Ask a Manager

This is the last update in “where are you now?” month, where all December I’ve been running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Here’s a happy update from a letter-writer from four years ago!

I wrote in to ask an interview question back in July of 2014, and then again sent an update in December that same year. I wanted to write you now, four and a half years later, to give you a final update and tell you just how much your blog has changed my life. 

Back when I sent my initial question, I’d spent years flitting from one short-term contract job to another in a hard-to-break-into field (museum education). I’d never had a full-time, permanent job before, had been out of work for a long time and I wasn’t getting much interest from my resume and cover letter. Things started to turn around for me during those six months between my two letters, when I finally decided to change my career. In my update I mentioned that I’d gotten a 10 week contract job and was working hard on my own professional development. And that’s where I left it.

Well, things are so different for me now. That contract job didn’t work out. But I didn’t give up. I followed your resume and cover letter advice and the job interviews began rolling in. Finally, a few months later I received two full time job offers at major, global corporations. One of them was in my newly chosen career, instructional design.

I’ve worked at that job for nearly four years now and the experience I’ve had has been wonderful and difficult and immeasurable and so much more. Unfortunately, it came to an end this week, as I was laid off along with a couple thousand other employees. But I knew it was coming. So, I once again turned to your blog to reacquaint myself with those resume and cover letter writing skills and get prepared for the change. 

In the past few months, I’ve applied for only a handful of the right jobs. The ones that I wanted to move on to, not the ones that would just get me a paycheck. And I got interviews for every single one of them. One of the interviewers told me how impressed he was with my resume, not only because of my experience, but because in it, I showed how I solved problems and met goals. It really caught his attention.

The day I got laid off I woke up to a termination letter. Then eight hours later I got a job offer from that same manager who gushed about my resume. The new role is a management position and a huge bump up for me professionally. It honestly could not have worked out better. 

Of course, I couldn’t have done this had I not put my mind to it. It’s my hard work that got me here. But it was stumbling across your blog and the invaluable advice here, from you and your readers, that set me on the right path and has guided me through difficult work experiences all these years. Whenever I’m unsure how to handle something, I search your site. And I never would have realized how bad my resume and cover letters really were if not for you. I actually thought they were good! They weren’t, but now they are. 

Five years ago, I was flailing and barely making enough money to survive. Now I’m about to start a management position in my “new” profession and my salary has literally tripled. So, I just wanted to say thank you. And I will definitely be back looking at all the new manager advice I’m sure is already here for me to find.

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are five updates from past letter-writers.

1. Our group member has a fragrance sensitivity – and we’re supposed to be hugged to check for any scents

As I’m sure you and your readers can imagine, there was an awful lot of pushback amongst the group on the “hug tests” and the telling people how to conduct their body care. After an initial round of unpleasant emails to the leader and a lot of chitchat, the issue kind of died down; we were breaking for the summer, but I also expect the leader retreated on the issue a bit due to the strong reaction she got from the way it was handled.

Since reconvening in the fall, there have been no more major communications or intrusive solutions, just he standard reminders.

I have since learned the secret identify of the scent sensitive person, and of particular interest is that she was not a part of the solution of hugs and shopping for new products, and was mortified by it all. An important learning to communicate and engage people in problem solving! Thanks to you and all your readers for your input and overwhelming support on this weird circumstance!

2. Should I admit my nose job to coworkers? (#2 at the link)

I’m happy to report… that there’s nothing to report! My usually nosy (no pun intended) coworkers, if they notice a difference at all, have chalked up my appearance change to me wearing contacts rather than glasses, which my surgeon has mandated for now to not disfigure my new nose. I had only one coworker push when I said I was out for a surgical procedure but backed off quickly when I said a version of the “I had a medical procedure but I’m fine now!” script. I’m relieved to have flown under the radar and am so happy with the function and aesthetics of my nose.

3. My coworker has terrible imposter syndrome

I wanted to send in a quick update, although I’m afraid it’s not the most interesting one in the world! I’m the letter writer whose colleague, Sonja, constantly apologised and talked herself down when we worked together.

