There are just too many cameras today. You cant have any fun anymore and that takes the fun out of fun. Photo from yahoo.
Hey Y’all,
Another busy week just got busier. But before we get to the breaking news, I have to clear something up. Last week my phone started blowing up with texts. All the comments were along this line.
“Dude, is that you?”
“Walking the mama again?”
“You are just not right.”
“How does it feel to finally be treated like the dog you are?”
Totally clueless, I asked what my friends from around the nation were talking about but none of them were kind enough to fill me in on their secret. I am one of those people who gets 99% of their news from the internet. I usually read the Drudge Report headlines and maybe once a day I will click on a link but most of the time a quick scan of the headlines is more than enough information for me. Last week there was a link about a woman walking her nude husband like he was a dog.
http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/weird/2014/08/01/woman-walks-naked-man-leash/13467293/
I didn’t click on the link just assuming that it was another crazy couple in San Francisco or Portland. Turns out the perverted couple was from West Virginia and all my perverted friends were checking out the link. Even worse they assumed that I was playing the role of a dog.
It wouldn’t be so bad if she looked like Christy Brinkley. Just being honest. Photo from yahoo.
For the record, that was not me and this woman is not my wife. I don’t judge because we all have something and goodness knows that I am not above doing something stupid. But, I would like to address this fine couple. Come on man! You can’t keep that in the privacy of your own home? West Virginia has a bad enough image without you people. Please, don’t help us out anymore.
Now that the issue has been properly addressed. Breaking news, I have been offered the Head Coaching position for my son’s flag football team. Once again, I will be leading the Red Wolves into battle and putting my undefeated record on the line. Last year, I guided the Red Wolves to a 9-0 record. Of course, this league doesn’t keep score but why get bogged down in the details. I’m looking forward to it and will keep you updated as the season rolls on.
I got to start practicing yelling at the kids. “Are you eyeballing me boy?” “I said 240/water/grass/club/comedy/341 on 2. Are you stupid? You ran a 240/air/dirt/drama/341. Don’t ruin my perfect record.” or maybe this. If you are going to act like a first grader then go sit by your mama. Oh you are a first grader? Then act your age, not your shoe size.” Photo from yahoo.
Don’t forget yelling at the referee either. “Do you have money on this game?” or “Come here four eyes.” or “This is upward football, one step below the NFL. You better earn your paycheck, you stripped zebra.” Photo from yahoo.
Finally, I got a couple of veteran articles to pass on to you. The victim from the last article is Dave Weddington, former C-130 Flight Engineer, neighbor and good friend. This is a two part article. Hope you enjoy.
That Dave Weddington is a sexy beast. Photo from Rob Akers.
http://www.herald-dispatch.com/news/putnam/x720303001/Glancing-at-veterans-colorful-military-career
I need to get busy designing plays for the team. Like last year we will be running a modified version of a pro-style, veer with elements of the west coast and a vertical passing game. We will be going no huddle again this year so those kids better be in the books. And I don’t mean school books.
I am putting the finishing touches on my own statue to sit outside the bedroom window. Photo from yahoo.
Until next time, keep on rockin.
I don’t know who this cat is, but I like his attitude. Photo from yahoo
Hey Y’all,
My ship has come in, all of the problems have been solved. I am going to buy my baby a new pair of shoes, and the drinks are on me. I got paid!
All expenses paid trip on the Titanic. Who wants to go with me? photo from yahoo.
I don’t just mean paid, I mean paid for my words. I have officially lost my amateur status, and the next step is Hollywood, New York, and London. No more waiting in line like a schmuck, no more housework and no more wishing for the good life. That’s right baby, I’m talking swimming pools and movie stars.
Just a summer cottage. Photo from yahoo.
My next stop is to be with the rich and the beautiful, partying like a rock star, hanging out with Lindsay, Paris, Miley and Jay-Z because I just joined the social elite.
This guy is rich and famous. Proves the fact that no talent is required. I will fit in well. photo from yahoo.
Don’t think I am going to be one of those empty headed stars either. I have got to have an agenda. Right now I am vacillating between insect’s rights or railing against the conspiracy that flossing your teeth is good. Yes it is a myth propagated by big corporations so they can sale more wax string. Now that I think about it, I will go with both. Live your life, be happy, drop the fly swatter and the floss.
