I can share that I know of a few long-term loving relationships that do not include sexual intimacy between some partners, but do include it between partner and other person.
But, you mentioned you thought long and hard (8 months) before you decided. So with that much reflection...although did that include conversations with him?
I would stay broken up. But I would also spend some time reflecting that your self worth is in part based on someone finding you sexually attractive. That is common for people. But what if it didn't have to be.
The last bit - "that can please everyone but the one that takes care of him" - is interesting as well. It is kind of vague and hard to tell if he is taking advantage of you, or this reflects a self-center tendency, or you are stating a fact.
You feel inadequate, unwanted and undesireable. You have your answer - you should break up with him. He doesn't want to lose the person who takes care of him but it is a reasonable boundary for you to want to feel desired by your live-in partner. This is not a situation where you should doubt your feelings and decision.
On the other hand, should you let your emotional state be controlled by someone else?
So, you've already decided that this is not working for you before you posted here. So how can (we) help? Well, we can't. We don't know you, your hubby, his logic or side of things, the relationships you've lost because you have to use hotels and the logic of that, or what you consider poly (some poly activities don't' include sex for some of us).
So why post here? So we can all agree that the hubby is a problem? Sounds like he has fears, sure, and you'd like him to change. But we can't talk to him.
You on the other hand can. So tell him that this is unacceptable. And that you are willing to accept the risk and pay the price for that. AND ask him how you can make him feel better about the situation. OR accept things are they are. Maybe this is the middle ground. Maybe in the very beginning, you both agreed to this hotel rule?
Anyway, short version, tell hubby in a loving way you'd like to talk, and then bring it up and say it isn't working for you, and ask him to help with a new solution. Partner.
I think the reason that people in situations like this post here is because even though they know the situation is wrong, they're bad at pinpointing and articulating why it's wrong, so our perspective can help them identify that and also give them the confidence that other people share their feelings.
Makes a lot of sense
While this is a great idea and i would love to jump on board, I think you're going to have to find someone that you're politically close to if you're going to review current events daily.
Disagree - if you are both open minded, it would be great to have different views!
Had a fantastic time with classes and social times with my 250+ polyamory pod at www.beyondthelove.org
(Ok not all attendees are in my poly pod, but after a weekend together, left like it)
The podcast in question, in case you are wondering how much work there is to be done Erotic Awakening - NSFW
Agreed, since nothing can be done, then do nothing (for 5 days). I would spend that time looking at you instead of wondering what is up with him. Write down what you like about you, what is important in relationships, how you want to be treated, how you want to treat others.
When he comes home, approach from a place of personal power instead of 'what if he rejects me'.
Are you a worthy good loving human without him? Once you know that truth, if the relationships ends, it will suck but not crush you. I'm not saying it should end. But when you operate from a place of self confidence, poly makes more sense.
- "We were drunkenly/gave him oral" followed by
- "wanted to tell E what happened/ended up being physical instead"
Instead of focusing on your partner's faults in this, if you don't want it to happen again, I'd start with that part. How could you communicate better? Does drunken activity cause issues in your life?
Or I am missing a step or such?
You're missing the work ethic needed to play this game.
Hehe
I am totally missing out on the work ethic to play any games :)
General ideas on how to meet poly people -> http://www.eroticawakening.com/ea438-finding-poly-dates/
Crossover dies not require development mode.
Exactly.