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It is that time once more -- the old thread has been archived, and we need a new place to talk about Hall of Fame-y things! Please post your nominations for the Hall of Fame in here!
The standard rules apply:
Must be a thread that has been posted on /r/DnDGreentext
Must be a story, preferably with shenanigans
Must be awesome
Must be written by someone else (don't nominate your own thread)
Can you roll high enough to steal someone's pants? Guess we'll have to find out!
In other news, the last thread had us at 90.5k -- we now number in excess of 135k! By Obad-Hai's staff and all that is holy, that is a lot of secret bears.
In the meantime, have fun reading all the wonderful stories that get posted here and post the ones you want to see in the HoF as a response to this thread! Cheers and may your dice roll well!
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Be Me: Death Cleric in a slightly insane evil campaign.
Be Not Me: A mimic the size of a house....also in the form of a house.
Party comes across a tiny village of 4 houses with people mindlessly walking around chatting.
Party is told to enter biggest house where "the village elder" is. "Village Elder" is full of knowledge party wants.
Party realizes that some of these people are duplicates. Obviously a trap. Insane evil party does not care, curious as to what is going on here.
Unseen voice ushers party into the house.
"Okay Mr Elder what is going on here" Cleric says as he enters the house first.
Wall shuts down in spot where door was locking Cleric in the "house". "House's" inside looks dark and cave like. Floor is spongy and sticky.
Cleric no long able to move as party tries to pry open wall.
Teeth chomp down on Cleric taking piercing and acid damage.
"House" is trying to eat cleric.
Cleric start to hurt. Cleric angered at attempt to eat him. Cleric casts Vampiric Touch and starts to eat house back.
Party eventually able to pry open hole in "house" find cleric kneeling at the floor with wooden plank hanging out his mouth.
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be me; LizarDM
be not me; lizardfolk fighter, lizardfolk cleric, lizardfolk sorcerer, lizardfolk paladin, goblin rogue
the party leave the ruins that almost claimed their lives, pockets full of gold and trinkets
the sorcerer’s magic fatigue has passed but he’s now heavily invested in trying to figure out just what each of the sticks do
spends almost every single rest looking over as many as possible
so far, he’s identified 5 sticks, though not necessarily the spells attached
2 are healing, 1 is necromancy, 1 is abjuration and 1 contains a magic he doesn’t know of
party making their way to Noxver Keep, getting closer with each passing day
in fact, as they get closer, they begin to notice changes in the land around them
villages are becoming less and less frequent
the days seem to be going past faster, the nights stretching far longer than natural
the vegetation has a sickly, decayed look about it and everything from the water to the air itself has a horrible aftertaste
needless to say, the party are fairly confident they’re getting close
the party are making their watches more and more vigilant, and their dreams are disturbed by distant sounds of howls and shifting in nearby woods
they continue through this dead land, heading West where they know Noxver Keep resides
as the sun of the 4th day in this land falls below the horizon, the party set up their watch while trying their best to sleep
on the second watch, the cleric sits with the paladin, scanning the featureless land around them
a patch of mostly dead trees resides about 200 meters away, a potential escape route if things should go south
the cleric is looking around when he hears the sound of snapping branches
he looks over, but his eyes are unable to pierce the darkness
he grabs the ranger’s crossbow out of his pack and loads a bolt, just in case
the paladin scans around, occasionally checking over the rest of the sleeping party
which is when they hear it
the crunching of dead grass under heavy feet
moving fast
headed right for them
the cleric casts light on the crossbow bolt and raises it in the direction of the sound, the paladin lifting his axe
the paladin reaches down and grabs a rock, casting light on it before tossing it in the direction of the running
the light passes over a dark shape, low to the ground and moving fast
just before the cleric pulls the trigger, the creature comes into the light
he yanks his hand to the side just in time to barely avoid hitting the wolf that stood in front of them
the paladin looks cautiously at the cleric, who slowly kneels down
“hello friend. Are you okay?”
he slowly reaches out a hand towards the wolf’s head
he stops his hand when it begins growling, fur puffing up and teeth baring
“friend. You are not okay”
the player looks at me and pauses
“I’d like to cast animal friendship”
he raises his hand, and the faintest smell of pine nettles and a soft breeze passes through the air between them
the wolf tilts its head, its fur slowly flattening
the cleric smiles and goes to extend his hand
he nearly gets to it when the wolf suddenly twitches, as if struck by electricity, and its eyes suddenly cloud
he realizes a split second too late that something is incredibly wrong before the wolf is suddenly on him, pushing him to the ground and trying to tear out his throat with its teeth
he shoves it off of him, but it snarls, rushing in again and sinking its teeth into his arm
the paladin rushes in, swinging his axe before the cleric can even say a word
the axe buries itself in the wolf’s side, and the cleric yells out ooc as the paladin hits it with a smite
with a high-pitched whine of pain, the wolf is thrown off of the cleric, and hits the ground, its body heaving with unstable breaths and blood pouring out of it
the cleric runs over to it, putting his hand on its fur
the wolf, too injured to fight back, whines in pain
the paladin steps forward, raising his axe
“we should put it out of its misery”
the cleric turns to him
“no his fault. Help him”
paladin sighs
“I thought you were supposed to lack empathy. It’s clearly dying, and it would be cruel to let it die slowly”
the cleric shakes his head and goes to cast cure wounds at 2nd level
the wounds don’t close
he looks over, seeing that the eyes have gone misty and its body has stopped heaving
the wolf is dead
the cleric player, absolutely distraught, begins looking through his inventory, desperately searching for a diamond
he doesn’t have one
he puts his hand on the wolf and, ignoring the paladin’s stares, repeatedly casts healing spells on it
nothing works
the cleric slowly rises to his feet, where the rest of the party now gathers, having been woken by the commotion
the rogue slowly walks past the cleric and looks at the still body of the wolf
he turns to the paladin
“what did you do?”
