What's a dead giveaway that someone has come from money?

haveyoumetced · 2016-05-24T04:15:24+00:00

this is the only gilded comment i've seen with the lowest upvotes

TheEroticSpork · 2016-05-24T00:53:29+00:00

You've been playing the same reed for a year?!? That is not healthy for you OR the instrument. But I know the struggle, I played sax throughout hs and that thing sucked up money. I manage a music store now, what kind of mouthpiece do you need, probably a c*? I can see what I can do about sending you one and a box of vandorens!

EDIT: Yes, I had a brainfart, C* isn't a standard option for clarinet mouthpieces, I was thinking about my sax. If anyone is wondering, apparently the Vandoren M13 is the standard. Also thank you /u/esqew for the gold I was almost out!!!

amcjavelin71 · 2016-05-24T02:34:34+00:00

That's a monocle, you uncouth troglodyte.

hugereptilianmonster · 2016-05-23T21:39:41+00:00

wot m8?

Tarquin11 · 2016-05-24T03:59:57+00:00

This is why people don't tell you when they're rich. Because you become a douchenozzle about it.

Source: Not rich, still recognize douchenozzlery when I see it

remulean · 2016-05-23T16:22:08+00:00

For most of the time it's a bit like having a sensitive ball of flesh attached to your front. Think of having a small boob in your crotch area. You can feel it's there most of the time, but it's not something you think about. When it's flabbing about freely it feels more... complex. What is usually restrained in your pants is now like a boob octopus that will flail around if you move too fast. I'm pretty sure the first piece of clothing we invented was the loincloth to help us run and move without fearing that the dick would slam into our balls. That said, its hardly ever in the way. Just like the vagina is lower than most guys expect, the dick is upper than most girls expect.

Now, when the dick decides it's going to fuck something, never mind the social or physical situation you are in, it gets a mind of its own. You can trick it, but you can't control it. In fact, it controls you. Lets continue with the boob analogy. Tighten your thighs and feel them. Do you feel the muscles, how hard they are? Imagine if the fleshy glob of fat that is your immaculate boobs suddenly turns into that. And your nipples become oh so sensitive and large. And then imagine those boobs in the shape of a dick in your crotch. In your pants. At your grandma's house. Where you are hosting a wake for you grandma. And you are delivering a speech in front of your family. You feel embarrassed, not horny. But your stupid stupid dick saw all those crying women in front of you and decided that, yeah, this is a worthwhile fetish. So now you are hoping to god that the creases in your pants are hiding your dick.

Let's take this analogy further, we're all pretty uncomfortable by now. Lets imagine this muscle boob with sensitive nipples in the shape of a dick and yourself have managed to coax a female of your species into copulating. God knows how you did that, your genitals sound more monstrous by the minute. But here you are, you're both naked, she's conveniently naked and ready, and you are sporting what you hope is at least an average dick. You're not gonna win any awards but whatever.

Your penis is now in charge. And it wants one thing. To be inside that other person. And it will not stop until it is there. Nirvana awaits, why the hell aren't you inside that person!? Okay so now you are inside that person and it feels amazing, tight, wet, so varm and just all around great. Except your penis still isn't happy. It demands stimulation.

Female and male orgasm are very different, obviously. Sure we have the same nerve endings and whatnot but most women can attest to that they don't orgasm every time, and sometimes it's fine not to orgasm(insert jokes about small dicks, inferior men and insults to selfish men here). To the dick, not orgasming is not acceptable. It's like the terminator, it must complete it's mission. There is no enjoying the "journey" for the dick. The dick is on a one way track to orgasmville, population 100 million kids. The dick doesn't care if anyone else joins him on the way to the orgasmville, if they do, that's a bonus.

Your selfish boobmuscle is getting most of the simulation from it's nipple. That's basically the only spot and the key is making that spot happy. When you find the right rhythm you start to feel a strange burning situation in the taint. This is called the vinegar burns and indicate that you are going to come. You will ejaculate now, there's nothing anyone can do to stop that. Once you've reached this point it's kind of like being able to chose a rollercoaster. You can pump away and reach some kind of nirvana esque experience as you feel yourself drain away into the other person through your boobmusclenipple. You can also ejaculate without orgasming, which is just a waste of time and effort. But the vinegar burns tell you that the journey is almost over and your penis and yourself are very happy.

At that point your dick sort of dies. It'll stay hard for a while but it's powerless to control you. And its that moment, right after sex, as you're getting your breath back, you begin to understand how this retarded muscle hanging in front of you controls every aspect of your life. How everything you do is an extension of his need to be inside other people. It feels comical. It feels insane. You start to wonder if you wanted to go to college or if your dick just wanted to try out other people's bodies, you begin to question your life choices, you start to wonder how every single man is driven by their dicks and how the entire male world is just a relentless race to find people to share their strange muscles with.

And then your dick starts waking up again and begins preparing for your next excursion.

And that's what's having a dick is like.

EDIT: formatting and also, Yes! GOLD! For boobmusclenipples! My dick and i are very happy!

humanefly · 2016-05-24T03:07:54+00:00

I am 43 years old. I have never owned a car.

