The Comic That Ended the Silver Age #2: Gettin' Doughy

Today continues our lesson on "Snapper Carr -- Super-Traitor!" (JLA #77 (1969)).

"It's Old Man Withers, the caretaker!"

It begins as all truly great and enjoyable stories do: with Snapper Carr getting the crap beat out of him.

Any resemblance to the current sociopolitical environment is entirely intentional, by the way.

If Snapper were better educated, he simply would have exclaimed "V!"

Fortunately (?), someone comes to his rescue with the ominous/cheery line "There's no need for violence... at least not yet!"

Yes, this is an obvious set-up so that Snapper would see this guy as his savior. But Snapper's too dumb to see that.

Okay, BRACE yourself for the meteor-impact of subtlety that is the writing of Denny O'Neil. 

No, really; brace yourself.  because I guarantee you are not ready.  

Ready...? (You're not, by the way).

Here it comes...

KA-LOOOTA!!!

I've met him, and one cannot help but love Denny O'Neil personally. He's a good and very intelligent man, with a strong conscience, who longed to bring relevant social discourse to a genre known mostly for people in capes hitting one another.  However, he writes with all the subtlety of Hulk throwing Thor's hammer at a rusty typewriter.

Only in comics can one become (somehow) famous for being average. Only in comics can one be 'most normal".  Only in comics can one do so while wearing a bright green suit.

So there is apparently an off-panel heart-to-heart between Snapper and *snort* "John Dough" in which JD completely convinces Snapper to come over to the dark side.  It happens pretty damned quickly because the next time we see them they are still wearing the same clothes.

Bruce, Ray; get off your asses and invent the cell phone already. Cheez.

The JLA only has three smart people in it, and Snapper just took out two of them at once.

Really, Denny? You felt the need to have a genius professor of nuclear physics say 'kinda'?

Key here is that Dough makes SNAPPER do the deed.  This is very cult/gang leader; make the newbie prove himself and his loyalty by doing some culpable act himself while you stand there to apply pressure.

You were always a weak fool, Snapper.
Saying yes to anyone in authority, anyone with a badge,
just like your parents taught you.
Say, do you even HAVE parents, Snapper?

Any resemblance to the current sociopolitical environment is entirely intentional.

Dough lets Atom lie there, but kidnaps Batman and puts him unguarded in a death-trap while he goes away to do something else, because comics.

Jeez, Denny, what kind of corny joker calls something "Operation: Average"?
PUT DOWN THE MJOLNIR AND STEP AWAY.

But what else is Dough up to?  Superman knows because he's the one who still reads newspapers:

HA! A superficially populist politician who plays on the fears and insecurities of the voters afraid of people who are different and of finding themselves in a world where they no longer matter as much as they used, by promising to return them to an earlier, simpler time?
Oh, Denny you and your crazy concepts!

I just LOVE that Hal's staring at his hands.
"These, for example, are not normal; my GOD my hands are beautiful!"

Then Green Arrow -- holy cow I can't believe I'm saying this -- GREEN ARROW calls this out as total BS and is RIGHT.

I... I agree with Green Arrow completely.
Because Green Arrow is right.
Now I need a drink and nap.

Why did Dough duck out on the Batman death-trap? Because he's preparing for a debate against superheroes at a big public rally that evening. How do we know? 

Because Batman shows up to tell us!

What's THIS? The Caped Crusader...OUT of the death-trap? And protecting our villain...?!

What does this mean? Tune in tomorrow, same Dough-Time, same Dough-Channel.

The Comic That Ended the Silver Age, #1: Gettin' Kookie

Let's talk about the DCU's greatest betrayal, the one that ended the Silver Age:

"Snapper Carr-- Super-Traitor!" Justice League America #77 (1969).  

By that I mean, 'betrayal of one character by another in-universe".  The greatest betrayal would otherwise be Identity Crisis (by DC of its readers), of course.

Maybe you are already familiar with this story, but I'll wager a lot of less experienced readers aren't.  It's one of the most important DC comics of all time, which makes its current obscurity all the more ironic.  