the paladin slowly looks down at his axe, covered in blood
“it was going to kill him, I had to stop it”
he looks at the cleric
“I’m so sorry. I had to do it”
cleric shakes his head
“do nothing now. Soul hunt in beastlands. I help before. Help again”
the cleric looks at the rest of the party
“no eat. I use him”
party nod
they only watch as the cleric slowly picks up the body of the wolf and walks away to the woods
the paladin goes to follow him, but the rogue grabs his arm
“don’t. Let him do this”
the cleric walks deep into the woods before stopping at what looks like an old tree
he kneels next to it, placing the body in front of him
he takes a leaf out of a pocket and chews it
he places his hands on the wolf and closes his eyes
“Ancient One. I call upon you now. Ensure this warrior’s passage to the beastlands. Give me the strength to fight the monsters that hurt your children. My friends, they serve different beings, but do not let that sway you. Do not take revenge on the one who struck down your child. Take revenge on the one who forced him to land the blow. Let me be your vessel in this”
after a few moments, the cleric feels a warm breeze on his face, and the smell of pine around him
he opens his eyes, seeing the land around him has changed
the once dead trees are now alive, the ground beneath him is full of lush grass, the sky that once held the moon now holds a bright spring’s sun and he can hear the sounds of birds in the trees
he looks in front of him, seeing the wolf gone
he looks around, and besides one of the trees, sees it standing, looking up at a figure beside it
the figure stands well over 12 feet tall. Made of gnarled wood, the figure is humanoid in nature, but with overly long arms and horns that curve up from its head and down beside its elongated face. Its hands end in long, wooden claws, and red eyes burn in the wood of the face
the Ancient One turns and walks away, the wolf following obediently beside it
the cleric blinks and the vision is gone
the trees are once again dead, casting long shadows across the dry ground
the wolf’s body is still there
the cleric smiles and exits the woods, returning to the party
the night passes, and they continue their journey West, the cleric now filled with a burning passion for vengeance
a feeling that was once alien to him, and perhaps not belonging to him at all
2 days later, they see it
the looming shape of Dark-Peak mountain
it’s an intimidating thing. Made almost entirely of black stone with jagged edges and steep cliffs, it appears almost unnatural. Like the physical embodiment of the evil in Isopin. A twisted and deadly dark spire
there is no life between where they are and the mountain. No trees, no grass. Nothing but dirt and stone stretching for kilometres
and beneath that dark peak, even from this distance, they could see the shape of Noxver Keep
as beautiful as it was eerie, the structure was a dark building with towering spires and graceful bridges
as the rogue looks at it, his fists slowly clench
“now we get to see how you feel when your home is taken from you”
nobody notices that, as soon as Noxver Keep comes into sight, all colour drains from the paladin’s scales, and his body becomes incredibly stiff
it’s like he’s staring death in the eyes
the party decide to make camp a little distance away, out of sight of the castle behind a small outcropping of black rock
they rest there as night falls, more on edge now than they had ever been, even when they had known Milana was after them
the rogue and fighter are on the first watch, and as the pale moon comes over the horizon, the land becomes somehow even creepier
as they wait on watch, the rogue notices the paladin twitching in his sleep. Stirring and rolling around, his eyes are moving quickly under his eyelids
which is when I ask everyone to leave the room
I can’t disclose what happens yet, but as the paladin sits there, I describe his dream
I invite the other players back in, and they sit there, eyeing the paladin with incredible suspicion
however, as intent the rogue is on looking at the paladin, he doesn’t hear the faintest of footprints
the fighter rolls a perception check
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he doesn’t hear anything as a figure, ever so slowly, crawls their way down the side of the stone they rest behind
then the rogue looks up
he sees deep red eyes, sitting in a familiar pale face framed by dark hair
Milana
he opens his mouth to scream and she smiles, pouncing on him
chaos
the fighter gets to his feet, swinging his battleaxe at the crazed vampire spawn attacking his friend
Milana catches his arm and backhands him, sending him sprawling to the ground
she pins the rogue’s arms to the ground and her smile grows impossibly wide, showing off her jagged teeth
“you’re all mine little goblin”
she bites him, and he lets out a horrible scream as his legs flail uselessly
the party wakes, seeing the she demon huddled over their struggling friend
the cleric raises his hand and launches a guiding bolt, but with his sleepiness, he misses the shot
the sorcerer gets up, hitting her with magic missile
she hisses and slowly rises to her feet, glaring at him
that’s when the paladin rises to his feet
she stares at him and tilts her head
then, her grin grows even wider
“Kurot” she purrs
he growls at her and raises his axe, swinging at her with fury
she dodges both and laughs, before the fighter cuts her off with a battleaxe to the back
she slashes the cleric across the chest with her claws before dashing forward, closing her hand around the sorcerer’s throat and pinning him to the stone
he goes to raise his hand, but she grabs it, wrenching it to the side, breaking his wrist
the rogue, weak and holding his neck, stumbles to his knees, and after fumbling for a moment, launches a crossbow bolt into her back
she ignores it
the cleric summons the sword and swings it, tearing into her back
she growls and slashes at him, but he deflects the blow
the sorcerer growls, and as Milana laughs, he tries desperately to hit her
he then drops a hand to his side, his fingers glowing briefly before they land on his skin
Milana frowns as his scales begin to shake, shifting from their normal green to a deep red
the sorcerer growls, and a small grin grows across his face
the party watch in awe and confusion as he grabs her, and opening his mouth, launches a jet of flame directly into her face
screaming, she falls to the ground in front of him, hair lit on fire and face scorched
the sorcerer stands over her, red scales on full display even as he grins down at her
the paladin, not wanting to waste a moment, brings his axe up, slamming it into her back
crit because she’s prone
Milana screams as she’s hit with the power of a thousand suns, and is forced to the ground
the paladin brings it up again and slams it down
another 2nd level smite
her screams sound almost animal like at this point
she begins to crawl away, trying desperately to escape the pain
she gets to her feet and tries to run
opportunity attack from fighter
“I want to use my opportunity attack to trip her”
rolls
nat 20
she stumbles over his outstretched leg and collapses to the ground
he stands over and brings the axe down twice
barely recognisable anymore, she tries to crawl away one last time
she’s stopped when the rogue crouches down in front of her, sword held in front of him
“you’re all mine, vampire”
he brings the sword down and brings it down, impaling her through the head
Milana’s lizardfolk scale covered hand twitches as her body slowly falls still, the vampire spawn finally dead
table goes bloody insane
then the fighter turns to the paladin
“she know you”
paladin freezes
fighter gets up in his face, bringing his axe up
“she know you. Who are you, fleshy?”
rogue steps in between the two significantly taller lizardfolk
“hey, hey, chill. Milana is dead. The bitch who killed two of you, who killed me, is finally f*cking dead and this guy helped us do it”
fighter looks at him but doesn’t say anything
“like it or not, he has the power to kill them. We have a chance now. We can storm into Noxver Keep, kill every single bastard in our way and bury our swords and teeth into Highwater. Do not throw away that chance”
rogue pauses and turns on the paladin
“however, you have some explaining to do. If there’s even the slightest chance you’ll turn on us, we’ll make sure you look just like her”
he points at Milana with the sword
paladin pauses before sighing
“I’ll explain”
he sits down, and reluctantly, the rest of the party follow
the cleric slowly reaches over and touches the sorcerer, frowning as he does so
“what happened to your scales? What did she do to you?”
sorcerer shakes his head
“she did nothing. I have dragon’s blood in me. It gives me my power, just as Semuanya gives you yours” (Semuanya is the lizardfolk god of survival. Basically, their go to god)
cleric nods but says nothing
party turn to paladin, who breathes in heavily before speaking
“as far as I know, I was born in the swamp, just as you were. I was not raised there though. My egg was taken by human smugglers. They sold me to . . . to someone very powerful”
“that person let me hatch, and they . . . tried to teach me. They wanted to know if our kind could be taught to be one of theirs. They wanted to see if they could train us”
rogue; “did it work?”
paladin pauses
“to an extent. I knew I was different but didn’t know anything about my kind for years of my life. I wholeheartedly believed I was just one of them”
“I might’ve lived my entire life there, if it weren’t for the Knights of Purgation. They invaded my home, killing many and suffering many losses. They found me there and took me out. I’ve never looked back, but. The people that lived there always remembered. They always searched for me”
the sorcerer, his scales slowly returning to their normal colour, nods
“you Highwater’s pet”
the paladin turns to him and nods slowly
“I was his plaything. His little experiment. I was allowed to escape, and now I’m back. Right where he wants me”
rogue looks at him and places a hand on his leg
“he won’t get you. We won’t let him. You have the power to fight back now. We’re going to kill him. We’re going to pay him back from everything he’s taken from us”
that’s when they hear a soft voice above them
“don’t be so sure”
they whip around, seeing a pale man garbed in expensive clothing standing on the rock above them
they draw their weapons and back away, all lizardfolk but the paladin growling
the man laughs
“those won’t help you”
the cleric’s hand begins to glow, and he raises it, pointing at the man
“who you?”
the man raises an eyebrow
“why, I thought after all of your talk of revenge you would recognize my face. I, my illiterate friend, am Baron Ardonus Highwater”
he turns his head to Kurot and smiles, revealing jagged teeth
“Kurot, so good to see you. You’ve grown so much since we last met”
Kurot growls at him
Highwater laughs
“really? You spend a few weeks with your kind and you’ve already taken on their traits. After all the time I spent teaching you? I almost feel insulted”
“you stole my life. I should have been with my people”
Highwater sighs
“your people? They call you fleshy, which I can only presume is intended to be an insult in the eyes of these savages. You are as much one of them as I am a goblin”
he looks at the rogue, as if noticing him for the first time
“speaking of which. You’re with an odd crowd, aren’t you? I suppose monsters attract monsters”
the rogue raises the sword, eyes burning with anger
“you call me a monster again and I’ll ram this so far up your ass it’ll come out your mouth”
Highwater raises an eyebrow
“charming. Really Kurot, could you not have chosen a more civilized crew of individuals to aid you on your crusade? It’s almost insulting”
paladin; “shut up. What are you doing here? Are you going to kill us?”