If the rich people eat a thousand dinner a night, there must be a lot of bulimia going on. All for a good cause. photo from yahoo.
I have already put a down payment on my second house, a new Ferrari, a new wardrobe of designer white tee shirts, and a face lift.
Black, white and pink are the only colors I need. Everyone has a red one, I can’t be a boring rich guy like everyone else. photos from yahoo.
Speaking of face lifts: “What do they call a modified 757? Joan Rivers, new skin, old bones. photo from yahoo.
Finally, you all should know that I will be moving on. I can’t associate with the little people any longer. It isn’t personal, but I can’t have followers. I am toying with the idea of retaining you all, but at a greatly reduced status. I think you all should be at a higher level than worshipers. I am leaning towards call you all subjects. I am going to reserve the term follower for the paparazzi. Anyway, it has been nice hanging out with you guys, but since I am big time now. I just don’t have the time.
Did you notice that most of the paparazzi are taking pictures of someone approaching to the left? Do these people have no respect for the celebrities posing? I will probably lash out and throw a fit if this ever happens. photo from yahoo.
All of this is in good fun. I have a long way to go until I am that guy. But you might want to think about sucking up now, so that I might act like I know you later. Ha ha. Thanks for reading and hope you had a good laugh.
Hard to read, but the amount is FIFTY dollars. That’s right suckers. I am FIFTY dollars down the road to being somebody. My wife asked if I was going to frame it. I said “Nope, I’m going to cash it!” photo from my scanner.
Until next time, keep on rockin.
Dave is in the brown jacket. I am not sure who the guy holding the life doughnut is, but he sure looks young. Photo from Dave Weddington.
Hey Y’all,
Another busy week here writing away like someone who should get paid like a rock star, but unfortunately none of it is for profit. It is for others but it all serves the greater good. I finally finished the next veteran interview for my local newspaper. It should be printed this Friday but as my editor always says, she controls the printing date not me. When it becomes public, I will give you a link. This week’s victim is Dave Weddington. Dave was a Flight Engineer in my former guard unit, he also lives around the corner from me so it was easy to get him to sit down. He served thirty years and his article is about twice as long as the previous article about Bert Clendenin. Dave’s article was tough to write because I am so close to the story, most of them I knew and some I lived with him. Also, it is tough to summarize a long career in just a few words. I know you will enjoy it when it is published.
My first trip to Alaska. Dave is next to me in the blue shirt. This was taken in 1998. Photo from Dave Weddington.
I am tempted to write about Malaysia 17 that was shot down last week over in the Ukraine. However, our good friend Karlene Pettit did a fantastic article about the event and after reading it, I am sorry to say that there is very little I could add. So head over to her place if this is something that interests you. http://karlenepetitt.blogspot.com/2014/07/mh17-shot-down.html
A couple weeks ago our good friend Abby Jones asked if I would write something about why I blog for a series she is doing over at her site. I said yes before I read what some of the other writers had to say. Suddenly, I had that vary familiar feeling inadequacy, but it was too late to back out. It should be published on Tuesday. I want to thank her for the opportunity to speak to her audience. Sometime I the future I am going to open up the home station to her. I hesitate because once y’all see how a real writer can craft a sentence then there will be a mass exodus. I might follow you all out the door too. Ha ha. Here is her site. http://gentleandquiet.com/
Since I don’t have much to say this week, I will leave you with this short video clip. I don’t normally link you over to YouTube because there is so much garbage and most of it takes too much time to watch. But this is different, I got this from Steve W. who is a retired Captain from my airline. When he was flying, he had too much time on his hands. He would send me all kinds of things, all the time, at all hours of the day and night. But now that he is retired, I guess he has too much going on because I rarely get anything from him anymore. He was a great Captain and one of the few guys that I totally trusted to help flatten out the hump in the Roanoke Va. Runway.
These dudes are super crazy. Watch the video to see the last seconds of life. Photo from yahoo.
If you are squeamish, don’t watch the last three seconds of the clip. If your real squeamish, let your kids watch it first and they will tell you when it is okay to look. This is the body of the e-mail that Steve sent to me and sets up the clip perfectly.
