Why do coworkers always ask what you ate for lunch? What kinda weak ass office gossip is that? Yes my lunch was much better than yours, you nosey motherfucker. Let’s talk about each other’s seasonal depression instead of that burrito you just shoved in your face. LEVEL UP YOUR SMALL TALK PATRICK OR GO BACK TO YOUR CORNER IN HR. Anyways, here’s a recipe for a soba noodle salad that's so dope that it’s a worthy steal from the shared fridge. You’ve been warned. 

How the fuck is Nature’s Valley still putting crumbs in bags and selling them as breakfast bars? Shit is disrespectful and a dry sponge would taste better than those crumb catastrophes. NOT OUR BARS. Perfect for on-the-go snacking and packed with fiber, these sweet sons of bitches won’t ever let you down. 

What in the fuck is a “hidden valley”? And why are we importing condiments from this sketchy-ass place? Don’t trust some store-bought dressing with hidden ingredients, make your own shit. ‘Cause nobody likes barenaked veggies. #itsbeen

Don’t spend your Memorial Day weekend letting your creepy uncle serve limp hot dogs and hockey puck hamburgers. Instead, whip up a batch of BBQ Bean Sliders with Celery Seed Slaw from our book TK2:Party Grub (LINK) and show people you’ve got some goddamn standards.

Wanna take it up a notch? Here’s the recipe for the grilled corn AKA elotes because we can’t just leave you hanging like that. Buy the book though, shit is lit. 

Once upon a time, some motherfuckers were all, “We like cake and milk, but who has the time for both?” So they messed around in the kitchen until they got this sweet son of a bitch.* 

*almost positive this definitely probably happened.

This drink’s got whole fruit and citrus so if anyone gives you shit for drinking more than one or four, just tell ‘em you’re getting your fiber then throw chips at them, yelling “IT’S NACHO FUCKING BUSINESS.”

Scope the Butternut Squash Queso recipe from our second book TK2:Party Grub