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sixthformpoet
@
sixthformpoet
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Please buy my book, I owe people money.
enquiries: [email protected]
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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Everyone including John, our homeless friend from Part Two, remember? They got along famously and to cut a long story short THEY JUST GOT ENGAGED. Next year they’ll get married in the exact same village in which this story began. AWWWWWWWW.
[END]
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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The paramedic caught on and Lucy confessed. It was agreed she would probably survive four ibuprofen and a couple of gins and the paramedic said she could come with me. I took her to my house and introduced her to everyone.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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The paramedic asks how many gins and again Lucy looks at me first, arches a brow and LIES THROUGH HER TEETH. Twelve gins, she says. Christ.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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She said I’m not going to die, am I? I said YOU PROBABLY WON’T EVEN HAVE A HANGOVER YOU CLOWN. There was a knock at the door - the paramedic. He asks how many pills she’s had. She looks at me, arches a brow and says twelve pills. A LIE.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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I said I have no idea tbh what exactly have you done? Pills she said. PILLS AND GIN. I said ok how many pills? Honest to god she said four. I went FOUR IS THAT ALL?! (I mean my clothes were a mess!!) How many gins? She said two large ones. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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It was freezing and starting to rain but anyway. I climbed over the fence, slipped, got covered in mud, grazed my legs BUT ANYWAY. I went to the kitchen door and let myself in. She was sitting in an armchair with a vacant expression and said Matt am I going to die?
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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I said ok I’m coming over, can you let me in? She said no I’ve taken pills I can’t move but the kitchen door is open. I got someone to call an ambulance and went outside to climb over the fence. In my shorts and t-shirt. On Christmas night.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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Not for the first 18 months anyway. Last Christmas we had a million people round for dinner and it was early evening and everyone was a bit drunk. The phone rang - Lucy. She said Matt I’ve tried to kill myself. FUCK.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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Two years ago, completely out of the blue, Tim died. I wend round with some flowers and a card and said look I don’t want to intrude, I just want you to know that we’re here if you need us. I gave her my number. She didn’t use it.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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THREE
I lived next door to a couple called Lucy and Tim. They were both lovely but very different to one another. He was a gregarious GET IN HERE AND DRINK CHAMPAGNE WITH ME type, she was far more reserved.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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He said ok thank you and I drove him to a hostel and booked him in. We stayed in touch and he came round for Christmas Day. Bless him he brought a cuddly Mickey and Minnie Mouse with him. Lovely - MERRY CHRISTMAS.
[END]
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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I went back and told him the story and said look I can’t cancel Disneyland and I don’t have another three grand lying around but we can pay for you to stay in a hostel for a bit. He cried and said no, I cried and said SERIOUSLY THEY’LL NEVER FORGIVE ME.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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I was like ok look it’s a really complicated issue and we don’t even know him and honestly it’s lovely I’m so proud of you but SERIOUSLY GO TO BED we’ve got an early start. But they were adamant.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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We got home and they said they had an announcement to make like they were calling a press conference. They didn’t want to spend that £2,950 on Disneyland, they wanted it to pay for that guy to have somewhere to live. FUCKING HELL KIDS WE’RE GOING IN THE MORNING.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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I tried to explain homelessness and they were like if he doesn’t have any money, you should just give him some. CHRIST. I said money doesn’t grow on trees and all the spare cash *we* have is taking us Disneyland. YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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Walking home it became clear my children had never seen a homeless person before. They wanted to know why he had so much stuff. I said he was living there and they said but what about his house and where does he wash and WHAT ABOUT HIS JOB?
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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The day before we were due to go, they were on £2,950. We were playing frisbee in the park and it landed next to a homeless guy. We went over and said hello. His name was John and he was an artist and he did a VERY AMUSING Kermit The Frog impression.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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Suddenly they were PERFECT children. I’d get home from work and they’d be all how was your day, can we take your coat? I’d say this is nice oh right wait I get it, sure add ten pounds and they’d say ten pounds is that all - we said hi, took your coat - SURE OK ADD SIXTY POUNDS.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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Every time they did something good, I’d add £10. Every time they were naughty, I’d take £10 away. £3,000 and we’d go to Disneyland IMMEDIATELY so if they did ten good things a day without being naughty they could go in a month. Easy.
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sixthformpoet
@sixthformpoet
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jún. 9. |
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TWO
We had two children and last year they said they wanted to go to Disneyland. We saved up and booked it but rather than say sure you want to go to Disneyland let’s go to Disneyland, we decided to make them earn it. I told them they needed to raise £3,000.
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