I [introverted, 26 M] had a perfect date with a woman [26 F] and basically it seemed like love at first sight. The day after i was blocked and i can't understand why. I feel confused and heartbroken.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-11-03T05:28:14+00:00

Okay, I'm a pretty intense guy. I'm sympathetic to you, because you are an intense guy too. Everything you write practically screams it. You're in denial about it and super defensive about it. Embrace it, realize what you are, and you'll learn to deal with it.

Besides that, there are two other things you need to realize.

One, it's often not about you. The way you describe her pounding down drinks and pouring her heart out makes me think that she's got something weird going on in her life that she needs to get out of her system, and your date was an outlet for her. She probably meant well but it sounds like she wasn't looking to get the same thing out of it that you were.

Two, you put way too much pressure on yourself on these dates. You emphasize your introvertedness and the limits of your dating pool in a way that makes you approach a date like "this is it, this is my one shot at happiness!" That's way too much for you and that's something that your date will often pick up on and may be turned off by. Relax, be more casual. I know your options are limited, but you're going to limit them further if you approach each one as your last chance.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-11-01T02:22:45+00:00

Your mother did something terrible, but it was a long time ago, and if your parents' marriage is fine now, why tear that apart? If the affair was still going on, there's no question he should know. But now? Why? Would it improve his life, or just serve to unburden you and the rest of your family?

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-31T01:46:25+00:00

I'm not much taller than you and I've dated a couple of women who were close to 6 foot. You'll do fine.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-31T00:44:00+00:00

And now you've grown up to be AnalBeadMilkshake.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-30T04:00:08+00:00

Everyone makes dumb choices in high school and hopefully they grow out of them. It sounds like she has if she's willing to reevaluate you, but if you are still holding a grudge a decade later, maybe you haven't? Do you have a real reason to think that she's a golddigger, or are you hurting from being slighted as a teenager? Go out with her, or don't, but don't base your decision on high school drama.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-29T21:25:49+00:00

It's nice to have a fantasy or a backup plan. Don't let it ruin the actual relationship you are in. You chose to be with your husband and not HBF, and you can chose to think of your husband first, even at those low moments.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-29T21:20:39+00:00

This is Grace's secret, even if other people can see it or she drunkenly confessed to a third party. She should be allowed to deal with it in her own way, as long as whatever that way is doesn't interfere in your relationship. Your boyfriend has no right to know unless she wants him to know. I know you feel for her, but there's nothing you can do that won't make this worse for her. If she wants to successfully move on and preserve her friendship with your boyfriend, she should be allowed to try.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-29T01:20:33+00:00

It's easy to believe in something when it pays so well.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-28T04:50:29+00:00

Robert Greene?

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-28T00:14:52+00:00

Wow, as someone who has worked at a terrible community college library, this sounds like a really terrible community college library.

The criminal justice faculty are largely retired police officers, who also act as the campus police force. As sworn campus officers they are real cops with police powers, firearms, etc.

This bad idea alone sounds like a huge conflict of interest. Imagine being arrested by your professor.

it was "outdated because it was written prior to the internet". , it would probably be a police document, which we weren't entitled to see.

She's just making it up as she goes along.

Does your state library association have an intellectual freedom committee? I would ask them for advice. They would have more direct experience with how things work in your particular area, as opposed to the ALA OIF.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-27T23:37:05+00:00

https://medium.com/moma/the-original-emoji-set-has-been-added-to-the-museum-of-modern-arts-collection-c6060e141f61

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-25T17:37:49+00:00

You can't be her therapist. You can support her but you can't be an emotional punching bag every day. If you want to stay with her, you need to insist that she get professional help, for both your sakes. Otherwise it will continue to take an emotional toll on you and poison your relationship.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-25T16:36:26+00:00

Can you hire him to do some of this work that needs to be done? Then you establish an employee/employer relationship and not a tenant/landlord one. Plus it establishes a clear date for his departure - the end of the job.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-25T02:52:34+00:00

Yes, yes, yes. Please get out of this. She needs professional help that you can't provide. She'll use you as a punching bag for the rest of your relationship and neither of you will be better off for it.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-24T23:27:31+00:00

Everybody does dumb shit sometimes. Does she have a history of this kind of behavior or was this a one time thing? Break up with her if you want to, or if you can just blame it on transitory crazy, have her stick around.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-24T19:15:05+00:00

Fake ALS
....
Profit!

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-23T21:23:13+00:00

Were there any other kids in attendance? Because when I was a kid I totally would have stolen from that piggy bank because I was a little asshole.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-22T17:05:39+00:00

Is your boyfriend an only child? Maybe he doesn't understand how siblings fight.

In my early relationships I had the same problem that your boyfriend seems to have now. I would learn about (admittedly much much worse) things that happened to my partners in their pasts and I would become very angry, angry that my partner was hurt and I could do nothing to protect them or change what happened. That anger would come out in stupid ways because I couldn't process it properly.

I would say something like this "I love that you don't want me to be hurt, but this was a harmless thing that happened years ago. It's not an issue now, so you shouldn't make it one. You need to find a way to put this behind you because your anger about what happened a decade ago isn't doing anything to help or protect me, it's just about how you can't deal with it."

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-20T05:14:41+00:00

Maybe there's some other reason he's not telling you, or maybe he has no idea what he actually wants, or maybe he wants to keep you on the hook while he plays the field. Who knows? It sounds like you know what you want and you're pretty comfortable with it, so go with that. Someone else will be into that or he will come around, or the first will happen and cause the second one to happen. Whatever happens, don't worry about this guy and make yourself happy.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-19T23:13:15+00:00

I suspect the real issue is that this person is a terrible manager. It's likely they have no prior managerial experience (you noted that they had been a classroom teacher until now). They might just have no filters, are taking no time to consider the effects of what they are saying, and just blurting out the first thing that comes into their head. It's not easy to ignore, but you shouldn't interpret this as a commentary on your performance, you should interpret it as an effect of their poor performance.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-19T01:09:19+00:00

Or people are weak or strong willed depending on the situation.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-18T23:50:07+00:00

I suggest that you encourage him to seek therapy to help him be okay with himself and realize that he is actually successful. He may continue to act out in ways that are even more detrimental to your relationship, such as cheating on you because he assumes you will eventually leave him anyway.

inanimatecarbonrob · 2016-10-18T19:34:23+00:00

The mystery is most likely simple, she choked when it came to commitment and fled rather than facing up to it. You need closure, so go find out what happened from her. She may want to just make small talk and avoid the issue some more and then go home content that she attempted to make amends, so be direct and don't let her. But only do it if you are clear and honest with yourself that there won't be friendship or reigniting coming from this.

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