r/teenagers

Hello I'm let's call me Bane I'm 18 I'm from India , it's something I wanna share here or I would say I am writing it all here cuz I don't really have someone to really talk about it I do have friends but like they are not close enough to know all of this what I feel ik you all don't care about what I feel it's just it would make me feel lighter to write it all over here.

So I'm an adult now and from past 6 to 7 years basically after I hit puberty or ig started to think with a brain intelligent enough to understand things I've been introverted throughout my life and like I have never shared what I really feel with someone and the ones I really shared it all with wouldn't really cared , I have been insecure about my looks my personality afraid of being judged by the world though ik very well people don't really give a fuck but it's just a fear inside me about my looks about my mindset thinking and all of it.Amd after the pandemic I started having suicidal thoughts I feel like there is no point of me living like I'm not fuckin good at anything like I play sports I'm fucking average in it and I don't even do things that I'm suppose to do I'm a lazy ass miserable madafaka who don't wanna work hard to get the things that are important for me and I'm not even talking about the sugar coated dreams it's just I don't wanna be exited I don't want exist I'd never wanna come into existence idk why I'm here but I don't want to and now I can't even do anything and I'm not kms cuz I'm not brave enough to do so so it's like I'm living cuz I can't kms cuz I'm a pussy idk whatever you can call it but the fact is I'm done I'm really done with life and ik it's a bold thing to say but like for what causes I'm even alive for ? It's like I don't have skills and motivation to fuckin live through my life it's just like I wanna rest but I can't cuz I'm a coward.

Idk what to say more it's just I'm letting my heart out here, I'm apologising for the grammatical mistakes cuz I'm not good accadmically ik the spelling of accadmically could be wrong too so like it's half of my story maybe I'm a bad guy but all I wanna say I'm done I'm really fuckin done