Rob Petrie: [Sally, Buddy, Rob and Laura are staying in a haunted cabin, all four are in the same bed because they are scared of the ghost] It's been over two hours and nothing strange or unusual has happened.
Sally Rogers: Oh, really? What do you call four grown people sleeping in the same bed with their clothes on?
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [after Rob and Laura exchange a romantic goodnight, complete with kiss] Good night, Sal.
Sally Rogers: Goodnight, pal.
[they shake hands]
[repeated line]
Laura Petrie: Oh, Rob!
Laura Petrie: You wanna end up another Dwight Heatherton, go ahead!
Rob Petrie: Who's that?
Laura Petrie: Dwight Heatheron happens to be an excellent writer who is unknown because he gets no publicity.
Rob Petrie: Then how do you know him?
Laura Petrie: Oh Rob, he's *famous*.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [Sally emerges from another room wearing a facemask] Sal! We've been working together all these years, I never knew you looked like that!
Sally Rogers: Looked like what?
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Like my wife!
[Laura just admitted that she told a TV audience Alan Brady is bald]
Rob Petrie: Well did you know it was a secret?
Laura Petrie: Yes.
Rob Petrie: Oh sure, what's the fun of telling something if it's not a secret?
Alan Brady: [re note about letting go of the staff] Didn't you see I crumpled it up?
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: [inspects paper] Yeah that's his crumple!
[repeated line]
Sally Rogers: It's just like my Aunt Agnes used to say...
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: This guy laughs at everything! Bet he'll laugh if I say "shoehorn"... SHOEHORN!
Maxwell Cooley: heh huhh heh huhh!
[silly laughter]
Rob Petrie: I want to take a nap before I go to sleep.
Sally Rogers: What's the matter Rob?
Rob Petrie: Oh, he got on the elevator and I busted my leg on a lady.
Rob Petrie: At least I'll prove one thing tonight: Television writers marry the prettiest girls.
[repeated line]
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: [after Buddy ridicules him] Yecch!
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: Oh, believe me, doodly doo.
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Rob, I can't tell you how much.
Maurice (Buddy) Sorrell: You can't tell us how much four and four are.
Melvin (Mel) Cooley: Yech!
[repeated line]
Sally Rogers: Good thinking.
[repeated line]
Ritchie Petrie: Oh, yeah, I forgot.