Our joint project ended up being pushed back a few months, so we have only spoken a few times since I wrote to you. I have tried to address the over-apologising in the moment by saying “you have nothing to apologise for” but this just leads to “I know, but…” followed by explanations of her feeling like a burden/feeling stupid/asking too many questions/being generally useless, and we’re back at square one! It honestly makes me feel equal parts exhausted and sympathetic. I wish I knew the right words to say to help her.

One interesting interaction happened when we ran into a software issue that neither of us have the skills to fix, which means we’re unavoidably going to be slightly behind at our next progress meeting. It’s not ideal, but it’s also nothing that we could have foreseen, and nor was it in any way our fault. Sonja’s emails became quite agitated and anxious when this issue arose, and after it was clear that we could go no further I signed off for the day (it was already after hours) with a promise that I would contact our software developers and update her the following day. The next morning I find that Sonja sent half a dozen more emails during the night, some just to me and some that included my boss and the project leader, all expressing her anxiety about the delay and her frustration that we couldn’t fix the problem ourselves. This led to my (slightly confused) boss wanting to know why I “didn’t help” Sonja, and expressing concern about the status of the project. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill!

4. I’m on a PIP — can I get off it and ask about a promotion? (#3 at the link)

On the same day that my question was published, I came into the office to find our director and HR present. I was ready to graciously be let go but *plot twist* they actually let my manager go. While I have never been given a reason why, I have seen a huge shift in team dynamics like increased trust and support since her departure. Also since that time, I’ve worked hard to close out the PIP with my new manager. During our last check-in (about 8 months after the issuing of the PIP), we started a discussion about promotions where she identified how hard it is to turn around a PIP but that I have successfully re-branded myself. She recommended a 5% increase to acknowledge my efforts which can into effect this week.

Your advice was some helpful truth under my old manager but I think, while my situation is uncommon, it’s a good reminder that not all managers have your best interests in mind.

5. Talking about my future goals when I lack ambition (#3 at the link)

I just wanted to thank you and the commenters for your advice and give you a quick update. Firstly, thank you for replying to my question and for putting my mind at ease about feeling like I am not ambitious enough. You and the commenters really made me see that interviewers aren’t trying to filter people out based on not being ambitious enough but are genuinely trying to get a sense of your overall career goals and where this job fits in with them.

Secondly, my situation has changed a bit and I am no longer going to be leaving my school in the near future. In fact, I now plan on staying for another 2 – 3 years! A lot of the commenters who have had experience in international education pointed out that schools often look for people who are going to stick around and that it might look better on my resume to stay at this job longer at such an early stage in my career. That is not the only thing that made me decide to stay at this school but it was a factor that I hadn’t considered before. Additionally, my responsibilities have grown over the course of the year and I am much more excited about staying where I am long term. I didn’t mention it in my initial letter, but the school is a boarding school and so has a lot of pastoral support in place for students. As well as my teaching duties, I am doing a pastoral role with additional responsibilities and salary. The school is also planning to change the structure of our pastoral leadership which could provide some more opportunities for career advancement and increasing my responsibilities even further. So even though I don’t have the desire to rise through the ranks and enter management any time soon, I have actually found out that I’m more ambitious than I thought and am very excited to develop in the roles I have and take on additional duties.

Thanks again for answering my question and for all the great advice you publish!

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer who overheard her girlfriend on a work call and was worried she was a mean boss? Here’s the update.

I did end up sitting down with Beverly and very awkwardly explaining what I heard and how I’d perceived it. I did contextualize it within the dysfunction of my own career. She was mortified that she sounded that way on the phone. She asked Deanna about the tone and was reassured that wasn’t the way it was taken. Deanna didn’t feel beaten down and ended up continuing to improve.

This situation ended going in an unexpected direction. Their company (The Borg) ended up winning a multi-million dollar contract based largely on Tasha’s expertise and charisma. It was pretty clear their client didn’t hire “the Borg”. They hired Tasha. Everyone else, including my Beverly, was merely extra weight.

You can see where this is heading.

