Mangina Monologues

My dad’s house received an offer on Friday– well, two actually. And I have accepted one!

Now I’m not too excited yet as the offer is contingent upon them selling their home. But their home is in the same town, and will be listed at 220k. Since my home town is booming and there is no inventory of homes in the 180-250 range, I’m hopeful their house will get snatched up quickly. We’ll see though.

The offer that I accepted was for 5k over asking price– and the couple wants me to leave all the furniture!! How wonderful is that? I was stressing about how to have an estate sale and getting only pennies on the dollar for some really nice items. And then trying to figure out what to do with beds and such? Having the furniture convey is worth so much to me.

Plus the couple I guess really fell in love with the home. And while this is supposed to be “just a business deal”, it is important to me that the buyers love the home like my dad did. And I appreciate that they came in with their best and strongest offer.

The other offer was a low ball offer 40k under asking– and they wanted the furniture, too. We did counter at the same 5k over asking, and they came up some. But it still didn’t match the first one.

Now, my dad’s house will technically stay on the market due to the contingent offer- so there is always a chance someone else may want to put in a bid, too.

Honestly, I’m just glad there’s been interest. I was worried the house would sit for months with no offers. Which would make me sad.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I was down in Iowa again doing work in dad’s house. A bit more cleanout, more yardwork and cleaning, and an open house.

The open house went well- possibly a couple interested parties. I’m hoping that someone falls in love with it and pulls the trigger.

I should know more by weeks end. My realtor said there are two possibles. So we’ll see.

Keep your fingers crossed, y’all!

Well, it’s been close to a year since I adopted Luna kitty, and she had mostly settled in. Mostly.

She is about 90% sweet and 10% cunt. So, probably much like any young cat.

She meows and meets me at the door most days (unless I catch her mid-nap). I can pick her up and give her loves while we walk around the condo and she’s totally okay with it- she just purrs away. But if I try to sit and hold her, she gets antsy.

Luna does like her food. Unlike her predecessor who nibbles occasionally, Luna finishes her food right now. And then begs for more like she’s starving.

She does like to be close to me, or at least within sight. I can generally pet her quite a bit when she’s within arms reach– but then she’ll eventually get chippy about it and then nip at my hand. And her teeth are sharp.

Luna doesn’t really claw my furniture (she favors her scratch post) or me (thankfully, as there was a time when my arms were covered in scratches) and she isn’t very destructive. She also mostly leaves my plants alone. Phew! But I can’t have toilet paper out as she’ll paw the whole roll onto the floor. And certain wool toys she just eviscerates.

I’ve just started to try trimming her nails– we’ll see how it continues to go. It’s really a two person job unfortunately, but she wasn’t awful about it. I’m using treats as bribes.

Early on, Luna was very playful with her catnip toys, chasing them, batting them, tossing them in the air. But she’s becoming less enthusiastic about them. Which is ok- although I miss seeing her flipping the things in the air.

She sleeps with me every night, somewhere on my bed. Usually at the foot of the bed or by a hip. Occasionally she’ll plant herself closer to my head. She likes to wake up around 5:30am, at which time she may walk on me or lightly paw at me to see if I’m ready to give her breakfast. If I don’t stir, she settles back down to wait.

Luna is super curious and loves to explore open cupboards, doors, etc. And she likes to investigate sounds and movement. She is definitely not a fraidy-cat! Not even with thunder or strangers or fireworks. Except perhaps dogs, of whom she is wary.

She’s also smart. Much like a velociraptor she can open closet doors and tries to open cupboards. Clever girl.

The one thing I wish is that she were more of a cuddles. She just doesn’t like to be on me, or held close. At least not yet. I’m trying to work on it slowly.

I think she finally trusts me that I’m not going to hurt her and that I give her food and such.

All in all, I think she’s a pretty good kitty.

Parched.

So I had another visit from the cute, good kisser, furry, otter guy last night. Damn he is so HAWT!

I don’t know exactly what it is about him- maybe it’s pheromones- but I tell ya, the sexytimez are off the charts. Like toe curlingly good.

