Goodreads helps you keep track of books you want to read.

Start by marking “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking” as Want to Read:

Other editions

Enlarge cover

Rate this book

Clear rating

1 of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars

Open Preview

Read Excerpt

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

by Susan Cain (Goodreads Author)

4.03 · Rating Details · 202,562 Ratings · 16,297 Reviews

At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society--from van Gogh’s ...more

Hardcover, First Edition (U.S.), 337 pages

Published January 24th 2012 by Crown Publishing Group/Random House, Inc. (first published January 2012)

More Details... edit details

Get a copy:

Or buy for

Friend Reviews

To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up.

Reader Q&A

To ask other readers questions about Quiet, please sign up.

Lists with This Book

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

books from TED

83 books — 319 voters

Best Books of 2012

3,264 books — 9,436 voters

More lists with this book...

Community Reviews

(showing 1-30)

filter | sort: default (?) | Rating Details

Jun 11, 2015 Emily May rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, 2015

“There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.”

I read this book for the same reason most people read this book: I am an introvert. I have always been an introvert, and it's a fundamental, sometimes limiting, part of who I am.

I've learned to deal with it better over the years - learned to clasp my shaking hands together during presentations, force myself to breathe normally and keep my voice steady, even force myself to make the first move in social situatio ...more

flag 868 likes · Like · see review

Dec 17, 2012 Hanne rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, popular-psychology

I always thought I was just weird...
I can be alone in my car for a 1h drive and not want to have the radio or music on. On sundays I often join the walking club for a long 25km walk, but I prefer to do it alone (and oh, all the pity looks you get!). The idea of surprise parties makes me sick to my stomach, and any event where a thousand people are together is possibly even worse. I dislike small talk, but I probably hate even more how nervous I get when I have to do it.
I can feel sad for a brui I always thought I was just weird...
I can be alone in my car for a 1h drive and not want to have the radio or music on. On sundays I often join the walking club for a long 25km walk, but I prefer to do it alone (and oh, all the pity looks you get!). The idea of surprise parties makes me sick to my stomach, and any event where a thousand people are together is possibly even worse. I dislike small talk, but I probably hate even more how nervous I get when I have to do it.
I can feel sad for a bruised tomato no-one wants to buy (hey, he tried his best too, not his fault someone dropped him!), and while everyone else goes to the modern, light apothecary across the street with the super nice people always happy to help, I go to the dark and older one who never has clients (how else will he survive?)

Turns out I'm not that weird. I'm just a full blood introvert.
And yet, I'm not what you think. I'm not particularly shy, I'm not the grey bird that never says a word and everyone forgets she's around. I'm very opinionated and quite stubborn, and when amongst friends I know well, I can be the loudest person in the room.
But still I'm introvert. After being with friends or colleagues, I need recharging time. I need to be alone. I (almost) always think before I talk. I enjoy getting to the bottom of things, I enjoy detective work. And I can go on and on.

While reading this book, on occasion I was nodding so hard I thought my head might fall off.
There were very little eye-opening surprises in this book, and even a few things I didn't agree with or I would have hoped for her to explore more. Even a few occasions I thought she was idealizing introverts. This book was not perfect, but somehow i feel that it was important for me to read it.

Overall, it was quite liberating. I'm not that weird! About a third of us on this planet (and on a website as Goodreads probably a LOT more) are more or less like me - not completely like me, I'm still unique (I insist!)
But that might not be an issue. Though some of you might recognize some of my examples above, I've never met someone before that can feel bad for a bruised tomato. So maybe i'm still little weird, and my own unique self. Hoorah ...more

flag 572 likes · Like · see review

Apr 26, 2013 Stephanie rated it really liked it

Shelves: psycology, personality, 2012

March 6th was Super Tuesday and I live in that Oh-so-much-talked-about-battle-ground-state of Ohio. I work the elections as a Ballot Judge, which means I hand out the ballots to the voters and give them instructions. I get to talk and talk, for 13 hours straight *sigh*. I try to make it entertaining for the voters, myself and the others I work with because of its repetition, but by 7:30 pm when the polls close I don’t think the language I was using was English.

My spiel went something like this…… ...more

flag 450 likes · Like · see review

Apr 15, 2013 Kelly rated it liked it

Shelves: owned, 21st-century, philosophy-theory-criticism, its-the-quiet-ones

In a twist that will surprise precisely no one, this book spends a fair amount of time cheering for introverts. What were the odds, right? I assume if you're picking this book up you're on board with that to a certain extent, and likely something of an introvert yourself.

This book is certainly for you-or for the perplexed extrovert or "pseudo-extrovert" that might be confused by your supposedly mysterious ways. It's a sort of shield, a blockade, a set of reinforced walls that Cain feels it is n In a twist that will surprise precisely no one, this book spends a fair amount of time cheering for introverts. What were the odds, right? I assume if you're picking this book up you're on board with that to a certain extent, and likely something of an introvert yourself.

This book is certainly for you-or for the perplexed extrovert or "pseudo-extrovert" that might be confused by your supposedly mysterious ways. It's a sort of shield, a blockade, a set of reinforced walls that Cain feels it is necessary to throw up around introverts (particularly American introverts) to protect them from the "Extrovered Ideal," of American socialization. The tone of the beginning of the book is thus rather defiant, like Cain is screaming back at everyone she has ever felt pressured by to go to a happy hour or to a dinner party when she had much rather just read a book instead. There's some of this kick-back throughout the book, with plenty of cathartic/sympathetic/rather relatable war stories from introverts just tryin' to make it in an extrovert's world.

It is particularly meant to speak to introverts in the high flying business, legal, and/or educational world, where a premium is put on socializing, teamwork, constant connection and multitasking (I am speaking here particularly of the rarefied worlds of Big Law, Wall Street Finance, and Ivy League academia). It's a very career and work focused book, with a surprisingly frequent focus on the bottom line about what traits introverts are more likely to have and how these should be recognized at the top tables in all fields. Her argument, based on one scientific study after another throughout the chapters (deployed like so much artillery), is that introverts tend to think more deeply about problems and persist for longer in trying to solve them. Introverts are supposedly more likely to care about the feelings of others, to make excellent compromising leaders, and to be excellent negotiators (Cain's particular area of expertise) based on their ability to seem soft and actually be tough at the same time. She scorns the merely "shy" as extroverts in disguise who share extroverts' traits and want the spotlight but who are just too scared to get it (she would never say this outright, but it is clear that she believes they don't deserve the secret introvert password and is determined to keep out the riffraff). She argues that the extroverts in powerful positions she has seen are more likely to take unjustified risks, to get hopped up on testosterone and the thrill of the chase, to listen to the loudest person in the room, and to walk all over introverts.

