Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker is never in the office and people ask me about her

I started working at a new company on a small team of close-knit colleagues a few months ago. Everyone has known each other and worked with each other for over a decade (me being the only exception). None of my colleagues seem to have a strict schedule. They show up when they can, and they leave when they choose, within the ballpark of an eight-hour workday. This presents issues for me. I show up when the office opens and leave when it closes, and do not deviate unless traffic is unusually awful or I have an appointment and have cleared it with them ahead of time.

The coworker who I am working with directly, and who knows everyone and everything relating to my job, generally shows up anywhere between an hour to three hours of when the office opens. She thens take lunch for as long as she feels like, and sometimes leaves for an appointment in the afternoon or for personal reasons.

Oftentimes, due to this, I am alone in the office. And being the new person, I do not know all the ropes. When a customer asks when this coworker will be back, I have to tell them that I do not know when she will be back, but “I can’t imagine it will be too long.” When they ask what time she will be in the next day, I tell them that she is usually in by two hours after the office opens.

If it is an issue I can even begin to help the customer with, I will. But this puts me in an awkward situation when people keep repeatedly showing up looking for this one specific coworker, and I feel as if everyone’s time is being wasted. This coworker rarely responds to emails in a timely manner, either, so telling the customers to email her is relatively fruitless.

Usually I would bring this up to my boss, but considering how good of friends everyone is, I do not know how well that would go over, and I am up for review in a few months. Should I suck it up and continue with what I’ve been doing? Or is there something I can do to try to break this coworkers habit?

You don’t really have standing to try to change her schedule habits. She’s apparently allowed to be this flexible with her schedule (which isn’t unusual for exempt employees in some types of roles).

The thing you need is clarification on what she’d like you to tell customers who are looking for her, so just ask her that. Say this: “When you’re not in the office and a customer is asking when you’ll be back and I’m not sure of your schedule, what’s the best thing for me to tell them?”

2. When job postings are looking for “energetic” candidates

I have seen several job listings that use the word “energetic” to describe the person they’re looking for. Many of the jobs are basically desk jobs so I’m wary — do they mean “young” (I’m not young) or do they mean “prepared to be overworked” or something else?

Most commonly they mean that they’re looking for someone who will take initiative and act with a reasonable sense of urgency. If you’ve ever had a coworker who was sluggish and had to be given explicit directions before doing more than the bare minimum, they’re talking about the opposite of that person.

It’s pretty rare for job ads to signal things like “prepare to be overworked.” If that’s what they meant, they might write something like “able to juggle a high volume of work,” but they wouldn’t typically be as subtle as using “energetic” to signal that. (And really, even “able to juggle a high volume of work” doesn’t necessarily indicate that there’s a problem without overwork. It could, but it’s not conclusive.)

Job seekers have a tendency to think that employers are communicating in code, but employers hardly ever are.

3. Can I go to my wife’s work function even though they said spouses aren’t invited?

So my wife has a work function three hours away that will involve drinking, between 11 a.m. – 3 p.m. It’s supposed to be a manager celebration at an arcade. Since it’s so far and casual, she assumed spouses were invited. When she asked her boss, he said spouses are not. Now we’re both pissed because, as it is, my spouse works close to 60 hours every week and I never see her. This seems like the one time the company could extend an olive branch to neglected spouses and balance work and life a tiny bit, but no. Can she bring me anyway? I don’t want her to get in trouble, but can she even? She is being forced to go but is at least getting paid to do so.

No, she absolutely cannot bring you if she already asked and was told that spouses aren’t invited. It would come across as weirdly aggressive or rude to bring you after she’s been told that.

It’s pretty normal for companies to have daytime functions like this (for morale / celebration / team-building purposes) that spouses aren’t invited to.

4. Overly personal sales pitches

I am a marketing manager with my name and title in a variety of places across the internet, and as a result I get a lot of vendors contacting me to try and sell various services. Harmless enough and easy to ignore, but there’s one vendor who I feel really put off by.

Keep in mind, I have never spoken to anyone at this firm or expressed any interest in their services. I received a sales pitch email that started with the following: “I noticed you went to DePaul and you currently live in Chicago. Are you from Chicago and more importantly are you a White Sox or Cubs fan? My family is from Woodstock, IL and I grew up a die hard Cubs fan; this is our year (knock on wood).”

Weird, right? I assume this person looked up my LinkedIn, which is public, but I still felt weirded out. This guy then started calling my office repeatedly, though I never responded to any of his attempts. When I finally answered and explained we were not in need of his services, he then emailed me again trying to probe for questions about our current service provider and agreement, which I ignored.

