desks of Jesuit classrooms. But you would find yourself intrigued and disconcerted when the author is none other than the Russian giant, Leo Tolstoy.

And really, who am I to give a mediocre rating to a book by such an erudite writer and ingenious thinker? It is the man whose anarcho-pacifism inspired Gandhi to liberate India through nonviolence and here I am, granting him no more than a 2-star rating.

After almost 50 years of epicurean pursuit of pleasure, Tolstoy was appalled when he looked back at his life: depravity, contempt, adultery, theft and warfare. He found himself unhappy and unable to find a meaning to this senseless and evil life, perplexed at his inability to answer the simple question that every wise child asks: "What am I? and What is the meaning of my life? What will come of what I am doing today or shall do tomorrow?" Adhering to the rational and scientific knowledge he spent his whole lifetime corroborating, Tolstoy found no solace, no palliative for the empty chasm inside him that would soon swallow him up whole and push him to the edge of suicide. Pleading enlightenment from wise men of thought like Schopenhauer and Socrates, Tolstoy was again facing an impasse: "We approach truth only inasmuch as we depart from life" said Socrates.

Numerous speculations and diligent quests for truth were in vain, but finally Tolstoy found a dim beacon of hope when he turned his aristocratic-self to the proletariat, the masses of people that constitute the underprivileged labor force. Then, the author of Anna Karenina had a life-changing revelation: those people who wallow in adversity and ignorance, who bequeath nothing but debt to their posterity, whose inborn poverty is their death sentence, those people who are supposed to be miserable were revealed to be the happiest people, accepting illness and misfortune, performing arduous tasks for meager salaries and most importantly, very conscious of the meaning of life, that big existential crisis for a learned aristocrat like Tolstoy, wasn't of any ambiguity to the uneducated masses. And that is because they clung to religion and they pledged allegiance to the Holy Trinity.

Ever since, Tolstoy's long abandoned Christian faith surged once again to salvage him and bring him back ashore from the uproarious storm that shook up his entire being to its core.
...more

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Jun 17, 2016 Sonya rated it really liked it · review of another edition

بعد اشنایی با سرگذشت لئو تولستوی و تحول روحی پنجاه سالگی او این کتاب که به نوعی اعترافات وی به شمار می رود جذابیت فراوانی دارد. در این اثر نویسنده با زبانی بسیار ساده تحول روحی خود را شرح داده است.
مهمترین سوالی که تولستوی سی سال پایانی عمرش را با آن درگیر بود، معنای زندگی بود.
اینکه ما انسانها و زندگی ما بروی این کره خاکی چه معنایی دارد؟و آیا زندگی معنایی دارد که با مرگ از بین نرود؟
وی که از دوران جوانی از کلیسا روی برگردانده بود و تا سن پنجاه سالگی و بعد خلق دو شاهکار اولیه خود، تماما غرق در لذت بعد اشنایی با سرگذشت لئو تولستوی و تحول روحی پنجاه سالگی او این کتاب که به نوعی اعترافات وی به شمار می رود جذابیت فراوانی دارد. در این اثر نویسنده با زبانی بسیار ساده تحول روحی خود را شرح داده است.
مهمترین سوالی که تولستوی سی سال پایانی عمرش را با آن درگیر بود، معنای زندگی بود.
اینکه ما انسانها و زندگی ما بروی این کره خاکی چه معنایی دارد؟و آیا زندگی معنایی دارد که با مرگ از بین نرود؟
وی که از دوران جوانی از کلیسا روی برگردانده بود و تا سن پنجاه سالگی و بعد خلق دو شاهکار اولیه خود، تماما غرق در لذت های زندگی خانوادگی و هنر خود بود . اما بعد پنجاه سالگی این رفاه و خوشبختی برایش کافی نبود و دغدغه های تازه ای پیدا کرده بود.
در آن دوران بعد بی معنا یافتن زندگی خود و حتی فکر خودکشی بعد چند سال تفکر درباره توده ی مردم و زندگی شاد و آرام آنها، ایمان مذهبی را به عنوان معنایی برای حقیقت زندگی این دنیا در نظر گرفت. اما آموزه های کلیسا و تعصبات ارتودوکس و حتی مخالفت فرقه های دینی مختلف باز اورا در تردید فرو برد .
در نهایت تولستوی از زندگی به شیوه طبقه خود دست شست و دریافت که وفور نعمتی که در آن غرق بود وی را از درک زندگی محروم می کند و باید معنایی را دریابد که مردم ساده و زحمتکش به زندگی می دهند.
قسمتی از کتاب: در میان فکر هایی که در آن زمان درباره اداره املاک مرا به خود مشغول کرده بود، ناگهان این پرسش به سرم زد:خب تو در ایالت سامارا 600 دسیاتین زمین خواهی داشت و 3000 راس اسب ، بعدش چه ؟
کاملا سردرگم ملندم و نمی توانستم فکرم را ادامه دهم. یا هنگام اندیشیدن به تربیت بچه ها به خود می گفتم: برای چه ؟
یا ضمن فکر کردن به شهرتی که نوشته هایم برایم به ارمغان خواهند آورد، به خود می گفتم: خوب باشد تو از گوگول، پوشکین، شکسپیر و همه ی نویسندگان جهان هم مشهورتر خواهی شد.
خب که چه ؟
و هیچ پاسخی مطلقا هیچ پاسخی پیدا نمی کردم.

