Tikkun Olam

(nablopomo day 10)

This has been going around, but an end has been added which now includes the people who were recently in the news (hat tip, Debbie), as seen on One Jerusalem.  Food for thought. . .


What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

The Italian – throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.

The Frenchman – takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese – eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Russian – drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

The Israeli – sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, Buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.

The Palestinian – blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, and …

(nablopomo day 3)


Periodically I need to get away from the heavy stuff which surrounds us, and try to lighten up a bit.  Found some incredibly funny-but-sad stuff on the internet (it's a virtual...cesspool out there!)--

Here are just a few to brighten your day:


Next time you get arrested, be careful you don't wear aT-shirt that looks like this one:


Parallel parking was never my thing. How about...just pulling straight in...?





Or how about these interesting Neon Light Failures.  I mean, would you want to do your business there?





Ah, education is a wonderful thing.  And remedial English was way easier than I thought it would be.



Anybody for a blonde joke?




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I am not very loquacious, although I definitely am a logophile. And when I received this in an email from my friend M. (yes, the very same. James Bond. Ahem.), I realized that with the insanity that is just before Pesach when we convert over from slavery to freedom (and turn our houses upside-down in the process), this was perfectly coordinated.

So in the vein of "laughter is the best medicine", for all you logophiles out there, here's the Washington Post's version of. . . malapropism (look it up. that's what Google's for.):

(I especially am fond of #16; and in part II, #5. . . )


Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

…

I forgot to post a RED pic on this week's Ruby Tuesday, so true to my procrastinating nature, I'm posting it late, on Wimpy Wordless Wednesday (I didn't make that up). Below is a photo of our Rosh Hashana "Yehi-Ratzon Beets." (Hope I don't get drummed outa the JBlogosphere for this transgression.)





And here's my pic for Wordless Wednesday:

'nuf said. . .





*Copyright alert: No infringement of any text or graphic copyright is ever intended on this blog. If you own the copyright to any original image or document used for the creation of the graphics or information on this site, please contact the blog administrator with all pertinent info so that proper credit can be given. If you wish to have it removed from the site, just say the word; it shall be, ASAP.

There is a serious problem with Bloggersbase, which I intend to bring to the forefront and risk being the "whistleblower." It is a problem that I, personally, have already encountered several times, and after reading someone else's comment apologizing for a typo in their post title, I decided to blog about it here.

This life-and-death defect is. . . your posting set in stone. Yes. It's true. Once you left-click that mouse of yours with your trusty little itchy pointer finger on the button that says "publish," you have altered the universe. Your post is now out there in the hot sun, like an overripe, wormy fruit hanging half off its branch in the peach orchard about to splat all over the ground, for all to see. And it is absolutely unchangeable, irreversible, IMMUTABLE FOREVER. Then, it might actually even disappear!

With your kind indulgence (or not), I will explain: I have experienced this phenomenon several times, as I mentioned above; the first time…

Ok, this is not original as I received it in an email from my famous relative, my "sister-in-law's sister-in-law," you know the one. (-and there is absolutely no offense meant to either Jews or non-Jews.)
But it's still cute...er, maybe not...so just have a laugh (or cry, whatever!)

JEWISH VS GOYISH

Judges Are Jewish
Juries Are Goyish

Packing all the mini hotel shampoos is Jewish
Using them is Goyish

Ordering family style is Jewish
Ordering a la carte is Goyish

Cruises are Jewish
Walking tours are Goyish

Laugh-In was Jewish
Hee Haw was Goyish

Grabbing lox from the back of the buffet first, is Jewish
Grabbing melon from the front is Goyish

Bunions are Jewish
Flat feet are Goyish

Simon Says is Jewish
The Hokey Pokey is Goyish

"Bewitched" is Jewish
"I Dream of Jeannie" is Goyish

The Limbo is Jewish
Line dancing is Goyish

Picking from your mate's plate is Jewish
Not wanting even a "little taste" is Goyish

Fruitcake is Goyish
Fruit and cake is Jewish

Reading &quo…

I don't believe it. I have to write something. But I must, even though I don't wanna.

Why? Because they said so. That's right. THEY, the Bloggersbase powers-that-be, said I'd better get out there and write something quick or I will (horrors) lose my big chance at my FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME or something. And in addition, I might--IF I write a blog post, that is--actually WIN (applause appropriate here) enough to buy a Starbuck's Grande Vente Mocha Latte or whatever the hell they call them these days.

But as I said before, I don't want to write. I'm exhausted. My daughter just left today. I'm missing her and I'm in a bad mood. I'm not even prepared to teach my class tonight (well, semi-prepared; did it last week...). All I want to do is vege-out, lie in bed and sleep and/or watch a movie.