Fast forward a few months, and I just received another sales pitch email from someone else at the same company which started with “I saw you volunteer at Make-A-Wish. Thank you! My little cousin had his wish granted years ago—to go to a Pacers game and meet the team.” And then included a family photo of her cousin. Again, this info is on my LinkedIn but I started to feel super creeped out.

I’m guessing it’s not worth it to reply back and say anything to these people, but this sales approach makes me super uncomfortable and I imagine they’re doing this to countless others. What are your thoughts on companies who operate this way and would you recommend I say anything in response?

Ick, yeah, it seems like this is their thing, since two people from the same company have now done it. I don’t think it’s creepy exactly, if all of that is available on your LinkedIn (although it would be creepier if they’d had to do more in-depth research to assemble the info), but it’s definitely overly familiar and inappropriate for that reason.

You’re right that it’s unlikely to be worth saying anything, but just for the principle of it, I’d be tempted to reply and let them know that the fake familiarity is off-putting.

5. Raising money for charity when there’s a power dynamic

I have a question about seeking charitable contributions at the office. I’m an attorney at a large company, and my department has about a dozen other lawyers and a large number of paralegals and assistants who work with the lawyers. I do not directly manage the paralegals and assistants, but I theoretically outrank them when we work together, and I am asked to provide feedback to their managers prior to their annual reviews.

My company is the principal sponsor of a marathon held in our city. Company employees are able to run this race, but are required to raise a certain amount of money for charitable organizations in order to run. I recently joined this company, and will be running this race for the first time. In order to meet my fundraising goal, I have been soliciting my friends and family, but will also just shoot around an email at work in case anyone would like to donate. I feel comfortable reaching out to the other attorneys in my group, but I do have a bit of discomfort in soliciting donations from the paralegals and assistants. First, I assume I make more money than they do, and it seems somewhat inappropriate to seek donations from people who earn far less than I do. Second, while they are not directly subordinate to me, there is certainly a power differential and I worry that people will feel obligated to donate. On the other hand, I’m far behind on my fundraising and my company matches charitable donations from employees, so even a small donation from these individuals could get me much closer to my goal. Should I feel not too guilty in sending an email out to everyone in my group seeking donations, as long as it makes clear that it’s completely voluntary and I don’t follow up again if people don’t donate?

Yeah, I don’t think you should solicit donations from people who make less than you do and/or who you have professional authority over. No matter what disclaimer you include about it being purely voluntary, there’s just too much risk of people thinking that you’ll notice if they do or don’t donate (and that’s especially true since you’re new and they don’t know you well yet and so don’t have the context cues from the relationship that they might otherwise have).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can my dad get his boss to fire him?

My dad works for a company in a tech support role as a regular, salaried employee. My sister works for the same company on a contract basis billed via the family business (owned by my mom and dad). Recently, there’s been an intellectual property dispute regarding my sister’s work for the company. Negotiations broke down suddenly, and the company has sued the family business for trademark and copyright issues as well as for fraud. Once this happened, my sister (via the family business) immediately stopped working for the company and got a lawyer involved.

This puts my dad in a difficult position. Obviously, he doesn’t want to work for a company that is suing his family business (and, by extension, him!). The company owner has made it clear that he doesn’t want dad working at the company either. In the past few weeks, the owner has refused to exchange even normal greetings, rescinded dad’s computer credentials (necessary for the job), stopped assigning him work, and cut off his phone access (again, necessary for dad’s tech support job).

Dad wants to quit, but hasn’t done so because he’s going to need to collect unemployment for as long as possible. While Dad is a world-class expert in his field, there are very few companies that hire in his niche. It can take years to find suitable positions in this line of work.

His boss wants him to quit, but is unwilling to fire him because he doesn’t want to pay unemployment. In fact, it’s company practice to never fire anyone – they just make life miserable for the employee until they can’t handle it anymore and leave.

So my dad is still going to work everyday. He’s constantly harassed and miserable. It’s like a game of chicken: who will blink first? Is there anything dad can do to get out of this situation? Are there any provisions in employment law that would allow him to quit and still collect unemployment? Or maybe there’s a way he can convince his boss to fire him?

There’s something called “constructive discharge,” where — in the context of unemployment claims — the idea is that the situation has become so intolerable that any reasonable person would have no choice but to quit (and where you are therefore eligible for unemployment benefits). Your dad’s boss sounds like he might be well on his way to handing your dad a way to do that. Your dad should document everything that’s happening, because if he does quit and claims constructive discharge when he files for unemployment, that documentation will help significantly.

I should stress, though, that this isn’t a guarantee. Whether or not his local unemployment people will see it as constructive discharge is something I can’t predict, but the more outrageous his boss’s behavior, the better his chances get.

But he shouldn’t try to get fired, because the things he’d have to do to achieve that would probably make him ineligible for unemployment. He could, however, try to negotiate severance in exchange for leaving peacefully.