Highwater shrugs
“maybe. If the mood strikes me, I might enjoy the brief moment of fun that comes from ending your pitiful existences, however, I feel the effort alone wouldn’t be worth it, you’re far too weak to challenge me”
the cleric releases the guiding bolt he’d been holding during the entire conversation
raising a hand to his mouth as if he were yawning, Highwater dodges out of the way
“pathetic really. Well, I suppose I’d best be letting you have your rest. You’ve got a big day tomorrow. I do hope you do come see me, the castle can get so boring without your presence Kurot”
as he goes to turn away, the rogue slowly whispers under his breath
“for Kawli”
with that, he lifts his crossbow, and releases a shot right into Highwater’s back
Highwater hisses and slowly turns
he looks over his shoulder and yanks out the bolt, peering at it curiously before tossing it aside
“please, don’t disrupt my clothing. This was specifically tailored for me and far too expensive to be ruined by a lesser creature”
with that, he turns away, and as the party watch, his back begins to shift and crack
with looks of horror, they see his bones shift, and with a horrible scraping, immense bat wings protrude from his back
“I do hope to see you tomorrow Kurot. I would be disappointed if you left”
with a flap of his immense wings, Highwater then takes off into the air, buffeting the party with cold wind as he disappears into the night
game ends
First game: https://www.reddit.com/r/DnDGreentext/comments/97riuv/eating_people_is_fine_so_long_as_we_all_agree_on/
Last game: https://www.reddit.com/r/DnDGreentext/comments/9jjj8p/lizardfolk_17_a_worthy_opponent/
Next game:
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Be me, first-time GM in a d100 game system
forget what it was called
Be not me, pirate boi who is secretly pirate girl, gun-haver pirate, pyromaniac pirate
Start campaign, PCs are in brig on enemy pirate ship after their ship was destroyed
need to escape brig
girlpirate had specified ahead of time they had decided to disguise as pirate boi to avoid rapey pirates
immediately goes back on decision
takes top off and tries to seduce guard to let her out
success
guard lets her out, but proceeds to get rapey
realizes she didn’t think this through
she tries charm again, asks him not to get rapey
howaboutidoanyway.wav
tries to silently kill him
TFW it’s a critfail
more pirates hear, appear, and join in on what is now an orgy
she rolls to escape grapple
crits
pirates all so drunk that none of them notice as she slips out
orgy continues without her
grabs clothes and weapons while they’re distracted, but doesn’t free other PCs because they’re probably rapey pirates too
moves up to next deck alone
gun-haver wants to shoot lock
gun-haver doesn’t currently have gun
gun-haver sad
pyro tries to break out of cell
rolls terribly, but still succeeds
gun-haver confused
gun-haver becomes first PC to actually examine the door
locks are crappy, easy to open
gun-haver casually exits cell
PFW they realize they could have just 3v1’d the guard from the start
pyro player not amused; girlpirate player guffawing
pirates still having orgy, so party just walks past and steals thier weapons
gun-haver especially
takes everything he can carry, particularly all the guns
gun-haver have gun
gun-haver happy
pyro searches
finds the grog
decides to use it
by this point, girlpirate has made her way to the crew’s quarters and begun slitting throats of sleeping pirates
while she’s doing this, pyro throws grog on the orgy and burns it
screamingburningnakedpirates.wav
sleepy pirates on next deck up all wake up
see girlpirate slitting throats, go aggro
HFW plan gets screwed by pyro
girlpirate nearly killed by sleepy pirates
enter gun-haver
gun-haver have gun
RIP sleepy pirates
girlpirate decides maybe fighting a whole ship’s worth of pirates alone isn’t a good idea
girlpirate and gun-haver are now a party again
pyro also joins party after making molotov cocktails from grog
party moves up to top deck
girlpirate draws attention
pyro burns anyone who goes for her
gun-haver climbs mast to be able to shoot everyone else
party being a team
me happy
enter cap’n with his pet parrot
boss fight to take the ship
girlpirate rushes cap’n
cap’n sics parrot on her
PFW the parrot wins
girlpirate unconscious
pyro throws a molotov at the parrot
parrot flies up and out of range
molotov hits cap’n by mistake, btw
also parrot now closer to gun-haver
and gun-haver have gun
gun-haver rolls d100 (2 d10s) to shoot parrot
66, fail
rest of party wants him to roll one more d10 to see if he gets 666
TFW he does
MFW they want the parrot to be a demon now
fuckitwhynot.lol
parrot gets hit by bullet and transforms into skeletal flaming parrot
“reveals” that cap’n was just a figurehead doing it’s bidding
I take advantage of fire to conveniently kill off cap’n
demonparrot is new boss
demonparrot knocks gun-haver down from his perch
gun-haver takes fall damage and is unconscious
pyro is only one left
pyro can’t hurt fiery bird with fiery molotov
only one molotov left anyway
idea.jpeg
pyro jumps below deck
demonparrot flies after him
pyro finds powder magazine
PFW pyro throws molotov at powder magazine
demonparrot tries to catch it in midair to save ship
MFW it’s a critfail
demonparrot misses and crashes its fiery self into the barrels of gunpowder
bigboom.gif
TPK
ship sinks
demonparrot dead, too
MFW session one ends with a TPK and somehow everyone’s still laughing
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Be me.
DMing for brother in law and his girlfriend and my wife.
Brother in law and girlfriend have never done D&D.
His girlfriend specifically is not a nerd in any sense and has never played rpg or video game type stuff.
No big deal and she is always open to try anything.
Help her build a character.
Life Domain Cleric which will be good for the party.
Hand her a sheet and tell her to pick a simple weapon.
Mace.
First combat of the game in Lost Mines and all is going well. She wants to use her mace and seems to be hitting okay.
She is slaying them goblins left and right.
She is getting more comfortable explaining what she is doing and what her character is doing.
"My character takes the mace and sprays it in the goblins eye".
we all pause and give her a look.
"What do you mean spray it in his eyes?"
"I'm using mace, duh"
That is how our cleric became a master of pepper spray. She now makes her enemies choke or claw their eyes out in pain.
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This story took place over a two year long campaign back in college:
> Be me, party ranger/geologist.
>Not me, DM, Fighter/former farmer, Rouge/Former Merchant, Cleric/Soothsayer, Wizard/ Engineer
>All of us in college, all fiance majors (except me, History Major ROTC Cadet)
>3.5 Custom Brew rule set
>Low level rescue trapped miners in a collapsing copper mine
>After rescue wizard and I ask DM if we can stabilize the mine (which is to be abandoned after the rescue)
>DM: Roll Geology check
>Me: Nat 20
>DM: Wizard, roll Engineering check
>Wiz: Nat 20
>DM.... Confirm...
