New prime minister looks dope. Best of luck to him.
Follow
Jason Diamond
@imjasondiamond
"Twitter user" - NY Post. "Writer" - The New Yorker. Wrote SEARCHING FOR JOHN HUGHES and THE SPRAWL. Upcoming: New York Nico & Friends.
Jason Diamond’s posts
I'd really enjoy it if Will Smith just spent the next ten years sneaking into the Oscars in really bad costumes like Gene Parmesan in Arrested Development.
A woman in Nice told me she loves New Yorkers, "They're always so, how do you say—stressed."
Waited six years to watch La La Land so I could get away from the discourse and here’s my review: I felt the whole time like I was being sold something from Target.
I feel like if you were a child in the late-80s into the middle of the 1990s you have one kind of food that was sold as "fancy" and seemed totally out of your reach and too expensive but now you're an adult and you can spend 3 to 5 bucks on it. For me it's Toblerone.
If you could hang out with any celebrity couple past or present who would it be? Me: Carol Kane and Woody Harrelson.
Paul Newman’s cookbook is incredible. I am 99.8% sure he wrote the captions himself.
Everybody is dunking on this, but I will say as a former bartender and not as a person that loves to read at bars (I do) that if I saw somebody with a book at the bar it was usually a good sign they were going to be the best customer.
Quote
Please know, if you’re someone who brings a book to the bar… nobody likes you
Breaking: Keith McNally has banned "abusive" "tiny Cretin of a man" James Corden from Balthazar.
Guess you gotta keep 'em separated.
My wife sent me this Zillow listing and said “Just scroll.” I’m glad I did because the big reveal makes me think this home really is worth nine million.
Shoutout to the woman in the Newark airport security line yelling “It’s Gucci! It sets off alarms because it’s Gucci!” at 7 in the morning.
Last night a friend asked if my wife and I are still thinking of having kids, and for the first time in my life I said "I'm not sure." It was weird how easy it came out. I was always sure I wanted them but man, I don't know now.
Whenever Tim Allen is trending I’m legally obligated to share this photo of this sign that somebody at Western Michigan had during an episode of College Gameday in 2016. I laugh about it almost once a day.
The suspect.
Quote
someone very mysteriously dumped 3-400 pounds of pasta in the woods in old bridge, nj …… i need to know everything
Jewish Twitter, gay Twitter and former International Thespian Society member Twitter mourning at the same time is a specific energy I don't think people are ready for.
No matter how hilariously dumb, I will never RT a Tim Allen tweet. What I will do is share this, the funniest sign I've ever seen on ESPN College Game Day during a Western Michigan game.
Taking Max out to breakfast to give him his “Assistant of the Year” award.
Russian nurse slapped me on the back after giving me my shot and said “You are strong boy now.”
Been in L.A. two weeks and twice I tried to make friends with what I thought was a dog off its leash but it turned out to be a fucking coyote.
After spending a week in suburban Connecticut and seeing lots of people walking around massless indoors it’s nice to be back in NYC where some guy just said “Bro, get the fuck out of here without a mask” to a guy at this coffee shop.
At a hotel bar. Three martinis deep. Walked up to the guy at the piano, slipped him a 20 and said “can you knock out Drops of Jupiter?” My man brought the house down.
Cat woke me up at 530 because she didn’t get enough dry food again. When she does this I make her take punishment pics with me.
Instagram serving me ads for a company that seems to make glasses based off designs worn by famous canceled men.
Never in my entire life have I felt the fear, tension, and anxiety I feel living in NYC right now. The city is like a ticking time bomb. I just ate a kale salad outside across the street from where Biggie used to sell drugs. A Doodle in a Susan Alexandra collar trotted by. Chaos.
I was not kidding all the times I posted Miss B is the queen of my neighborhood. An absolute legend and only 2 years old.
I've decided my goal in life is to do a coffee table book on old Jews in diners.
Replying to
Woo man. Somebody should smack the shit out of James Corden. What a shit.
Sad that the Astor Place Kmart is closing today. Truly one one of the weirdest shopping experiences for reasons I could never quite put my finger on.
Catherine Scorsese (Marty’s mom) has what I consider the greatest list of film credits ever.
I'm not getting my hopes up but the just the idea that Giuliani could end up going to a prison in Georgia is the greatest New Yorker fish out of water comedy I'd want to see.
Replying to
Whenever I buy a Toblerone I truly feel like I'm pulling a fast one on somebody.
I normally make fun of any “Here’s a cool thing in NYC” TikTok or anything Jack’s Wife Freda, but this is actually art. tiktok.com/t/ZT8JB31Qa/
After a year and a half around each other non-stop, Max now insists on sitting on my lap all the time. Here we are enjoying a Negroni together. Just two guys enjoying the nice weather.
Emily described Practical Magic as “Nancy Meyers at the pumpkin patch” and “TJ Maxx Stephen King” and I’ve never been more sold on anything in my life.
Replying to
The person reading a book at the bar is quiet and they don’t want to chat. If they do, they’re likely far more interesting than the other customers. They usually also did that thing where they’d just leave a small pile of cash on the bar and it grew with every drink.
This is currently sitting outside my apartment. If I take it and put it in my kitchen then I legally have to buy a meat slicer.
I've decided to make this screen shot of Ice T on MTV Cribs explaining that he has a vending machine in his house for when his friends come over and they're looking for food. "You want some Skittles or something? Come down here, it's a buck. Stop begging." Really inspiring.
“You can never cancel Jenna Ryan,” she wrote. However, by Monday, she said her publisher had canceled her self help book that was due out next month."
