Flint isn't going to get fixed or evacuated in two days. Here are some ways you can help the residents now.

soniabegonia · 2016-01-07T19:14:34+00:00

If your skin is prone to acne and is flaking, try shea butter. It is non-comedogenic and super duper moisturizing. You don't need a lot of it. I get scaly patches sometimes in winter and just a little bit, for a couple of days, heals them right up. It's a solid at room temperature, so if you want to treat your hair with it you can melt it or get a whipped cream (usually blended with another oil).

Coconut oil is pretty good and might be easier to find, but it doesn't seem to moisturize quite as well -- it won't heal scaly patches for me, for example -- and it can cause/exacerbate acne. Olive oil and sesame oil are also okay and are VERY easy to find.

And I agree with what others are saying about soap -- use a very gentle soap/cleanser, if you don't already, and consider using it every other day (or even less frequently) instead of every day. Use plain water in between, and soap up only your pits & business.

There are a bunch of moisturizing skin products marketed to the women who are (1) black and (2) interested in natural/traditional skin care methods (companies like Shea Moisture). These products are FANTASTIC, oh my GOD, so moisturizing!

I don't know what your hair is like, so I don't know what to recommend hair-wise. If you have fine, straight hair like mine, then a honey/coconut oil treatment once a week or two is enough to keep my hair soft and moisturized without getting too greasy and heavy. (I also put shea butter in my shampoo, so I get some moisturizing from that too.) If you have curly hair you could use heavier oils to condition with, like castor oil.

soniabegonia · 2015-12-31T16:50:08+00:00

This is such a lovely gift, and such a lovely idea! He is really lucky to have you as his grandson.

soniabegonia · 2015-11-18T23:40:35+00:00

It depends on what field you are in, whether you're going to be the primary caretaker, and what type of support you have from your family. It also matters some whether you'd be recovering physically from the pregnancy and birth.

In general, you should not have a baby and a qualifying exam at the same time. Finish your quals first. You should also not be super pregnant during your quals. Pregnancy has unpredictable side effects, especially first pregnancies.

After that, if your partner will be the primary caretaker, it'll be hardly much worse than any other 50+-hour-a-week job with a little travel and relatively low pay -- go for it!

If you're co-parenting but have a lot of support from the grandparents (or aunts and uncles), again -- go for it!

If, however, you're co-parenting and do not have support, or especially if you're going to be the primary caretaker, you will have trouble raising a child and finishing your degree without both excellent time-management skills and no social life. This is not to say that I haven't known people who did it, but it wasn't pretty.

If you're planning to become faculty in a field that has a couple postdocs before you are likely to land a tenure-track position, that can be a great time to have a kid (especially since waiting for tenure is not really an option). If you're planning to become faculty in a field where postdocs are rare, waiting for tenure will make things a lot easier. If you are getting the PhD and then getting an industry job, you'll likely have far better healthcare, job-related childcare benefits (like e.g. daycare), and a higher salary to afford amenities like nannies for the "grunt work" like driving the kids around if you wait until you graduate.

The other thing you should consider is what a PhD in your field looks like: Is there a lot of field work? Experimental work? Writing (which could be done at home)? Pipetting, programming, proofs? Are these things that you could do reasonably well while being crazy-stressed and sleep-deprived? Try to arrange for the things that you can do while only half-functional to be "on tap" after the baby comes.

soniabegonia · 2015-07-29T23:07:38+00:00

When I am sick, my sense of taste dulls and everything tastes a little different.

One time when I was sick and staying home from work, snacking on some Cheerios straight out of the box, I noticed that the taste was a little extra weird ... and a little extra crunchy.

I reached into my mouth to remove the offending cheerio and pulled out a stinkbug carapace.

I couldn't get to the bathroom to throw up fast enough.

soniabegonia · 2015-05-11T17:07:22+00:00

Awesome! Thank you for the further clarification :o) :o) :o)

I don't speak a lick of French unfortunately, which is why I'm plaintively asking the Internet for help :o/ (though I can use Google translate for individual sentences ...)

soniabegonia · 2015-05-11T12:55:31+00:00

She's a big girl, I think she can handle a little sexy touch :o) thank you! That's a good list of suggestions. I'll look into each of them!