Let's start with a question for those of you under, say, 40: Who is Snapper Carr?  Most of you will answer this guy:

Kara Danvers extra-dickish boss on "Supergirl"

But it's not. That's just one of those examples of the CW-verse slapping a random name stolen from the comics on a totally different character (kind of like how "Felicity Smoak" is actually Firestorm's stepmom).  

Real Snapper Carr was the JLA's teen sidekick in the Silver Age.  Well, mascot, really, since Snapper had no powers or abilities (except super-annoyingness).

There's so much more and so much more WORSE I could show you about Snapper Carr.  
Google it.

Snapper seems to have been modeled on secondary character turned teen sensation Edd "Kookie" Byrnes from the teevee show 77 Sunset Strip; Snapper was introduced in 1960 when Kookie-mania was in full-swing. His look AND his tendency to speak in faux-hip-lingo are dead giveaways. Why put such a character in the JLA, already brimming over with eight of DC's biggest heroes struggling for screen time?  

Right now my fingers are ALSO expressing how I feel about your induction into the JLA, Snapper. At least, one of them is.

As always, writers must have thought that young readers needed "someone to identify with", overlooking the fact that we read comics to identify with the HEROES, not their hangers-on.  I have long suspected that Snapper Carr was really put in the League for Green Arrow's sake:

Leaving behind Snapper Carr would give ANYONE a broad grin.

Specifically, Snapper Carr was there to give readers someone to hate other than Green Arrow.

The universe -- both ours and DC's -- suffered under Snapper Carr for about nine years, thanks to his creator, Gardner Fox.  During which time Snapper was "The Wesley" of the JLA, despite being a total idiot (or sometimes because of it).

"Only SNAPPER CARR is ignorant enough to save us!"

Look how SAD Wonder Woman is that they have to be saved AGAIN by Snapper Carr. "It's bad enough being saved by a man... but by SNAPPER CARR?!  I miss Etta so much."

But a deadly meteor from another dimension was headed directly toward Snapper, heaven-bent on his humiliation and destruction. That meteor?  Denny O'Neil.

"Doom, Thy Name is...DENNY!"

More on that soon....

Heroclix Custom of the Week: The Giant Robot Bear

This is second in our series showcasing custom figures that I cobble together to add to my Heroclix games.  Last week, we featured Ollie Queen's ridiculous Arrowcar.  How do you outdo the ridiculousness of Green Arrow?  By visiting the Martian Manhunter in Apex City, of course, which brings us to THE GIANT ROBOT BEAR (as seen in the classic Detective Comics #306 tale, "The Last Days of J'onn J'onzz")

Picking a dial and a sculpt for the Giant Robot Bear was easy, because Yugio (always a font of ridiculousness) already has a giant bear figure (Figure #ygo011 Mother Grizzly), which I simply painted brown.

The real question is, will I ever go to the lengths of making custom Heroclix figures of the Giant Robot Crocodile, Giant Robot Buzzard, Giant Robot Gorilla, Giant Robot Elephant, or Giant Robot Rhino (not pictured)?

The Frog Becomes Deaf

I have been reading a few of DC's old "Elseworlds" tales lately (to help me understand the new DC Heroclix set "Elseworlds").  Although they are certainly often imaginative, they often miss the mark.  Great concepts, executed...non-greatly. 

One such is The Blue, The Grey, and The Bat (1992), which I probably wouldn't have bought if I had noticed it was written by Elliot Maggin.  Elliot "S!" Maggin has much to answer for, writing-wise, such as crap like Magic Monday, Starwinds Howl, "The Headband Warriors of Krypton", and titling both "Costume, Costume, Who's Got the Costume?" and "Villain, Villain, Who's Got the Costume?".  Shudder.

On Earth-Prime, we have a name for that "invisible aura of radiation around Elliot Maggin" and his writing, but I'm too polite to specify it.

Still, I was determined to plow through The Blue, The Grey, and the Bat, a very complicated story of undercover agent Colonel Bruce Wayne on assignment from President Lincoln in the Old West.  

And then I reached this panel:

Which stopped me DEAD in my tracks.  

Why? Because I recognized the joke that Colonel Wayne is telling the punchline from.

