Local

BELLEVUE, WA—Offering reassurance that it would all work out in the end like it did for them, dreary, passionless couple Evan and Jennifer Schar confirmed on Tuesday that your soulmate was definitely out there somewhere.

AUSTIN, TX—Saying he had the melodic flourish on hand the moment it was needed, local bassist Mark Handley of the band Sunshine Moon told reporters Friday that he has a little riff ready to go in case their frontman goes around introducing everyone.

DALLAS—Calling it his own personal blessing to the bride and groom, wedding caterer Isaac Bellacosa told reporters Wednesday that he likes to throw in a few extra potatoes for the reception dinner if it looks like the couple is genuinely in love.

LIVONIA, MI—Eliciting a chorus of mumbles and reluctant encouragement from the crowd, sources reported Thursday that a local little league team spent 18 minutes getting the ball back to their pitcher during a playoff game.

FEDERAL WAY, WA—Standing stock-still as he listened intently to what the device was telling him, local man Adam Kernan reportedly stared blankly at his family Thursday as his Amazon Echo whispered “without them, you could buy anything.”

COLUMBUS, OH—In light of the social media platform’s announcement that it was considering doubling its character limit to 280 per tweet, local Twitter user Rory Fegler told reporters Wednesday that he guesses he could muster up 140 more characters about the master race.