Quote
BREAKING: Texas Real Estate Agent Who Took Private Jet to Capitol Riot Is Arrested trib.al/fVPta8c
Got laid off a year ago this week. Was told the news, took a walk, ate three slices of pizza and decided “Fuck it. Looks like I’m going into business for myself.” Ended up somehow being the best thing that ever happened for my career.
I'm guessing this guy knows nothing about the "Judeo" culture, but Lil Nas descending into hell, giving Satan a lap dance then snapping his neck and then breaking his horns feels like something Mel Brooks would enjoy so I'd say the video feels pretty in line with my values.
Today I learned that in 1986 Kohler offered "artist edition" toilets that looked like this.
A year ago I mentioned to an editor that I was obsessed with a 1975 article where James Beard tried 28 different mustards and for some reason the editor thought I should also try out all the mustards and see how they held up. This is what I did all summer.
I've been waiting to find out Larry David's reaction to being uninvited to Obama's birthday party. nytimes.com/2021/08/14/opi
How I think I look having two mid-day martinis at Grand Central Oyster Bar vs. Reality.
“Get in that ass, Larry.”
Replying to
This is the other celebrity couple answer I'd give, but, honestly, if I could I'd just spend the whole time feeling insecure because they're very cool.
It was supposed to be the summer of George but we got Seinfeld for KITH instead.
Indian food place brought me an entire plastic bag filled with like...two pounds of naan that I didn't order. This is the best night of my life. I feel like I stumbled upon a suitcase filled with cash.
Replying to
This is both the most French thing and also the most New York thing. Incredible.
Judging by the timing of this photo dropping in the middle of the High Holidays I can only conclude that Elmo is telling us that he converted to Judaism.
Possibly the most important thing I've ever written: Hairy guys, it is our time to shine. Welcome to Hot Hirsute Summer.
On Larry David’s 75th, this photo feels more relevant than ever.
This picture of Dizzy Gillespie playing tennis in his undies is the vibe I'm going for this weekend.
Louise Glück telling the Nobel people she only has two minutes to talk about winning because she really needs coffee is really an incredible vibe.
There could be an entire book written on how the swimming pool explains everything that's wrong with America.
My hard working spouse has gotten really into me making her Martinis after work and she says some olives have better juice to make them dirty than others. If you have a type of olive you like for Martinis please let me know.
One of the things I'm proudest of is that I probably don't know anybody that would ever throw or attend a gender reveal party.
Me going into Manhattan again because I want to try a sandwich.
After nearly a decade together they’ve learned how to team up when they want the same thing.
RIP to a snack legend. Entenmann's forever. newsday.com/long-island/ob
A Max update. We’ve had him 9 years as of this week. Here he is this morning trying to eat my muffin.
I still think this is the greatest NYC subway ad of the last 20 years. Dr. Zizmor comes in 2nd and Bush 2 era Manhattan Mini Storage come in 3rd.
Jeremy Strong is going to win the Emmy because the people that give the award all read the New Yorker piece and they’re frightened to find out what happens if he doesn’t.
Never really had a good father figure and did an OK job raising myself so I’m going to treat myself to a bottle of wine for being the best dad I could hope for.
They should make an Olympics just for athletes that smoke weed. I'd watch the hell out of that.
I have entered my heating pad era which I believe lasts…for the rest of my life.
Cynthia Nixon is sitting back, cracking open a Zabar's bag with her lox, tomato slices, red onions, capers and plain cream cheese on a cinnamon raisin bagel and grinning.
Carrie Fisher passed away five years ago today and I think it’s fair to say the world has really sucked a lot without her in it.
Replying to
Paul Newman also had an entire page in his cookbook dedicated to pics of him being great at tossing salad. A legend!
The wallpaper at this restaurant is both nuts and also totally appealing to me.
Replying to
Between what I've seen friends with kids go through the last two years, what we're doing to the environment, the fact that anti-semitism is on the rise and my kids would have a last name like a law firm and day after day of shootings, I just don't know how I could do it.
When my Brooklyn dog shows up to the suburban CT. dog run and it’s all Golden Retrievers and pure bred hounds and stuff I feel like he’s got a real “edgy, big city bad boy” vibe.
Some neat news is I just signed something that says I'll be writing for GQ weekly for as long as people keep clicking and as long as my editors keep liking me so thanks to everybody. It's sort of my dream come true.
I'm obsessed with Jane Rosenberg. Her Steve Bannon courthouse sketch is my favorite, but these are also all very good. janerosenbergart.com
Anything can be a loosie.
Quote
Walked into the bodega and asked if they sold butter. “Sorry, no,” but then a pause, “How much do you need? Just cooking dinner?”
Love you, New York City.
Going to Balthazar dressed as James Corden in Cats for Halloween as a bit.
Fran Drescher has gotten very presidential since she became SAG-AFTRA president and I’m just putting it out there that if she wants to run for a higher office that I’d support her.
I don’t share pics of every dog I meet but this one is named Babka so it’s basically law that I post it.
Let me try this again. It’s Elliott Gould’s birthday. Happy birthday to the best.
Watching Moonstruck on the plane and this old guy taps me on the shoulder and goes “I met Cher once. Even more beautiful in real life.” Then he farted as he walked away to use the bathroom. Beautiful moment.
Just watched the episode of The Sopranos where Dr. Melfi says AJ is getting into existentialism and Tony goes “Fucking internet.”
Whenever I hear a crowd chanting Seven Nation Army at a sporting event I think "Man, I hope Meg White is somewhere she's happy and super rich."
I don't have anything against Ted Lasso and I loved Schitt's Creek, but I think all the Emmy success is only going to mean more "nice" comedy shows, and I think it will mostly be pretty bad.