She readily admits the nuances in these sweeping generalizations. She also admits the worth of extroverts and how introverts greatly enjoy and need their company, both professionally and personally. In addition, she also talks about some legitimate times when introverts may devote time and energy to being extroverted (if they care about something enough- "Free Trait Theory"). Finally, and in the part that I most appreciated, Cain talks a bit about the "Situational" theory of personality- that is, that people's personalities can be completely different in different situations, times and around different people. Therefore, there are very few "pure" introverts or "pure" extroverts. She also admits that the way that these generalized "traits" play out may look very different and may, after all, not be very predictive in any direct way. (Many extroverts may have excellent impulse control, or introverts who care deeply about a cause may act frequently and completely out of character in order to fight for what they believe in.)

However, the space devoted to these arguments is much, much smaller than the space devoted to proving, endlessly, how awesome introverts are and why the professional world should value them and stop trying to tell them that they have to be like extroverts because I'm okay and you're okay and it takes all kinds and a village to make the world go round.

And honestly? This is a message that's happening to hit me at the right time, when I'm involved in a workplace with a whole lot of extroverts surrounding me. I did find it useful in my particular mindset where I am actively waging a struggle to define my own style in a new profession, since introversion is a part of my identity. I also thought that some of the studies she cited DO make a lot of sense and should be more widely looked at (like the ones that talk about why it's a good idea to ask people to provide feedback and brainstorm online rather than in big meetings or why introverts with closed door offices are more productive or some of the advice to parents about how to cherish their introverted child). I also think that it's nice to have someone sounding the alert that someone speaking quietly is not wrong by default- turn on cable news for thirty seconds and you'll be reminded why that is important.

And yet, despite the evident time put into this book, and despite my bias towards it, I couldn't shake the feeling of cynical questioning of what felt like a great deal of pop psychology and arguments made based on feelings, anecdotes and newspaper clippings collected into a narrative. It felt like a file you might keep to make yourself feel better and to express an important part of your identity, rather than a research paper and I'm sure it was aiming at something closer to that crossed with an advice column. There's such a lot of speculation in here, and lots of scientific studies without citations or countervailing evidence brought into play. (For example, it certainly didn't help that the minute after I read one of the more fluffy scientific studies in here about how we Americans as a culture are more drawn to people that display significantly more traditionally dominant body language in pictures I saw it in an issue of Marie Claire in a box near the back of the magazine reconfigured to be about women being attracted to men and how you've gotta look aggressive and Manly to get us ladiezz don't you know?) It just seems like a book written for a specific audience that you can rely on to make that leap to "just know" what you mean because they've got an emotional bank of misunderstood years and moments to draw on. In short, it appeals to an "emotional truth" built on hundreds of pages of stories and studies that may or may not add up to anything at all. On the one hand, it's maybe okay to create a space for a "community" of sorts to feel and process some of that- on the other hand, it will drag down the overall quality of that work into something closer to a melancholy history crossed with a dinner party argument.

Therefore, despite its strengths, and despite the personal enjoyment and help that I have taken from the book at this particular time, I can't rate it as more than an above average read. An intellectualized comfort read for introverted professionals, really, if such a specialized category really exists. I can't rate it higher when I feel like one good scholarly journal review would take the whole theory down, especially when it feels like an argument for corporations to pay introverts more a lot of the time. Nonetheless, a lot of interesting questions asked, a lot of self-reflection inspired. Recommended for my fellow introverts if you're at a place where you feel like something like I described above might be helpful to you at this time. Otherwise, I'd say you could skip it or just watch her TED talk instead. ...more

flag 241 likes · Like · see review

Apr 17, 2015 Grumpus rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: science, audiobook

What an affirmation! While listening to this book, I was constantly reminded of Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, and his mantra, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Well, those who understand me do. Full disclosure, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, I’m an ISFJ.

There were so many points of affirmation for me—things I intuitively knew. Things I’ve tried to share with others mostly to no avail. This book supplies all the dat What an affirmation! While listening to this book, I was constantly reminded of Al Franken’s Saturday Night Live character, Stuart Smalley, and his mantra, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Well, those who understand me do. Full disclosure, according to the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, I’m an ISFJ.

There were so many points of affirmation for me—things I intuitively knew. Things I’ve tried to share with others mostly to no avail. This book supplies all the data I need to support my case. Unfortunately, I don’t think the people who need to read/listen this book (extroverts) will.

The book is not an “introverts are superior” diatribe but rather an explanation of how we can leverage personality types most effectively. There is no right or best personality type but like life in general, we need to understand each other for more harmonious relationships. Whether these relationships are family, work, or social, applications of understanding are documented throughout the book.

There was one example in the book that hit particularly close to home. Although SAT or IQ scores do not support it, people who talk more are perceived as leaders. And, which personality type talks more? Extroverts. Now, assume that both extroverts and introverts have an equal amount of good ideas. Who is going to get their way more? Extroverts. This could be dangerous because they’re going to get their way more meaning that many of their bad ideas are also going to be implemented.

Oh, another thing I intuitively knew but now have support for is brainstorming sessions. Studies show the larger the number of people involved in a session, the less effective they are. A 9-member group is less effective than a 6-member group which is less than effective than a 4-member group which is less effective than a 2-member group. The suggestion is to conduct brainstorming sessions electronically. Collect comments and then share them anonymously and build from there. One of the reasons is that most introverts are better writers than speakers.

Other examples from the business world give tips for how both introverted and extroverted leaders can best work with their subordinates of each type. Take advantage of each of their strengths. Such as how studies show that introverts “inspect” and extroverts “react”. Neither adjective should be taken as derogatory but instead as strengths. Allow introverts time to examine and solve. Studies show they are more persistent trying to solve unsolvable problems. The famous introvert, Albert Einstein said, “It is not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” My hero.

A final word on the narration—fantastic. If you have the opportunity to listen rather than read this book, I would strongly recommend going with the audio format. Kathe Mazur does a perfect narration in a “Quiet”, calm, soothing voice. Very appropriate “in a noisy world that can’t stop talking”.

...more

flag 186 likes · Like · see review

Jul 31, 2013 Brigid *Flying Kick-a-pow!* rated it it was amazing

Shelves: 5-star-books, favorites, books-of-summer-13, non-fiction, yes-yes-yes

You can also read this review on Flying Kick-a-pow! Reviews

This is a bit different from what I typically read and review. I don't often read non-fiction, but when my mom got this out of the library and I read the inside flap, I knew I would have to give it a shot. It sounded like something I could relate to and possibly benefit from … and it was. As soon as I started it, I was totally engrossed. And as I made my way through the entire thing, I felt like I was learning more and more about myself. ...more

flag 133 likes · Like · see review

Jan 19, 2012 Yvonne rated it it was amazing

Thank you, Susan Cain, for writing this remarkable book! As an introvert who has always been regarded as not only quiet, but also timid and weak, this book is very refreshing. It puts into words what many introverts know intuitively; strength does not have to be loud, in your face, or aggressive. Strength and conviction can present themselves quietly without sacrificing effectiveness. Through impressive research, Ms. Cain clearly demonstrates the importance of both personality types and the valu ...more

flag 129 likes · Like · see review

Sep 27, 2016 Dan Schwent rated it liked it

Shelves: 2016, 2016-books

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is about being an introvert in today's society.