When I was in my very early 20s I met a beautiful woman, fell in love, and decided to save for a rental property in the area of town that she grew up in. Where we live, in Toronto, Canada, the insurance companies are like mafia or something so they wanted $4,000/year to insure a vehicle. We calculated that when we factored in gas, maintenance and repairs, vehicle cost, and parking we would ballpark the cost of a vehicle at around $10,000 for the first few years, at least until the vehicle was paid for, and the insurance started going down as we got older/driving experience.

Instead, we decided to save that $10k per year. We rented an shithole in a drug and crime infested building, and paid for bars on our windows ourselves. The streetcars ran all night, and that made it difficult to sleep but a transit pass was only $120/month, and the rent was only $550, and we could get downtown super fast.

We lived in that crack infested prostitute ridden hole for almost ten long sleepless years, and it sucked, but each time one of started feeling desperate and wanted to move out, the other would say: "but, look how much rent will go up if we move! look how much money we're saving!" and we were saving money hand over fist. So we stayed. After nearly a decade had passed we had amassed over $100,000 dollars in savings, the vast bulk of it that $10k per year that we would have otherwise spent on a vehicle, like most of our friends in similar circumstances.

We put that money down as a downpayment on a $500k rental on the subway line, in the core of the city. It was also a shithole, it needed a lot of renovations but the location... the location was solid gold. We split it into 3 rental units, lived on the top floor, and rented out the main and the basement. The rent covered the mortgage, utilities and property tax. Every time a renter moved out we repaired, upgraded and developed this property; over the years we rebuilt the furnace boiler entirely, replaced the electric water tank with a tankless gas boiler to save money, replaced every single electrical outlet and fixture, replaced kitchen countertops, sinks, added a bathroom, soundproofed and created a living space in the attic, and more. It went so well that we bought more rentals.

After a decade of living in this property we have had the incredible good fortune to see it more than triple in value in a little over a decade. It's now worth $1.5m and as the rental income has increased, I have accelerated payments on the loan.

I am very aware that if I had bought a shitty car a little over 20 years ago, today I would have the net worth of roughly: one shitty car. I would be paying my own mortgage, instead of having renters pay it. I would not have a clear path to a wealthy retirement.

Consequently, I see cars primarily as wealth destroyers. A country designed and build around car drivers, impoverishes it's people. I live in one of the most walkable communities in North America, and my net worth puts me fairly high when ranked against others in my community. I will probably be getting a vehicle at some point, because it makes it easier to stay in touch with aging relatives and we ourselves are aging, but I try to spread this simple message:

the difference between wealth and poverty can simply be a sequence of sometimes difficult choices about live style. When you buy a car, you are not just buying convenience, you are selling the opportunity to invest that money; if I told you that you have a choice: you can choose to own a car, or you can choose not to own a car and in 20 years you will be a multi millionaire, would you still make the same choice?

Many people would still buy a car! but I think it's important to be aware of the choice, that's all.

73508 · 2016-05-22T01:05:20+00:00

Peanut butter. I wish I was kidding. The pills were next to a half opened jar of Jif crunchy peanut butter and it smelled so good I ate it and cried instead

rednose_virchow · 2016-05-24T03:37:27+00:00

Getting drunk with Christian private school kids

Swing_lip · 2016-05-23T23:16:44+00:00

Im the only one who does this. So I wouldn't expect you to get it.

Chainunlimit · 2016-05-23T17:32:13+00:00

Bernie Sanders. I really liked the guy before he announced. He announced and I was excited to get behind him. He didn't align with my views 100% but he was honest, and really seemed to genuinely care about people. But as the campaign goes on, and it becomes more and more clear that the nomination is completely out of reach for him, I have become totally disenchanted by his supporters, from the multiple calls I would receive to donate per month, to the internet posts accusing me of being a shill for questioning him.

I get it, I shouldn't let people scare me away from him, but there's nothing to be scared away from now that his campaign is practically over. I wanted to be able to vote for him in the general, but it is being made very clear by his supporters and the events that have transpired that such an event will never happen.

tippytocc · 2016-05-24T00:58:09+00:00

They paid for winrar.

Cheeseman1478 · 2016-05-24T02:05:45+00:00

There's usually something behind it.

DemureCynosure · 2013-12-14T15:44:35+00:00

Hey bud! There are no dumb questions; if you don't ask, you won't learn!
So the signal doesn't "say" anything. It's a radio signal, and "radio" is part of the electomagnetic spectrum -- just like ultraviolet, infrared, visible, x-ray, gamma, etc. It's light!

Now, for a signal to "say" something, it has to be modulated. "Modulation," in signal terms, is a really complicated way of saying "modify." The easiest way to modulate a signal, for instance, is just to turn it on and off. This is what Morse Code is! It's just a signal that by turning off-and-on, has become a list of dots and dashes -- beep beep booop beep boooop. The more advanced ways to modulate a signal are amplitude modulation (changing the heights of the peaks of the waves), which we use to broadcast the picture on TV signals, and frequency modulation (the "compression" or "expansion" of the wave), which we use to transmit the sound on TV signals.