>Us: Confirmed...
>DM: You can...
>Party negotiates with mine owner, he sells us what he thinks is a worthless mine... we fix it and start a copper business
>Game turns into Mining Tycoon nobody minds because finance geeks
>One city in the Kingdom is a giant flour mill that is responsible for turning 90% of the grain into flour
>Learn that they have to use a magic stone, sometimes found in our mines as a light source because flames are forbidden in the town
>Idea.jpg
>We mortgage our business to buy flour futures (Because there was a futures market in this world because finance nerds)
>We sneak into the flour mill town to sabotage the gears or whatever
>Rouge gets an Idea tells us to leave and wait for her
>Plants alchemist fire traps all over the flour mill at night
>Sneaks out of town
>shift starts in the morning.... entire fucking town is now a massive thrombolytic explosive waiting to happen
>0600 entire fucking town explodes, 95% casualties flour is now a super rare, famine begins flour futures are now worth 1000% what we paid
>DM informs us that we all have a massive alignment shift Cleric says "Fuck it" cashes in his points for necromancy
>Fighter levels up and gets his castle, now our company HQ
>Idea2.jpeg
>Buy grain futures
>Cleric and wizard work on spells to create blight
>Oats, barley, other crops start dying from "mysterious" blight
>cashregister.wav
>Cash our futures and buy all iron mines
>Miners are all starved to death, cleric revives them and we have 24/7 zombie workforce
>Convince the leadership (parliament) that all this was done by a smaller neighboring kingdom looking to gain power
>Charisma Check: Nat 20 war declared
>Our iron fuels the war effort
>War goes too well on our side, so we convince a third kingdom that they are next if they don't join the war on the enemy side.
>MFW it works
>War lasts ten years we win
>Iron suddenly not in high demand
>Idea3.jpeg
>Buy monopoly on silver mines
>Cleric starts zombie apocalypse massive army now needs silver weapons
>Profits.mp4
>Our robber Barron enterprise is too big for the five of us to manage
>Send out NPC's and make rolls on their behalf
>suddenly some start to fail, convoys get raided, NPC's assassinated etc.
>theyreontous.parchment
>We own all government institutions, including parliament must be so low-budget "heroes"
>Next session we are waiting to start DM says "not everyone is here yet"
>MFW I see the normal squad
>MFW another five players show up
>MFW we find out that they started playing in our world nearly a year (IRL) earlier.
>MFW we are somebody else's BBEGs
>MFW none of us have improved combat skills in a *very* long time focusing on diplomatic skills and traits
>After long battle, we lose the world is saved
Best damn campaign ever
I love DnD
Edit: The name of our company was "The Four Horseman Resource Management"
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be the forever dm for an open legend group
players make a pretty standard adventuring party big barbarian, pacifist healer, pyromaniac wizard, and an illusionist.
party goes to raid an orc stronghold and find plot relic.
being the murder hobos they are they charge in with less of a plan and more of a basic tactic.
healer heals, barbarian rages, wizard nukes, illusionist debuffs.
orcs not being very smart gives the illusionist pretty much free reign of the battfield
one orc snaps out of it though and charges the illusionist
"i dont have any attributes i can attack with do i?"
"you can attack with influence" (illusion magic in the system)
"oh cool."
rolls his dice
fucking one shots the orc thanks to exploding dice.
"I can technically inflict a bane right?"
"yeah but he is dead"
"I've got this one called mind dredge i can read their minds from the last day."
illusionist turns inquisititor as he simultaneously reads and destroys orc's mind.
lets everyone know where the orc saw the relic go.
quest continues without a hitch and sparks new cruelty in the illusionist.
The rest of campaign is spent using memory alterations to cover up muggings and mind dredges as the most violent form of GPS navigation.
12
So two barbarians snuck into the town of Burtsburg, one a Orc Bezerker named Urg Ork and a Bugbear Totem of the Bear barbarian named Luurgegek. After sneaking through the streets we encountered a homeless person eating garbage, Luurgegek motioned to Urg Ork of the person in hopes to keep quiet and sneak on ahead to the goal right infront of them. Ork being no so smart took the gesture as a means to maul the homeless person causing some ruckus in the alley way awaking neighbors. The two snuck ahead with Ork in the bushes and the Bugbear disguised as a robed man in the alley.
The neighbor came out and the bugbear attempted to fool the lady, attempts failed and the bugbear squashed her head. The Ork attempting the hide the crime dragged her bloodied body into the bushes while taking a huge chunk of the bush and throwing it into the street in a very poor attempt to cover up the blood. Luurgegek rushed inside the woman's home and slaughtered the husband in one swoop. Urg comes in closes the door and locks it and eats a bunch of food and takes a wheel of cheese and a sausage link upstairs. As the bugbear keeps watch Urg found two children upstairs. The town guards find the body and go check on the neighbors house, Lurgegek attepts to fool the guard sounding like a very sad and crying husband. During this time the children woke up to find Urg who then commanded the children to eat the cheese and sausage. The children start screaming and the guards start pounding on the door to get in. In a ruse Luurgegek opens the door pretending to be the husband and lets the guards in saying there is an orc upstairs eating the children.
They rush in while the bugbear closes the door and locks it behind them and catches the guards upstairs offguard. Both were quickly dispatched but not long after backup shows up along with a veteran, knight and a few more guards. In an attempt to slow them down Luurgegek threw one of the children out the window at the guards which didn't do much but murder a small child. The veteran, knight and guards were bottlenecked at the stairs and ultimately fell to the duo's axe and maul. Urg gathered all the bodies into the house and dragged them upstairs because he thought it was the right thing to do to comfort the child who was passed out due to fright.
After a short rest they go next door through a window to grab the score they came for. After careful inspection Luurgegek takes the gargoyle figurine which sets off an alarm, he tries to book it out the window but an Arch mage wakes up and stops time and puts the bugbear and orc in a force bubble. Once the bubble collapses an epic battle ensues which left the duo barely alive in a building that was torn to shreds by ice and fire.
The two then go back out the window with the prize and sneak out of town, leaving one child fucked up for life and a massive pile of corpses.
32
Be me, swashbuckling College-of-Blades gnomish bard
Be not me, heavily armored and heavily drunk Dwarven cleric
Be neither of us, insignificant rest of party
Roll into combat against a cave full of bandits and wolves
Cleric goes first
Charges forward, stops at the mouth of the cave
Turns around, kneels, pulls out his shield
"I hold my action."
Party's somewhat confused, DM is struggling not to laugh at the note the cleric gave him
Rest of party heads in, gives the cleric some odd looks as they walk past him, make a few failed attack rolls against the bandits
Bandits close in, form a wall in front of the rest of the party
MyTimeToShine.ogg
"I charge directly at the cleric."
Jump onto his shield at the last second
One Athletics check and one Acrobatics check later
Cleric launches me over the wall of enemies
Cast Thunderwave in midair
Vaporize two bandits and a dog
Was it necessary? Not even remotely.
Was it worth it? Hell yes.
52
Be me, still pretty new DM, running campaign for 6 months now
Was supposed to be a simple campaign about killing evil secret Yuan-Ti controlling a small town, but party derailed plot by befriending a Bone Naga.
Lots of stuff happened, but party ended up getting split.
Have to now run 2 campaigns in the same setting.