Confession time: I'm a tremendous introvert. I know you're all thinking something along the lines of "What? A guy who reads constantly and writes over a hundred book reviews a year is an introvert?" Shocking but true. I could easily go days without human contact. At parties, I'm the guy hanging out near the food or snooping through the host's books or medicine cabinet. I could go into Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking is about being an introvert in today's society.

Confession time: I'm a tremendous introvert. I know you're all thinking something along the lines of "What? A guy who reads constantly and writes over a hundred book reviews a year is an introvert?" Shocking but true. I could easily go days without human contact. At parties, I'm the guy hanging out near the food or snooping through the host's books or medicine cabinet. I could go into more detail but since I have a feeling most Goodreaders are also introverts, I'll skip it.

Basically, the book is a flashing neon sign that says it's okay to be an introvert. Susan Cain chronicles her own struggles as an introvert, as well as showing how America went from being about character to about personality, right around the time movies and TV started getting popular. It covers introverts in all areas, like corporate America, and how introverts are treated in other societies. There's a lengthy section on raising introvert kids, which a lot of parents could use instead of shoving their kids into the shark-infested extrovert waters.

Honestly, I could have used this book as a teenager, when people were constantly badgering me to go out more. Scientific discoveries and works of art are rarely made by people who are constantly talking. Cain covers topics like being an introvert in the business world, where people who talk the loudest get their way more often than not, something I see every day in cubeland.

Actually, the book gave me insight into the behavior of some of my family. Until he retired, my dad was crabbier than Red Foreman all the time. I used to think he was just an angry asshole but now I think he was an introvert with nowhere to unwind. Now that he's retired, I see how much alike we are. He's actually pretty friendly as long as the visits don't go too long.

Susan Cain's writing style is engaging. I felt the repeated examples may have padded the book a bit.
While I felt validated by reading it, sometimes it felt like a book a kid named Matthew, who happened to be missing a finger, wrote about how nine-fingered Matthews are the best at everything. I liked it but most of what Cain says seemed pretty obvious. There are no mind-blowing revelations for introverts within. I do recommend extroverts read it, however. 3.5 out of 5 stars.
...more

flag 149 likes · Like · see review

May 23, 2013 Felicia rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction

As you can see, i've been mixing up my reading lately, THIS ISN'T ROMANCE YAY!

Quiet is a fascinating book about the prejudice that our society faces against introverts, and why it's unfounded, and how, as an introvert, you can overcome that, as well as just KNOW yourself better. I never really classified myself as such before, but reading this, I understand why, if I'm exhausted, all I want to be is alone, and how I'm extroverted only when I can control my environment and how that's a THING! If ...more

flag 107 likes · Like · see review

May 19, 2014 Megan Baxter rated it liked it

There's a real pleasure in recognition. Hearing about yourself, finding out you're not alone, it can be a huge relief and release. And so, as a long-time (although fairly gregarious) introvert, I enjoyed this book quite a bit. Not much of it was truly surprising, but still, it's nice to read a book that validates the way I tend to operate anyway.

Note: The rest of this review has been withdrawn due to the recent changes in Goodreads policy and enforcement. You can read why I came to this decisio ...more

flag 91 likes · Like · see review

Apr 26, 2015 Diane rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites, sociology-psychology, nonfiction

This book blew my mind. I loved it so much that I wish I could give a copy to all of my friends and relatives.

Susan Cain does an excellent job of explaining the different strengths between introverts and extroverts, and the history of how America came to idealize extroverts. I agree that as a society we tend to value the gregarious go-getters, the loud talkers, the forceful presenters.

But Cain's book reminds us that societies need introverts, too — the thinkers, the listeners, the people who lo ...more

flag 92 likes · Like · see review

Jan 30, 2016 Brad rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction, self-help, 2016-shelf

Most of this, to be honest, is self-explanatory, but the rest is a fairly comprehensive exploration of how extroversion became a public ideal back in the 1920's, replacing the power of character with personality and the social stigma that has ever since been placed upon people who don't seem vibrant and ebullient.

It shouldn't come as any surprise to anyone that 1/3 to 1/2 of all people are introverts, but because we live in a society that places a premium on everything non-introverted, most of ...more

flag 84 likes · Like · see review

Mar 22, 2013 Madeleine rated it liked it

Shelves: head-in-the-clouds-nose-in-a-book, let-us-now-speak-of-great-men, our-libeary, 2013, blogophilia

Like the friend whose brutal honesty is never immediately welcome but reveals its necessary truths the more you bitterly and obsessively try to prove her wrong (in your head, of course, always in your head because no one else understands, damnit), this book made me confront things about myself that I always kind of knew but glossed over with conciliatory explanations.

I am, according to the battery of Myers-Briggs tests that Dr. Internet has administered to me (and that offer the same result no Like the friend whose brutal honesty is never immediately welcome but reveals its necessary truths the more you bitterly and obsessively try to prove her wrong (in your head, of course, always in your head because no one else understands, damnit), this book made me confront things about myself that I always kind of knew but glossed over with conciliatory explanations.

I am, according to the battery of Myers-Briggs tests that Dr. Internet has administered to me (and that offer the same result no matter how cleverly I think I've outsmarted the aforementioned countless variations of personality assessments), of the INFP persuasion, just like Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath were presumed to be, along with many other notable people who haven't killed themselves (like Tim Burton, Billy Shakes and Albert Camus). All sources stress that it's one of the rarer personality types, which at least begins to explain why I feel so interminably weird compared to other people all the time.

But I think my introversion also comes with a tinge of self-loathing, for as much as I dislike the idea of being around crowds of people to the extent that I always took those commercials advertising a pill to treat social anxiety as a personal attack on my personality, my stuttering, socially awkward self who identifies with the fictional characters and real ideas populating book after book better than the world beyond my front door is also maddeningly, desperately eager to be the center of attention. Not that I always know what to do with that attention once I get it, as it's fun for about five minutes before the urge to dive for solitary cover re-assumes control. And I think I tend to resent well-adjusted introverts a little for their totally-alien-to-me experience of being comfortable in their own skins.

Which brings us to my biggest problem with this book: The author was entirely too present in this study on introverts. I know, I know: My reviews have gotten to be so totally about me that I feel like a hypocritical dick lobbing such a complaint at this presumably well-meaning book. When I read This is Your Brain on Music, I got so pissed off at the reviewers who complained similarly about how Levitin frequently drew on his own experiences because, c'mon, personal experience counts for something while lending a sense of credibility to the research conducted and the conclusions made: The difference, I think, is that Levitin used himself to bring a high-minded concept down to understandable terms for those of us lacking scientific minds whereas Cain sometimes seemed like she just wanted to talk about herself. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but that would have made a better blog than a book. By falling back on her own brand of introversion, it felt like she was both negating the argument that the personality type expresses itself in an inexhaustibly many ways and also even alienating other expressions of introversion to a degree.