...more

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Oct 17, 2015 Ibrahim Al-Khulaifi rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: favorite

يمكن اختصار هذا الكتاب بعبارة تولستوي التالية:
"قلبي كان يحتضر من شدة الألم، ذلك الشعور لا يمكن وصفه إلا كونه البحث عن الله"

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Aug 25, 2016 Mostafa rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: تاریخ-فلسفه-و-چیزهای-دیگر

(view spoiler) ...more

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Jan 17, 2009 Ben rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: favorites, good-nonfiction, philosophy, darkness, read-in-2009

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This is Tolstoy's desperate middle age search for the meaning of life. This is not just any search (this is Tolstoy we're talking about here), but an expansive, in-depth search of the mind. Despite this, he breaks it all down in simple terms and threads out the unnecessary, creating a short work in which each page is important, but also reads easy (Leo is a king of deduction).

Tolstoy's crisis was major. He had come to the realization that life no longer had meaning. Writing popular, award winni This is Tolstoy's desperate middle age search for the meaning of life. This is not just any search (this is Tolstoy we're talking about here), but an expansive, in-depth search of the mind. Despite this, he breaks it all down in simple terms and threads out the unnecessary, creating a short work in which each page is important, but also reads easy (Leo is a king of deduction).

Tolstoy's crisis was major. He had come to the realization that life no longer had meaning. Writing popular, award winning novels, having worldwide intellectual influence, having a loving family; none of it was adequate anymore. He had made up his mind: meaning or suicide.

When exploring philosophy as the answer to the meaning of life, he found, "instead of an answer one gets the same question, only in a complex form." When he looked to mathematics and experimental science, he found that there are only answers that are unrelated to the question, pulling one further away from true meaning instead of closer. He then chooses to look towards the great minds of history and the wisdom of the ages; people like Schopenhauer, Buddha, Soloman, and Socrates. Here he found, "not that the result at which I had arrived was the fruit of error or of a diseased mind, but on the contrary, that I had thought correctly, and that my thoughts coincided with the conclusions of the most powerful of human minds...Happy is he who has not been born: death is better than life, and one must free oneself from life." His conclusion of suicide had been further confirmed.

Reason led Tolstoy to the unreasonable: He chose to continue living despite his knowledge that life is "senseless and an evil." Why was it that the intellectuals who had figured out that life was meaningless and rank had been foolish enough as to keep living, to keep suffering? Why were they ignoring their reason? Clearly it should have led them to suicide. They were cowards, and Tolstoy had decided that he would be no coward - ending his life was a clear-set, close option.

All through time, people continued to find meaning through a higher power, how so? Tolstoy concludes that the answer to finding meaning in life is not in rational knowledge, but through framing the question between the relation of the finite and the infinite. "And I understood that, however irrational and distorted might be the replies given by faith, they have this advantage, that they introduce into every answer a relation between the finite and the infinite, without which there can be no solution....What meaning has life, that death doesn't destroy?--Union with the eternal God: heaven. So that besides rational knowledge, I was inevitably brought to acknowledge that all live humanity has another irrational knowledge - faith which makes it possible to live."