ThisIsFine.png
Skip forward, more people join in the campaign. Going to run a small one-shot involving 2 new people and 1 of the older players to get them into the plot.
tl;dr Kobold drug dealers are causing havoc in capital city. Drug is so potent some people just die.
Party is a Human fighter, a pink Loxodon Monk and Dwarf Druid.
They meet in a tavern.
How Creative.Anyway, human girl almost dies in the tavern due to the drug. Got her ass saved by the monk's medicine check.
Party decides to go bust some Kobold skull opens, mostly for the money that's on their head.
Well except for the Monk, he just HATES evil.
Bust open abandoned building that used to be a casino, now a drug den.
Okay so Kobolds hear the door getting busted open, get ready to kill them.
Fight starts off good, most of them just die in one hit, to be expected they're level 4 and most of these are just regular kobolds.
Except 2 of them... They're Dragonshields. Read a bit over them, thought to myself "Okay, so slightly stronger CR1 Kobolds. What could possibly happen?"
A LOT
Fighter is tired so I have to DM control him while the Player decides to sleep
Literally never used a fighter before. Have only really DM'd, played a rogue and cleric for a bit, but don't really have combat experience.
And as a new DM, I struggle keeping combat balanced, some combat encounters I made were very enjoyable, but most just ended up way too easy.
One of the Dragonshields attacks the monk.
Crit.
Rolls maximum damage.
Monk suddenly loses half his HP.
Decide to go give the attack a ridiculous over the top name: GLORIOUS TIAMAT HIDE SHREDDING HEAVEN PIERCER.
Battle suddenly starts snowballing from there.
half the kobolds start to shoot from a distance, pack tactics negating disadvantage.
Monk goes down from the projectiles, did stay around longer than expected.
Druid decides to moonbeam the Dragonshields.
They keep just making their saves and only take like 3-5 damage a turn from it.
I'm a shitty DM-controlled Fighter, but I basically always miss, so fuck.
Fighter is Glorious Tiamat Hide Shredding Heaven's Pierced.
Fighter eventually goes down.
Druid decides to Fog Cloud.
Literally everyone expecting him to use the Joestar Secret Technique.
Decides to instead stay and take on the remaining 50% himself.
Takes down like 2 of them.
Suddenly random Kobold does find him in the fog.
He gets critted with a dagger. Resulting in Glorious Tiamat Heart Devouring Hell Stab.
Druid is still missing.
Kobolds find him again.
Gets critted.
He just drops dead.
Party is just TPK'd by Kobolds. Their organs harvested to sell on the black market.
Haven't had a single party member die ever, but dear lord have I tried.
TPK an entire party in what was supposed to be the easiest encounter of the one-shot.
Just end the session confused. Everyone, even those not involved in the encounters, who were just watching it happen are confused.
Write in Tiamat worshipping Kobold Maffia into the plot.
Players tell me to make this into a greentext on Reddit because my last greentext 3 months ago was well liked.
And what did I learn from this? NEVER UNDERESTIMATE KOBOLDS. Also that I really need to work on writing combat.
29
Be us
The dungeon crawlers
Chaotic/Lawful good Party
Deep in an old undead tomb
Wandering
All of us looting room
Rogue wants to explore, goes down a dark hallway alone
Goes around corner
sees Group of 4 humans
Humans notice her
Human speaks
”Who goes there-“
Rogue breathes fire on them
Screams
2 die, 2 run
Paladin comes out of room to investigate, checks if they’re evil
Evil, suprisingly
Barbarian readies great axe and rages
Bard says we should find out why they’re here, keep them alive
Group agrees
Fighter readies now and shoots at one
20, rolls 100 on crit chart
Con save or die
Fails
Bolt to the leg instakills
The other one is getting away
Monk with 45 speed runs in front of him and punches him, knocking him out
Drag him to a small room and tie him to a chair
He wakes
Bard tries to intimidate and persuade him to tell us why he was there
Bandit continues to not say anything
Barbarian tells him to say why he’s here, that well let him go free if he says
Bandit starts to talk
”We were instructed to kill you, by-“
Paladin: “I just rolled a natural 20 with my mace swinging at his cranium”
Paladin crushes his skull in, blood everywhere
All of us are pissed
Paladin feels strange, tries to heal himself, doesn’t work
His god gave up on him and took his abilities
mfw our Paladin can’t use spells
mfw we have no idea who’s hiring assasins to kill us
mfw the lawful good character murdered a hostage and felt no regrets
mfw we cut his legs off and through him into a demon bird’s nest
29
4
> Be me, a DM of about 7 months
> Throw a 1 shot to start college off right
> have a party of 5 half elf bards, lvl 10
> start session and they all charm the crowd (in the thousands at this point for flavor)
> the guards slow down the concert due to arson being a problem
> party crowd surfs to evade guards
> crowd runs themselves into dwarf guards to protect celebs
> rollwithit.jpg
> Party uses dead corpses as ladder to get past the last of the guards
> city erupts in fire as one party member sets aflame all the corpses
> travels to a different city
> party loves cucumber water
> divas.jpg
> city welcomes them as they have heard of their shows
> party asks for cucumber water
> king says cucumbers are used for other purposes
> entire populace takes cucumbers out of asses
> laughter.av
> party fights dragon in keep with rock concert
> crown of madness on dragon to kill king who was behind whole speihl
> dragon splits king in two with his titanic monstrosity
> wtf.jpg rollwithit.jpg
> party retires with kingdom of rock
> D&D at 1:00 AM
2
This is my first time actually having a player's character outright die. Like, I've died before due to questionable combat decisions, and I've killed players by dropping murder bosses on them to end campaigns that have no future, but this is the first time I've had players die. Even more of note, this was the very first session. Here goes.
>Party consists of one Fighter, one Druid, one Sorceror, and one Rogue. A pretty basic party layout.
>We're playing a naval campaign of my own creation, in 5e. The party is transported to a mysterious ocean called the Sea of Thaumas after a battle between the Navy, Pirates, and the civilians running for cover in between suddenly becomes a three way after a sea monster from the Sea of Thaumas attacks, pulling them in.
>They awake next to the starting island, the safest place in the entire setting, the Isla de Ranas(Island of Frogs). As expected, the whole island has nothing but frogs, giant frogs, the bugs to feed those frogs, and a single Black Wyrm(Slightly of my own creation) that eats those frogs.
>The Black Wyrm doesn't care about eating humans, so this island is super safe. The Black Wyrm is named Oreo, since the basis of its creation was Oryu from Fate Grand Order.
>I have plans about Oreo becoming a possible crew member later on in the story, but I don't reveal it yet, because Oreo also has the stats of an Adult Blue Dragon minus breath, flight, and burrow.
>For extra cruelty and survival purposes, I get rid of most of their gear at the very start of the game.
>The campaign starts with the party having survived the original wreck, but having lost most of their stuff to the water and the waves.
>The search for what they can find, but it isn't much. The Rogue loses everything but his armor, including his prized machete.(Reskinned scimitar)
>I feel kind of bad, cause the Rogue keeps moping in character, but we must press on.
>The party explores the island, entering the forest, where they find lots and lots of frogs, and also traces of Oreo walking about, eating the frogs.
>The party doesn't end up finding Oreo or anything plot relevant, since this island's only purpose is to give them the MacGuffin that provides the main quest, after which they can do whatever they like in this whole world I've created.
>They, since they've got no food, eat the frogs.
>Since combat could break out, I have everyone roll initiative, partly to make them think they're about to be ambushed.
>The smell of cooking frogs attracts Oreo, who comes out of the tree line.
>Thankfully, my party isn't very jumpy and avoids a fight, instead realizing Oreo's true objective, the cooked frogs.