Another Wingsuit Flyer Meets His Maker – YouTub
It’s crazy what these daredevils will try!
Until next time, keep on rockin.
This about sums it up for me but at least the heart took the place of the period. That means a lot. Photo from yahoo.
Hey Y’all,
I am sorry that I have been remiss in posting new stories. I promise I think about it every day and I promise by the end of the day I am still thinking about it. The summer is just flying along but I can’t seem to find enough time to get a good story knocked out. You should view the lack of articles kind of like a bad Christmas present. It is the thought that counts.
I can’t make this one any better. Photo from Yahoo.
But like I said a few weeks ago, I am still cranking out the stories. The story I wrote for the Putnam Herald-Dispatch is one of my personal favorites because of the topic. It appeared in the newspaper on Friday and if you have the time please read it. It focuses on a young man named Bert Clendenin. Bert is a 93 year young Marine that served in the South Pacific during World War II. If his experience doesn’t make you appreciate all of the food in your house, then you have never been hungry. If you read the article and decide that it wasn’t worth your time, I will buy you a BBQ at the local joint here in town. Travel expenses are on your dime.
http://www.herald-dispatch.com/news/putnam/x720300278/No-Headline
Bert is the tall Marine on the right. The man in the picture was one of Bert’s tent mates. He left on a routine flight one morning and never came back. Bert has no idea what happened to him. He has carried this picture in his wallet for almost seventy years. Photo from Bert Clendenin.
I also wrote an essay on Bowe Bergdahl. It appeared over at our good buddy Josh’s site, The Magill Review. I would be honored if you had the time to digest my analysis of the situation. Here are the links.
The first essay: http://themagillreview.wordpress.com/2014/07/14/finding-bowe-bergdahl-facts-and-speculation/
The second essay: http://themagillreview.wordpress.com/2014/07/15/finding-bowe-bergdahl-educated-guess-and-how-it-ends/
Unfortunately, the schedule is booked solid for the foreseeable future. I have two more veteran interviews completed and am in the process of editing it. The second one needs to be written. I am scheduling three more veterans for their interviews in the upcoming weeks. Our good friend Abby asked for a guest post on the topic of blogging. That article is complete and I think she will publish it on Monday and our good friend Karlene asked for a short essay on urgency in aviation for a book that she is writing. She will have to wait for a few days. And I am getting some great feedback on the book. I want to thank my wife (Donetta), Koji, Big Joe, and Abby for taking the time to compile their thoughts and for being brave enough to tell me the truth. The good news is that so far no one has told me to burn it, give up the hope of being the next Rob Akers and to go back to watching TV.
I love that comment. “He didn’t seem all that busy to me.” That makes me laugh. Photo from yahoo.
I am going to take that as a victory. I would like to say more but I got things to do. Until next time, keep on rockin.
I only took 866 pictures over a twelve hour day. This is sunset on the 4th from the US side of the Falls. Photo from Rob Akers
Hey Y’all,
Short and quick post today, this past weekend was my twelfth wedding anniversary. To celebrate the achievement, we left the kids at the house and went to Niagara Falls for a couple of days. I’m sure many of you are surprised that we left the kids, but don’t be concerned. The dogs were watching the kids and the cats were watching the dogs. I guess it all went well because when we returned, everyone had survived.
One more from almost the same spot six hours earlier. The blue dots are people walking up the trail next to the American Fall. Photo from Rob Akers.
For those of you who have never been to Niagara Falls, I would highly encourage you to go. It is simply amazing watching the amount of water fly past and down to the river below. Quick facts about the area for your general knowledge on the off chance you are appearing on Jeopardy soon. Niagara is the Native American word for thundering river. In the past 9,000 years the falls have recessed at the rate of six feet a year for a total of seven miles. In the late 1800s Nikola Tesla began his work with transferring electricity over a distance. Using the falls as a power source, his experiments were successful and he generated enough power to transmit it twenty five miles to Buffalo.
Another triva answer. Hope this usless knowledge pays off better for you than it did for Ms. Taylor. Photo from yahoo.