We also “connect” in a way that’s rare for me. Perhaps that’s what I’ve been missing, because I sure notice it with this one. Like, where you look at his face and it’s just naked with lust.

He’s only 20-something (like 27) but he just gets sex.

It’s very hot.

Now if only he were at all emotionally available….

Countrified.

This past holiday weekend was spend in Iowa doing more work on dad’s house. As was the weekend before that. And just when I think I’m making headway, it seems like there’s always more to do.

These past two weekends I’ve filled two more trash containers with crap to dispose of as well as filling the recycling bin. In addition, I paid to recycle a tube TV, free-cycled his older computers and electronics, and got rid of more golf clubs. I also boxed up all the food at his house for donation to a local food pantry.

And then came the cleaning.

One of the feedback points communicated from the most recent house showing was that “the house could just use a good cleaning”. This hurt as it feels like I’ve been doing nothing but cleaning it. But I stepped back and looked at it with a buyer’s eye.

The downstairs needed attention. So I washed windows inside. I dusted EVERYWHERE (tops of window ledges, shelves, inside drawers and cupboards, base boards, etc). I cleaned floors. Vacuumed. Completely did his office (polished wood and desks) and cleaned the workout room. I swept the furnace room floor and got rid of his bird seed.

Upstairs I washed windows. Wiped out the insides of drawers. Wiped out the vanities in the bathrooms. Scrubbed toilets. Wiped out sinks. Polished mirrors. Vacuumed. Dusted and polished.

Then there was the outside work.

Scrubbing and sweeping his deck. Mowing and raking. Spraying for weeds. Pulling weeds. Pruning and cleaning up trees. Cutting back volunteer trees. Cleaning the pond. Sweeping the garage.

I’m getting the place down to where all the remaining items will need to be sold in an estate sale or tossed in a dumpster. Most of what’s left are some kitchen items for goodwill, furniture items, and some garage things. Or weekend I’ll need to get a dumpster or one of those big waste bags, so I can just start tossing shit.

But I was kind of waiting for the house to sell before doing that.

I’ve been whittling away at this for 3 months now– and it seems as daunting as ever. I need a break.

So. I had some good sexytimez last night. Really good. Superior quality, in fact. Which kind of got me to thinking…

What was it about this guy or this sex that made it so good?

Everyone talks about “chemistry”, right? Good chemistry. But what IS chemistry really? Is it just pheromones? Or a basic level of mutual attractiveness? Or having a well matched “Tab A” and “Slot B”?

Well, last night there definitely was the attractiveness. I think he’s wickedly hot and much about his physical appearance ticked my boxes. Furry chest. Facial hair. Basic otter construction. Younger.

He was also an excellent kisser. You know how sometimes you kiss someone and it’s a dogfight and kind of awkward, but other times you kiss someone and everything just works? Yeah, this was definitely the latter.

And the sexytimez? Hoo boy howdy! Some damn fine stuff there!

And this was what got me to analyzing. I’ve had my fair share of sex, and sometimes it’s just meh. Sometimes it’s decent, and I’ve had a couple times where it’s awful. And then there was sex like last night.

So… What makes the sex mmm mmm good?

After much ruminating, I’ve decided that there are three keys to having good sex. (I think there are really probably four, but three is a magic number). So without further ado:

CB’s Keys to Good Sexies

1) Be selfish

Sex is not about diplomacy and negotiation- not really. You are a slutty pirate and you need to get yer booty by hook or by crook! Arrrr matey!

Now, I’m not advocating rape here. I’m also not saying to just be in it for yourself. What I am saying is that you need to know what trips your trigger, and then go for exactly that. Because when you are aroused, that excitement will easily transfer to the other person. This goes both ways of course. Because seeing (and feeling) them greedily go for what they want should also stoke your fires, too.

Nothing quenches desire quicker than trying to legislate what is going to happen to whom, and how it will happen, who’s responsible for what, etc.

Yawn.

Oh, and don’t be embarrassed by your desires and your hot buttons. Just go for it! Best case, they have the same buttons and it’s a match made in heaven. Worst case, they politely tell you that’s not their yum.