>They take a long rest, and when they wake up the next morning, Oreo takes them to the MacGuffin's location, a small ceremonial warehouse. Since it's too small for Oreo to fit inside, they have to get the Giant Frogs for Oreo.
>The fight is short, but the depressingly small amount of damage per turn really sinks in. These characters are starting at level one, and can be knocked out in two hits by a Giant Frog.
>The druids try to talk the Frogs into leaving the safety of the warehouse.
>While Oreo is at the door, trying to get in.
>Not gonna happen buddy.
>The druid ends up finding out where a river is, to the apparent south.
>They beat the frogs, feed them to oreo, and find the MacGuffin. A magic compass that points to where the party needs to be.
>Also, it has an ability that kicks in when the currently attuned wielder drops below half health, where it turns into a one handed long sword that does great sword damage, and one other ability.
>Probably sufficient recompense for taking half their gear at the start of the game.
>However, I wasn't very careful, and ended up saying things like North and South. The party immediately realized that they had no actual way to tell which way was North and which was South, so it boiled into a long debate over which way was South, which ultimately ended based on what the Frogs told them.
>This information was in no way relevant, because they ended up following the Magic Compass.
>It wasn't actually pointing to an inhabited island, but it got close, so it was fine.
>They used the river to trace back to the spring, where they ate and drank, taking yet another long rest.
>Here we had a time skip, because the island wasn't dangerous at all, and it would take a week to build a raft.
>They spend two days at sea, rowing, sleeping, eating frogs they got from the island, and drinking spring water.
>It was at this point I decided to throw a storm at them, following up with a Giant Octopus if anyone fell in the water.
>The Rogue surprisingly did not make his dex saving throw and fell into the water, so I had the Giant Octopus rise out from the ocean depths.
>What's the worse that could happen?
>The Fighter, who is a Triton, decides to dive down and confront the Octopus, but it's 60 feet down. She can only go down 30 feet before running out of movement.
>Octopi have 15 feet of reach. It doesn't even move into melee range and one shots her.
>(Eh?)
>The Air Genasi sorcerer dives in to help, swimming down 15 feet.
>Octopus moves up to 30 feet deep and one shots him too.
>(UHHH)
>I can already see that this is going horribly wrong, so I rule that Air Genasi are buoyant, so the sorcerer floats back up to the surface.
>The Triton Druid dives down to grab the Triton Fighter, but on the way back up, takes an Attack of Opportunity.
>One shots him.
>(Oh no.)
>Triton Druid manages to get a healing word off, healing the Triton Fighter, who gets both of them to the surface, using her action to disengage, and her bonus action to Second Wind.
>Rogue starts taking shots with a sling the sorcerer gave him after throwing him back on board.
>Most of them miss.
>Octopus rises to the surface, starts attacking the Fighter.
>The Fighter actually manages to tank a blow!
>(Alright.)
>The Rogue is doing damage now!
>The Sorcerer critically saved and is now awake!
>The Druid is stable!
>Triton Fighter gets knocked out again.
>Sorcerer gets her back to the raft.
>Sorcerer is the only one left off the raft.
>Sorcerer gets hit for max damage and dies immediately, no saving throws.
>Rogue still taking shots at the Octopus, who has now moved on to attacking the raft.
>Octopus on 2 health bails, using ink cloud to cover its escape.
>Alright, now we can-
>Fighter fails all three death saving throws.
>I let the Rogue retroactively try to stabilize with a Medicine Check.
>Failure.
>...
>Remaining Druid and Rogue make it to town, as upbeat Spanish music plays.
So... my players rapidly identified that not being on the raft meant that they were in the water and thus were an easier target than if they were on the raft, and the raft had more health than all four characters combined. I felt kinda bad, because this was the first session, and they weren't supposed to be in much danger yet. I had instant kill puzzles, bad weather, sea monsters, and all sorts of other things that would make sense to kill people so quickly.
But then an octopus, that should by all means, not be able to win the fight ends up killing half the party.
I'd blame the dice, to be honest, because the octopus only missed two attacks, and always did at least 10 damage.
9
This serves as a follow up to my last post, and conclusion of that campaign. Our GM wanted to rap up CoS fairly quickly as he had been prepping a new campaign for us over the past few months (first session was Saturday, post to follow on that tomfoolery.) So, without further ado - the final in the saga of Tim???
Be still me Tim the
EnchanterSorcerer, bitchesBe not me: dwarven Priest, Hairy human with 3 lives priest, tiefling paladin, and human rogue
Be Strahd, invite us to wedding
Crash wedding, loot castle
Finish killing what we though was most of castle
Time to face BBEG in his crypt (damn that Vistani drawing that card)
Get to basement
Esmerelda missing, we'll find her later
2 sources of sunlight to help fight vamps: magic sun sword, magic amulet
enter crypts
Walls start shifting
Thatcantbegood.jpeg
roll initiative
Tim rolls low
rushed by enemies
fight way through crypt, clockwise fashion
Find esmerelda dangling over cliff, vamp about to cut rope
Rouge tries to shoot him, nat 1, arrow hits esmerelda
Vamp cuts rope anyways
No more Esmerelda ever now... Rippy Pippy
Press onwards
Strahd starts jumping out of shadows and attack Rictavio/von Rickton
runfaster.png
Nearing the last part we haven't checked
YOUV'E ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD!!!
random shit happens depending on where we step.
Start deactivating while we fight and push onwards
Carve one path to door
multi-life cleric dies
spawns 10 feet in the wrong directon, in a tomb
books it back
hits a trap when not walking in right path
teleported away without any of his stuff
everything's fine...
rest of us get to Strahd's tomb
BBEG fight begin
Ricktavio downed instantly
Paladin follows suit next
Tim using fire based magic, pansy Rogue, dwarf cleric with holy symbol all that remain
dwarf heals Ricky-ticky-tavi, because why not
Rogue tries to back up
IT'S A TRAP
Teleported away
Then there were 3
Dwarf downed
cleric, still naked and weaponless, finds a portal back into the tomb
Rushes Strahd
Both clerics now down
Just Tim and the rogue, who managed to run back
Strahd notices the damage I do
"Hey BB, come join me"
Charming mother fucker
Fail check, now Strahds servant
Pally down
TPK.vid, Tim lives on as mindless puppet
Our DM later explained that he had to tweak the final fight, or Strahd would have gotten the ever living shit kicked out of him within just a turn or two. He tried to balance it and made it too difficult by giving Strahd gauntlets that were healing him every time he attacked. When we lost our two sunlight producing items, it was GG no re. This was kind of a rush pot as I wanted to give some closure, have forgotten some of the details, and am more focused on new campaign. If you have any questions, I can try to answer below!
2.5k
Be me
2 weeks ago, been DMing for a year
Have 4 players, a Half-Elf Bard, Halfling Rogue, Teifling Ranger and a Dwarven Fighter
All are level 2
Session 1 of the new campaign
Speant a month planning, expecting this to be a year long mega-campaign that would take them to level 20
Game Begins
They had been hired by a baron to track down and kill a bandit captain in a region
They start heading towards the last bandit sighting
Along the way they pass a peasant leading a cow into town.
