astepinfaith

The time has come.  We get to go pick up the boyz for the summer.  Their room is ready.  Their dresser and closet are filled with clothes from generous friends. Gifts are bought and a sign is made.  We are doing this.  God made a way and we are doing it.  3 boys for 6 weeks.  A family of 11 will be formed.  Yes, I am nervous.

We arrive at the airport and wait.  I am so anxious to meet the boys.  I wonder what they will be like.  I wonder if the will fit in.  I wonder if we will have any issues with them.  I wonder many things.  Will they be hungry?  Will they be sad?  Will they… the questions keep filling my mind.

Waiting

OH, I think I see one.  Yes, through the security doors I see one.  One of our boys for the summer.  AKKKK he is so cute.  Oh, another one and the other just peeked around the corner.  They probably think I am a crazy woman waving at them.  They cannot come out of the doors yet as the group they are with is still coming through customs.  I keep seeing peeks of them.  I just want to hug them.  And now all the memories of this I really want to see them again.

I see them!

Finally they come through the doors.

They see me and come to me.  They give me a little lean and I give them a squeeze.  Yep, the crazy woman just hugged your guts out!  We get out family photo.  I can tell they are nervous.  Here we are all excited to see them.  We have prepared for them and they just learned about us on the plane ride.  They are nervous. The oldest does not smile. He has a tight jaw. He seems to be the protector of the younger ones. I want to tell him it is ok.  He can relax now. They are safe.  That will have to come in time. For now I have a translator come tell them what we are going to do.  Go to hotel, then go home tomorrow.

We go to the car.  Our middle daughter had bought some candy and grabs it.  There are LARGE gummie frogs in  the bag.  She offers them to the Boyz.  The oldest grabs the frog smirks and bites its head off!  We all chuckle.  Ok, this may not be so bad.  Off we go to the hotel.

Everyone is tired.  We still find some energy to play checkers and make airplanes.  The oldest comes to me and says, “douche”  my husband looks at me, I look at the boy with a strange face, “WHAAA???”  Again he says, “Douche” this time with hand motions.  OH, he wants a shower!  I show him the shower.  He comes back out “Help me” and I do.   My husband and I have a little laugh over what he said!

Finally it is time for bed.  The boys start falling asleep in the bed my daughter is laying on.  I have her move to my bed.  The boys all climb in together and fall asleep.   My heart is happy!

God does not do easy does he? It seems he always wants us to do more than we think we can. It may be easy for him, it is not my idea of easy. That is the case in our family anyway. When we decided and finally all agreed that our family should adopt we made a plan. That plan did not include a child from SO. Korea. It did not include a “Special Need” child. It did not include more than one child. We planed what we thought we wanted and could handle. But God, He had another plan!!! Look at us now. A family of 8. Not what I planned. DEFINATLEY NOT what my husband planned. Who planned it? God? Or was this not in the plans and we just ended up here? Why can’t God just let it be easy peasy??

I think our family is a family grown by God’s doing. Yes, we have a heart to help others in need. Yes, I love children. But for things to be where they are now it must have been God’s doing. I wanted to adopt and help children from a young age. I got my degree in Child Development and CHild psychology. Not only did I manage a couple of different well-known clothing and glasses stores, I also worked with abused and neglected children. I worked with kids whose parents were incarcerated. I have worked with delinquent children. The kids who no one wants to or is able to work with. The ones that break all the rules. I have worked with children that had to live in a medical facility because their needs were to great for the family. I have worked with inner city children as well. When I did all those things I never asked WHY. I was doing it because it was what I wanted to do. Look at me now. I am a mom to kids who fit some of those roles I worked in. God was training me for this all along. But it was not my plan to have children that fit some of those roles. I planned to have children who obeyed all the tim,. Who never dealt with depression nor anxiety, Who did not have to attend therapies like, physical, occupational, speech, voice… etc… Who did not need to see a gazillion different specialist. God had a different plan! He prepared me. No it is not always easy. There are days I want to turn back the clock. I have learned that on those days I am not where I need to be. I am thinking about ME. Selfishly… That is not ok. Or I am having a PMS moment!  When I keep my focus on God’s will and his Glory in all this, my days are SO BLESSED. I am still a work in progress and still need to stay focused more.

Now I look back and can see that God had us ready for all that has happened. So I wonder why I still try to choose what I want or think I can handle. Why even bother thinking small when I know God will want to BIG. Why think, we should host a teenage girl when I know God will ask more of us? He does not plan small because he wants me to be able to look back and see HIM written all over everything. That is why we now plan to host THREE teen/preteen boys. I am not sure I can do that. I was done with all the fundraising. I just wanted EASY. I am so thankful that I have people in my life that can hear me and not judge me. Who can hear me say “OH, there are these three boys, and oh my word, they need a host family. They are beautiful.” and those people can confirm with out me saying a thing, that maybe we are the family. Saying to me, “You can do that Tracy” “You can handle it”. “God will provide if it is to happen” People who lift me up and encourage me to be positive and take each step at a time. Thank you Lord for putting people like that in my life. Because I hear enough negative. I need the positive.