Actually, I wasn't always crazy about the kind of people Cain used as examples of introverts who were able to overcome their crippling shyness or need to be alone (because shyness isn't always an introvert-specific trait, as this book did teach me) to function -- nay, thrive -- in the vast, sometimes overwhelming world beyond their rich inner landscapes. I mean, for a book subtitled "The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking," it would make sense to use Harvard Business School students, Ivy League professors, academic whiz kids on the cusp of high school and everything after, neuroscientists and Wall Street investors (to name a few) to illustrate the victories that can arise from harnessing one's naturally unassuming, slow-to-action instincts and applying them to real-world scenarios. And that was reassuring and motivating and helpful, sure, but what would have been a little more helpful is seeing how an everyday introvert with a quiet job and a simple existence confronts life's obstacles when confrontation does not come easy.

(And, yes, there is a whole section on the ordinary workplace and how open floor plans and the elimination of boundaries and this emphasis on group work and collective brainstorming that are all so in vogue really aren't all that conducive to brilliance and happiness and cohesion and all that. But that was more of an academically detached observation than a personal reality.)

I really didn't hate this book. Really. I didn't love it but it did force some personal insight on me that I've probably been needing to hear. Like how facing down one's own unique hell, like public speaking (which, hi, have I mentioned that I stutter?), isn't, like, fatal and is worth overcoming. And that just because the Western ideal favors extroverted characteristics doesn't mean it's better -- and that, in fact, a lot of how I approach the world (I'd rather not talk unless I have something worthwhile to say; I don't want to assert myself at the risk of disrespecting the greater whole) is mirrored in the traditionally Eastern approach. That the person speaking the most or first or loudest is rarely offering the best ideas, as a facade of overconfidence often hides an array of interior doubts. That knowing to pick one's battles and proceeding with a quiet assurance is a strength in its own right.

The penultimate chapter was nothing but an exploration of how extro- and introverts complement each other and how the two seemingly at-odds personality types can look inward to identify their outwardly differing approaches to the world. As most people are not like me, it did offer some perspective shifts that I found to be genuinely helpful wisdom in terms of how my perception of myself and others doesn't always align with what they either see or know to be true. For one glorious moment, it even seemed like Cain was talking directly to me in addressing the way that the real-life introverted wife of an extroverted man tended to emotionally distance herself from an argument, as she thought she was keeping herself in check while he thought she was shutting him out, which is a difference in interpretation that never even crossed my conflicted mind.

I had perused the table of contents before reading even a word of this book and actually groaned when I saw that the final chapter explores "how to cultivate quiet kids in a world that can't hear them," which I figured would read like a laundry list of all the ways my parents failed me. And, I mean, it did, of course, but after recovering from bursting into tears almost immediately at the beginning of the chapter (because, man, was it ever hitting too close to home), I realized that it was only ostensibly advice for nurturing introverted children so they can happily grow into their places in an ill-fitting world: It was really, truly a comforting pat on the back that reached into the past to assure my inner child (the part of it that isn't a perverted little teenage boy, anyway) that she was never as alone and misunderstood as she felt. And if this book had more of those moments, I might have actually wound up loving it. ...more

flag 76 likes · Like · see review

Aug 04, 2016 Julie rated it it was amazing

Shelves: social-political-commentary, reference-instructional, read-2014, best-of-2014

Once upon a time there was a woman who dreaded the staff meeting roundtable, when each person had to share what was good or bad or on their professional plate that week or in their personal life. All five, nine, fifteen pairs of eyes would be upon her as she forced her voice to carry down the table, knocking off as few words as she could to express, “Everything’s great!” before turning her flushed face to the colleague beside her. This same woman could take the stage before an audience in the hu ...more

flag 72 likes · Like · see review

Mar 19, 2016 Matthias rated it liked it · review of another edition

Recommended to Matthias by: Fiona

Shelves: my-reviews, out-of-the-box-reviews

Part I: Prelude to the review
Part II: The review
________________________________

Part I

Prelude: An introvert walks into a bookstore

I read a review on this book today and decided I had to buy it right away. I consider myself somewhat of an introvert, even though not everyone around me agrees on that, because you know, I talk to people and can be pleasant at the same time. Convincing people there's more to the introvert-extrovert distinction than that hasn't always proven easy.

I was hoping this boo ...more

flag 66 likes · Like · see review

Sep 01, 2015 Glenn Sumi rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

This book spoke directly to my soul, to the core of my being.

If you’re on this site and reading this, you probably enjoy time alone to read, think and recharge your batteries. It’s not that you’re anti-social, you just prefer having meaningful conversations with one or two people rather than being stuck in a room with a loud group talking about... nothing.

Susan Cain’s book will validate you and make you feel you’re not a freak. You don’t need “to come out of your shell.” In fact, there are more ...more

flag 65 likes · Like · see review

Feb 20, 2012 Angie rated it it was amazing

Shelves: recommended-non-fiction, kindle-clubbers

A must read for everyone, not just introverts.

Susan Cain, former Wall Street lawyer and self-described introvert, investigates how introversion has become dangerously scorned in the current American "Culture of Personality." I had not fully realized how drastically our cultural values have shifted--and how much American society pushes us to conform--until reading Cain's book.

To prove her point, Cain visits American bastions of extroversion promotion, including Harvard Business School, Saddleba A must read for everyone, not just introverts.

Susan Cain, former Wall Street lawyer and self-described introvert, investigates how introversion has become dangerously scorned in the current American "Culture of Personality." I had not fully realized how drastically our cultural values have shifted--and how much American society pushes us to conform--until reading Cain's book.

To prove her point, Cain visits American bastions of extroversion promotion, including Harvard Business School, Saddleback Church, Dale Carnegie, Wall Street, and Tony Robbins conferences. She talks with pioneering psychologists and neurologists to explain the studies behind concepts like the dangers of group think, the ability to delay gratification, or the trait called sensitivity. She profiles famous and less-well known introverts to show how the studies play out in real life.

Though the many of the activities I'm drawn to (and the things that cause anxiety) scream classic introvert, I have always considered myself an extrovert and frequently put myself in situations where extroverted behavior is valued. However, since quitting my job and globe-hopping for the past two years, I've been surprised (and disappointed) by how often the constant stimulation, new people, and change can drain me--and by how I often feel an overwhelming need for alone time.

I found myself relating to many of the points Cain discusses and have since concluded that I'm much more of an introvert than I had thought. (I promise that this isn't just because she does a good job of highlighting all the positive things about introverts!)

So for that, I am grateful to have read Quiet, though I can't quite believe it took reading a book to figure that out about myself! I am seeing my preferences in a new light and have much understanding and acceptance regarding the things that interest me (and those that cause me stress). I've been having trouble narrowing down 'what I want to do with my life' and this book has helped me more than any other, because I finally feel like I can accept that the things I really enjoy are just a part of me and can't be ignored.

Though the personal application will differ, I suspect many people will come away having learned much more than they expected, if not about themselves, then about people close to them. I had always thought of extroverts and introverts as being on distinct sides of a line, when in fact it's much more of a sliding scale (or perhaps better as two scales: percentage introversion, percentage extroversion). Because we have been culturally pressured and trained to admire extroverted behavior, many of us may be dangerously ignoring our introverted characteristics.