The client was demanding and somewhat insane (their PM would regularly get plastered on white wine and drunk dial Beverly, weeping all the while), the project got off track, and the Borg began playing fast and loose with their consultants’ contracts, i.e., lawyers are now involved. When Tasha learned her retention bonus would not be honored, Tasha quit mid-project and went to form her own group, leaving Beverly holding the bag in a very hostile environment. The client’s PM looked like a moron for spending $15M on a single person’s skills and she took that out on Beverly, who went from having an awesome guidance on site to being the lone scapegoat for all the project’s ills. The Borg eventually lost the client and Beverly quit the Borg soon after, squeaking out with her reputation intact. She also started up a consulting firm and reached out to Tasha to share the amazing news.

Now, when Tasha first started working with Beverly about five years ago, Beverly remarked that Tasha had a really nasty streak and Beverly was glad to be on her good side. Well, that streak came out. Instead of being thrilled by Beverly’s new opportunity, Tasha took it as a personal affront. She was furious Beverly had the nerve to strike out on her own without asking Tasha’s permission and for leaving that nightmare of a client! Tasha wrote a biting screed about how Beverly betrayed her and cut Beverly out of her life completely. Beverly lost a dear friend and treasured mentor. Not only that: Tasha is apparently going out of her way to compete with and screw over Beverly’s new firm.

I wonder if how Beverly acted with Deanna was an unconscious reflection of her boss’ attitude and the overall insanity of this client. She is much happier now even though being her own boss is stressful.

(Meanwhile, I’m a fresh surgical intern working 70-90 hours a week – our max is 80, so we all lie on our timesheets – and I’m pretty damn miserable overall, which is straining Beverly and I. Luckily my attendings and senior residents have treated me as well as they can given the circumstances. Sure, two of my seniors are awful human beings who I hope get trapped in a holodeck malfunction, but no one calls me at 2AM blitzed out on Chardonnay and crying. Other than my patients and the nursing staff. *love to my nurses*)

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer who realized she wasn’t very good at her job but knew her employer really liked her and was hoping there might be a way to make things work? Here’s the update.

My letter wasn’t an exciting one, and even when I sent it, I pretty much knew what you’d say. But it was helpful both to write it out, and to see your response, and the response of the commentators. I knew I had to leave, and that there really wasn’t any saving my job, despite the fact that I loved the company. And, no surprise, in August, I was put on a performance plan. I’d already begun looking for other jobs, even before I sent my letter to you in July, but I started looking in earnest after my letter ran. The week I was put on the performance plan, I had an interview, which actually led to a job offer! It was exciting, but I couldn’t accept because of the compensation package. I worried about that, since my performance plan gave me only 60 days to improve and I know how long it can take for a job search. Just after I turned down that offer, I applied for a state job, even though I wasn’t sure how I felt about the work, or really what it would entail. The compensation was good, however, and hey – it’s a state job! So I applied and figured I’d be weeded out and didn’t think too much of it. But they called! And I had a phone interview! And a couple weeks later I had an in-person interview, which included a little demo of what I’d be doing in the job, which was fun. And then I got an offer! Which I accepted! I started 3 weeks ago, and although I’ve mostly been in training, I’m enjoying it a lot. I hope it works out, but I think my confidence is shaken by my last job, so I feel a little jaded about it. The probationary period is a full year, but I am hopeful.

Interestingly, at my old job, my performance actually improved quite a bit! The day I handed in my resignation, my supervisor said she’d been planning to tell me that the performance plan was going to be extended another 30 days since my performance had improved significantly but wasn’t QUITE up to the standard it needed to be. She was not surprised at my resignation, and continued to be very kind and supportive until the end. After I told her where I was going and what I’d be doing, she even said she thought I’d do quite well at the new job, which was very nice to hear.

So that’s my update. Thanks again for answering my letter, and to the commentators who gave their 2 cents worth. All your advice was much appreciated!

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker kept hitting people up for loans, and in at least one case hadn’t repaid a $1,000 loan? She gave different stories to different people, sometimes even on the same day. Here’s the update.