Tolstoy now starts a new search, a search for and through faith. Through this, it's clear that he keeps his mind skeptical and analytical; his reason unthwarted, and his intellectual honesty intact.

"A Confession" is the perfect title for this book. Tolstoy's journey is full of doubts, reservations, and finding of hypocrisies in institutions, in others, and in himself. But through it all, the man is able to find faith and a meaning to life, and those of us who have been fortunate enough to read this book are better off because of it. ...more

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Mar 01, 2016 David Schaafsma rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: auto-bio-memoir, non-fiction, spiritual, religion

I read this because my friend Jenn said she was reading it. Last year I read Anna Karenina (which I loved) and decades ago I had read War and Peace and some of his terrific stories such as "The Death of Ivan Ilych", but I had never read this piece. I think of myself as an agnostic, brought up in a conservative Dutch Calvinist religion, and once taught Bible in a Christian school, so I am familiar with and have read theology and am always exploring spiritual issues in my reading, one way or the o I read this because my friend Jenn said she was reading it. Last year I read Anna Karenina (which I loved) and decades ago I had read War and Peace and some of his terrific stories such as "The Death of Ivan Ilych", but I had never read this piece. I think of myself as an agnostic, brought up in a conservative Dutch Calvinist religion, and once taught Bible in a Christian school, so I am familiar with and have read theology and am always exploring spiritual issues in my reading, one way or the other.

That said, I was not blown away by this book. I felt I knew some of it through my own experience. The book is called a "confession" because it is a story of the spiritual struggles, in his fifties, that led him to the brink of suicide. So the first half of the book is dark and challenging. Spoiler alert: he does not commit suicide, of course--he says he was not "courageous" enough to go through with it--but instead comes to a fresher vision of faith he can embrace, one that is simpler, more connected to the lower classes he over time came to admire (and you can see that in Anna Karenina), a simple faith he sees reflected in the farmers and serfs. In contrast, he denounces the upper classes he came from (and still was technically part of as a pretty wealthy landowner) and the followers of the religion in which he was raised, Russian Orthodoxy, because of what he sees as their cynicism, consumerism, and hypocrisy.

The text is simple, straightforward, and very short, especially for Tolstoy. This is a small book format for a pretty short essay which is more like a letter to the members of his religious "circle" and fellow upper class people. He denounces them and romanticizes the lower classes. I guess the pattern for the essays owes something to Augustine's Confessions: I was a terrible and lost sinner, I committed all the sins you can think of, and now I know better. He does confess a few specific sins in the first half of the book.

Tolstoy as he got older got more devout, and more entrenched in his own kind of orthodoxy, maybe, with simpler, more Buddhist leanings, more existentialist than typically Christian approaches. Out of these views he wrote his last novel Resurrection, which I recall being pretty didactic. I liked Anna Karenina, the last of his books that represents real complexity and doubt and struggle. This "Confession" makes it clear that he has now "arrived" at some truths. I prefer the doubting Tolstoy, and his contemporary also doubting Fyodor Dostoevsky's anguished spiritual exploration, The Brothers Karamazov. But Confession helped Tolstoy gain thousands of followers, all the way to his death, who saw him as a spiritual leader, so it is seen as kind of a spiritual classic. And Tolstoy, it should come as no surprise, is a great writer, so that in itself is a pleasure. ...more

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Mar 31, 2016 Semih Eker rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Tolstoy eserde kendi iç dünyasını anlatmış, anlatırken de bolca hayatını, yaşama sebebini ve inancını sorgulamış.

Evet melankolik bir eser, ama ürpertici olan Tolstoy'un bu kitabı 1879'da yazdığını düşünürsek, o zamandan bu zamana yaşam hakkında sorulan soruların pek de değişmemiş olması, 'Bugün yaptığım, yarın yapacağım şeyin sonucu ne olacak, bütün hayatımın sonucu ne olacak?'.

