Mangina Monologues

It’s the little things that bring me joy. 

And we won’t go until we get some….

And one more… in fur….

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Crap.

The holidays are right around the corner (6 days!) and I’m in full “bah humbug” mode. 

Yeah- I’m not a huge fan of Christmas. This should not come as a surprise to any of you. It’s because of the forced commercialism. 

If Christmas were more about family time and food and football and fun, I could get behind it. But it’s the whole “figure out what people want but don’t really need and then spend lots of money on them” thing that bums me out. 

Everyone I know has everything they need already, so they’re basically impossible to buy for. So unless they give me VERY specific ideas, I’m stumped.

And to add to the pressure, I am quite difficult to buy for as well. I don’t need anything. I don’t really want anything. And if people guess at what to get me– most likely they will fail. And either I have to pretend to like the gift or be honest and hurt their feelings. 

Right now I’m just trying to get through the 25th with the hope that I manage to make everyone happy.

And dear god- please let mom NOT try to. It me clothes this year.  

As I was looking through my closet for a warm shirt to wear last night, I was struck by the realization that I tend to have only a handful of “go to” items of clothing. And the rest just mostly take up space. 

Now, I’m not a clothes horse by any stretch. I tend to get serviceable items that I can wear to work at a dirty factory with a few nicer items scattered in the mix.

A good section of my closet is devoted to cheap, kind of natty work clothes. 

But also in my closet are the accessories; and I do like accessories. Shoes. Belts. Messenger bags. Of which I have far too many. 

And somehow I’ve accumulated many things that I don’t really need.  Like t-shirts. And fleece sleepy pants (I sleep nude).  

This got me to thinking– what do I really need?  Would I really be comfortable wearing the same handful of clothes all the time?  And what are my “must haves”?

Honestly I think I already am comfortable with a limited wardrobe. And it’s time I should pare down my closet. 

Here’s a short list of my wardrobe staples that I go to over and over again:

– L.L. Bean Duck boots

– Smartwool socks

– a Prana hooded sweatshirt

– a Kuhl wool quarter zip pullover

– a grey fleece quarter zip pullover. 

– Irish fisherman sweater

– coolmax boxer briefs

– plain white and grey Calvin Klein crew neck t-shirts

– one black t-shirt that says “Underground”

– plain thermal henleys (various)

– one navy polo shirt

– one pair of plaid, mountain bike shorts (hard to explain, but they’re cool)

– a pair of Mavi jeans that fit my ass

– two heavy, plaid lumberjack shirts (one is old Abercrombie and Fitch)

– a pair of navy Bonobo cotton trousers 

– a black, leather “cut and sew” belt

– Patagonia down jacket

And that’s sort of it. Everything else just sort of is stuff I may wear, but I don’t really care about. I mean, I have tennis shoes for working out, and crappy workout clothes.  And a rain coat. And a pair of black shoes for dressier occasions.

And there are one or two items I keep for sentimental value that I only wear on occasion. But not many of those. 

The rest could disappear to goodwill and I’d probably not at an eye.

The astonish by part is the amount of footwear that I have, that I just don’t wear. It’s sad, and kind of upsetting. It’s just so wasteful. 

I think before the new year I’m going to do a serious closet purge.  And then make it a new years resolution to not buy frivolous, unnecessary clothing. 

Does it come in leather?  I’m asking for a friend. 

…IS frightful. This past weekend we got about 7″ of snow. And now the cold has come. Here’s a pic of my car’s temp readout on the way to work:

Yes. Negative one. Fahrenheit. 

Fuck this. 

And it stays the rest of the week. I think we’re supposed to have a HIGH of -3 on Saturday. 

I really do hate these arctic air masses. But I guess we are paying for thebmild weather that stretched through November this year. 

On a happier note: I’ve figured out what you can get me for Christmas. It’s a new kind of Hummel figurine/night light:

This is “concert week from hell” so I haven’t been doing much other than work, sleep, and sing.  But I have still managed to collect some more hot menz to display for you.

Enjoy!

And an extra Christmas bonus.  Or bonerus!

As the weather has turned colder, it’s time to hunker down with something warm:

Did you ever read the book “Screening Party” by Dennis Hensley?  If not, you must. It’s this guy writing these short story accounts of having a bunch of bitchy friends watch movies while recording their snarky running dialog.  It’s hysterical!

Anyway, I got to participate in a screening party this past weekend. It was awesome!  The movie we watched?

This movie is bad. So. Very. Bad. 

It was obviously one of those shat-out “vehicle” movies for this Donna Spangler person (and Donna’s real life daughter “Ravin”).  

And it stars TV’s Superman Dean Cain!

Although in this movie he looked more like “Supperman”. 

This is Dean as douchey angel Gabriel. 

Seriously, this movie is terrible. Which is why it works so well in a screening Party situation where everyone just vents hateful comments.

The movie tells the story about Donna, a rich, self made woman who dies in an auto accident and then becomes a ghost to help fix her bitchy daughter before Christmas Eve. 

There’s a host of awful characters: entitled princess daughter, Daddy, step mom, money grubbing cousin and her grifter boyfriend, cute boy with a heart condition, saucy black maid, and more!

Much fun was had when we saw Dean in a closeup and it looked like he was doing an ad for Valtrex. The “before treatment” version.

Or when black maid can hear the ghost mom’s voice (Molly, you in danger girl!)

And a host of other one liners tossed out at particularly gut-wrenchingky poor acting moments. 

So.  Deliciously. Bad. 

And there are a myriad of actors and actresses in this movie doing horrible accents (British step mom… pseudo Aussi grifter… Haitian maid….). 

And the daughter– my god. IMDB or Wikipedia says the young girl character’s name had to be changed to “Ravin” as the girl could never remember to respond to the other name. 

She’s the one in the middle. It’s like a bad version of Clueless. 

So there’s near death experiences, homeless people, soup kitchens, hokey special effects, and a Christmas Eve miracle. 

The movie has it all!!

I won’t spoil it any more, but I will say this. Please invite some friends over and screening Party this trash. You won’t regret it!