I am thankful that God did not choose easy (my thought of easy) for us. He chose JUST RIGHT for us. He prepared us and taught us. Then we followed his steps. We follow his will and his path. All we do is listen and say yes. The rest just happens. He asks us to step out of what we want and think we can do because he wants us to depend on him to get us through. What is God Asking of YOU??

There is a five letter word that often comes along with adoption. It is felt on the birth mother side and it is often felt throughout the life of the adopted person. This five letter word is…

One syllable.

Definition — disgrace, embarrassment.

Synonyms — dishonor, humiliation, degradation.

Antonyms — honor, pride, respect.

When the word is heard, shoulders slouch and heads are lowered. When the word is felt, it is a much worse consequence.

Have you guessed the word?

SHAME

When I was expecting my first son I was often filled with shame. I felt alone. I was embarrassed to find myself in that situation. Unmarried, young and pregnant. I thought of may parents and I am sure at first they went through moments of shame. However, I was loved and supported during this time. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy who is almost 22 years old! I no longer carry shame from that situation. But what if I had chosen adoption for my son. Today I may be saying something different. I may be disappointed in myself and the decision I made. I may be embarrassed to even speak of it. Things turned out different for me.

I think of my three blessings through adoption. I know that they will carry with them shame. Shame from being unwanted. Shame from not being “perfectly healthy”. Shame from being different. Shame and worry about not being or doing things perfect. It seems that some children suffer from serious anxiety all based around their fears and shame they carry about not being “good enough”. Their shame is often the root of any bad behavior that they have. UGH… Can you imagine carrying that shame through your life?

Those things are so heavy on my mind. I PRAY that God will be in their lives and be able to fill up their hearts with truth. Let them hear that they were created for a purpose ON PURPOSE. They are perfectly made. They are wanted. They are good enough just the way they are. As hard as we try to help them hear that, there will always be that little piece that will argue, no we are not. There will always be that little part of them that carries shame. THAT KILLS ME. I hoped maybe our adopted children would not be the ones that suffer from this. Then I heard words spoken… that broke my heart. “If I can’t do it perfect no one will like me” All rooted in shame..???

There are many classes and trainings that we can attend. Many books we can read. Videos to watch. We are doing it all. We will do our best to love our kids where they are they way they need to be loved. WE may treat them a little different from you may treat your biological kids and the way we treated our bio kids. This is because we need to parent them in a different way to help them see that they are safe. We want to help them feel wanted, heard, appreciated, loved. We do all of this because we want them to always remember that what ever the circumstances of their past, they have a future and we will stand with them to help them overcome issues that will arise. However there will be that battle in them to be good enough, and to overcome shame. I pray they will…

My husband and I have agreed that what ever God brings to our door we will pray about it.  If one of us feels very strongly about it that we should consider moving forward unless God closes the doors.

We found out about a beautiful teenage girl about a month or so ago.  We sent information about our family to the family who was disrupting their adoption of this young lady.  We read all about her. We prayed for her. As a family we agreed that if we could we would adopt her.  We knew this was huge.  She would need a lot of love and encouragement. A lot of support and a lot of grace as she would be dealing with another loss.  The other family decided that we were not the family they wanted for their daughter.  That was hard to hear.  We all had gotten excited about her coming.  But God closed that door.

As that door closed I continued to pray that God will keep using our family to help children in need.  In secret I prayed we could adopt a baby! Yes, I would love to.  God has not opened that door.  He has however opened another door.

We had talked a bit about hosting an orphan from Russia or Ukraine.  We figured the child we hosted would be a teenage girl.  We are good with that.  We understand them fairly well.  Especially since we have two now.  God has a different plan.

I saw a hosting organization and decided to check out the kids.  As I went through the pictures one boy jumped out of the page at me.  I pulled up his picture and learned he had two brothers.  I am in shock.  We can’t host a teen boy much less three boys.  We have teen girls.  Plus we have the budget for ONE to come.  Each cost about 2700.00 to bring to the USA.

As I looked at these boys I was telling myself it would never work.  But there was something about them.  I could not staring at these boys.  I KNEW they had to come to America together and be loved on.  SO… I talked to my mom about them.  I talked to my close friend about them.  I talked to my girls about them.  AND I talked to my husband.  In the end we all agreed that we would like to bring them to America if at all possible.

We told the agency we wanted all three.  We started filling out the applications.  I started really caring about these boys well being… THEN… THEN… we got some news.