Her okurun çıkarımlar yapabileceği ve bolca altını çizeceği bölümler barındırıyor, sanırım okuyan herkes kendisi ve Tol ...more

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Jul 09, 2012 Amir rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: biography-and-interview

«هر بار که به آن سالها میاندیشم، ناامیدی، نفرت و عذاب روحی به سراغم میآید. در جنگ دستم به خون انسانها آلوده شد و بعد کسانی را به دوئل فراخواندم تا آنان را بکشم. قمار میکردم . میباختم و تمامی حقوق روستاییان را زیر پا نهاده یا بر باد میدادم، آنان را تنبیه میکردم و فریب میدادم. فریب، دزدی، عیاشی به هر صورت ممکن، مستی، زورگویی، قتل و ضرب و جرح مردم، جانِ کلام هیچ جرمی نبود که مرتکب نشده باشم. دیگران برای تمامی این کارهای ننگآور مرا میستودند، برایم ارزش قایل میشدند و من را از جملهی مردم پایبندِ به اخ ...more

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Nov 08, 2012 Victoria rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: classics, mémoire

Никогда не думала, что, читая Толстого, у меня будет ощущение того, что человек, живший в позапрошлом веке, может излагать мысли на сто процентов схожие с моими.
Не хочется ничего говорить, если честно. Просто я рада, что эта книга попалась мне в нужное время. И мне страшно представить, через что пришлось пройти автору, чтобы дойти до того, до чего он дошёл в своих размышлениях.

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Sep 14, 2015 Hamid rated it it was ok · review of another edition

کتاب رو که شروع کردم تازه فهمیدم لف تالستوی همون تولستوی خودمونه. قبلش فکر میکردم تشابه اسمیه لابد. تولستوی داره تعریف میکنه در حالیکه سالها بدون اعتقاد مذهبی زندگی کرده، تو میانسالی در مورد معنای زندگی به بنبست میرسه و راه نجات رو در بازگشت به دین و خداجویی میبینه. بعد وقتی به مذهب برمیگرده باز نظام رسمی مذهب و سازمان کلیسا دلزدهش میکنه و در نهایت به یه برداشت شخصی از ایمان میرسه. آخر کتاب هم ماجرای خوابی رو تعریف میکنه که انگار بازتابیه از کل مسیری که رفته و مدل دینداریای که بهش رسیده.
در کل خی ...more

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Oct 24, 2015 Nick added it

Shelves: uiowa

I like to think an elderly Tolstoy would be distraught about the effect his Confession (1880) has had on me, which is to deeply unsettle me with his thinking during his depressed period, without my finding comfort in his ultimate conclusion that faith is the essence of life. He would be such because he came to find all art (or creative works such as this) which aren’t immediately comprehensible by the simplest of simpletons, and which points them in the direction of salvation, to be worthless1. I like to think an elderly Tolstoy would be distraught about the effect his Confession (1880) has had on me, which is to deeply unsettle me with his thinking during his depressed period, without my finding comfort in his ultimate conclusion that faith is the essence of life. He would be such because he came to find all art (or creative works such as this) which aren’t immediately comprehensible by the simplest of simpletons, and which points them in the direction of salvation, to be worthless1. Indications of this belief, fully expressed in What is Art? (1897—in which, among other things, Tolstoy condemns Shakespeare as “tedious and repulsive”), are also visible in A Confession; Tolstoy claims he always saw his writing, even War and Peace, as a trivial endeavor. The change which comes about Tolstoy late in life isn’t a reappraisal of his work, but of the morality or immorality of devoting oneself to trivialities. Tolstoy decides that, relative to what he has come to view as the obvious goodness of faith and of manual labor, such trivialities are the devil’s work, and they can bring only idleness or the useless sense of melancholy which has been weighing on my shoulders for the last two and a half hours. I can only imagine being stuck next to the 51-year old count on an airplane. Would Lev Nikolayevich care for some peanuts? “Life is meaningless and evil.” Fasten your seatbelt, please? “The blessings of the dead are greater than those of the living, and it is better to not exist.” That Tolstoy ultimately rejects these beliefs is no solace for me because his reasons for rejecting them seem to rest on shaky assumptions.

Specifically, these assumptions are about the peasantry. Of them he writes:

Contrary to what I saw among the people of our class […] these people spent their lives at hard labor and were less dissatisfied with life than the wealthy. [T]hese people endure sickness and tribulation without question or resistance—peacefully, and in the firm conviction that this is as it should be, cannot be otherwise, and is good. [T]hese people live, suffer, and draw near to death peacefully and, more often than not, joyfully. […] And these people, who are deprived of everything that for Solomon and me constituted the only good in life, yet who nonetheless enjoy the greatest happiness, form the overwhelming majority of mankind.