This was a game-changing book for me, and I suspect it will be eye-opening to most people who read it. ...more

flag 61 likes · Like · see review

Sep 28, 2011 Steve rated it really liked it

Shelves: intellectual-history, psycho-spiritual

I was able to obtain a pre-pub reader's copy of Susan Cain's new book.
This is a useful book for the introvert forced to be in the public eye.
By public eye I mean more than 1 or 2 people. I, as an introvert, gained a better understanding of why I am the way I am. Most introverts will find helpful tips and info on dealing with work and daily matters. Now if I could only have enough money to move away and live in seclusion. ;-)

flag 57 likes · Like · see review

Jan 03, 2016 Elyse rated it it was amazing

Update: Solid 5 stars..( Jan. 3rd 2016)...
I had a reason for a 4.9 rating years ago..
I still believe what I wrote ... however..
this book is a lifetime favorite book!!!
I had a conversation about it just yesterday.
I can get very charged up about this book.
When I've purged giving books away.. I've always 'kept' this one for myself ( yet I've bought extra copies a few times and have given it as a gift).
I feel everyone benefits from this book..'everyone' ... and the process of reading it is a fabulo ...more

flag 61 likes · Like · see review

Aug 07, 2016 Heidi The Hippie Librarian rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites, non-fiction

Quiet entered my life at a particularly low moment. Allow me to set the scene: I had been on vacation for a week and a half. We were in Colorado, visiting my husband's family, some of whom I had met before, others whom I had not. I knew I wasn't going to be entirely comfortable being around people the whole trip- I'm a huge introvert and I'm self aware enough to know that I need downtime, and quite a bit of it, to feel as if I'm functioning normally. But I didn't realize that my husband, who is Quiet entered my life at a particularly low moment. Allow me to set the scene: I had been on vacation for a week and a half. We were in Colorado, visiting my husband's family, some of whom I had met before, others whom I had not. I knew I wasn't going to be entirely comfortable being around people the whole trip- I'm a huge introvert and I'm self aware enough to know that I need downtime, and quite a bit of it, to feel as if I'm functioning normally. But I didn't realize that my husband, who is just as introverted as I am and who I was counting on to help me through all of the introductions, dinners, conversations, etc, was going to immerse himself in Pokemon Go a majority of the time and essentially leave me to my own devices. As Susan Cain would say, he found a "restorative niche" for himself in a digital world. It was hard on me as I didn't have that escape.

So, here we are, visiting a friend's home and my daughter, who strangely enough is a huge extrovert (the exact opposite of her parents), is struggling. She's tired, out-of-sorts, and throwing a sulk every ten minutes. I'm meeting yet more people, trying to hold trite conversations, and steer my child, all the while just wanting to retreat into a cave and not talk to anyone for a very long time. Honestly, I felt that way before we reached the party, but things seemed to get much, much worse the moment we arrived. It had been building over the course of the vacation, but that day, my internal clamor reached a boiling point. My husband was oblivious to my growing discomfort as he's catching Pokemon, again. (I don't mean to sound bitter here, but I suppose that I am.) I had forced myself for ten days to be social, keep the smile on my face, keep everything flowing smoothly. To my horror, I realize that I am about to have a panic attack in the middle of this crowd of people, more than half of whom I don't even know. I grab my keys and leave.

I drive a couple blocks away, castigating myself for not being able to handle it and just pissed because, once again, like many times in my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, I feel like I'm failing at life because I'm not a social butterfly. I can't stand to be around strangers for extended periods of time. I've always been this way- overly sensitive to others, noise, motion, events. I really dislike groups, parties, places where I have to circulate with a bunch of people who don't know me or care about anything that I have to say. The tears fell down my cheeks as I opened up my tablet and began reading this book. And I discovered that about half of all people are just like me. Thank you, Susan Cain. Your book gave me the courage to drive back to my friend's house and face the rest of the evening. I am not a pariah. I am an introvert and perhaps I can do a better job figuring out when I've reached my socializing limits before I meltdown.

Many of the positive attributes of introverts which Susan describes, I totally have, I've just never considered them as worth the trade-off of the extroverted personality. I notice small details, have a great memory for conversations and events, long past the time when others forget such things. I think carefully about problems and people, devoting time to taking apart small nuances of books and movies, that other people don't even consider, which makes me a good reviewer of media- perfect for my job as a librarian. Susan nailed my general feeling about myself in the introduction: "Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform." pg 34 ebook. Yes!

My role at the reference desk calls for an extroverted personality but I muddle through it, because I care about the job and helping others. Usually, I come home from work, totally worn out and in need of quiet time to unwind. Susan helped me understand that sometimes "faking it" is worth it, if it for a cause that means something to you and that others do the exact same thing that I do. Pull out the mask for the job, but then allow yourself the freedom to be who you really are at home: "According to Free Trait Theory, we are born and culturally endowed with certain personality traits- introversion, for example- but we can and do act out of character in the service of "core personal projects." In other words, introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly." pg 391 ebook.

My favorite parts of the book were about sensitivity and social situations. Take this passage: "...maybe we didn't choose ... social accessories at random. Maybe we've adopted dark glasses, relaxed body language, and alcohol as signifiers precisely because they camouflage signs of a nervous system on overdrive. Sunglasses prevent others from seeing our eyes dilate with surprise or fear; we know from Kagan's work that a relaxed torso is a hallmark of low reactivity; and alcohol removes our inhibitions and lowers our arousal levels. When you go to a football game and someone offers you a beer, says the personality psychologist Brian Little, "they're really saying hi, have a glass of extroversion." pg 277 ebook. I may use that in my life. "Please hand me that glass of extroversion."

I also really enjoyed learning the differences in thinking: "Introverts and extroverts also direct their attention differently: if you leave them to their own devices, the introverts tend to sit around wondering about things, imagining things, recalling events from their past, and making plans for the future. The extroverts are more likely to focus on what's happening around them. It's as if extroverts are seeing "what is" while their introverted peers are asking "what if." pg 323 ebook. Yeah, I do that too.

I can't recommend this book highly enough. It saved an evening for me, but more importantly, it changed the way that I view myself. There is power in knowing that you're not alone. Again, thank you, Susan Cain. Some read-alikes: The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World by Sophia Dembling (for introversion) or Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson (for more instances of social anxiety). ...more

flag 63 likes · Like · see review

Jan 03, 2013 Crystal Starr Light rated it it was amazing

Recommended to Crystal Starr Light by: Jason Stalides

Shelves: simply-the-best, non-fiction, psychology

Eye-opener. Astounding. Life-changing. Inspirational. Insightful. All these adjectives and more describe my experience with this amazing book.