These three boys have had such a painful few years.  Their mother passed away in 2011.  In 2012 their father relinquished then to the orphanage.  Just a couple weeks ago the younger two were taken to a foster home leaving the oldest ALONE.  The younger two without their older brother.

I was in shock.  I could not believe how upset I was that they had separated these brothers.  They had already lost SO much.  NOW… they are losing each other.  I was told the younger two would no longer be able to come to America and that their chances for a forever family were kicked out the door.  My heart was BROKEN.  I wept and wept.  I told God I could not understand how these boys could be separated.

I told the agency we would like to know if the oldest boy still wants to come knowing his brothers could not.  I asked if there was ANY way we could get all three.  I was told the oldest wanted to come and there was NO WAY the younger two could.

Over the weekend I prayed.  We went to church and I felt that God had some news coming.  Honestly I thought he was saying we were going to start an orphan hosting ministry.  Maybe we are??  But today I got news that the foster family with the younger boys agreed to allow them to come to America.  THIS NEVER HAPPENS.  Was this the news God was preparing me for?  Maybe this is our steping stone to starting a hosting program.  WHO KNOWS but GOD!

NOW we need to get busy raising funds to bring the younger brothers to America.  We have the older brother funded.  The other two need help getting here too.  Let’s bless these brothers.  Let’s show them how much people care.  That they are wanted.  That there is hope.  That there are people who truly care about their needs.  Let’s show them they are all three WANTED.  Let’s fill them with all we can for 5 – 6 weeks.  And who knows.. maybe while they are in America they will find their FOREVER family.

We are taking a Step in faith.  Can you step with us? Can you help them?  Can you pray for them?

If you want to help these boys or any other children you can make a tax deductible donation here… http://hostukraine.wix.com/ccc#!how-you-can-help  You can specify our family or this sibling set, or any children.  They all need love this summer!! Maybe you want to bring one to your home too! (Also, you can paypal us and we will apply to their funding. Button is their picture to the right of blog)

Because if not us, then who will? 

Because if we say no, then they are separated.

Because if we say no, who would want 3 older boys? 

Because if we say no, their lives will remain filled with loneliness and hopelessness.

Because if we say no, they could be lost in a dark world.

Because if we say no, they will age out soon and be on the streets at 16.

Because if we say yes, they learn about love.

Because if we say yes, they learn about GOD.

Because if we say yes, they learn about hope.

Because if we say yes, they will know someone cares.

Because if we say yes, they will know they are wanted.

Because if we say yes, they will know they were made for a purpose.

Because if we say yes, they will know there IS a plan for their lives.

WHY??? Because God asks us to.  Because he wants us to “Step in Faith”.

Our family can be so much fun.  We have love!  We laugh. We all work hard.  

(hawk visits our yard. we always see this as a little God reminder!! We are watched over and we are fortunate!)

Our lives are blessed.  We do not always get along.  But when we do…

WE ROCK! 

Our lives our filled with goofy and unique moments.

I love looking into my home and seeing all God has done.  The more we walk on his path the more blessed  we are.  I see it.  Through all the struggles.  Through all the ups and downs. When I step back and look in..  I see it.. WE ARE BLESSED!!! Our FAMILY is BLESSED!!!

My kid is a copy cat.  Yep that is right.  I called my kid a copy cat.  Is that a bad thing?  Not that I called him one, but that he is one.   I see some really good reasons for him to be a copy cat.  He, however, is learning that being a copy cat does not always give positive results.

Our new son came home from So. Korea about six months ago.  He was not a copy cat at first.  It has been a learned behavior.  Maybe a survival behavior?  Or an attention seeking behavior?  We allow our kids to make decisions for themselves.  Often with a choice to help them narrow things down.  We have set rules in our home.  We give grace often to all of our children.  We give reminders and we encourage good decisions.  Our newest son is still learning.  Our youngest son, A, is an experienced member of the family!!  So because he gets praise for making good decisions our newest son often copies him.  That is understandable.  Kind of like A is showing the ropes to S.  No issues with that.  A, however is not “perfect”.  A gets into trouble.  He makes poor decisions that have undesired consequences.  Sometimes they are natural consequences,  sometimes they are parent imposed consequences.  But there are consequences to actions.  Some positive some not.

S copies A in almost everything.  If A says he wants to watch TV, S wants to watch TV.  If A gives me a hug, S gives me a hug.  If A jumps on the couch, S jumps on the couch.  If A asks for oatmeal for breakfast, S (even though he HATES oatmeal) asks for oatmeal.  You can see that there will be both positive and negative consequences for being a copy cat.  When it comes to choosing breakfast, or really anytime we are giving choices we try to get S to choose first.  That way we know what HE wants.   Today A was ready for breakfast.  He says to me, “mom, I want some oatmeal.”  S heard him and comes over and says, “mom, I want oatmeal.”  Then our other little copy cat pipes in, “oatmeal.”  S nor E like oatmeal.  I reminded S and E that they “DO NOT LIKE OATMEAL”  (they gag on almost every bite.)  They both insisted.  Can you guess how our breakfast went?  It took S and E an hour but they ate their oatmeal!!  I asked S if he liked oatmeal and he would flip flop between yes and no depending on if A was around.  I told S it is ok to not like it.  He told me “tomorrow, I cereal  for breakfast.” WAHOOOO.. his own decision.