Where did I recognize it from?  From the time the Joker told it in the only Elliot Maggin story I've ever enjoyed:  "Luthor, You're Driving Me Sane" (The Joker, 1977).

Now you know what the Joker looks like in an afro-wig; you're welcome.

Well played, Mr. Maggin.  An impressive (and gloriously gratuitous) call-back, some fifteen years later.

Unless, of course, it's just the only joke Elliot Maggin knows.

Heroclix Custom of the Week: The Arrowcar

Wizkids Games has done an astonishingly good job over the years of producing Heroclix figures of DCU characters (and some other stuff, I guess) for their signature tabletop game.

But occasionally I like to add to their existing options by creating custom Heroclix figures of characters Wizkids has NOT created (yet).  Usually these customs are based on existing dials of other characters; that way, I can repurpose figures I would never use with ones that evoke delight.

This week's offering is the ever-ridiculous Arrowcar!

Just as in the Golden Age Green Arrow stories, this Arrowcar can take a beating, run roughshod over hindering terrain, convert into a submersible for underwater adventure, and give Green Arrow a boost on long-ranged attacks.  But most important (because it is based on one of Yugio's many absurd characters 'the Catapult Turtle'), it has the ability TO HURL OLLIE UP TO THE ROOFTOPS, where he can shoot off an arrow as he lands.

Assuming he doesn't smash face first into the side of building, of course.

100 Faces of Jean Loring

1.  "I'm not really Jean Loring, I just play one on teevee" face

2.  "We'll just blooming SEE" face

3.  Explanation-Demanding face

4.  Full-Blown Paranoiac Fit Face

5.  Sweetly Nostalgic Face

6.  "I killed Mary Tyler Moore and now wear her skin" face

7.  "Marlo Thomas was next" face

8.  "YOU'RE ALL OUT TO GET ME!" face

9.  "I don't know what I'll do if you're not in my life, but I sure as hell intend to find out soon" face

10.  "I dig Ivy University" face

11.  "Oh, and you don't know how to handle the CAR right, either" face

12.  "Should I stab him with the pencil now or wait til later when he's asleep?" face

13.  "HAHAHAHA you don't really think this will HOLD me, do you?" face

14.  "I will hug you and pet you and call you George" face

15.  "I swear to god if you put the wrong kind of sweetener in that coffee I will slap you into next Wednesday" face

16.  "Tee hee, another fan letter from the Joker" face

17.  "Oh, you're too late I've already swallowed Ray!" face

18.  PTUU! face

19.  "I'm from a civilized country, you scum" face

20.  "If I skinned the Riddler for this dress, imagine what I'll do to you" face

21.  "I'm in command of this starship now, ANY OBJECTIONS?!" face

22.  "I--I broke my flamethrower" face

23.  Succubus Face

24.  "Thanks to my hand mirror I have just enough advance warning to cut Ray off with some vicious remark RIGHT before he proposes to me" face

25.  "I Can Shove a Roller through Your Eye and into Your Brain Before You can Blink" face

26.  Growing Paranoia Face

27.  "There's a sale on flamethrowers?!?!" face

28.  "With this evidence I can send them ALL to the chair!" face

29.  Queen Jean is pissed! face

30.  "And for god's sake, Ray, put your clothes back on" face

31. I'm Having That Awesome Dream Where I'm a Romulan Spy Again face

32.  "Jean Loring is tired of tiny phones and the tiny men who come out of them" face

33.  EEEEEEEE Face

34.  "You are so ****ing native" face

35.  "Who has just sacrificed his life by waking Jean Loring?" face

36.  "And I also broke his tiny little body which is here in my hand" face

37.  "Ray, today is a good day TO DIE!" face

38.  "What? What're YOU gonna do?" face

39.  Acting Oddly face

40.  The Heh heh No One Will Ever Suspect Me face

41.  "SALUTE MY BOOTS!" face

42.  "Huh, I look almost normal today" face

43.  "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LYING TO ME?!" face

44.  "FLICK YOU!" face

45.  The Face I'll use to seduce the Spectre and make him destroy all magic in the universe and step on Atlantis so hard that GOD HIMSELF will directly intervene and put me into a personal orbiting prison around the sun because ONLY GOD HIMSELF dares tangle with Jean Loring