Her favorite author is Anne McCaffrey -- she owns everything that woman has EVER written. Three other hits are Lord of the Rings, Wheel of Time, and Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell.

Abstractly, she LOVES really vivid world-building novels and tends to prefer stories where women have a central, empowered role. She's an escapist -- she wants to read books with worlds that she'd love to live in, and she grew up in a tiny midwestern town in the 60s when women were very limited but is herself kind of a no-nonsense gunner type (PhD in economics during the 80s with 2 kids, WHAT THE HELL MOM try harder to be radical why don't you).

So, she'll enjoy any story that's got a really vivid world and a place for her to imagine herself being happy in it, but the books that fit that bill tend to be scifi/fantasy so I ask for those :o)

soniabegonia · 2015-05-10T12:35:51+00:00

Ooh, big names that have Wikipedia plot summaries of their novels in English are always great, thank you!

soniabegonia · 2015-05-10T12:32:27+00:00

That is exactly her taste! She's read it in English so if the language is hard it might be good to read translated since she already knows the plot but I would rather find her something easy that she hasn't read ...

soniabegonia · 2015-05-10T12:29:18+00:00

That looks perfect!! Thank you!

soniabegonia · 2015-05-10T12:24:58+00:00

Great, I'll look into both! Thank you!

soniabegonia · 2015-05-10T12:24:11+00:00

Those both sound great! Thank you!

soniabegonia · 2015-05-10T12:23:06+00:00

Comics are a good idea, thank you! Do you have any particular recommendations?

soniabegonia · 2015-05-08T19:39:40+00:00

That's a really good suggestion! I didn't even think of Verne. She might indeed like to read something a little more classic.

soniabegonia · 2015-05-08T19:38:16+00:00

Great, thank you! That should get me started for now and I'll remember Chroniques for later, for when her French improves, too.

soniabegonia · 2015-05-08T19:34:52+00:00

Great, thank you! Autre monde sounds just right. :o) Etoiles mourantes sounds like a great world that she would love so I'll put that in my back pocket for future birthdays, too!

soniabegonia · 2015-05-08T19:02:56+00:00

Thank you! That's very helpful. Do any of those authors tend to write strong female characters? I'm assuming they are all fantastic world-builders?

soniabegonia · 2015-05-08T18:59:38+00:00

Thank you!

She's a fantastically voracious reader so I'm hesitant to get something that was first published in English in case she's already read it, and wouldn't get anything extra from translating it.

soniabegonia · 2015-05-01T17:51:01+00:00

I worry that if we break up, I will never find someone else who loves me this much.

This is never a reason to stay with someone.

Either you believe you deserve to be loved or you don't. If you don't believe you deserve to be loved, you'll be afraid of losing this person who does love you but with whom you have an otherwise (sounds like) not good relationship.

But you DO deserve to be loved, and in a way that's meaningful for YOU. You don't have to settle for anything less!

soniabegonia · 2015-02-02T02:32:17+00:00

I've found that after going for a while and becoming comfortable with the people there, inviting them to get a little coffee with me after or go to some hobby-related event (e.g. yarn festival for the knitting club) follows with a little effort. It's hard to put yourself out there and ask to hang out in that moment when everyone is leaving! But definitely doable :o)

soniabegonia · 2015-02-02T01:49:14+00:00

Do you have any hobbies?

I'm a graduate student and I meet people via social dance (swing, blues, contra), knitting circles, and rock climbing. Women tend to outnumber men at social dances and knitting circles, and you could try learning pilates or yoga (or something else that is more likely to attract more women than men).

soniabegonia · 2014-11-28T03:29:58+00:00

Because I think in a long monologue and if I don't actively suppress vocalizing it, out it comes ...

soniabegonia · 2014-11-25T02:07:26+00:00

You are super awesome! I firmly believe that de-stigmatizing supporting roles and childcare for men is the next big push towards gender equality. You are fighting the good fight just by being you and not letting the haters get you down.

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