I'm very much an introvert. I try to avoid social functions as much as possible, but I do love meeting every so often with my dear friends one-on-one. If I do end up at a party, you can bet I'm the one keeping the corner warm. I am an avid reader, a knitter, a sometimes writer, a nerd, and an engineer. My idea of a perfect evening is one spent in the comfo Eye-opener. Astounding. Life-changing. Inspirational. Insightful. All these adjectives and more describe my experience with this amazing book.

I'm very much an introvert. I try to avoid social functions as much as possible, but I do love meeting every so often with my dear friends one-on-one. If I do end up at a party, you can bet I'm the one keeping the corner warm. I am an avid reader, a knitter, a sometimes writer, a nerd, and an engineer. My idea of a perfect evening is one spent in the comfort of my apartment, cat in lap, book in hand, coffee at my side. My idea of a perfect vacation is one where I can go to my favorite coffee shop and read. In college, my favorite classes were Differential Equations (in which I, the only female, got a perfect score on the final), Physics, and Fluids. Ever since elementary school, I dreaded a school performances, such as Christmas programs or poetry recitals. At work meetings, I am more likely to listen to everything and be note-taker than I am to present or volunteer ideas.

Lately, my boss has said that I need to step things up, become more "out there" and confident. Inwardly, I despaired. Wasn't I working hard enough? What was holding me back? Why couldn't I just blurt things out in meetings? Why did I constantly sound nervous, even if I really wasn't? Was there any hope for me to change?

And then, like a sign from heaven, I saw this book in the "New Books" display at Barnes and Nobles (BTW, I happen to swing by the bookstore at least once a week during lunch - sometimes to purchase, but mostly to pass the time). I remembered a friend had read this and really enjoyed it, and I figured it would help me figure out myself.

"Figure myself out" would be an understatement; it's as if this book were written specifically for me! Cain breaks down what it means to be an introvert. Turns out despite what my sister is constantly telling me, I'm not weird (alright, not too weird). I have talents and skills. I have a place. And it's not my fault I can't always speak up and make my voice heard. A lot of it is because of how our workforce, our employers, our coworkers, our society functions. Our biology, our parents, our surroundings make us the introverted beings we are. It's just that school and work and the outside world try to tell us that being quiet, that listening and ruminating over things is wrong, that we should be quick to speak and blurt whatever is on our mind.

I've known I was an introvert for a while, but it was so refreshing and liberating to learn that there were others with my "problem". That I wasn't alone. And, most importantly, I can overcome, nay thrive, in this Extroverted world. And that is the second gift Cain gives us in this book: how to be an Introvert in an Extrovert world and not want to choke yourself at night.

I feel like, after reading Quiet, I have a plan for facing my "work problems". I feel like I can take the challenge my boss has placed in front of me and succeed. Although a part of me still wishes I could crawl back to my desk and burrow there, I think this book has given me the tools and encouragement I need to speak up.

If you are an introvert, you definitely need to read this book. Even if you aren't an introvert, this is a great book to understanding how they think and act. I'm definitely passing this along to everyone I know. ...more

flag 49 likes · Like · see review

May 19, 2016 Thomas rated it it was amazing

Shelves: five-stars, nonfiction, own-physical, psychology

I love reading on Friday nights, writing on Saturday afternoons, and having quiet get-togethers on Sunday. But I also enjoy giving presentations at school, tutoring peers in writing, and interacting with various people online and in real life. I'd describe myself as an introvert (and my Meyers-Briggs personality type agrees), though both introverts and extroverts would enjoy this fascinating book by Susan Cain. She provides an intriguing, in-depth perspective on introversion, its connotation in I love reading on Friday nights, writing on Saturday afternoons, and having quiet get-togethers on Sunday. But I also enjoy giving presentations at school, tutoring peers in writing, and interacting with various people online and in real life. I'd describe myself as an introvert (and my Meyers-Briggs personality type agrees), though both introverts and extroverts would enjoy this fascinating book by Susan Cain. She provides an intriguing, in-depth perspective on introversion, its connotation in contrasting cultures, and the psychology behind it.

A profusion of the nonfiction I've read has contained too much of something - too many random anecdotes, too much scientific jargon, too many unnecessary statistics or explanations. But Quiet has the perfect blend of personal anecdotes, interesting analysis, detailed explanations, and compelling statistics. Cain references various studies conducted by psychologists and discusses several aspects related to introversion, such as the extrovert ideal, how extroverts and introverts can compliment each other and work together, nature v. nature, etc. Here's one passage about sensitive people (who tend to be more introverted) that struck a chord with me:

"The other thing Aron found about sensitive people is that sometimes they're highly empathic. It's as if they have thinner boundaries separating them from other people's emotions and from the tragedies and cruelties of the world. They tend to have unusually strong consciences. They avoid violent movies and TV shows; they're acutely aware of the consequences of a lapse in their own behavior. In social settings they often focus on subjects like personal problems, which others consider 'too heavy'."

I guess I have an excuse for exposing so much of myself on my blog, huh? Anyway, Cain delves into other subjects that are intellectually stimulating too, such as the three things she thinks are important in identifying one's personal project. She even brings up the relationship between Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr. as well as other famous historical figures.

Overall, highly recommended to everyone curious about their own temperaments and how to embrace their natural personalities. One of the best works of nonfiction I've read.

*review cross-posted on my blog, the quiet voice. ...more

flag 43 likes · Like · see review

Apr 23, 2012 Lori rated it it was amazing

I'm really excited about all the works about introverts that's been coming out lately, I think mainly because of this book. I'm not sure if extroverts would have enjoyed this book as much as me, because Cain works hard to prove the merits and necessity of introverts in our society, while down-playing all the reasons why we should have an extrovert ideal. In fact, I think some extroverts would feel a bit offended at this book. But I don't care. I've lived my whole life feeling like there was some ...more

flag 41 likes · Like · see review

Mar 03, 2012 Catelyn May rated it really liked it

Shelves: audiobooks

I loved this book. As an introvert, I felt like someone was finally telling my side of the story, and understanding my life in general. Definitely going to loan it to some extroverted family members.

flag 42 likes · Like · see review

May 14, 2013 midnightfaerie rated it liked it

Shelves: nonfiction

When I was young, my grandfather, an intelligent farmer, used to call me an introvert, as I sat happily in the corner, spending my free time reading books or writing in my notebooks. I looked up at him, I believe I was around the age of eight or so, with crinkled eyebrows. He explained what it meant. But I didn't have a puzzled look on my face because I didn't understand the word, I was puzzled because he said it like he disapproved. Like it was a bad thing. My aunt, the doctor, immediately came When I was young, my grandfather, an intelligent farmer, used to call me an introvert, as I sat happily in the corner, spending my free time reading books or writing in my notebooks. I looked up at him, I believe I was around the age of eight or so, with crinkled eyebrows. He explained what it meant. But I didn't have a puzzled look on my face because I didn't understand the word, I was puzzled because he said it like he disapproved. Like it was a bad thing. My aunt, the doctor, immediately came to my defense and said, "Janine, just tell him that you're not an introvert, you're just introspective." That became my motto in life. I said it often, mostly because I felt those were big words and others would think I was smart. I never thought about it much later in life until I read this book. Cain talks about the virtues of being an introvert but how society has come to prize the personality traits of the extrovert. Being a pretty extreme extrovert, at first, I didn't think this book was for me. But then I thought back to when I was eight, and realized with shock and I wasn't just a person who could be both, although I was, I am, but I went from one extreme to the other. When I was a child, I was the most introverted person I know. Using the word shy to describe me didn't cut it. I would skip class altogether if I was even a minute late, to avoid the fear of having to walk into the classroom with everyone looking at me. Speeches had me thinking thoughts of jumping out of trees just to break a bone so I could get out of giving the speech. Now, I love nothing better than walking into a room full of strange people. It's just a room full of fifty new friends! And talking in front of people? I have to hold myself back in group exercises just so I don't hog the limelight. How did such a huge change occur? I'll tell you how, because of work, school, and problems socially, I was forced into it.