To which I say, respectfully: Pah! These exaltations smack of noble-savage mythology. I am no expert on the Russian peasantry of the 19th century, but if they were anything like the modern poor of America, they endured (or succumbed to) sickness and tribulation with much resistance and a broad range of questions, they drew near to death with horror and repulsion, and they do not enjoy the greatest happiness, because he who attempts to escape from his current circumstances (as the poor do2) cannot possibly be happy; he may be deluded about what will bring him happiness in the future (e.g. wealth), but it is impossible to be deluded about the state of one’s own present happiness. It is very possible, however, to be deluded about the happiness of others, as Tolstoy makes clear here, with his oft-repeated distinction between the peasants and ‘people of our class’, that is, those plagued with property, enchanted by the roulette wheel, tormented by the ennui of aristocracy, who by their fireplaces3 fidget in their fur-lined chairs and, tugging their perfectly-kempt beards in nervous agitation, query, “What is it all for?” hoping that whichever blockheaded servant is on duty at this hour won’t take the rhetorical question as an invitation to speak.

Tolstoy uses his severely misguided impressions of the Russian peasant as evidence the goodness of faith. Assuming that the Russian people are so happy, Tolstoy assumes one more time that what makes them so is their faith, concluding, “I was certain that my life did not have and could not have any meaning, and not only did the principles of faith no longer seem unnecessary to me, but experience had unquestionably led me to the conviction that only the principles of faith gave life meaning.” Yes, the statement ‘only the principles of faith [give] life meaning’ is true; however, Tolstoy is begging his question here. He assumes that life has a meaning, and is frustrated when, upon inquiry, the scientists he speaks to don’t pull out a chalkboard and say, “we have proven by such-and-such equation shown here that the meaning of life is to do good unto your fellow man.” Despite Tolstoy’s implication that they would, no scientist would tell you that science is a tool useful for moral judgments. The difference in outlook between the two is that Tolstoy is so narrow-minded, so possessed of his search for a proof of goodness—a goodness which he already assumes to be true, as, obviously, Tolstoy would reject any ‘proof’ which saw murder and theft as good deeds—that he is blinded to the goodness that the tools of science can do, whereas the scientist is well aware of this potential.

But here I have stuffed Tolstoy with straw; I haven’t given him enough credit for his efforts to reach out to the Russian people. His support for Raskolniks and other dissidents and his condemnation of the Russian army as an evil killing machine took true courage regardless of the background of the speaker; furthermore we shouldn’t criticize Tolstoy for how me might have acted differently had he not had the advantages he did when he began to test the censor’s patience—both by birth and by his well-earned literary fame. For the same reason we won’t label his calls for passive resistance hypocritical; to do either of these things is to surrender one’s judgment to identity politics, to think of the speaker and not of what is being said. Tolstoy’s goal, in all of his writing, is that the reader of his work be sufficiently moved to do something selfless and kind, and nourish at least two souls in the process. Regardless of the validity of Tolstoy’s solution to his darkness, we can be glad that he found it. ...more

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May 08, 2013 Angelique rated it really liked it

Những năm cuối đời, Lev Tolstoy đã rời bỏ cuộc sống của một đại Bá Tước giàu có đầy danh vọng, chuyển ra ở một mình trong thái ấp nhỏ vùng nông thôn và sống như người hành hương nghèo khổ nhất. Trong bức thư dài viết cho vợ khước từ sự trở về, ông nói "...sự trở về của tôi bây giờ hoàn toàn không thể được nữa...Cuộc sống không phải là trò đùa, chúng ta không có quyền tự ý vứt bỏ nó đi và đo nó theo chiều dài thời gian cũng không hợp lý. Có thể là những tháng cuối cùng trong đời chúng ta lại quan Những năm cuối đời, Lev Tolstoy đã rời bỏ cuộc sống của một đại Bá Tước giàu có đầy danh vọng, chuyển ra ở một mình trong thái ấp nhỏ vùng nông thôn và sống như người hành hương nghèo khổ nhất. Trong bức thư dài viết cho vợ khước từ sự trở về, ông nói "...sự trở về của tôi bây giờ hoàn toàn không thể được nữa...Cuộc sống không phải là trò đùa, chúng ta không có quyền tự ý vứt bỏ nó đi và đo nó theo chiều dài thời gian cũng không hợp lý. Có thể là những tháng cuối cùng trong đời chúng ta lại quan trọng hơn tất cả những năm đã qua và phải sống những tháng cuối cùng đó cho tốt đẹp...". Tại nhà ga xép miền Trung Nga, vào một đêm lạnh giá tháng 11 ông đã thực hiện cuộc đào thoát cuối cùng trong công cuộc tìm kiếm lời đáp cho các câu hỏi giày vò ông suốt những năm cuối của cuộc đời.

