Existential Comics

"It's Friday night, time to start drinking" "It isn't Friday night..." "Time is a illusion, don't you know anything?"

"What is your philosophy?" "fox is the best animal" "No, like…what is the meaning of life?" "is it too late to change my answer to otter?"

New Gatorade flavor ideas this month: 1. Glacial thunderstorm 2. Magma cherry 3. The unbearable lightness of being

What's weird is it's someone's job to come up with new Gatorade flavors. Like that's their whole job.

Philosophy has no solution for Rousseau: tyranny Kant: the finitude of knowledge Bataille: our devotion to guilt Camus: high cigarette taxes

Setting of thought experiments: French: meeting friends at a café British: riding a trolley American: trapped in a room doing pointless work

How to make philosophy more popular: 1. Have more thought experiments end in cliffhangers 2. Rename "modal logic" to "Xtreme Logic" 3. Sex

I was unhappy with my life for a long time, so I decided to change nothing. I'm still unhappy, but at least I didn't have to do anything.

[ person reviewing hospital floorplan ] "I dunno, it looks like people might be able to find their way around, can it be more maze-like?"

Student: "but what's the point of learning math?" Teacher: "There is none. Life in general is pointless and after death there is only void."

The most important thing for a nihilist to not value is reading books. Because then they might discover how vapid their easy cynicism is.

"You found Aristotle's tomb?" "Yep." "How do you know?" "It says 'Suck it Plato' on it..."https://twitter.com/rdavidowen/status/735876320530468865 …

To tweet or not to tweet, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to suffer the @'s and subtweets of outrageous misfortune...

Alright, I've got 60k followers, who wants to pay me to sponsor tweets? Sample: Get some @tacobell: it is bad, but so is life in general.

"Alcohol won't solve your problems" "I'm having this one problem right now: I'm sober."

Damn kids these days with their fancy epistemological theories, back in my day knowledge was justified true belief and we liked it that way!

L'INDISCRETO is publishing my comics in Italian on their website, starting with "Language Games" (pictionary).https://twitter.com/pornsaints/status/735474768607117314 …

Possible alternate careers of philosophers: Hobbes: lawyer Plato: wrestler Russell: accountant Wittgenstein: guy who lives off his parents

How to be an intellectual: memorize the names of all the authors that you haven't read.

If I won the lottery it'd be the 5000th or so exciting thing in my life. The other 4999 would be random minor stuff from my childhood.

This work of philosophy was produced without conducting any dangerous thought experiments on animals.

An infinite number of philosophers imagine an infinite number of thought experiments. Each is more pointless than the last. The end.

Look, I'm not going to sit here and say that finding nice dogs to pet IS the meaning of life, but it's at least a very large portion of it.

Nietzsche would be the philosopher best at Twitter. Frege – the worst. It'd be some math stuff, then he'd get drunk and rant about the Jews.

"I'd just stop the trolley from going on either track, saving the one and the five" "You can't do that" [ puts on Batman mask ] "Oh shit..."

Boss: "can I see you in my office?" Me: "one second, I'm spreading communist propaganda." Boss: "yeah, that's kind of what this is about..."

Maybe life isn't meaningless. Maybe the meaning just sucks.

Philosopher most likely to secretly be Batman: Ludwig Wittgenstein. Philosopher least likely to secretly be Batman: Thomas Nagel.

If I had to call one philosopher to help me get rid of a body at 3 am, well...Dostoyevsky counts as a philosopher, right?

What's important? Aristotle: virtue Aquinas: faith Sartre: freedom Mill: liberty Rawls: justice Me: how much longer until happy hour ends

You are on a trolley. On one track is one person, on the other track is five people. But all five of them don't like your tweets...

All in all things are progressing pretty well in my life. I'm on track to become a grumpy old man 10 years ahead of schedule.

Like Schopenhauer said: "you can do what you will, but you can't will what you will; and also favs are, like, super addicting."

I can quit Twitter any time I want. What I can't do is want to quit.

We understand reality through: Locke: the senses Wittgenstein: language Popper: science Hegel: the dialectic Descartes: evil demons probably

As a philosopher I love wisdom, but lately wisdom has been asking me to do things in bed that I'm frankly not comfortable with.

"Drink too much and sleep too little." That's my motto. It's not a great motto, by any means, but alas – I am not a great man.

People ask me if I'm worried about "running out" of comic ideas. Creativity doesn't work that way – the more you use the more you have left.

Nihilism is good for when you want to seem cool for having no interests or ambitions.

♪Monads just want to have fun.♪

I love philosophy, but the fact that they're still arguing if when you look at something you're actually looking at it does make you wonder.

But wait, let's find out what random-dude-from-the-internet thinks about feminism!

"Platonic Love" should mean when you thought you were in love but it turns out that she was just a shadow on the wall.