Archive for November, 2008

Dreams of Dust Jackets

November 15, 2008

As I woke this morning, I dreamt I was reading the dust jacket of a biography of Judge Judy.  It read, “When the padded cell becomes as its word and is a deterrent, then we can call society civilized.  Until then, there’s Judge Judy, solving all the world’s problems, one court case at a time.”

Ugh!  I can’t believe I would write that, even in my dreams?

So then I thought of some more “bad” dust jacket bios:

“He lives in a world of black and white, the keys of the piano mimicking his conflicted soul. Billy Joel IS the Piano Man.”

“When it stops working for him, he’ll quit.  Until then, we’ll always have Dr. Phil.”

“Why is that?  I don’t know. I don’t think so.  I’m Andy Rooney.”

“He’s the world’s most misunderstood prisoner.  Until now, only the rat who visited his cell truly knew him.  Now, you too can know Charles Manson the way the rat knows Charles Manson.”

“For years, we laughed at his foibles and it made him rich.  But all the money in the world won’t keep his shoelace clean when it touches the bathroom floor.  He’s his generation’s Pagliacci.  Jerry Seinfeld IS the Tragic Clown.”

Maybe some day I’ll become a famous author and live the dream, and see what someone else writes about me on my dust jacket.  Kind of like reading your obituary after you die.   I hope mine (my dust jacket AND my obituary) fabricates my life.  A LOT.  Nothing more annoying than a boring dust jacket with mundane details about that time I sliced off part of my finger with a razor cutter, or how I forgot to put the dishcloths into the washing machine and it was too late because the machine locked and now I have to wash dishes with a slightly dirty dishrag for a few more days until I do laundry again and my life SUCKS because I hate to use a slightly dirty dishrag and… 

Well, I’m digressing.  And my sliced up finger is starting to hurt from too much typing.

“He wordsmiths with the expertise of a board-certified cardiologist performing his 1,000th valve resection, even with a sliced up finger and a dirty dishrag in the sink.  He’s the world’s least-read blogger.  He’s Cliff Kurt.”

Now What?

November 5, 2008

(Note – this blog is a departure from my typical attempts at humor.  Thanks for allowing me to pontificate.)

 

Okay, Barack won.  Now what?  Well, consider this:

My girlfriend is a liberal.  How did she and I manage to get along?

We focused on those things on which we agree,  few though they might be, and limited discussion of the things about which we don’t agree.  And when we did discuss them, we did so in a mutually respectful way, examining the philosophy of our beliefs and never questioning each other’s character or intellect.   And it worked.

So here’s where conservatives can count our blessings…

1) Barack broke the color barrier.  Despite the fact that his politics are liberal, it’s about time this barrier was shattered.   This opens the door to other African Americans and, hopefully, women – conservative and liberal – and the nation only wins when ALL have opportunity to serve and be effective.

2) Barack will be a good ambassador to the world.  Yes, we’ve heard him talk about the world’s needs taking priority over America’s needs, but the fact is, the world wanted to see Barack in office.   This will work to restore our standing in the eyes of the rest of the world, and that will be a good thing. 

 

3) The man is intelligent.  Where the liberal media unfairly painted Bush as a moron (equating folksy language and a southern dialect with intelligence – shame on them), nobody could suggest Barack lacks for brains.

 

4) This election has the potential to tear down racial divides among Americans.  I say potential – Barack will do everyone a service if he convinces all of us to stop looking at color of skin.  Whether it’s whites prejudiced against blacks, or blacks demanding concessions because of the claimed (sometimes real) disparate treatment.  Maybe this will finally let us realize people are people, plain and simple.

 

5)  The democratic process is alive and well.  Frankly, I was very freakin’ proud when Barack was elected last night.  We live in the greatest country on the planet, because it’s OUR country.

A former co-worker yesterday called me a “dumbass” when he heard I was supporting McCain.  Mostly jokingly.  But this demonstrates where we as conservatives can shine.

For how long have we heard liberals vehemently rage against George Bush?  Songs whose lyrics include “Fuck Bush, fuck this war,” nasty, vitriolic bumper stickers, etc.  This from liberals who love to accuse conservatives of being filled with hate, exclusion, etc.

We, as conservatives, MUST embrace Barack for what he is – OUR PRESIDENT.  We must respect him and honor him.  We can (and at times, will) disagree with his policies, but we must do so in a way that does not belittle the man behind the policies.  This can show that we are people of good character, we are patriotic and we are inclusive of all.  After all, one of the greatest tenets of conservative philosophy is that ANYONE should have the opportunity to accomplish his or her dreams.

In my 11 years living in Washington, DC, I worked with a LOT of liberals.  And I came to learn that there are conservatives who are far more smarter than any liberals I know, and there are liberals far more smarter than myself and any conservatives I know.  It’s not about intelligence, it’s about philosophy and world view.  Shame on anyone who regards a conservative as a dumbass, and shame on us conservatives if we dismiss or disrespect Barack and his supporters simply because they are liberal.

So, let’s rise above and show the world how we conservatives are not the hateful, bigoted, spiteful persons some on the left would believe.  Who’s with me?  Let’s goooooooooo…..

 

More Fun Than a Barrel Full of Reporters

November 4, 2008

What in the hell has happened to our world?

The following blurb appeared on today’s home page of www.dcrtv.com, a website dedicated to reporting news on TV and radio in the Washington, DC area:

WTOP reporter Amy Held was bitten by a capuchin monkey named Armani when she tried to ask it who it favored for president. The attack was captured by a Fox5 news crew. Held was treated at Georgetown University Hospital with a tetanus shot and antibiotics for a bite to her pinky finger. Later, the Rockville owner of the monkey said it was supporting Obama.

Sending a reporter to ask a monkey who it favors for president?  Why not send the reporter to ask a dishmop whether it favors union representation for the nation’s restaurant workers, or ask a coat hanger its views on partial-birth abortion.

I suppose WTOP recalled the long history of monkey involvement in the political process:  Bonzo, J. Fred Muggs, Michael Dukakis. 

(Note to reader:  As I wrote this blog, I googled “ronald reagan’s monkey.”  The first entry read, “Ronald Reagan’s monkey spoke to me. ‘Judas was entrusted to disband the law firm of prosecutors that orchestrated the political crucifixion of the Savior…'”  But I digress…)

Any reporter worth her salt would have quit on the spot.  But I’m sure reporterette Amy Held is still at work chasing down the  hard news stories in the nation’s capital.  Maybe next they’ll send her to the local animal shelter to do some exit polling. 

Sigh.