Which brings me to…

2) Communicate

Communication is key in any social situation- sex most definitely included. You should always be verbal and comfortable in expressing timely feedback. This really goes with being selfish, but it’s more “asking for” rather than “taking”.

Saying things like “not so rough on my nipples” “I love watching you suck my cock” “Yes, just like that” “Harder!” “Jesus lord god Buddha and/or Allah, YES!!!” Are all helpful and encouraging to your partner. It also will give them clear direction as to what they can do to enhance pleasure.

And if things aren’t working for you, say so. Communication should be open. But don’t yuck someone’s yum- be respectful about it.

Furthermore, less direct verbal, and some non verbal communication also works. Moans, groans, grunts, etc all provide feedback. Kissing them passionately when they’ve successfully revved you to 11 is a great way to say “well done!”. And don’t forget eye contact. Smoldering gazes and urgently pleading eyes with pupils blown with desire all communicate volumes of information.

Caveat: in certain situations, super quiet sex sometimes needs to happen. This necessitates being really in tune non-verbally and/or mostly relying on tips 1 & 3.

3) Own your own orgasm

Don’t fall into the trap of trying to make the other person cum, or worse. Expecting the other person to just magically get you off. Be responsible for your own release, dammit. Trust me on this. (This all really goes cock in hand with the first two points).

If you get in your head and try too hard to do all the things that you think will make the other person cum, everything is just gonna get awkward. Plus, you’ll be so focused on all that, your pleasure will suffer. So then you’re excitement will wane. Which your partner will notice and that will get in his head.

Or, if you expect your partner to make you cum and it just isn’t happening, they’re going to get frustrated and despondent. Their enjoyment wanes… yours wanes. It’s just a downward spiral from there.

So, step up and focus on getting yourself off. Ideally this will also still involve the other person. Just use step 2 and let them know how they can help. “Tighten it” “Make it loose” “More hand” “More suction” “More lube” “More tongue” “Deeper” “Faster”. Whatever it takes, just make it happen.

And when all else fails, take matters into your own hands. Ain’t no same in that game. Plus it’s hot watching someone pleasure themselves. It’s like a window into their primal sexuality.

Oh, And if there can be a fourth key…

4) It’s All Good

Hey. Sex is supposed to be fun and feel good. It releases endorphins and other good things, it’s relaxing, and cumming is good for the prostate, etc. So whatever happens, just go with it. If one of you cums really quickly- hell, that’s a compliment! You got them so riled up they couldn’t stop.

Conversely, if a guy doesn’t cum and he seems cool with it, maybe he doesn’t need to in order to feel sated and that’s perfectly ok.

Also, recognize that people may have different sex thresholds. This is where 2 & 3 come into play. If you want to fuck for hours, but your partner is starting to lose enjoyment, you need to recognize this and achieve your orgasm before they stop having fun altogether.

Or if a guy cums before your quite ready to be finished- well, join him in finishing and focus on round two.

That’s it. And I really think it does start with being a bit selfish. Try it and see.

While driving back and forth to Iowa, I listen to a lot of NPR. There are so many shows I enjoy and it keeps me awake and entertained.

This past weekend I was listening to “This American Life” and there was an interesting poetry segment. It focused on William Carlos Williams poem This Is Just To Say.

This poem is used a lot when teaching poetry and is one of the most “spoofed” poems. Teachers have kids try to imitate it. And many people write funny or sarcastic versions of it.

In the show they use it to highlight the “non-apology” apology- which seems to pervade our society today. If people aren’t really remorseful but “the public” demands an apology, people tend to do kind of what Mr Williams does.

He basically issues a command (to his wife) of “forgive me” for eating her plums. But he isn’t sorry about it. He knew they were her breakfast and ate them anyway. And then rubbed it in by commenting how sweet they were.

It was a really interesting segment and the whole non-apology thing is really quite pervasive. Especially now with social media.

So I got to thinking– what spoof would I write?

This Is Just To Say

I voted for

Jill Stein

In the last

Election

Even though

Everyone said

Trump would probably

Destroy America

Forgive me

But Hillary was

So emails

And so Benghazi

And no. I didn’t vote for Jill (please!) but this is the perfect Bernie Bro apology- no?