You may recall I tangled last year with a diabolical colleague, Cersei, who hit up colleagues for loans and then subtly punished refusers with undesirable assignments. Well, she turned out to be one small part of a very big mess.

In January of this year, after being with the company for a year, Cersei went to the managing partner and demanded that he fire our most senior staffer and promote her into that role. He was shocked, refused to do so, and then refused to beg her to stay when she threatened to quit. This happened on a Friday afternoon after everyone but the two of them had left for the week. Apparently the meeting ended with her promising to think about it. So much for that. We came in on Monday to find her desk cleaned out and a raging, defiant email that she has sent to most of us. If only that were the end of it. The bosses kept her sleazy husband on staff (which meant that Cersei had ongoing kitchen-table access to all info and accounts for months afterwards) and it came out later that everyone up to the CEO had known for months about her financial shakedown of staff, but decided to stay out of it “because it was deemed to be a personal matter.” Holy crap.

By the summer, the sleazy husband was fired for adolescent-style behavior (regular no-shows at client appointments, constant excuses about mishandlings), and we all hoped that the two would drift away. But the damage was done. Too many people had been ripped off by Cersei, and too many of us saw what spineless, unethical bosses we had. People started to quit left and right (me included). Of the original 17 people, 3 remain, only one of whom has been with the company more than a year. You can imagine the newbie chaos. But on the bright side, one of my former colleagues took Cersei to court to repay the thousands lent to her. My colleague won.

And here is where Ask A Manager comes in. I now have a lovely, neutral script to use in interviews when asked why I left my previous job, that says nothing about loan sharks, bullies, and teen colleagues. A million thanks to you, Alison, for listening and for your always excellent guidance!

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker literally talked all day long, even when the letter-writer told her bluntly to stop? Here’s the update.

I don’t know if I mentioned this in the comments, but this lady has the worst luck ever. As such, my mom would always tell me to be nice to her. But after reading your response & talking to some of your readers in the comments, I was fully prepared to go into the office and put my foot down once and for all. Niceness be damned! However, I never got to put your advice into action as this lady’s bad luck struck again. I didn’t really get to see her for about a month after our email exchange. She went on leave for a couple of weeks because her husband had a heart attack (he’s in his early thirties, btw) & then I went on vacation.

Because her husband didn’t have insurance and she couldn’t afford to add him to hers, she decided it was best to look for another job. After a couple of failed interviews, she eventually got a job offer for a great position that offered more money & better insurance. Of course, she accepted, put in her two weeks, took three hundred dollars from her parents & went out to buy a new wardrobe for her new job. Go figure.

We were all happy. Finally, I was going to get some peace & quiet! My happiness would last, but hers definitely didn’t. A few days after putting in her notice, she came into my cubicle sobbing. She told me that due to the stress of having to take care of her husband, she had taken some CBD oil to help her relax. She said she wasn’t aware that it contained THC (what???) & was positive she had failed her drug test for her new job. Although she had tried desperately to flush it out of her system, the Monday after she received a call from the test center letting her know that she had, in fact, failed & that they would have to inform the company. She was a wreck.

I told her to contact the company and ask if she still had the job. If they told her no, she could just ask to keep her current job. She decided not to do that. Since she didn’t hear from them all week, she figured she still had the job & that they probably didn’t care that she had failed the drug test. So, on that Friday, we said our goodbyes & I wished her good luck.

After a week at her new job, she was let go. I guess the test center took a while to send in the results. She was frantically messaging me all day & later that night she told me that she was able to snag a job with a friend. She is now working at a bar as a server. Luckily, her parents are well-off & are helping her pay for her husband’s medical bills & are giving her $1,000 a month so she doesn’t end up homeless.

As for me, I no longer completely hate going into work. While my new coworker is chatty, she can at least take a hint & will leave me alone when she sees that I am trying to concentrate on my work. Also, without the lady constantly in my cubicle I seem to have become more approachable. I have become quite close with some of my other coworkers ever since the lady left. Even the office grump says hi to me! I got switched to a new, more competent, Team Lead & I’m almost 100% positive I’m next in line for a promotion.