THE FOUNDATION OF FORGIVENESS (For Selichot)

Art by Carolyn Hall

In the divine and great love of One-ness

That is the foundation of forgiveness,

It is really good

To be part of a community of people

Who want to be kind to each other. 

Sometimes that’s more aspirational for us than achieved,

But here, secure in acceptance and compassion,

We know

We are where we can keep trying,

Where kindness

And apologies

And forgiveness

And safety

Come our way when needed

And even when not. 

In the divine and great love of One-ness

It is good to remember. 

Amen

Gifts

© Trisha Arlin

Blessed One-ness,

I give thanks for the gifts that are mine to give. 

One day,

I walked into a subway car and sat down

on a bench-seat that had just enough room for me. 

Now, I am a wide person,

I take up a bit more space

Than someone who is not a wide person,

And sometimes

I push against someone,

inadvertently,

with my wide self. 

And this time,

apparently I had.

Because the man sitting next to me

made an angry noise and said,

"Well, go ahead and knock into people,
obviously you don't care."

Which was weird,

So I watched my reaction.

I heard myself thinking,

screw you buddy,it was an accident,
get over yourself,
what do you want from me,
are you making fun of me because I'm fat
is everybody staring at me because I'm fat,i hate you.

And I wanted to ignore him,

And I wanted to curse him,

And I wanted to sink into the floor.

But then I stopped,

I breathed,

I thought about the man,

I thought about what he was feeling,

and I realized

it had nothing to do with me.

He was someone at a low ebb,

He was fragile,

So fragile that 
me 

squeezing into a seat 

next to him on the subway 

and touching him without noticing

felt like an assault

on his very being. 

I had done nothing to be sorry for,

I was right.

He was wrong.

I turned to him and I said,

"I'm sorry, it was an accident, I didn't mean to push you, I hope you can forgive me."  

I didn't need to be forgiven.

But he needed to forgive me.  

"Humph", he said, "well okay". 

And his anger was gone

And so was mine. 

It cost me nothing. 

In fact, it gave me the world. 

Blessed One-ness,

I give thanks for the gift of atonement,*

Which is mine to give so easily.

Amen.

*From Devora Steinmetz's "From Father To Son"

Forgive You?

Art by Carolyn Hall

You say to me, 

"If I have hurt you in any way this past year, I apologize and hope that you can pardon me, forgive me, let me atone for my sins against you."

If?  If you have hurt me?

Of course you have hurt me!  
Remember that time in the car, in the living room, on the road, in the back yard, on the stoop?

In that email, on the phone, to my parents, with my friends, next to my spouse, in front of my kids, when we were alone?

Overtly, covertly, passive-aggressively, inadvertantly, officially, slowly, abruptly, shockingly, repeatedly, mistakenly, knowingly?

Oh my God yes, you have hurt me!

"I know," you say, "I know.

Pardon me, forgive me, let me atone for my sins against you."

Forgive you?  Should I forgive you? when should I forgive you?

Immediately, before you even know what you did?

Now, as soon as you ask for forgiveness?

Eventually, but only after making you feel bad for years?

What about never?

How should I forgive you?

Miraculously, without you having to ask?

Simply, by just saying, apology accepted?

Grudgingly, and only after you've groveled for a really long time?

Or what about, not at all?

Why should I forgive you?

Because you are really truly sorry and you will never do it again?

Becasue it cleanses us both and helps me move on?

Because it's Elul and the Rabbi says I have to?

Because nothing, screw this, you're evil and I hate you.

"Yes," you say,  "you're right.

All true.

Pardon me, forgive me, let me atone for my sins against you."

Forgive you?
I imagine saying, No.
Forgive you?

I imagine saying, Maybe.
Forgive you?

I imagine saying, Yes.

Amen.