TODAY’S
FEATURE
Casting Call for Role of “Mother.”by Kim Hedzik
RECENTLY
A New York Times Wedding Announcement Shortly After the Advent of the Time Machineby Raj Desai
A Brief Disclaimer Regarding the Think Piece You’re About to Read
by Maura Quint
Our Fledgling Theatre Company’s Only Goal Is to Constantly Betray Our Audience’s Trust
by Bryan Duff
I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papers
by Robin Lee Mozer
Before You Avenge Your Father’s Death, Please Leave a Positive Yelp Review for My Secret Dojo
by Kenny Murphy
An Oversharer’s Email Signature
by Erica Peplin
In Defense of Train Subsidies, by Someone Trapped in the Bathroom of a Southbound Rail Car
by Nicholas Cialdini
Introducing The White Savior Review
by Anita Gill
Please Publish My New Adult Coloring Book, Grow the Fuck Up!
by Michael Arnzen
If Campus Carry Works, It Will Devour the Solar System
by Donovan Tann
COLUMNS
ListsShort Imagined Monologues
Inside Witnesses: One Crime’s Many Narratives
How to Be a Better Teacher-Person Through Apathy
Listicles for People Exactly Like You
Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs
My Own Private Shock Corridor
Women Who Should Be Pretty Pissed Off
Key Ring Chronicles
Rebunking Conspiracy Theories
Mostly Uninformative Infographics
Reviews of New Food
Testomania
Doing Science: The Business of Figuring Things Out
Best Joke Ever
ALL COLUMNS
ALSO NEW
List: Activities Easier Than Helping My Mother Download Skype to Speak to Her Newborn Grandsonby Julia Regan Markiewicz
Monologue: Whistler’s Mother Has Just About Had It
by Isabella Giovannini
POPULAR
I Would Rather Do Anything Else Than Grade Your Final Papersby Robin Lee Mozer
List: Titles of Bach Chorales, as Translated By My Niece After One Semester of German
by Nolan Bonvouloir
How to Negotiate a Raise (If You’re a Woman)
by Maura Quint
Here Are the Times I Am Typically Free to Meet
by Joe Saunders
List: Here Are Some Fucking Barefoot Contessa Cookbook Titles
by Micah Osler