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Two aging techs may be getting whipped back into 1990s shape

The volatility we’ve been waiting for hasn’t truly arrived just yet, though yesterday’s triple-digit move on the Dow showed that the market may, indeed, be about to blow, one way or another. Just in time for Janet Yellen to pop out of the Fed cake.

The ‘scariest charts in the world’ and the dearth of deep-value plays

The Nasdaq just hit a speed bump on the road back to dot-com highs, stumbling through its biggest decline since July to start the week. That’s probably just a sample of the volatility we’ll be facing over the next few days.

The fun is just beginning. Chain-smoking, Scotch-guzzling fun.

Scotland, Fed to fire up what could be a wild stretch for markets

Online bookie Paddy Power puts the odds of the Scots voting for independence this week at 3 to 1. Then again, the same site will reward a $1 bet accurately placed on Mo Harris as Lucy Beale’s killer in “EastEnders” with $200. Or — to put it in terms Americans might be more familiar with — Paddy Power will pay out $14 to your dollar if Justin Bieber is chosen to play Holden Caulfield.

When we get to the final frontier of bubbles, plus an EM rally

The word “bubble” occupies a strange space in the canon of  financial writing: perpetually overused, continuously misinterpreted, lacking in any agreed-upon definition… yet irresistible to talk about.

Perhaps we finally have a reason why: it’s hard to think about holistically when you’ve been trapped in one for the last two decades.

Consider swapping some winners before the market wakes up

Investors might finally have to stop balancing their pencils on their upper lips and swiping their way through Tinder, because the trading malaise that’s hung over markets is about to lift. The Fed meeting next week, if nothing else, will almost certainly goose volumes and set the oft-volatile fall season in motion. At least it’ll feel that way relative to what we’ve seen over some of the slowest weeks in years.

Disastrous M&A plays, and one of the most underappreciated skills in investing

Well, we jinxed it. After noting yesterday that the S&P 500 hasn’t registered a 0.5% move in either direction for 14 days, voila, we get one. And it’s to the downside. Blame it on Apple. Just because.

It’s a beautiful day for Apple fans, but maybe not for the stock market

“Beautiful Day” would probably be an appropriate, if a bit trite, song choice should U2 take the stage at today’s Apple event, though the marketing team might ask Bono to tweak the lyric, “what you don’t have you don’t need it now.” Perhaps give it the same kind of treatment the The Rolling Stones got on The Ed Sullivan Show. Something like “what you don’t need, you must have it now.”

Apple-phobes might want turn off all electronic devices this week

Here we go again. Apple’s legendary hype machine is weaving its trademark magic ahead of this week’s event, and when that thing starts rumbling, it’s not just my technophile offspring who’s jockeying for position. Rivals make their plays to grab some of the spotlight, Wall Street jumps in with all sorts of projections, and the media,of course, gets sucked into the mania, squeezing every clickable piece of iNews like it’s the last lime at a tequila party.

The secret bull case for gold in September, and, oh, that jobs report

If you were paying attention — the numbers suggest you likely weren’t — you might’ve noticed just how incredibly boring last week was in the trading pits. Watching markets felt like a warm glass of milk sitting through your neighbor’s vacation slideshow.

“And, oh, here’s Becky and Kate with Blitz at the Seahawks game… “