My son started kindergarten and doesn't like writing his name. How should I think about this?

If my son came back from school two days in a row telling me that he had to "write his name a lot", I'd ask him the following:

• How many times is "a lot"?
• Why did you have to write your name so much? Was everybody else writing their names too (class activity)? Or was it just you (punishment)?
• Did you show your work to the teacher?

Then, depending on the answers, I'd maybe, maybe not talk with his teacher.

• If "a lot" means like 5 times... "Come on, son, don't be whiny. 5 times is not a lot. Just make sure you do your best and show the teacher how well you did it!".
  • Beware, however, that writing your name 10 or more times, when you are still learning to write (and spend like 5 seconds per letter), is a big deal. A kindergarten kid can easily spend 15 minutes or more just trying to write "Billy" 10 times. And that's indeed "a lot" for them.
• If it looked like some kind of punishment, I'd ask the teacher about how my son is doing in class, whether he's behaving fine or not, and how can I help in his development and behavior.
• If it looked like a class activity, I'd tell the teacher that I already taught my son how to write his name, but I'd show interest in how he did it this time in class. If he did it well, I'd explain how it's frustrating to him to repeat something that he already does fine, and ask the teacher about the possibility of my son writing something else instead (like the teacher's name, or the school's name), or maybe using different colors each time, or cursive. If he can improve, then I'd thank the teacher for their work and encourage my son to improve.

The above has the benefit of you making your son rationalize about the activity, and you showing the teacher that you want to be involved in your son's learning process.

In my opinion, a good teacher / school should try to adapt the activities to each children's capabilities, as much as possible within the school's program and the general level of each classroom. They're supposed to educate humans and to instill in them the passion for learning; not to program them like drones.

EDIT Re: comments about acknowledging a child's feelings.

@AquariusTheGirl @theonlygusti Your comments are welcome.

I do not agree with the current trend of validating every single feeling a child might have. I think it leads to entitled adults who think that their feelings are above everything else, adults who think they have the right not to be hurt or offended, ever.

There's a difference between acknowledging a child's feelings ("I understand how you feel and why you feel like that"), and telling them it is OK to feel like that when it isn't.

It is OK to feel hurt when someone insulted you. It is OK to feel sad when your friend moves to another town. It is OK to feel anger when you see someone abusing somebody else.

It is not OK to feel envy of your friends toys. It is not OK to feel rage because you didn't get cake for dessert. And it is not OK to feel apathy because you had to write your name 5 times back at school.

Sure, it's not easy for a child to discern when it is OK to feel some way, and when it isn't. That's why we parents are here: to help them learn.

A couple of things first:

• This is definitely not a boy thing
• It is not something you should be paranoid about

There are many reasons that children dislike doing things like this. The main one is that they were told to do it. Around that sort of age kids love doing all sorts of things, but typically if they are told to do it, especially a few times in a row, it will be much less fun for them.

There is the possibility, especially if they have a rare name, that they may only realise this once they get to the stage of writing or saying it in class, so this may make them less keen to do so, but that is just a phase.

There are other phases you can expect where they like to write their name all the time - there is so much to do and learn that you will get both negative and positive responses to things at kindergarten and school. And to be honest, even as an adult there are things you normally like that become less fun when you have to do them.

The first thing to do is ask "why?".

My son had the same response when he started Kindergarten. It wasn't on his first day, and it wasn't his first piece of feedback, but it was something he complained about very early.

We made the same assumptions you did: is it just because the repetition is hard work? Is it boring? Do we need to work with him to help him enjoy it?

Well, after some digging, we found out that it was mostly because he felt that the other students were better at it than him, and that some students made comments about his handwriting being "bad". We still don't know just how those comments were phrased, but after discussion with my son, it seems like they weren't teasing him or making fun of him; he was just being sensitive because he didn't like not being as good as his peers.

In our case, we focused on how much of an improvement he had made since he had started writing his own name in pre-school, and emphasized that practice is how you get good at anything (this is a recurring lesson that we reinforce whenever possible, because my son has a history of getting frustrated when learning something that doesn't come easily to him).

Showing him his handwriting from a year earlier seemed to help, because he was really surprised at how much better he had gotten, but what really seemed to put the issue to rest was when my wife and I told him that neither of us have nice handwriting, and that I was an adult in my twenties before I realized that I had been drawing zeros backwards for over a decade (don't judge! I use a keyboard a lot....).

The situation with your son may be completely different than what we experienced, but you simply won't know until you ask more questions. Be careful to make it clear that you want to find out why so you can help, and that he's not in trouble, and won't be in trouble for what he tells you.

It is definitely a "boy thing". Contrary to other answers' claims, research results are well-known about early development of girls in many skills. One quote: "Once in school, girls are one to one-and-a-half years ahead of boys in reading and writing. Boys are twice as likely to have a language or reading problem and three to four times more likely to stutter. Girls do better on tests of verbal memory, spelling and verbal fluency."

Source: http://www.pbs.org/parents/experts/archive/2012/09/boy-and-girl-brains-whats-the.html

There is nothing to worry about it. Anyway, each kid is a bit different in their development spurts.

And don't you also think repetitive tasks are boring?

I also think this is not a boy thing and that it is nothing to worry about. Printing as this age is work. I also do not like signing my name and on some days, it just feels like they want you to do a lot of it. If this is a particularly busy day of signing his name, I understand -- it isn't fun. It's work. In my case, it's arthritis. In his case I am betting, it's just not fun.

I'd be careful about making a big deal of anything you are worrying about. In our home when K came home from school, we'd have a drink at the kitchen table. I'd ask about her day and look at her work, if she brought any home. I'd ask what her day was like. I'd tell her about my day, too. It gave her an opportunity to solve her own problems (if she thought she had any), but with my gentle suggestions.

I wonder if he thinks it is a problem or if perhaps he is just trying to share the regular trials and tribulations about school. He also has peers. I remember having a student who was in the habit of saying things he repeated after hearing his older brother discuss school. "I hate school. It's too hard. I want to play." I worked with that student to change the conversational habit to a happier one. It did not happen in a day, but what he was saying was a self-fulfilling prophecy and it was something that we could change.

We are all in charge of our own happiness. We decide whether the world is wonderful or terrible. I am an optimist -- but I had to learn that. I spent years with medical issues and a mum who felt very put out because of my health issues. I was lucky to find a therapist who helped me lighten my own load.

So I'd try to gently help my child to see that sometimes we have to work but that learning new things and finishing work can give us a sense of accomplishment. (Just don't make this into a big deal. Kids will think you are being fake, and that never works.)

LINK to how to teach positivity

Try a little psychology. Get him to do some artwork. He probably won't sign his name. Then "Wonder who drew this nice picture?" Then get him to put his name on it.

Mail some pictures to Grandmas and aunts and be sure his name is on it. Be sure to have them write back and tell him thank you and they'll always know who it is from him because his name is on it.

Sooner or later he'll get something with a grade - hopefully a good one. Who made this "A"? Well you did Matt, you name is right here!!