The Fighter just bashes his chest in with a hammer before he can even say anything
wtf.jpg
Bard cuts off the guy's head
Rogue strips him and hangs the guy by his ankle as a warning
Present the head to the baron and claims it's the bandit
Baron is furious that they literally just killed the first guy they saw
Refuses to pay them and banishes them from the region
Ranger draws a sword and threatens to kill the baron if they don't get paid
The guards spring into action
TPK.wav
mfw that campaign lasted 20 minutes
mfw my party legitimately thought that would've worked
mfw I need to rewrite this whole campaign because my players are murder hobos
mfw they're mad at me for making the quest "too difficult"
2.5k
416
be me, player in long ongoing campaign
be not me, several irrelevant other players and our "hero"
we'll call him Staniel
Staniel had a long and ignominious history of getting killed in bizarre and unlikely ways
almost a legend, really
all of his characters have met their end through a long-running combination of his own stupidity, freak happenstance and PC dickishness
standing in the line of fire of a party member who insisted on playing a fledgling blue dragon while at low HP, immediately turned to ash
annoying an alligator-headed NPC shopkeeper by repeatedly badgering him for a discount, until eventually he snapped and literally bit Staniel's head off
being trapped in a pit with other PCs and instantly attempting to duke it out with us under the apparent assumption that only one could survive, resulting in his immediate death with extreme prejudice
Staniel whines
gamestoohard.wah
DM allows him to roll up a new character as an enchanted skeleton whose bones reanimate themselves after his hit points reach zero after a fight is over
literally has an immortal character now
Staniel is pleased
we'll see who's the butt of the party's jokes now
party is carefully delving deeper into this dungeon, it's been a multi-week expedition and the place is riddled with traps
we're extremely deep underground, one wrong move could easily kill us
Staniel abandons caution
fuckitimmajustreanimate.lol
strides out in front of us
next room appears to be a long earthen makeshift bridge across a large cavern
roll a reflex save, says the DM
nat 1
Staniel's immortal skeleton slips on the icy bridge, plummeting to his eternal death in the endless abyss below
mfw he can't even keep an unkillable character alive for one fucking session
what a god
416
40
be me, DM of little game
be not me; paladin dwarf, tiefling druid, high elf warlock, gnome fighter and Randy f*cking Savage under his title Bonesaw McGraw
in the last session, Randy had taken a ruby from a dungeon which was later found to contain magic and was being sought after by a Rakshasa (Ruby is important to this tale)
after Randy literally tore a stone door off its hinges and threw it aside, the party enters a massive maze
after a long journey, 2 hours oog, the party had inspected less than half of the maze and battled a gorgon (bronze bull that can spray petrifying gas)
Randy was hurt but feeling pumped, especially considering he killed the gorgon by punching its ... ahem... member so hard he pushed it through its midsection
after a terrible 'dismembering' pun, they continued travelling through the maze, whereupon they discovered a large arcane gate
looking at it, it seemed to be deactivated, and although the party could see through the gate (a endless frozen wasteland) they couldn't pass through
after throwing an eldritch blast, some nearby bones and the fighter's face into the gate to no effect, Randy spoke up
"I want to throw the ruby at it"
Randy had previously been known for threatening to throw said ruby into a gelatinous cube. On the opposite side of the spectrum however, he had also refused a payment of 850 gold pieces for it
he wouldn't sell it, but he was determined to somehow break it
the party tell him not to throw the ruby at it, and instead see if the magic does something
Randy begins seductively rubbing the ruby against the gate, not taking the situation very seriously
then he sees the gate begin to activate
he hurriedly takes it off, deciding he doesn't want to open the gate
the party consider what to do with this knowledge. They know the Raskahasa wants the ruby to give to his master, who has also sent other of his minions (including a young red dragon) to force fealty from an entire town (which the Paladin had effectively appointed himself the mayor of, but that's another story).
they come to the conclusion that they don't want anyone getting this ruby and open that gate, despite not knowing what lies beyond
they agree to destroy it. But how?
"I want to crush the ruby between my thighs"
Randy, being the manliest man to ever man, places the ruby between his bulging thighs and begins to squeeze
the ruby begins to crack, but doesn't break
Randy's gay lover, the Paladin, reaches over and grabs his thighs, forcing them even tighter
the ruby is covered in spiderweb cracks, but just won't break
giving up, Randy grabs the ruby and throws it at a stone wall, where it shatters on impact
the party notice a figure walking towards the gate on the other side, and the symbols beginning to light up
deciding they prefer their lives over riches, they nope out of the maze, the fighter taking a quick second to grab the shards of ruby before leaving
2 sessions in and Randy has already achieved many feats of amazing skill and manliness. What more can he do? We can only speculate
6
be me, new dm
not me gnome cleric, tiefling barbarian
only half my party shows up to our second session had the session planned in advance for 4 players at lvl 1
party escorts some locals in a wood cutting expedition to repair their new captains' ship
expertly beats up skeleton raid in the night, lumber is safely delivered gets paid (big nut)
gets a new “fetch” quest from the local Smith easy enough lol (evil dm grin)
party repels down a cliff to enter the ancient dwarven mine finds an old door with, much to their surprise, has goblin pirates behind it
oh boy!
cleric casts his favorite spell on the unsuspecting goblins SACRED FLAME MOTHER F**KER one goblin is engulfed by their small fire and the other two have no idea what’s going on Barbarian slices one goblin in half while the cleric draws his mace to chase down the fleeing goblin
nice work muh dudes<
two doors in the room, one locked and iron the other looks kinda old and wooden barbarian “I want to rage and punch a hole in the iron door” ok! A few rolls later and a lot of yelling, there’s a big hole in the door
opens to a short dark hallway with another iron door (dm chuckle)
oh shit, more goblins! just 3, no big deal fight ends with minimal dmg taken
leave the now ruined door to explore where the goblins came from
sneaky barbarian alerts two sets of goblins that there are intruders goblins regroup in one room
managed to kill on goblin before the 6 goblins merc the cleric, badly damaging the barbarian RIP Gladeleaf, he died with 2 potions of healing epic fight ensues! Barbarian kills the remainder of goblins retreats to the surface with dead friends armor
TIME TO SOLO THE DUNGEON
Barbarian spies another cave from the top of the cliff, climbs down to it
time for a long rest on a small edge
day breaks and he cautiously moves further into the cave only to discover there are no more goblins and the room he didn't want to go into was the first room he went into the next day
faceplam.jpeg
a little further into the dwarven ruins he comes across a fancy room with a well a new challenger approaches< Dwarven construct spider crawls out of the well! several javelins later and an enraged halberd swing the construct dies
yay!<
finds treasure room sweet prrrrecious lute!
treasure belongs to Girrr the Greedy, a tiny dragon who lives in a bag of hoarding Girrr leads barbarian out of the tunnel FIN<
TL:DR party of 2 takes on dungeon made for 4, only one survives\
formatting is hard, pls don't hate me
124
Be me, new DM
Be not me: Firbolg druid, human wizard, half-elf paladin (yet to be introduced)
Party starts out having narrowly escaped a guard patrol looking to arrest them for past crimes
Walking through forest on their way to clear a hideout filled with food-stealing bandits
Wizard smells smoke and hears armor clinking nearby
Tries to army crawl up to bushes to see whether it's people camping or murderers
Bumps head on nearby rock and yells in pain
Murderer steps out through bushes
rollforinitiative.exe
Wizard shocking grasps bandit
Bandit tries to attack him with sword and misses
Bandit lieutenant runs out and slashes at wizard
Deals flesh wound that could have been fatal due to wizard being squishy lvl 1
Druid throws produced flame at bandit
Misses, catches tree on fire
Another bandit jumps out of woods and grabs peasant who was guiding them to hideout
Threatens to kill peasant if they don't drop their weapons
Party DGAF
Paladin swoops in from behind
Yells "Unhand that man!"