Chắc gì những câu trả lời đã dễ chịu hơn câu hỏi? Điều này chỉ mình Lev Tolstoy biết. Sự dằn vặt trong quá trình đi tìm chuỗi những câu trả lời cho cuộc đời mình được ông biểu đạt đầy cay đắng và chân thực trong "Tự thú". Tấn bi kịch của một tâm hồn mạnh mẽ và thâm thúy, đầy sáng tạo và chán chường, vừa phấn đấu tiến tới sự tự hoàn thiện (self - perfection) vừa ngập tràn sự nghi ngại hoang mang...

Ngay phần mở đầu, ta có thể được sự xung đột mạnh mẽ giữa Đức tin và Lý trí trong con người ông. Tiếp sau "Một tranh luận về đức tin tại Kremli" và "Những người đàm thoại" (The Interculor) - mà ông đưa ra những thảo luận về đức tin giữa những kẻ có đức tin và những kẻ vô thần, tới "Tự thú" ông đã tiến một bước dài hơn hẳn. Ấy là phủ định hoàn toàn Đức Tin, bằng những từ ngữ đanh thép, những mẩu chuyện giản dị nhưng chắc nịch đã gạt bỏ hoàn toàn những giáo lý Chính thống được truyền dạy từ thời ấu thơ và khẳng định cái nơi chốn mà ông vốn nghĩ là chứa đựng Đức tin ấy thực ra đã trống rống từ lâu và những cử chỉ hành lễ hoàn toàn là vô nghĩa. Chính sự xung đột mạnh mẽ giữa Đức tin và Lý trí trong con sư tử của văn học Nga đã khiến ông bị giáo hội Nga khai trừ và coi như "một kẻ tà đạo, xấc xược và nổi loạn chống lại Đức chúa trời" (ngày 22 tháng 2 năm 1901).

Và cho đến cuối đời, hành động rời bỏ tổ ấm quý tộc của ông cũng được coi như một hành vi nổi loạn, cảnh sát đã bám sát ông, báo chí xôn xao, chính quyền luôn sẵn sàng đối phó và Nga hoàng đã cử Tòa thánh giáo chủ Parpheni tới gặp ông yêu cầu ông hòa giải với Chính giáo nhưng thất bại. Câu hỏi về Đức Tin, về mối quan hệ giữa con người với đấng vô hạn, ý nghĩa cuộc sống của chính mình không ngừng ám ảnh Lev Tolstoy và tiếp tục thể hiện sự giằng co ở đoạn cuối tác phẩm. Rốt cuộc, ngọn lửa thực sự của Đức Tin nằm ở đâu? Ở Thượng Đế vô hạn hay ở trong chính mỗi con người? Lev Tolstoy khao khát đi tìm một cuộc sống có Đức Tin, một Đức Tin thuần khiết, không vụ lợi, một Đức Tin tự mình tìm thấy, để có thể tự trả lời phần nào câu hỏi cần thiết phải đặt ra. Và ông đã tìm cho tới tận giây phút cuối cùng của cuộc đời...

Lời thú tội thứ nhất: tôi chưa bao giờ có niềm tin vào tôn giáo một cách nghiêm túc
Lời thú tội thứ hai: tôi đã sống như một người điên suốt những năm tháng tuổi trẻ.

"Bây giờ thì tôi thấy rõ rằng không có sự khác biệt nào giữa chúng tôi và những người (điên) đang sống trong một nhà thương điên; vào thời ấy, tôi chỉ mơ hồ thoáng thấy điều này, và, giống như tất cả mọi người điên, tôi nghĩ rằng trừ tôi ra, tất cả những người khác đều điên cả."