In the 1960s, the US and Canada began a joint project to divert the water flow and engineered four tunnels to divert between 50-75% of the water of the Niagara River. Thanks to this diversion the recession rate of the falls has dropped dramatically to ten inches a year. Of course there are so many stories of people making their way down the falls in a barrel or walking over it on a tight rope. The way most of those stories is in death. In total six people have survived the journey and two people have survived it twice. I think if I were that lucky, I would play the lottery.
I guess this guy lived. But finishing in second place to Ms. Taylor and all he got was a picture. Photo from yahoo.
This guy didnt even get a close up. Guess walking over the Falls isnt the trick it used to be. Photo from yahoo.
Unfortunately, my time is limited this week. I am trying to write out two interviews of veterans. I did those interviews last week and they both turned out wonderfully. But I am on a time crunch since the first interview is scheduled to be published this Friday and I need to have the next one ready very soon. I will leave you with a link to the first essay about the importance of the Independence Day that I did for the Putnam Herald Dispatch and ran on the 4th. I hope you enjoy it and as the future interviews are published, I will link you to them here. The first interview was with Bert Clendenin, a WWII vet who enlisted following Pearl Harbor. His story is amazing and the lessons he learned are simple. “Never pass up chow.”
Until next time, keep on rockin.
Actual photo of the family going down to the beach. I couldn’t figure out why everyone kept staring at us as we drove down the road. Photo from yahoo
Hey Y’all,
Back from the beach and except for one bad day under using the sunscreen, I survived with my little pale backside still pale. We went to Topsail Beach in North Carolina with three other families plus a couple of extras that pushed the maximum sleeping capacity of the house to nineteen. It was a busy house for sure, but busy is not boring. The connection for the families is of course the women. They are like sisters and are as tight as thieves. The kids range from 14/11/10/10/7/6/6/4, with five boys and three girls. The best part of it is that only the oldest knew a time without the other kids hanging around. The rest of them have grown up together and are as thick as but not quite as sweet as cold honey.
The husbands are much like Christmas lights. We are nice to look at and we make everything better but Christmas will still happen even if we are burned out. The good news is that we are a little harder to replace than a bad string. The past two group vacations, I had to miss a couple of days each trip because of work commitments. This year I made the entire week but another husband had to miss because of his work. It is tough to be a man down but it is what it is.
Actual photo of the fish my son caught. He asked if it was big and I said that his papaw had caught bigger but it was a good first fish. photo from yahoo
The two highlights of the week for me were taking my son fishing for the first time and he caught a huge sea bass. Fishing from the beach behind the house at sunset, he got a very serious look on his face and said something was pulling on it. He gave me the rod and sure enough, there was something there. I gave it right back to him and told him to crank. He cranked it but his little six year old chicken wing just isn’t strong enough to twist the handle. I told him to start walking backwards and he pulled the fish towards the shore while I waded into the surf with a net to scoop it up. We took his fish back to the house to show Mom screaming like a couple of soccer fans at the World Cup. When he went inside, he was so excited she thought I had been eaten by a shark. We got the hook out of the fish, took a picture and released it back to the ocean. That little kid can do anything.
The older boys caught some fish. This is a photo of the biggest one they caught. photo from yahoo
Equally exciting was holding my daughter in the recliner as she fell asleep. She turned ten last week and it has been years since she let me hold her that long. Life must have been good because sitting in a living room with three women talking about all things women. I feel asleep with my little ten year old baby in my arms. The time spent with my wife was equally wonderful but we really didn’t get any alone time. In a house with seventeen other humans tends to make it like that. But this week is our anniversary and we have a little Mommy/Daddy trip planned so all is well. All things being equal, it was a good vacation.
WARNING: Do not do a yahoo search of daddies sleeping with daughters. You will not get pleasant pictures to look at. Somewhere at the FBI, I probably set off an alarm. Good thing I have the safe search mode on. photo from yahoo.
But it is time to get back to work. A few weeks ago I got an e-mail from our good friend Abby over at A Gentle and Quiet Spirit. She was participating in a blog tour and asked if I wanted to be included. A blog tour is started by someone and they nominate a couple of other bloggers to answer some questions and so on. Normally, I don’t participate in these types of things but I really didn’t read her e-mail very well. I just typed something like, “I guess so” or “maybe” and forgot about it. After reading her thought provoking answers to these questions and going back to see the high caliber of writers that have participated before me, I am not sure I should have committed to the project. But here I am and apparently someone somewhere is expecting something. I intend to give them what they want and I want to impress them so I sharpened the crayon a little more this week. Look out world!