As I began to read this book, I saw a lot of truth in what Cain was saying. Extroverts really are prized now, not just socially but in the workplace as well. At the last company I worked for, I sat in cubicles, was encouraged constantly to hold meetings and "group think" up ideas. How different it would have been if I was allowed even one hour a day without interruptions! What has made us so concerned with having these qualities? I am homeschooling my children and every time I come across someone who disapproves it's always because of lack of "socialization". My five-year-old son has no trouble talking to anyone and being friendly, I think he gets it from me. But he also loves to play by himself. He might get this from me as well! He creates his best Lego creations when left alone for hours at a time. Why is this a bad thing? As Cain points out, some of the best innovators of our time were quiet thinkers. And we might not have had some of those great inventions or works of art had these people been forced to "socialize" as children instead of left alone. And really, what is the big deal with needing socialization being such a big part of schooling? Why can't it be found outside of school? I recently watched a documentary about the current school systems and, as most people know, we (The United States), rank very low in all areas of education. In fact, when American children were tested in various areas against other countries of the world, we consistently ranked on the bottom in almost all areas except one. Can you guess what it is? Self-confidence. American children are said to have the highest self-confidence compared to all other countries. How do we explain this to our children? We're idiots but we have pride! Is this because we're placing such importance on making our children extroverts?

Some of the case studies Cain uses to show examples of her theories kept me riveted. She also had a twenty question test in case you weren't sure where you stood. The more traits she gave as examples of introverts and extroverts, the less sure I became of which I was. Ask anyone which I was as a child, they would have said introvert, hands down. Ask anyone I know right now, and in a second they'd say extrovert. So I took her test to see where I stood. I thought I was only doubting myself, and that it would show pretty conclusively that I was an extrovert. But in fact, I was split almost exactly down the middle. I love meeting new people, and often feel energized at the end of a big party. But I also get rejuvinated from having alone time every day. Even back in college, when I was one of the most social people around, my roomates all knew that they risked certain death if they bothered me during my "break time". I have no problems going to movies alone, and one of my favorite things to do is go out to lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant with a good book as a dinner companion. People look at me weird, but I could care less. Whenever I go out or have a party my motto is always "The more the merrier". So where did I stand on this chart? The advice for public speaking for introverts wasn't going to help me. And to say I should have quit reading the book halfway through because I considered myself an extrovert would have had me missing out on some very interesting information.

I really enjoyed this book. And I disagree that this book is only for introverts. I think the biggest benefit this book had for me is the eye opener to how we have been pressured to become more extroverted over the years and how we see this change everywhere, from schools, to the workplace, to advertising, to even moralistic behavior. I think all can benefit from having a greater awareness of this personality trait in everyone they know. If you're an extrovert, wouldn't it benefit you from having a better understanding to where your introverted team leader is coming from? And another realization for me, is how I know see my son, who has the tendency to play alone. I now am more aware of how I treat him, and make sure I no longer fall into that stereotypical reaction of "Why don't you try harder to make friends?" routine. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, and if this book has any major theme, that's it.

That being said, even though I very much enjoyed this book, I only gave it three stars for a couple of reasons. First of all, I feel like the middle of the road people such as myself were somewhat ignored. Where do we stand? How do we relate better to people and situations? Then there were the case studies. As I mentioned earlier, they were very interesting and really helped in relating to the particular example's Cain discussed. But after a while, they became tedious, and didn't hold my attention as well as the first half of the book. I still think many can benefit from reading this though. It was fun, and I look forward to discussing it with my book club.

ClassicsDefined.com
...more

flag 40 likes · Like · see review

Jun 26, 2015 Iris P rated it it was amazing

Shelves: psycholgy, favorites-all-of-time, iris-s-favorites

Quiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

It's perhaps not a surprise that Susan Cain, the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking identifies herself as an introvert. Being quiet, introverted or shy is still seen by many as a problem or handicap to overcome so I can see her motivation for writing it.

One these book's premises is that the Western world moved from a culture of character to a culture of personality, which according to the author has given an advantage to people that enjoy outgoing, uninh ...more

flag 40 likes · Like · see review

Jun 16, 2012 Rowena rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, psychology

I really liked this book, especially the beginning part. I so needed to read it. For years people have been telling me to come out of my shell and to be more outgoing and I realized I had definitely playing the role of pseudo-extrovert all this time! I enjoyed reading the fact that we introverts actually have power and hidden strengths. The list of famous introverts surprised me, Rosa Parks, Al Gore and Gandhi in particular. The book also shared some insight into the thinking patterns of extrove ...more

flag 50 likes · Like · see review

Mar 28, 2016 Carmen rated it liked it

Recommends it for: People with an interest in psychology

Shelves: non-fiction, traditionally-published

I expected to love, love, love this book. After all, psychology is one of my passions. Also, I am always interested in hearing from some group. And this is saying, "We, the introverts, are speaking out."

However, the book was neither as powerful nor as interesting as I was hoping.
...

Cain does a great job of blending together different aspects. The three main angles she uses are:

1.) Famous people who were introverts. She usually starts her chapters with a story about a wonderful famous person we a ...more

flag 43 likes · Like · see review

Aug 25, 2016 Sylvia rated it really liked it

Shelves: popular-psychology

As a true 'introvert' or as I would rather prefer to label it a true 'intermediate' ... a definite so-glad-I-read-this-book for me.
And yes, please; a bit of Quiet around me would be most Welcome so that I could Hear my own Quietness & Inner Senses ;-)

It explained so many things about me, myself and I - in relation to where I stand in this very loud world that surrounds me everywhere.

flag 38 likes · Like · see review

Dec 24, 2013 Becky rated it it was amazing

Shelves: reviewed, audiobook, highly-recommended, 2013

I never really thought of myself as introverted until relatively recently, within the last year or so, when I declined an invitation to go out with a group of friends to the bar and one of them said "Fine, be introverted then! Hope you enjoy sitting home alone with your cats!" (She meant it in a teasing, only partially bitchy way, but I didn't take offense. I DO enjoy sitting home alone with my cats.)

