So this happened about 12 years ago. I was clothes shopping and noticed a very long line in front of the changing booths, even though there was an obviously open booth right at the front of the line. So I was thinking, as usual, that everyone but me must be an idiot. I marched past the very long line, right into the booth, turned around, looked right at all those people and tried to close the curtain.
Only there was none. The booth was free because it had no door/curtain/whatsoever. I made the walk of shame and took my place at the end of the line. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping, but otherwise I recovered just fine.
This happened years ago but it still haunts me. So some context: I was 19 and I was living just a few blocks down from a bunch of dairy farms. It wasn’t unusual for it to smell like absolute shit some nights
I was out with my friends. We went out to chili’s and I ate a shit ton of food. I was driving back to my place and started to get a bad stomach ache. All the food was giving me awful gas. These farts smelled like sewage and were just awful. When I got home I got a text from this girl I was crushing on. She wanted to come by. She said she’d be there in about 20 minutes. I quickly ate a bunch of tums in an attempt to cure my stomach ache. I even sat on toilet hoping for some relief to come. It never got any better. The gas just kept coming.
Then my crush comes by and we’re hanging out in my living room. It was a nice night out so I had the windows open. We were talking and I could feel my stomach gurgling so I walked into the kitchen (like 6 feet away) and let one out. A few seconds goes by and I see my crush’s face scrunch up. She smelled it! She asks if the dairies near by always smell so bad and I mumbled some answer. I stalled in the kitchen to get one more out. This one was kind of audible and she definitely noticed. Another few seconds goes by and she makes the same face. I still remember exactly what she said, “oh my god is that dairy or is that you?” She stood up and started closing all the windows. When she got into the kitchen she noticed that the smell was much stronger. “It’s youuu!!” She yelled. My face turned red and hot. I started sweating. I tried laughing it off in hopes to ease the situation and then said something like “I had a bunch of chili’s”
She walked into the bathroom came out and make some excuse as to why she had to leave.
TLDR: my farts were so bad my crush thought they we’re from cows until she realized it was me.
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This happened last night, about 7 hours ago. My wife and I went out to celebrate our wedding anniversary. We got a hotel in a bigger city nearby and had a great evening at a restaurant downtown. As it turned out, a couple of our friends were also in town and just a few blocks away. We met up for a couple drinks, which turned into more than a couple. At the end of the night, my wife and I made our way back to the hotel and eventually fell asleep.
I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and in a mix of sleepiness and being a bit drunk, I stepped through the front door. By the time my brain clicked that I was clearly in the wrong place, the door latches and I’m standing in the fucking hallway, butt naked. Fuck. Just thinking about it makes me tense up.
I started lightly knocking, trying to not draw too much attention, but my wife wasn’t coming. I started to panic, and bang harder and harder. She was still passed out. Uggghhh. After about 4 to 5 minutes of sheer panic, a security guard showed up, I was utterly mortified. I started to try and explain what happened, but part way through, one of the neighbouring room door opened, and the guy started to yell at me for all the noise. So here I am, naked, getting yelled at in a hotel hallway, with 2 guys staring at me. All I could do was hold my junk and apologize. Mid apology, my wife opens the door, stares at me and asks what in the sweet hell I’m doing in the hallway.
I’m eating breakfast in the hotel right now. I just want to leave.
This happened about four/five years ago and it still haunts me.
My sister was coming back from an event at a church and since she couldn't drive, she hitched a ride with a friend. My parents always had me look out for my siblings (being the oldest male child), so when she knocked on the door I was the first one out. I let her in and I notice a very old, beat up, forest green car (don't remember the model, though it resembled a mid-90s sedan of some sort). There was rust everywhere and the wheels had mismatching rims. Being the high schooler I was, I obnoxiously shout to my sister "OMG, that is the fugliest car I've ever seen. I mean it's really fugly!" Just as I finish saying that, her friend rolls down the window and shouts from the window "Well I'm sorry, it's all I could afford!" I turn to see her and my face went pale. I ran up to her and apologized profusely. She had very thick skin and a good sense of humor so she brushed it right off. After she drove off my sister was dying with laughter while I sat on my living room couch the whole night replaying the moment with horror. I felt like such a dick.
I still feel like a dick.
I am in a technological field of research and went to a conference last week. During the conferenece dinner, I sat at a table with 7 others that I had not previously met. They served a nice red wine with the meal and someone commented on how good it tasted.
Well.. without really thinking, I tried out a Michael Scott quote from The Office and blurted out, "Yes, it has a nice oakey afterbirth." The words were out. I could not take them back. The table stared in awkward silence and I paniked internally. I said nothing and someone else changed the subject.