What am I working on?
What am I not working on would be a better question. Other than doing a weekly article here, I also write for an on-line magazine at the Magill Review. The topics vary depending on the request of the editors there, but generally I like to talk about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. The next article for the Magill Review will be an analysis of Bowe Bergdahl. The last one covered my favorite grilling techniques and some of my favorite cooking recipes. Additionally, I have taken on a new commitment interviewing local veterans and writing about their experiences for the local newspaper. Finally, I am in the editing process of an unpublished fictional novel that is approximately 165K words.
Can’t wait to be counting hundred dollar bills from the writing gig. The photo is probably the bank lady counting payment from the bills I have racked up because of this writing gig. photo from yahoo.
How does my work differ from others in its genre?
Everything has its place and purpose. I will explain the purpose for this site in the next question. But generally, I attempt to look at the world through a different vantage point. Sometimes that vantage point starts and ends with a loving spirit. I’m not saying I am a loving spirit but that is one of the perspectives I choose to view the world through. I also have a different background from most writers and I make every attempt to connect with like-minded folks because we have to stick together if we are to survive.
My writing experience is probably much different from everyone else too. I didn’t come out of the womb writing like most writers. In fact, most of my youth was spent trying to avoid writing at all costs. In high school, most everyone was happier when I chose to skip class and when I did show up; it was usually to get a nap. I was a poor student but a great day dreamer. And if left to my own devices I could imagine some really cool stuff, like how to skip more school. Like an early role model Farris Bueller, I think my work is different from most everyone else because I chose different paths.
In my fictional work, my work is unlike anything that I have never heard of. I am unafraid to change a plot line or hold to a script because I am not bounded by years of learning all the “approved writing rules.” The fictional work touches on several different genres, at some points it is an action novel, at others it is a mystery, spy thriller, and epic adventure mixed with life lessons. It is mixed with an honest look at the hardships of prolonged war, dangers from the over-reaching surveillance state and a healthy contempt for the TSA. But I really hope it is just a plain, old fashioned, good read.
Oh, that is what realistic fiction is. I thought it was the guy that writes the scripts for the television shows. photo from yahoo.
Why do I write what I do?
I write to lift others up, to encourage and to highlight everything that is right with our nation. The main purpose of this site is to be a vehicle to tell stories from the life I lived from 2003 to 2007 as a C-130 pilot in the West Virginia Air National Guard. I would love to have my stories become a stepping stone to a non-fiction book about the exploits of the 120 men and women I deployed with during the war with Iraq and Afghanistan. But for now, it will be a way to document the life I had before my kids were born so that they will one day know who dad was before he was old and fat. It also serves as the basic platform that I use as my writing base.
How does your writing process work?
The short answer is not very well. Ha ha. Actually, I let the story stay in my head for a period of time before I even sit down to type it out. It runs in my head like a computer program runs in the background of your laptop. When I have time, I bring it to the surface and let the words form and when I get busy they fade into the background just percolating until the next time I think about them. At any one time, I have three or four thoughts going on in my brain. That is above and beyond normal life thoughts. Right now, I am typing out these answers to the questions. I have been thinking about this post for the better part of a week. But I am also mentally working on the Bergdahl story, this morning I interviewed a local vet to begin work on his story and I have the novel that is a constant companion. But when it is time to do the next story, it flows fairly quickly because it has already formed in the subconscious.
Working on the novel is another process and much more detailed. I found that I literally played the same scenes over and over in my head like a movie. Moving forwards and backwards in the scene and re-imagining the conversations, changing a detail and re-running it over and over until it was perfect mentally. Then I would sit down and write the scene. This happened for all of the big scenes and for the in between sections I just free styled, letting the words flow out and the story meander as it wanted until it connected to the next big scene. About fifty percent of the free style was cut entirely and another forty percent needed major reworking. But ten percent was solid gold and something I never saw in the work before then. I hit on several parallel storylines that add a definite richness to the story and will hopefully end up with some returning characters because they are too cool just to discard after a single book.
Every boy likes fire trucks. Photo from yahoo.