We do understand why S is being a copy cat.  We get that he sees A get praise and he wants praise too. Why not be like the kid who has been here for awhile. SO,  We give S praise often.  Still, he really struggles  with wanting to be “IT”  the top kid and the one who gets all the attention.  So why not copy A who he sees get praise. (not really more than anyone else, but at different times than others)  If A is getting praised or attention for something S tries to do it bigger, louder and better to get the attention on him.  We often tell him that it is ok to wait until we are done with A and then we will watch him.  I think that he learned to be IT (the center of attention as a survival skill.) Maybe you had to be louder, bigger and better to get attention in the care facility in So. Korea.  Not here. Maybe he is wanting to be sure we love him and see him.  Trust me sweet boy we love you and see you.

I see things getting better, well, most of the time.  S is a GOOD boy.  He wants people to be pleased with him and happy.  He is considerate and kind.  We are blessed to be his parents.  I hope that one day he will know how much he is loved here and that he can be his own person.  He can make his own decisions.  He does not have to be a “Copy cat”  But until he does he will have our unconditional love and our praise for every good we see him do.  He will also learn that being a “copy cat” is not always a good thing.

Life in hour home can be challenging at times.  Is that not true in most homes?  There are days when the little kids JUST WON”T BE QUITE.  Those are usually the days when the big girls are needing quite. Days when the school work needs a little more concentration.  There are days when the big girls complain and whine each time they are asked to do anything.  Those are usually the days when they have other plans…. well, never mind, they never really want to do their chores.  There are days when all the big girls do is pick on the little kids and the little kids get louder and louder. We have days where I think, “what in the world were you thinking when you did that, said that?”  We have days when I feel very unappreciated.  Days when I feel like I am doing nothing but correcting my children.  Days where I just want to toss-up my hands and say enough and then lock myself in my room.  Days when I look at the messes and the laundry and I am just OVERWHELMED.  OH MY GOSH.  Days I feel like no one helps me with ANYTHING.  There are crumbs and pieces of garbage on the floor.  People look at it, complain about it and then leave it.  WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THAT???  We have a broom.  There are days when the dishes are lining up down the counter and I just do not want to do them.  But no one else wants to either.  OH MY.  We have some days where my ears are just so tired from the talk of little mouths.  Days when I really just want a break. When we all need a break. Days like this…… 

We do have some hard days.  However, most days are days when I look at my family and feel so BLESSED.  Days when I see my little kids playing and loving on each other. Sharing and patting each others backs.  I know they are blessed to have each other for life.  We have days when my big girls are on it.  They get their school work done.  They do their chores.  They hug on me!  They love and play with their little siblings.  Days that make me feel so honored to have these children in my home.  Days when I am SO PROUD of the decisions my kids are making.  There are days when things just go right and my world perfect!  When they make good decisions and obey the rules I feel like we are doing something right as parents.  I love my life and my family.
  
On the days when things seem to be overwhelming I often have to stop and try to find a peaceful moment.  I will often open my Bible or read another devotion.  I refocus my attention on God.  When I do that I find that things seem easier.  I can’t imagine my life with out Jesus being the leader of it.  It makes even the hardest days manageable. (looking at these pictures help also!) I know when life is getting hard it is likely because I am not keeping my focus on the Lord.  Many times it gets hard when I start thinking of ME.  My wants, my desires, my, my, my.  I have to come back to the right focus.  I have to think, are my thoughts and actions in line with what God would want?  If not maybe that is why my day is not going well.  Am I speaking calm to my children?  If not, maybe that is why they are not calm either.  (Yes, there are days my voice goes up.) I have learned that even on the HARDEST days if I think about it… my ways are not the way the Lord would do it.  When I refocus things do get better.  I am learning different ways to handle things that are upsetting to me. (I AM LEARNING.  I still have days I want to give up and lock myself in my room)

Love that they all have each other!

I am so thankful for my family.  For my husband that knows me enough to know when I need a hug.  He knows me enough to know when I have had enough and just need a moment alone.  He knows me enough to know that if I can sleep in a little on Saturday the day will go much better!  I am so glad that he knows me!!  Thank you Lord for blessing me with him.

He is a GREAT father to our children.  I am so blessed when I see him loving on our kids!

These faces remind me how blessed I am.  All the hard days seem to slip away when I look at these.  Thank you Lord for giving me this life!!!