46.  "I'm about to *PTUU* on you, little man, and after you have lapped that up, you will thank me and ask for more" face

47.  "You have a full line of flamethrowers in stock...AND you're open all night?!" face

48.  "You're a dead man, Gordon, do you hear me? A DEAD MAN!" face

49.  "I look less scary as a Black Lantern than I did when I was alive" face

50.  "Do you have ANY idea what will happen to you if you say no, Pedro?" face

51.  "If you think Queen Jean fears bondage you are in for rude awakening" face

52.  "THIS, people, is bondage, and I did this TO MYSELF" face

53.  "The best part about being a lawyer is seeing people's faces when I tell them they are disinherited" face

54.  "Do you mind, I'm on the phone laughing with my mother about your sorry performance in the sack" face

55.  "Goddammit, Ray, check your appointment calendar, it's pirate dominatrix cosplay night" face 

56.  "EVERYONE is in trouble when I call you 'Raymond', Raymond" face

57.  "Will shrinking help you when I throw you to that attacking shark?" face

58.  "Why, oh, why does the white man litter by throwing garbage from his automobiles in this, my homeland?"

59.  "Speaking of 'nukers' I'm pretty sure I could fit your pretty little head into a microwave oven" face

60.  Atomic Ice-Cream Headache Face

  

61.  "Queen Jean is frightened" face

62.  "I hope you like microphone, buddy, because you're about to eat that one" face

63.  Weeping Specter of Adulthood Responsibilities face

64.  "Now serving VICTIM #1158!" face

65.  "I'd rip the skin off your face!" face

66.  "And you should probably take my wish VERY seriously if you don't want to lose that hand" face

67.  "THE STREETS OF CURACAO WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF NUCLEAR PHYSICISTS!" face

68.  "You wouldn't think it's funny if you could see my face" face

69.  "It's called decolletage, you scum" face

70.  "Struggling desperately to stifle a scream" face

71.  "By the time I'm done with you, you'll beg for death at the hands of Dr. Spectro" Face

72.  "Oh, god, it's Ray" face

73.  "Sometimes I like to make-believe I'm Pamela Isley" face

74.  Transquartomuralistic Relentless Terminator Face

75.  "If you put your tongue in me I swear to god I'll bite it off and spit it back in your face" face

76.  "IT TICKLES!" face

77.  "At last I meet you, my rival, face to face, that is, until I rip YOUR face off with my teeth" face

78.  " 'Queen Jean' if you please!" face

79.  "Did I remember to put that severed head back in the refrigerator?" face

80.  "I am SO glad I had Ray's severed head laminated" face

81.  "My name is Jean Loring and you can start screaming it right NOW" face

82.  "And by 'it' I mean YOUR LIFE" face

83.  "Bunnies are sweet and innocent and harmless and everyone will love me if I'm a bunny" face

84.  The Face of Using Your Insecurities as My Warm Blanket While I Sleep Uncaringly Through Your Emotional Trauma

85.  "Sad when I think about what I'm going to do to you for not trusting me" face

86.  "I hate comic books and everyone who reads them" face

87.  "I love you like I love chocolate Easter bunnies" face

88.  "Your science-fiction gimmicks do not impress me, little man" face

89.  The "Goddammit I forgot my necklace of human ears at home again and now I have to make another" face

90.  "I'm just so much HAPPIER now that I'm Eclipso" face

91.  "One more word about that and I'll bite your face off" face

92.  "Dammit, his pulse is still too strong" face

93.  "But if this little bird, or you, are lying to me I will roast and eat one or both of you" face

94.  Nursing a Stiff Drink Face

95.  "Well, 'THEY" had better hope I never find out who they are" face

96.  The Last Face that Poor Man Ever Saw

97.  "Stop pointing that phony fountain pen at me, you lunatic!" face

98.  "Waiter, the ice has diluted my drink, please bring me more human blood" face

99.  "If my flamethrower kills you, judge, and I freshly after the fact tender you the flamethrower, you will be without recourse against me" face

100.  "How can anyone for even a minute have ever questioned my total insanity?" face