Middle Age Riot

Watching Fox News to learn about current events is like watching Hogan's Heroes to learn about the Holocaust.

Any man who supports limiting a woman’s right to choose should be forced to push a baby out their penis and put it through college.

Mexico is going to pay for Trump's border wall the same way Saint Nick is going to pay for the presents my kids get "from Santa."

Donald Trump is so proud of saying "Merry Christmas" because, unlike "The Star-Spangled Banner," he can remember all the words.

An optimist sees Donald Trump as half full of shit while a realist sees him as completely full.

Melania Trump criticized journalists and comedians for using her family's fame to promote themselves. "It's like if a nude model brought to the United States illegally questioned the citizenship of the President to publicize her husband's reality television show."

Donald Trump is more likely to have a mental condition named after him than a presidential library.

According to a recent poll, Donald Trump remains popular among morons, idiots, nincompoops, imbeciles, birdbrains, dunderheads, numskulls, nitwits, dullards, simpletons, buffoons, boobs, twits, clods, dolts, oafs, dopes, schmucks, schnooks, stupid people, and Republicans.

Donald Trump: "I don’t talk the way I am quoted." Yes, you do, shithead. That's what "quoted" means.

Tightened border security is making it difficult to fill jobs Americans don't want, like picking fruit or being Trump’s Chief of Staff.

RT if your dog is smarter than Donald Trump.

I know it's not a politically correct thing to say, but I miss having a president who speaks English. #SmockingGun

If you've had sex, but have never had to pay for it, you're a better deal maker than Donald Trump.

As a former president, Donald Trump should be allowed one special perk for his prison cell: a television that only gets CNN.

"At least he wasn't Donald Trump" will be the eulogy of every slightly less shitty politician until the end of time.

Donald Trump was never going to get along with anything called "the intelligence community."

If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. If you lie down with Trump, you get up with jail time.

If only there'd been a Schoolhouse Rock about treason, all of this could've been avoided.