I was working on a Saturday on a very complex infographic and my wife walked by, saying “I will never get why they pay you to do these little drawings and doodles”.
My. Own. Wife.
A potential client approached me to work on her video. I say “potential” because she was seeking my services but wasn’t ready to accept the reality of how much visual effects services cost. Still, before we agreed to anything she sent me a script.
Client: Did you get the script?
Me: Yes I did.
Client: Since you are applying for this job, can you send me some samples of how you would design the character? That way I can look at your character designs and consider you for the position.
Me: I didn't apply to this job. You came to me. You saw my professional credentials and my portfolio and asked if I would be willing to contribute to your project. And no, I will not design anything until we have an official agreement. Also, I'm swamped with work and don't think I can take this on at the moment.
Client: So…. You’re not going to design anything for free?
There aren't enough facepalms in the world...
I had a very successful business selling knives in Bulgaria a few years ago. One day a guy calls me with an order.
Client: I want that knife.
Me: Awesome. Are you from my city, or want it sent by courier?
Client: I want it sent here: [gives me address]
Me: Okay, I'll send it right away.
Client: But, can I pay with tires? I have a few very good used winter tires from a bus, I don't need them, so I can give them to you for free in exchange for the knife. What do you think?
Me: Hahaha, good joke.
Client: No, it's not a joke. Sorry. Can you please send me the knife, I will send the tires.
Me: I don't need tires. Why would I need used bus tires?
Client: Okay... but if you reconsider, I'm here.
"Change the orange color in the background to something brighter, like blue or dark green."
Years ago, whilst working at a print & design firm.
Client: Our friend is getting married so we want to prank him by giving him a fake season ticket for Birmingham football club, can you make that for us?
Me: (not being born yesterday) Seeing as that would be illegal, We would be uncomfortable doing that. Sorry.
Client: Nah mate it's fine, it's not illegal we just want to prank him with a fake ticket that simply LOOKS like a genuine season ticket!
Me: (realizing they weren't likely to back down quickly) We would still be unwilling to do this. Tell you what though, if you can provide us with written confirmation from Birmingham FC (and whoever else needs to provide permission), stating that they approve you doing this, then we would be more than happy to help.
Client: Bruv! It's for a prank for f***'s sake! Are you going to do it or not??!
Me: As I said before, we will be happy to help but ONLY with written permission from Birmingham FC and any other affiliates that need to provide permission.
Surprisingly, the client never came back. Guess they had trouble getting that permission through!
I got hired to edit a video for a company showing all fun and cool things they've done over the year. I do a lot of music videos, which is why they hired me. They wanted it to feel happy and epic, with lots of energy, so they told me to edit it to some house music. I had a blast until I was almost finished and the deadline was less than a day away.
Client: It looks great, but can you make it like this instead? Oh, and we don't like your animations. Can you make them better, like the one we had last year?
They sent me a link to a Powerpoint presentation, with blurry images and texts that I wasn't able to read.
I'm not an animator and Powerpoint presentations give me nightmares. I stared at it for half an hour. Then I had some wine.
I was hired by a small company run by a husband and a wife to write about their business for an upcoming local event.
We talked about the project on Thursday and the deadline was Sunday. It was a quick turnaround but I was confident I could do it if they were prompt with their feedback.
The next day, Friday, I sent the copy to them at 2 PM.
Client (Husband): Looks great! Submit it.
I didn’t hear from the wife, but since the husband was so positive and they lived together I assumed they talked about it. I waited for additional feedback but eventually submitted the copy to the event on Sunday when it was due.
On Monday morning at 10 AM I got an email.
Client (Wife): I have a list of revisions I’d like you to make. Some phrases, photos, descriptions, etc.
Me: Uh… The deadline to submit was on Sunday. I waited for your feedback until the last minute but I’ve already submitted the project.
Client (Wife): Well I don’t work on weekends and just saw your email this morning!
I spent six weeks working on a new website for a client. Everything was going great – both he and his extended management team loved my work. However, when the site was almost ready to go, he became reticent, putting off giving final revisions and the vital content I required to complete the job and get paid. I visited him in his office to find out what the problem was.
Me: What’s the problem? Because it’s quite clear there is one.
Client: I’ve decided the site is not going live until we have all the educational resources finished and up on the website.
Me: That’s not what we agreed. The project was that I would create the page and we’d launch the site and you would upload the educational resources later
Client: No, that is not what we agreed., We agreed that the educational resources were an integral part of the deal and that furthermore, YOU were going to provide that content.
Fortunately, he had signed off on a detailed, 12-page proposal and contract that showed I was correct. I sent it to him to prove it.
Client: Why are you showing me this? I didn’t read it. Do you read the full terms and conditions when you buy Microsoft Office?
Client: You need to change this bar chart so that it doesn't show the departments with zero entries, but don't remove departments just because they have no entries.
I'm going to need a cat... and a box.
I'm a screen printer with lots of repeat clients. We keep all art/films on file so we can easily reprint the same shirt over and over without re-confirming size or what-have-you.
A client emailed asking for a reprint of a shirt we've done 4 times before. They sent their shirt sizes and I responded with an invoice that included the print size, color and location.
Client: Great! I’d like to go ahead and place the order. Can we just confirm where the designs will be placed on the shirts?
Me: Oh, sorry. I thought this was a reprint of your standard front print.
Client: What does that mean?
Me: Sorry, maybe I misunderstood your question? The print will be just as you asked for - 9" wide on the front?
Client: Can you show me where the image will be placed on the shirt?
I sent the client a photo pulled from their corporate Instagram of the last run of shirts with the same design, same placement.
Client: Great. Just to confirm, THIS is how they will look?
Attached was the exact same photo I sent him.
Me: Yep.
Client: Great, let's go ahead with the order!
I'm still confused. Why was he so worried? Why did he send back the same file to double-check?
Was he trying to trick me?