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Colin Cloud
@
Colin_Cloud
Tour & booking information via
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I’m somewhere between an entertainer and a risk to society. Approach with caution. [For a list of my TV and stage credentials, visit my site ... or ask my mum].
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21 130
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106
Читає
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29 657
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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13 лют. |
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Why aren’t violets purple?
I haven’t got a clue.
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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13 лют. |
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FIRST DATE TIP
Phone ahead to where you’re taking your date and tell them it’s your birthday celebration.
Then, at the end of the date, when they bring you free cake w/candle, your date has to sing to you!
It’ll tell you how confident, adaptable & willing to share cake they are!
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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13 лют. |
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A sofa bed you say?!
I think you’ll be impressed to discover I can make any sofa a bed.
Allow me to demonstrate ...
*sleeps for eight hours in dentist’s waiting room.*
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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13 лют. |
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Thank you kindly sir! And for being ready to wing that situation with me 😂
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Andy Taylor
@StadiumAndy
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12 лют. |
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BTW, as to be expected: The real life Sherlock Holmes @Colin_Cloud completely crushed it. 🤯 #cranialeruption twitter.com/LobSquash/stat…
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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12 лют. |
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Made you look. twitter.com/PatrickKunMagi…
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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12 лют. |
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I’m a fucking sheep.
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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12 лют. |
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Crushed it. Beautiful closure good sir. X
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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12 лют. |
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Love that midway through this, you realised your phone was about to die and you rushed for your charger.
#Deduction
#ThePanicOfReachingForAChargerIsReal
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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12 лют. |
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Starbucks Lady:Sitting in or taking away?
Me:Sitting in but, in a takeaway cup please?
SL:No.
Me:Oh, it’s just, I’ll need to leave eventually.
SL:I’ve already put the sticker on the mug.
Me:
SL:Looks like you live here now.
(This tweet is just to let you know I’ve moved.)
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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12 лют. |
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When people say
“It’s a class A drug.”
Why does my brain hear
“It’s a CLASSY drug.”
Like it makes you an elegant and reputable fellow?!
Is this just me?!?!?!
AND, if it was, you must now all suffer the same doom.
🤔
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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12 лют. |
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Shin for the win. twitter.com/howiemandel/st…
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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11 лют. |
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Don’t be silly.
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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11 лют. |
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Did you even bother to read my post?
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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11 лют. |
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Will there be any previews?
Annoyingly I fly back to America on the 24th 😒.
Thank you thank you!
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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11 лют. |
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Just seen #WillSmith is in the new #Avatar sequel!!
So excited.
Hope he auditions for #Smurfs next!!
... or #Mystique in #Xmen!!!
(See what I’ve done there? I’ve literally just listed a bunch of blue characters for the sake of comedy.)
#Aladdin pic.twitter.com/CkzqXuEl2g
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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11 лют. |
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If you jump out on someone and shout
“BOO!”
they will not appreciate it.
However, if you jump out on someone and shout
“BOOK!”
they will take you up on your generous offer of a novel and really appreciate it.
Moral of the story? The letter K makes a huge difference.
K?
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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10 лют. |
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^no longer a fool.
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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10 лют. |
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All I hear is Radio Ga Ga tbh.
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Colin Cloud
@Colin_Cloud
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10 лют. |
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You’re so controversial. You’re like a modern @frankieboyle ... really hitting the people where it hurts.
... I love it when you don’t hold back.
You’re a bloody loose canon!
🥰
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