2. Letting a possibly high coworker drive

I am the head of safety for a small manufacturing company of 25 people. Although I say that, my actual power is quite limited and the department is just me.

Recently it was mentioned that a bunch of my coworkers thinks my cube neighbor Wakeen is coming to work high. I am inclined to agree. This wouldn’t normally be a huge problem, but the other day he requested the keys to a company truck from our HR lady to run an errand. She didn’t want to give them to him but was told it wasn’t her call.

And it isn’t, technically. We have no proof. He’s an odd duck completely sober. But I obviously don’t want him driving, especially company vehicles, if he’s abusing some substance. We have a policy that we can require a drug test if we have probable cause to do so but I don’t have the power to enact this. How do I approach my boss about this? Or should I not say anything since I have no proof?

It’s a safety issue, and so you must say something. (And not just because you’re the head of safety, although that adds additional impetus to speak up.)

Don’t say “Wakeen is coming to work high” since you don’t know that. Just say what you do know, which is “Wakeen has displayed concerning behavior lately like X, Y, and Z, and my sense is that he could be under the influence of something — even something legal. I can’t know for sure and I don’t want to make an unfounded accusation, but at least once he’s asked for keys to a company truck while seeming off in this way, so I felt obligated to talk to you about it.”

3. Using an example from 10 years ago in my cover letter

I have a cover letter that I use and modify as needed for each application. In my first paragraph (three sentences), I talk about my event planning experience. In the second paragraph (also three sentences), I reference my educational background. I have two master’s – MBA and MTA in event management, which I got with my undergraduate degree in four years by taking extra classes each semester, classes over the summer, etc. I used to mention it because I think it highlights my work ethic, but lately I’ve been rethinking it because I’m 10 years out of school. Is it still appropriate to reference getting my masters with my BBA to highlight my work ethic from 10 years ago? Or should I use another example from my event planning experience?

Nope, you need something more recent. Otherwise employers will wonder if that’s the most recent example you have, which would not be a good thing. (For that matter, at this point in your career, it’s less important to go out of your way to highlight your work ethic than it was right after graduating. At this point, you have more of a track record of work that will speak for itself as far as your drive.)

4. A recruiter reached out to me about the same job I was just rejected for

I interviewed for a position at a new company recently. A few days after the interview, I got the generic “we are looking for a closer fit” rejection on Monday. Today, I got a message on LinkedIn from someone else at the same company. He saw my profile and thought I would be a good fit for the exact same position I had interviewed for and been rejected.

I’m thinking that this may be a good second chance to interview. I’d like to reply to the LinkedIn recruiter. But do I mention the previous interview or go in cold?

Noooo, don’t do that. At some point the recruiter or hiring manager will realize that you were already interviewed and were rejected very recently, and it will look really odd that you didn’t mention that.

This isn’t a second chance at any interview. It’s a recruiter who saw that you might be qualified for the job and doesn’t realize that the company has already explored your candidacy and decided it’s not the right match.

The only thing you could really do would be to say this to the recruiter: “I’d love to be considered for that role, but I actually interviewed for it two weeks ago and was rejected. If you think it makes sense to talk again, I’d be glad to, but I of course understand if that doesn’t make sense.”

5. My younger coworker is overly demanding with me

I work at a car wash. My coworker acts all nice to me, but when there’s a full line of people requesting a full service, he gets demanding to me and only me. I get it’s because of how many cars there are. I’m 21 and he’s 17, and I don’t like being told what to do by kids who aren’t managers or who are younger than me. So far I ignore him, but he constantly does it and I’m getting fed up with it. How should I handle this problem?

I would drop the thing about age because you’re going to work with lots of people who are younger than you over the course of your work life, and you can’t have a hang-up about it. It’s really normal to work with younger people, and even to be managed by them. You don’t want to be the person who’s weird about that, because it will end up making you look like you lack confidence. Being confident enough about your own maturity and skills that you don’t care how old your coworkers are is a much more appealing look.

Beyond that, the question to ask yourself is whether your coworker is ultimately right — is it reasonable for him to ask for your help in that particular moment? If so, that’s the biggest thing to keep in mind — that he’s making a reasonable work-related request, and part of your job is to respond reasonably cheerfully to that. But if he’s being rude in the way he’s asking or if he’s assigning you tasks without the authority to do that, it’s okay for you to push back on that. That could mean saying “Hey, it’s not okay to yell at me” or “Bob asked me to stay at the register so, no, I can’t help you right now” or “I’m busy with this, but check with Jane.” And if it’s an ongoing problem, you can say, “Hey, I’ve noticed that when it gets busy, you start barking orders at me. If you want to ask for my help with something, that’s fine, but please ask — not order me around.”