Dr. Glaucomflecken

Oh so internal medicine doctors can write "CN II-XII intact" and it's a thorough physical exam, but when I write "heart and/or lung(s) intact" suddenly I'm the one who may or may not have gone to an accredited medical school.

We're all just trying to work as much as we can before we get that disease thats pretty rare but medical training has hurt our brain to the point that we are certain we will get it and it will end our career.

I appreciate patients saying that Santa is bringing them cataract surgery this year, but let's be honest, JACHO wouldn't let that man's beard within 1000 feet of an operating room.

I'm offended when people think I bought them a white elephant gift. What you think I would buy you a 10 pack of Systane ultra high performance artificial tears as a fucking joke?

Patients always keep you guessing. I'll see one guy who is terrified of anything coming near his eye and the next patient will come in because he wasn't able to successfully "pop" his own chalazion with one of his insulin needles.

Let's put an end of burnout. The more hours you work per week, the closer you get to park to the hospital. Interns get handicap parking, attendings catch the shuttle from the commuter lot.

I can't even fathom the sheer volume of Nutcracker jokes patients unleash on their urologists this time of year.

Hey ED friends, if you're calling a consult and the consultant starts giving you shit, gently hold your hand over the receiver and scream out "WHAT?! OK start transfusing everything we have. I'm still on the phone trying to negotiate a consult. Be right there."

I would have been externally screaming...and sobbing...scream sobbing.https://twitter.com/PAlife3/status/1074125372311121925 …

Blows my mind that ED clinicians can go from GI bleed, BP 45/20, get him to a helicopter one minute to a patient with mild conjunctivitis the next minute. I mean what even is your job? https://twitter.com/GoodishIntent/status/1074078003796238336 …

I wouldn't even have to ask for advice probablyhttps://twitter.com/dglaucomflecken/status/1030233534869385216?s=21 …

I would cancel cataract surgeryhttps://twitter.com/RoodyMenager/status/1073426693392658432 …

I just ran outside in 45 degree weather for 15 minutes. Somebody hold me back I'm about to sign up for an Ironman.

Can you imagine how amazing doctoring would feel if we remembered our successes half as well as we remember our failures?

Cool how you can be doing something totally unrelated to medicine like folding clothes, and suddenly your brain is like, hey remember that patient you almost killed 7 years ago? Let's just think about that for a while.

Thanks @LReagan207 for the donation to @FirstDescents! Here's your random ophthalmology fact: If you have a symptomatic vitreous detachment (new floaters or flashes of light), you have ~15% chance of having a retinal tear. You should see an eye doctor within 24 hours.