Crushes bandit's shoulder with his warhammer
Peasant is free but shook from party's not giving a shit about his sad life
Works up the courage to attack the hostage-holding bandit
Trips over rock and falls on his face like a dumbass
Druid thorn whips hostage-holder to death
Paladin caves in the head of another
Druid grapples bandit lieutenant with freakish Firbolg strength
Rolls like trash but bandit rolled worse
Gently yet firmly caresses bandit around around waist
Paladin hits grappled bandit with javelin and somehow doesn't hit druid
Bandit breaks free, backs away
Firbolg handaxes him in side
Bandit near death
Peasant: My time to shine!
Swings at kneeling, basically dead bandit
Misses
Horse that druid befriended named Donovan walks up
Kicks bandit in head and insta-kills him
Horse is now beloved
Peasant is verbally-abused now more than he already was
124
2
Be party of 5 Mexican Barbarian,Gunslinger,Crazy Oracle,Hog Rider (hunter with a pig), And The Chef (a improvised weapon monk)
To introduce new players we have a dream fight where were in the land of chocolate and candy
Chef goes first goes to pick up rock tho smack baddies and it turns to cotton candy
confused.jpeg
group proceeds to smash baddies quickly chef using chairs and frying pans on his person
we wake up in an inn at different times.
Chef goes to make pancakes in kitchen cause gotta learn recipes
start serving party members pancakes rude oracle throws pancakes on floor and disrespects my cooking
go to beat oracle with stool and miss smashing it
oracle makes fun of big dumb chef
chef gets upsetty and grabs chair from under oracle to smash him with.
gun slinger shoots chair causing more chaos (real stealthy so we dont know who did it)
everyone in inn clears out cause fights a brewing (besides party members and inn owner)
hog rider gets upset when we ask about the snack he has with him (the pig)
leaves in a fuf as oracle calls him a bitch
were told to leave bar but before we do oracle has plan
"what can you make out of that pig mr.chef"
roll a 24 for cooking Ideas.png
oracle proceeds to convince gunslinger of the pigs value on the market
chef thinks more muscle is needed to stop hog man and asks friendly mexican barbarian to join
were now heading out to hunt a future party member for his animal companion....
i feel like we messed up a bit on forming the party
270
Alternate title: Disregard intricate plans, acquire t-rex
Playing 5e campaign
On a boat being attacked by a dragon and its fanatical dragonborn and kobold worshippers
Dragon vaporized our boat so we're on a lifeboat, worshippers are clearly supposed to capture us in DM's plans
Fuck that
Party bard polymorphs into a blue whale and swallows the rest of the party then swims away
Arrive at an island, turns out the dragon and cult live here
Hatch an elaborate plan to stealthily steal a boat and escape the island
Two party members disguise as island locals and go to get a boat
Turns out there was some big ceremonial gladiatorial sacrifice tonight
Undercover party members go watch out of curiosity
Witness prisoners getting mauled by dinosaurs in the arena
Announcer: "Well, its too bad we didn't get any sacrifices strong enough to fight the t-rexes. Unless someone wants to volunteer to fight them."
DM pauses and looks around the table
We all look at each other
Worth it
270
47
- Party repulses horde of hobgoblins, saves village.
- Several villagers taken by fleeing hobgoblins.
- Request custody of two captured hobgoblins as reward for our efforts.
- Plan interrogation technique.
- Place hobgoblins prone and parallel to line of fenceposts flat on ground.
- Dwarf chops first post in half; hobgoblins take notice.
- Dwarf chops second post in half; hobgoblins begin to yell at each other.
- Dwarf works his way up the line, severing each post with a single blow.
- Last post is cleaved, dwarf raises axe over hobgoblins, pauses, cocks an ear towards them: "I'm sorry, did you say something?"
- DM doesn't even bother asking for Intimidation check. Hobgoblins can't talk fast enough. Primary difficulty lies in discerning details as they babble over each other.
47
88
Be me
For years have been trying to get my best friend and his gf to play D&D with me
Tell them it's just as fun as their other nerdy interests which are mostly video games, anime, comics, etc.
They finally agree
Fastfoward to last night
Spend some time creating level 1 characters
Buddy rolls up Thuk, a Goliath Barbarian that's beefy like Armstrong from FMA
His gf rolls up Maillee, a Wood Elf Druid who looked like a typical anime girl
We start playing
Use the "Fiery Grog Tavern" supplement I found here for plot hooks
Decide to tweak it a bit, and introduce two high-elf twins named Maevis and Annabelle, who want to hire a party to clear out some ruins they want to research
They accept
Annabelle and Maevis travel with them, heading towards the ruins
The party gets to the ruins, it is guarded by a goblin
Get to experience the joy of people who are playing the game for the first time
They kick some goblin butt, clear traps, succeed on some throws, fail on others, all around a good time
The party finally reaches a room with some magic pillars and a puzzle
Annabelle and Maevis bust out some scroll and start getting very excited about everything there
They ask Maillee and Thuk to help them with the puzzle
It ends up being a trap
Maillee and Thuk are helpless as this temple starts to shake and mephits appear around them, then they hear laughter
They turn to see Maevis and Annabelle, standing near an exit with something in hand
Annabelle speaks "I can't believe how easy this was, they were such fools! Wouldn't you agree Mae?"
Maevis "Why yes Annie, I can hardly believe it myself. We have pulled one over on many people in the past, but this one is up there with one of the best."
Annabelle "You know, you're absolutely right. I would say this is one of the top 20? No, top 10. Yes, this is one of the top ten Annie-Mae betrayals."
At this point my buddy and his gf are both went "god dammit", laughed & groaned through their smiles.
Called the session there.
Can't wait to play with them again in two weeks.
83
First player session zero: https://reddit.app.link/L1nics2QDQ
be me, DM
be not me, Trickstery Cleric Firbolg
through the woods shortly after crossing the border
spot a couple walking down the path
heartwarming.parchment
spot group of goblins preparing an ambush, not as heartwarming
emerges from the woods in almost 8ft glory
roll initiative
five goblins against one level 1 player who rolled a 2 on initiative
down to 3 hp and not even his round yet
one goblin goes after the couple, gets hit by an arrow from the trees, can’t spot the source
top of the round, a goblin misses and two more arrows, revealing a person on one of the trees
takes two arrows to the chest, jumps down from tree
now two goblins are dead, Firbolg heals up, backs up a little
mfw this way he can’t see the person’s face
person takes one more arrow also
Cleric decides to get behind him and cast Cure Wounds
”you touch the person, cast the spell and... nothing happens”
top of the round, warrior takes another arrow to the chest, doesn’t flinch
”so is he like a construct or something?”
”the warrior takes another two arrows from his quiver with his bony arm and you hear this clicking as he raises his bow and shoots”
player kinda freaking out as the skeleton shoots one goblin dead and wounds another
one of the remaining goblins misses his shot while the other just nopes out of there
remaining goblin gets executed
skeleton warrior turns to cleric with four arrows sticking out of his well kept but bloodied and filled with other, broken arrows, salutes him and falls to the ground
player successfuly confused
mfw that Cure Wounds was a better way to break the twist than anything I could’ve came up with
can’t wait for players reaction when skeleton returns good as new a couple sessions later, with four newly broken arrows sticking out of him
So basically this was a plot hook for a reocurring band of soldiers cursed to die at war, murdered in an ambush during relative peace time. They roam around, slowly regining their memory of their past life, at first knowing only to get back past the border (which they did), then to protect the citizens (which they are now doing) and later to fulfill the mission interrupted by the ambush.
What’chu think, guys?
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