Your comment made me smile -- I hear you and understand. Thanks for the feedback. Always looking to improve, and your insights are greatly appreciated. :) Any suggestions?
Look man, I’m sorry about my mean comment earlier, but you need to hire an editor. On your advertisement’s page -the thing that is supposed to sell your product to the consumers- you say that the kids are two 12 year olds... but on their 13th birthday they get these special powers. That doesn’t make any sense. Are they 12 years old in the story or 13? It would’ve been better if you just said “they’re are two kids but on their 13h birthday...”
Also I hope you realize that by putting these stories in the past as contemporary pieces, you have to do a fair bit of research into the time period or you risk misleading your audience on the thing you wish to educate them about.
Updated (age).
Absolutely we'll have to do a lot of work to get the historical facts together, where they make sense. Obviously we're also inserting our characters into history, so by nature some of it will be fictitious. Send us a message -- we'd love to chat about the history angle.
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Thanks for bringing this to our attention.
Looks like you've updated the ad again, it's a good thing you're responding to feedback. Although this time the overuse of brackets seems unprofessional and breaks immersion to the actual story summary.
I'd suggest keeping it simple, something like "Join twins Leo and Helen in an inspired adventure, using their telekinetic powers along with mystical artifacts to navigate through the past and the future"
Join twins Leo and Helen in an inspired adventure, using their telekinetic powers along with mystical artifacts to navigate through the past and the future
This is great.
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Karma
Cake day