I hope I haven’t scared anyone off because of my strange writing process. In the meantime, I would like to hand the baton off to Evan of the site” In the Words of an Evan” http://inthewordsofanevan.wordpress.com
He is a wonderfully talented writer who will one day be a legend. I knew that immediately after reading a single post of his. He has a talent that I never will and he has a drive that is second to none and he just graduated high school. I can’t wait to take a peek behind his writing curtain and see how a pro does it.
Evan always signs off with the phrase, May you remain existential. I don’t know what that means but it sounds great. Until next time, keep on rockin.
This is an example of what not to do. I learned this lesson the hard way several years ago. Today, if I apply sunscreen at all it goes on the feet. Photo from yahoo
Hey Y’all,
Hanging out at the beach this week, fortunately I survived the first two days without getting scorched. I did forget to put sunscreen on my knees, they are red. Today, my wife made sure that I was covered and everything worked out well. Sun screen is amazing but the odds are that I will look like a stripped lobster by the end of the week.
Friday night, the family drove halfway to the beach and stayed at a hotel in Greensboro, NC. The shower in the hotel had a liquid soap dispenser. I am all for saving the environment but I despise liquid soap. Not because it doesn’t work great, but because it takes me back to Iraq. Before I left in March 03, my wife gave me a bag to hold all my shower supplies. The black bag was a freebie from Lancôme or some other cosmetic maker. I’m sure I looked great making the walk of shame 147 steps one way to the shower tent with my make-up bag full of liquid soap, shaving kit, towel, shower shoes, clean clothes, and toothbrush. No one ever teased me about it, so I can only assume they couldn’t tell the difference between a Lancôme bag and an Este Lauder bag.
Walking into the shower tent was much like walking into a Turkish Bath house. Not that I have been in a Turkish Bath house, but I would assume that it is like the shower tent. The first 20 or so feet of the shower tent were lined with cots on the outer wall. Some guys sat on the cot to get dressed but I never did. I just couldn’t get excited about sitting where some other naked guy had been sitting. You can call me superstitious, but I have always thought it was bad luck to sit on another guy’s butt print.
I didn’t know what a Turkish Bath House looked like. Just by doing a basic search and having the safe search profile on moderate, I saw way more than I intended. The showers in Iraq were nothing like a Turkish Bath House. Photo from yahoo.
After the dressing area, the next 40 feet of tent were shower stalls. The center lane of the tent was rubber lined and it was always best to find an empty stall before you had to pass another naked guy who was walking out. There was not really a protocol for passing a guy in the lane. My technique was to shower at an off peak time so it hopefully wouldn’t happen. Some guys liked to find a place in the back of the tent, I was a first available stall kind of guy. It just felt a little creepier the farther back in the tent I went. Actually, it was fine and safe but it was just my preconceived issues that I brought with me from the world.
The shower stalls were wide open and there was no sense of privacy. Actually, I preferred that because I felt a little more confident that everything was on the up and up, so to speak. The rule was a two minute shower or more commonly called a combat shower. The base had about 5,000 people and there wasn’t enough potable water for everyone to get a long shower. I am sure my kids would not be happy if I imposed those rules on them today, truth be known I do like my long showers so no combat showers in the Akers’ household. The other problem with the showers in Iraq was that the water was almost always frigid. It never was in the holding tank long enough to warm up, and it was quite the shock to the system when it hit the skin.
The shower procedure was simple and efficient. Turn on the water and get wet. Turn it off and lather up. Turn on the water and rinse off. Then the walk of towel covered nakedness back to the dressing area. I did my best, to get dressed without getting the muddy water on my clean clothes. Not that it mattered because there was 147 steps in the dusty dirt back to the tent.
This is more in line with the shower tent of 2003. The guy that took this picture would have been standing in the changing area and the shower stalls would have been behind him. It is nothing like the pictures of a Turkish Bath House. Photo from yahoo.
Several times since then, my wife has tried to get me to go back to liquid soap. Every time, I have thrown a fit like a 2 year old until she buys me some bar soap. I just can’t make myself go back to liquid and I see no reason to try again and now you all know the reason behind my issue with liquid soap.
“Joey, do you like to use liquid soap?” photo from yahoo.
Until next time, keep on rockin.