So, all that being said, this signal is not modulated. It's just a big, fat lump. Why is it exciting? It's exciting because it's such a huge lump! It's the equivalent to maybe this idea: you've went outside at night with your son, you're holding his hand, he's seeing fireflies for the first time, and you're both excited and pointing off at these little blips of bug-butts in the distance whenever they randomly, spontaneously pop into existence. Then, suddenly, someone shines a huge flood light right in your face. You squeeze your kid's hand too hard, and you yell "WOW!" Your kid gets mad at you after that and stomps off because you've squeezed his hand so hard, but that's not part of the analogy.

In a similar way, SETI was picking up lots of really weak signals, and getting excited about them here and there, and suddenly they got hit in the chest with a bowling ball. Now, I've built you up about why it was exciting; to take you back down, and just keep a scientific perspective, the problem becomes that the SETI "wow" signal came in very, very close to the 21cm line -- 1420 MHz. For Astronomers, this is the most significant frequency in the Universe for two reasons: One, because it's the frequency at which Hydrogen emits after a particular kind of electron transition. (If you went to know more about that or get an explanation, you can just reply here or send a message or go to one of the ask science sub reddits.) Two, (and more importantly for Astronomers) 1420 MHz signals don't get dissipated by dust. There's a really small amount of dust per volume in space, but there's a tremendous amount of volume between us and anything we're trying to see -- so that means there's an awful lot of dust in the universe . It adds up fast. Other signals get beaten down by dust over time, so, to be honest, we don't quite know what the Universe looks like in other wavelengths past certain distances because of light extinction. We have some really good ideas and theories! And those get tested sometimes! But, it's kind of like a partially-blind guy trying to paint a picture of a landscape. He can get the general idea, he's seen trees up close so he has some concept of how the trees should be drawn, etc, but it's very difficult for him to actually observe what he needs in order to paint a clear picture -- but then there's the sun, the 21cm line, and he can definitely make that out with no problems.

So, Astronomers love the 21cm line, but ... it's the line where observe Hydrogen, the most common atom in the Universe ... and this signal came in really, really close to the 21cm line. In fact, when the data was reduced (unfortunately, none of us can think like a computer -- so you have to do lots of signal processing and math on these signals to get anything we'd understand out of it, and any time you start playing with the original signal, you start introducing "error") by two different people, they got two different numbers -- straddling the 21cm line on either side. This is a tremendous hint that the signal was probably natural in origin, and it's possible that there's just some new, powerful, natural phenomenon that we haven't discovered yet. I hope that helps!
EDIT: Hey friends! Some kind and knowledgeable folks (very correctly) point out that I misspoke when I said "the signal is not modulated." I should have said, waving my hands like a magician, "the error was too large to determine modulation." In truth, we do not know if the signal was modulated or not because of the time-scales over which we observed them. (If you want to know more about this, I can try to explain -- but fair warning, it's going to be very hard for me to make signal processing exciting or interesting.) I wrote up a quick explanation of some ELI5 science, got excited and had fun with it, and then forgot to dot my i's and cross my t's before I clicked submit. Please accept my apology if this has caused anyone dismay!

Sleepmeansdeathforme · 2016-05-24T02:24:10+00:00

I'm glad you're having a good trip hahaha

FTA2011 · 2016-05-23T17:38:23+00:00

What is this 2004?

UncleGrga · 2016-05-23T19:01:59+00:00

Rick and Morty is getting there too.

Great show, but pushy fanbase.

dhartun1 · 2013-04-02T19:22:57+00:00

"So, what was our big beef with Germany anyways?"

In the middle of the Holocaust Museum in D.C.

StudebakerHotch · 2016-05-23T17:19:59+00:00

False. I'm currently claiming the title and looking for supporters

poopnuts · 2016-05-23T15:03:43+00:00

I can do footstands. Took me a year or so to get it down but I've been doing them pretty well for the last 36 years.

Edit - I've been gilded! Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine such a glorious day... Thank you, kind stranger!

jurassicbond · 2016-05-23T12:32:19+00:00

Reading is free if you go to the library.

texinator9 · 2016-05-23T16:36:54+00:00

"What are you making, Dwight?"

"Knife."

"You're making a knife with another knife?"

"You got a better way?"

Edit: GOLD!! Wooooooooo!!! Thanks kind stranger!

WeirdFishesinC · 2016-05-23T15:26:21+00:00

My current hobby is applying to jobs. It costs nothing except your sanity but it comes with a great bonus package of depression. Highly recommended.

cheburek34 · 2016-05-23T13:20:59+00:00

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1BD8BJJUNaX63m2QmySWMGDp71nx4W4MyyiIBlfMoN3Q/edit#gid=0

flippitus_floppitus · 2016-05-23T16:14:43+00:00

Flip Flops aren't called Flip Flops because of the noise they make.

They got their name because they were pioneered by a French Designer named Monsieur Phillipe Filoppe

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