More than one night since then, I have had a hard time sleeping because of how completely awkward that situation was.
So I don’t know if this is cringe to anyone else apart from me but...
I went to get my contraceptive implant taken out a few weeks ago by a nurse and my doctors surgery. For anyone that doesn’t know they use a local anaesthetic to numb the area then just dig it out of your arm. So the nurse injects me, touches the area ‘can you feel this?’ I could so I said yes and we wait a little longer for the numbing to kick in. About five minutes later she touches the area again ‘can you feel this?’ I could but I didn’t want to say I could again as I had already been there for some time. So I had to sit while she cut my arm open and dug around the muscle pretending I couldn’t feel anything when I could feel EVERYTHING. At one point I think my bottom lip was wobbling as she asked if I was ok I went YEAH IM FINE I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. FML
So one day I was walking to class in college and see a guy that I had a bunch of classes with freshman year. So we start talking about how our classes were and what not. I noticed he was kind of limping when he approached me and noticed what looked like a bandage on his leg so I ask "man what happened to your leg?". He's like "It got amputated when I was a kid"... I went an entire year not knowing that this kid I talked every class was an amputee.
Amidst the dead silent room avoiding eye contact with my professor when he asked who would be first to present their speeches, I turned around, looked the man dead in the eyes, and gave him double finger guns with the ol' mouth click.
Normally not a huge deal, but coming from a quiet girl who's never spoken in her public speaking class, probably not the most favorable of first impressions.
I’m fat, my sister is extremely skinny. It’s been six years since I’ve seen all of these family members (four uncles and their wives) and I have gained at least 100lbs since the last time I saw them (shout out to seroquel and mirtazipine) and they were all going around and complementing my mom on her weight loss and my sister for being a bangin babe at 40 yo, and they came to me and were like “uh well you all look great ha ha anyways”. Sister was supposed to bring cards against humanity but she forgot. One of my aunts brought it up and was like yo, where’s the game and I was like “HAH IDK ASK THE SKINNY ONE”and they all just awkwardly stared at me then quickly changed the subject. LIKE ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD OR CRINGEWORTHY BUT DUDES I DONT KNOW I CANT EVEN FACE THEM RIGHT NOW I’m sitting outside pounding beers and chainsmoking while ruminating on my embarrassing outburst. That’s not even that embarrassing. Ugh. Why am I like this. Why am I this way.
So a previous alumni of my high school, who's now a sophomore at Harvard, stopped by for our annual high school science symposium. When I saw him, I went up to him and said "Sup (insert name)". He said "Sup dude, what's good?" I didn't know how to respond to "what's good" so I said "uhhhhhhhhhh, ummmmmm..........everything" in a very very low voice while walking at like 3 inches per second to the left and half making eye contact and half staring at a wall. He went from smiling to not smiling and said "ok man". I then walked away.
So I got off work last night, cracked open a beer, sent a message to a buddy of mine & saw one of my old NCO's was online, and figured I'd say hi & ask about whether an old injury kept her from going to another base.
Well, I tried to go to her profile from the chat box, just to see if she was still in, when I accidentally called her. I tried to stop the call, but it was too late.
I apologized, saying I was drunk and hit the wrong thing (genius), and she just said "hey, I gotta go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow". I felt like a big creepo over that, and want to hide
So there was this new guy at my work that i was making light conversation with while smoking a cigarette, waiting for my ride. I asked him if he wanted to hear a dirty joke and he said okay. The joke goes like this. This guy goes to this coffee shop every day on his way to work and has his eye on a cute girl that works there. One day he decided to ask her out and she said yes. So he was bragging to his friends about his date. Then one of his friends told him, "dude, you know she's a transvestite right?". This caught him off guard because he would have never thought of her as a him, but doesn't want to be rude and decided to still go as to not hurt her feelings. They decided to go on a hike for their first date. They are going and having a good time, but the whole time hes asking himself "i like this girl, does this make me gay? ", "how do i go about asking this? ", "is it bigger than mine?". Normal guy stuff. Its getting dark so they start heading back to the car and she said "hold up, i need to use the bathroom" and goes behind a tree to do her business. Compelled by curiosity, he decided to sneak around and see what was going on down there. Once he sees her, he sees that she's squatting down. This was a relief for him, if she had a penis, she wouldn't be squatting. Thats until he noticed the 10 inches hanging from her hips. So he did the first thing he could think of. He jumped up, ran to her, grabbed what was hanging and said "AHHA, i got you!" She said, "Oh My God, you were watching?!" Then he said "Oh My God, you were taking a shit?! "
So i told this guy that joke and i asked him how he liked it, and he said it wasnt really for him, when i asked him why, he pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of himself in complete drag. Most awkward moment of my life tbh.