Ever have one of those days? You have a GA-Zillion things to do,
-wash the dishes
…

What’s all the ruckus about in articles I am reading regarding the font called “Comic Sans MS*?” It seems that everyone is railing against it, vilifying it, and advocating banning it. This is starting to make me nervous, because I myself can not understand what all the fuss is about.Does that mean that I am not ‘with it?’ Not ‘cool?’ Have pedestrian tastes? Unintellectual? Or just plain stupid?I was afraid to think about it, because I sensed in myself leanings towards--horrors—liking Comic Sans!I use it to email readers of my blog, for one thing.I mean, it seems like a friendly font to me. So I did what any person would do--I quickly researched the history (it’s short) and origins of Comic Sans Serif, to see if that knowledge would enlighten me as to all the brouhaha.Here goes: Comic Sans was invented by Vincent Connare, a former Microsoft font designer, and was released by Microsoft in 1995:Kelson writes "The Wall Street Journal profiles Vincent Connare, designer of the web'…

Everyone is posting about Obama's speech in Cairo, or Bibi's speech at Bar Ilan and how he 'wiped the floor' with Obama-or not-depending upon whom you read; but not I (said the walrus).

Instead, I am posting about a yummiest dish, noodle Google..er..Koogle.
What is it, you ask (thought you'd never)? It is the new Kosher Search Engine for Orthodox Jews, approved by Rabbis and launched in Israel.

A Jewish take-off on the name "Google," it is a search engine which will filter out unseemly images,unholy content, un-tziniosdik ladies, etc.
Seems that this search engine will also "restrict purchases of taboo items including television sets..." (hmmm, what about DVD players?)

Amoz Azizoff (one of the people who set up Koogle) also said:
"There are lots of orthodox homes that don't have computers but for business purposes, or for people who want to be part of the 21st century, if you're going to have one the best way is to use one that filters t…

They call themselves an "International" group, although the names are Israeli and so is their phone number (and I detect a definite accent to some of their English). My intrepid research staff in London (yes, the infamous M) sent me this.

Leave it to Yidden, if they can't debate you to death, they'll sing you onto the floor while you're laughing hysterically and peeing in your pants. And they're not even paying me to post this. Heck, I'm not even waiting for their reply to my email--just watch the video (Simon Cowell, eat your heart out):

Got this from Heshy at Frum Satire. What will a Yiddishe Kopf* (Jewish ingenuity) think of next?
You know how everyone looks at kos Eliyahu* and wonders if he really is there, you know, in a different dimension, perhaps, invisible--but there. And we all look to the cup, to see if the wine goes down.
Well, ladies and gentlemen - look no further. It is (finally) here: The Elijah Drinks Cup.
Witnesseth:



Now, I think that's worthy of a Nobel Prize, don't you? Why, it's amazing no one thought of this earlier...



*yiddishe kopf=Jewish head
*kos Eliyahu=Elijah's cup

Okay. So you think you know how to run a Seder, eh? How about updating it a little into the 21st Century; like, say-how it would look on Facebook, for instance.

Or, what if you're in grad school, and you are reading the Haggadah? Well, thanks to Carl Elkin, welcome to The Graduate Student Haggadah.
(hat tip: my very own Toodles.)

Pesach kasher ve-sameach,er-sameach ve-kasher!

My younger son (Nathaniel Blumenstein), reminded me of Purim last week when I heard he was rummaging around in his Jerusalem kitchen for his Abba's star iron, in the hope that we left it there last Purim, when we traveled to Israel for his older brother's (Mister Arnold) wedding.

You see, we had taken it with us, knowing that since we were returning way too close to Purim (two days), we would never have the time to stand over a hot deep fryer, sweating away frying our Famous Purim Stars in boiling oil.

So, clever beings we, we took our Purim Star paraphernalia with us to the Holy Land, and actually made our Purim stars at yon younger son's postage-stamp-sized apartment, in his teeny weeny alcove- er-kitchen. Actually, he made them, and did a great job of it, too. These Purim stars, deliciously crispy, made from a yummy batter of milk, flour and eggs--were the delight of our family since our Texas days, almost thirty years ago.

Well, it was Toodles (Nathaniel's siste…

I saw this first on Rafi's blog, and it cracked me up. Nothing like rap to get out the popular vote, eh? Especially since nothing rhymes with "FEIGLIN."



Vote BIBIBI for PM (what's his middle name again?).

First of all, Haveil Havalim #199 (is it that many already?) is UP, at Ima's. Also check out Jack's Gaza Updates-9.5 and counting-linked here.

Okay, so maybe I was too serious in my last post. You want funny? IMAO shows how Hamas can be funny (really). This is only an excerpt; go to the site for the rest of it.
Hamas sure seems to like provoking Jews into killing them, so as a public service I thought I’d send my crack research staff to revisit and revise their facts about Hamas before research about Hamas becomes a job solely for anthropologists.FUN FACTS ABOUT HAMAS* Hamas was founded in 1987 according to some site I found with Google. I was eight years old then and wanted to be a fireman or an astronaut. Blowing up Jews had not crossed my mind.* Hamas is Arabic for “dumb @#$% with explosives”.* Contrary to popular belief, Hamas has nothing to do with ham. Actually, if you throw hams at them, they’ll get angry.* Make sure to keep Hamas away from your Jews.* I don’t like to …