Lev Tolstoy gọi những năm tháng sống khát khao cống hiến cho đam mê quyền lực, danh vọng, sự giàu có, tính kiêu ngạo, sự dâm đãng và thậm chí là cả khoảng thời gian bên gia đình..., là những năm tháng điên rồ và dối trá. (Dù trong những năm này ông đã cho ra đời những tác phẩm được coi là kiệt tác như Chiến tranh & hòa bình, Anna Karenina...).

Cho đến khi ông phát hiện ra ông bị "bệnh", và những câu hỏi quay về giằng xé đầu óc ông. Phải chăng tất cả sự giàu sang và danh vọng kia chỉ là những ảo ảnh lừa dối của cuộc đời, và rằng suốt những năm qua ông không thực sự có ước vọng gì?

Lời thú tội thứ ba...
Lời thú tội thứ tư...
Lời thú tội thứ năm...

Xung đột diễn ra liên tiếp, những câu hỏi nhảy múa, những giả định khấp khởi cười nói, các bậc hiền nhân như Socrates, Solomon, Schopenhauer cũng tham chiến. Và kết quả là "thay vì một câu trả lời, tất cả những gì mà người ta có thể đạt tới, là chính các câu hỏi tương tự, được đặt ra trong một hình thức rối rắm phức tạp." Giống như một kẻ bị lạc trong rừng, một lần nữa, Lev Tolstoy cay đằng nhận ra "Tôi đã không thể bị đánh lừa. Mọi sự đều là hư vô, Hạnh phúc thay cho kẻ nào chưa từng được sinh ra; cái chết thì tốt hơn cuộc sống; chúng ta phải loại bỏ sự sống ra khỏi chính mình."
...more

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Aug 11, 2012 Selby rated it liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction

Sometimes you cross paths with a book that perfectly compliments that moment in your life. This just happened with me and Comrade Tolstoy and his Confession. When this happens. When you happen to open, unintentionally, the exact book for your current [fill in the blank- obssession, crisis, etc.] it feels predestined. It is a cosmic dance of serendipitous delight.

Lately I've been perseverating over some thoughts. Pesky thoughts. My partner is a little bored (aka annoyed) of hearing about them. Wh ...more

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Sep 06, 2015 Arqam rated it really liked it

This is my first experince reading Leo Tolstoy and I choose A Confession to read before I would advance to 'War and Piece' and "Anna Karenina" just to get the feel of this amazing writer Leo Tolstoy, I must say this essay of his was mind boggling at first and then it started challenging my thoughts, thats what made it more amusing to read.

Tolstoy expressed his religious crisis in this essay and that seems quiet severe that how he was tempted to finish his life by so many means in that year or tw ...more

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Mar 27, 2015 Jan rated it it was amazing

Shelves: philosophy, favorites, religion, literature-russian, 19th-century-late

Shortly after writing Anna Karenina, Tolstoy had a spiritual crisis so severe he had to hide cord lest he would hang himself and cease to go hunting lest he would be tempted by such an easy way of ending his life. If those words sound familiar – they should, they sound very much the same as his description of Levin in Anna Karenina.

What is so startling about this essay is the directness, intensity, and honesty of Tolstoy – regardless of his conclusion. He is sincerely tormented about being unab ...more

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Apr 24, 2015 Emad Attili rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: remarkable, to-buy, نقد-السلك-الكهنوتي, في-الطريق-إلى-الإيمان, 2015-reads, best-of-2015

في الحقيقة، لم أكن معجباً بتولستوي وبأدبه قبل قراءتي لاعترافه هذا.
يبدو أنه كان بالفعل رجلاً حكيما يستحق التقدير والإعجاب.

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هذا الكتاب باعتقادي هامّ جداً، خصوصاً للذين يمرون بمعضلة إيمانية سببها تصرفات رجال الدين في كل الأديان.
فقد دوّن فيه تولستوي رحلته من الشك إلى الإيمان. ثم من الإيمان التقليدي المؤسساتي، إلى الإيمان العالمي الحقيقي. وهنا تكمُن أهمية الكتاب.

كلّ من سيقرأ هذا الكتاب سيُدرك أن تولستوي انتهى إلى الإيمان الحقّ البعيد عن المؤسسات والسياسات النفعية.
استنكر تولستوي تصرفات رجال الكنيس ...more

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title link	preview: A Confession
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