My semi-bitchy friend actually helped me define a big part of myself. Until then, I just thought I never really thought of myself as introverted until relatively recently, within the last year or so, when I declined an invitation to go out with a group of friends to the bar and one of them said "Fine, be introverted then! Hope you enjoy sitting home alone with your cats!" (She meant it in a teasing, only partially bitchy way, but I didn't take offense. I DO enjoy sitting home alone with my cats.)

My semi-bitchy friend actually helped me define a big part of myself. Until then, I just thought of myself as "the most anti-social Libra ever", and poked fun at myself for not wanting to go out all the time, or being overwhelmed by loud, boisterous people, or needing time to just be alone - what my boyfriend calls "cave-dwelling". I made these things a joke because, according to society, it's not normal to want to spend so much time alone. I'm supposed to be a fun, out-going social butterfly.

The thought exhausts me.

So, when I read this, it was like someone opened up my head and singled out these aspects of my personality and then wrote them down. It was fascinating to read this book and learn about myself. I see things about my past in a completely new light. Like the situation above. I'd be more than happy to sit at home with a few friends and drink, but going to a bar to drink among a huge crowd just held no appeal.

Or like how I approach my work. The sections of this book pertaining to corporate expectations and office structure were fascinating to me, and really allowed me to look at my job and approach to work differently. I'm a good employee and good at my job, but I don't aspire to be in the limelight. I don't MIND recognition or attention for a job well done, but it's not something I seek out. So, when I was recently offered a job with a new company, I had my choice of being in a "client liaison" position or a "analysis and testing" position, and I took the latter, even though it's a position with less recognition and lower pay. The thought of having to constantly be professionally social with strangers gives me anxiety, though, so it was a no-brainer for me. But when I discussed my decision with friends, they called me crazy to have turned down the higher paying position. As though money is the only criteria worth considering. (A point that this book makes well.)

I'm going to miss the job I'm leaving though, because it did give me a kind of structured socialization. I get along great with my team, and there, I'm far more socially outgoing than I would be otherwise. I've worked with many of these people for several years, I trust and respect them, and they are people I consider real friends. Soon I'll be working 100% from home, so my social interaction will be drastically reduced. I may be introverted, but I do need that interaction. The hard part for me will be actually initiating it. I have a tendency to, uhh, forget to be social. I forget to call and text people, even though I mean to do it. But being social is just never at the forefront of my mind. I'll have to work on that.

But then there's online communities, which is a completely different world. I have always been more open and (dare I say it?) chatty online than in my "real life" social interactions. Maybe it's the anonymity, or the fact that it's text-based, or the fact that the community I'm in here is one that is full of like-minded people with similar interests. People I can relate and talk to easily.

I don't know, but I'm quite different online than off. Offline, I don't really do chit-chat, or small talk, and I'm often at a loss as to what I should say in a light social situation, despite there being 10 dozen possibilities running through my mind. I usually settle for silence, though, because by the time I've thought through a plethora of "Nice weather" or "Your hair looks nice" nothing comments, it's been an awkwardly long time, and I know it, and anything that I say at that point would just sound forced and fake, so I just... don't.

That feeling that I just mentioned, about feeling forced and fake, is such a strong one for me that it sometimes overwhelms me when I really don't want it to, and it often feels to me like I come across as being cold and unfeeling when I really just don't know what to say to show how affected I really am. It was only when the book started talking about being 'sensitive' that it started to click.

I've always been overly affected by emotionally charged situations. If you read some of my reviews of tear-jerker books, I mention this frequently. I remember when I was a kid, there was a show called Rescue 911 that my mom liked to watch. It was always some traumatic situation - a car wreck or an injured hiker or a woman trapped in a housefire, etc, and the show focused on the EMTs and firefighters and police called out to help. That show would always make me cry. Always. Every single episode. It didn't matter whether the people made it out OK, or if they all died, I would be in tears. I could just imagine how scary it would be and I had such respect for the kind of people who could deal with that kind of trauma every day and keep it together enough to help. It would all just overwhelm me, and I would cry. My point here, and how this relates to my last paragraph, is that my dad would often poke fun at me for getting upset over the show, and so I learned to hide that I was upset... oftentimes laughing to cover it. Laughing. As I got older into my teens, I just stopped showing that sensitivity in front of others at all, and unfortunately, that's carried over into my adult life. So now, when I feel strong emotions, it's easier for me to let them out when I'm alone, even though it makes me seem heartless to not show them when it's appropriate. Like at my grandma's funeral earlier this year, when my entire extended family was crying and talking and interacting, and I was stoically sitting in the pew, just thinking about her and how much I'll miss her. After the service, when I was alone, I completely lost my shit. I loved that woman, dammit. She was awesome.

Anyway, if you're still reading, sorry for the overshare. What I'm getting at is that I loved how this book made me feel normal. It's well-researched, well-written, and engaging, and I'm incredibly glad that I read it. I think that it will... maybe not CHANGE my life, so much as improve it. I now know more about why I do certain things, and that's empowering. I can relate better to my boyfriend (an extrovert), and in my new job, and in social situations. And I can try to work on the things that I now recognize hinder me more than help me.

Definitely a fascinating read. Highly recommended. ...more

flag 37 likes · Like · see review

« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 … next »

new topic
Discuss This Book

topics	posts	views	last activity
Play Book Tag: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain 4 stars	2	8	2 hours, 32 min ago
Around the Year i...: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain	5	50	Oct 26, 2016 04:36AM
aper towels directly from the kitchen	1	8	Oct 11, 2016 10:24AM
Goodreads Librari...: Fix field "sort by title"	2	162	Sep 17, 2016 11:28PM

Readers Also Enjoyed

Videos About This Book

9 comments

1 comment

Genres

Nonfiction

264 users

Psychology

263 users

Self Help

120 users

Parenting

75 users

Education

50 users

Health

49 users

Audiobook

48 users

Business

36 users

History

35 users

Book Club

34 users

See top shelves…

About Susan Cain

“QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking,” was released in January, 2012, from Crown Publishers in the U.S., and from Viking/Penguin in the U.K. Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts was released in May, 2016 from Dial Books in the U.S., and from Penguin Life in the U.K.

I would love to meet all of you. I can be found on any of the sites listed below:

- QuietRev.c ...more

More about Susan Cain...

Books by Susan Cain

Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts

The Power of Introverts: 9 Best-Loved Stories

Improving Freshman Retention Through a Team Challenge Orientation Program

More…

Share This Book

+ Share on your website

Trivia About Quiet: The Power ...

3 trivia questions

More quizzes & trivia...

Quotes from Quiet: The Power ...

“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” — 1290 likes

“There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” — 715 likes

More quotes…

title link	preview: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
avg rating	preview: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking Goodreads rating: 4.03 (202562 ratings)
small image	preview: click here [close]
med image	preview: click here [close]
BBCode	[url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8520610-quiet?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book][img]http://images.gr-assets.com/books/1328562861l/8520610.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/8520610-quiet?utm_medium=api&utm_source=blog_book]Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain[/url]

See a Problem?

Preview — Quiet by Susan Cain