BuzzFeed - Hilary Mitchell

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21 Times Ewan McGregor Made Our Hearts And Ovaries Explode

Wed, 18 Jan 2017 13:08:14 -0500

He is definitely Scotland’s finest export.

When he dispensed these noble, but untrue, words of wisdom on The Jimmy Fallon Show.

NBC / Giphy

When he discussed kilts, dicks, and man spreading with Graham Norton.

When he described how he feels about his wife of 21 years.

When he invented a game called "what's the worst thing that could happen when meeting Beyoncé?

"When you are speaking to her, would you rather sneeze and have both barrels blow snot all down your face, or cough and shit yourself?"

19 Shameful British Confessions That Are Frankly Disgusting

Wed, 11 Jan 2017 13:01:53 -0500

Deport these people right now, especially the one who makes tea in the microwave.

Flickr: 10413717@N08 / Creative Commons / Twitter: @jack_doors15 / BuzzFeed

Glegorly / Getty Images / Twitter: @hetgreatgatsby / BuzzFeed

upload.wikimedia.org / Creative Commons / Twitter: @newjoel / BuzzFeed

ITV / Twitter: @adu1tg33k1 / BuzzFeed

21 Scottish People Who Definitely Have A Death Wish

Wed, 11 Jan 2017 10:20:19 -0500

RIP in advance.

This Buckfast-fuelled cyclist.

This person will not last long if they continue to use Buckie as a sports rehydration drink.

Twitter: @theonly1iknow

Darren, who is a cheeky sod.

If he doesn't learn to keep his lip buttoned he will definitely not survive.

Twitter: @MrFox13

This hiker, who is not very good at hiking.

He should take up a safer sport, like knitting, or sitting quietly in a corner.

Giphy

And this mountaineer, who is extremely bad at mountains.

"See you at the bottom!"

Giphy

Facebook: bababudancoffee

19 Batshit Desserts That Everyone Is Going Crazy For In Scotland

Mon, 09 Jan 2017 12:45:38 -0500

From gin and tonic cakes to rainbow-coloured “unicorn” waffles, here are all the very best puds to eat in the greatest country on Earth.

A peanut butter ice cream and strawberry jam doughnut from Baba Budan in Edinburgh.

This clever take on a classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the work of Edinburgh coffee shop Baba Budan. Other inspired flavours include Earl grey and rich tea biscuit; there's also a sumptuous whisky and raspberry cranachan option.

A toffee popcorn, caramel, chocolate, and pretzel cake from Tea Jenny's in Falkirk.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that this stacked cake was a Great British Bake Off showstopper, but it's actually made in a little tearoom in Falkirk. It's only one of a range of equally dazzling cakes at Tea Jenny's, you can see more photos here.

Holly Duncan / Tea Jenny's

Unicorn waffles from Flip n' Shake in Stirling.

This tiny diner in Stirling is a real hidden gem. It specialises in spectacular milkshakes, French toast, and pancakes, but their showstopper dessert has to be this vibrant combination of Belgian waffles, blueberry ice cream, and marshmallows.

Instagram: @flipnshake

A salted caramel brownie cheesecake from Artisan Cheesecakes in Bathgate or Edinburgh.

This breathtaking chocolate mountain is a salted caramel brownie cheesecake from Artisan Cheesecakes, and it's just one of hundreds of options available. They also make cheesecake milkshakes by blending entire slices with ice cream.

Przemyslaw Stradczuk for BuzzFeed

22 Photos That Prove US And UK Universities Are Worlds Apart

Fri, 06 Jan 2017 13:21:29 -0500

US student costumes: Sexy Peter Pan. UK student costumes: The Lidl Mermaid.

University libraries in the US:

Flickr: 40423570@N07 / Creative Commons

University libraries in the UK:

Being a Freshers' Week rep in the US:

Twitter: @gretchengrude

Being a Freshers' Week rep in the UK:

24 Jokes That You'll Piss Yourself Laughing At If You're Scottish

Wed, 04 Jan 2017 12:03:16 -0500

Dinny bother reading this unless you’re heavy fluent in Scottish Twitter.

Twitter: @liam_981

Twitter: @ryanprinty

Twitter: @muirnedoherty

Twitter: @stuarthepburn1

The 21 Most Terrible Things Staffordshire Bull Terriers Did In 2016

Thu, 15 Dec 2016 04:46:04 -0500

They’re such scary dogs.

They impersonated more innocent creatures.

"I'm not a staffie, honest. I'm a bear cub in a onesie."

And lured people into a false sense of security.

Watch out, she's clearly about to pounce.

Twitter: @KC6610TINA

They hogged the bathroom.

Wait, no, they hogged the bathroom menacingly.

And they hogged the sofa, too.

Not to mention all of the cushions.

Instagram: @thorblueboy

Do You Actually Know Anything About Scotland Or Nah?

Mon, 12 Dec 2016 05:06:04 -0500

If you can’t find Loch Ness, how are you going to find the Loch Ness Monster?

22 People Who Took Their Love Of Video Games To The Next Level

Wed, 14 Dec 2016 03:01:04 -0500

“It’s dangerous to go alone, take this engagement ring.”

This dedicated Zelda fan.

This Sims cosplayer.

Some things are worth being cold for.

These Assassin's Creed parkour enthusiasts.

Hope they've got a handy haystack to break their fall.

Giphy

Nicole...

This Quiz Will Reveal The Scottish Place You Should Visit In 2017

Tue, 13 Dec 2016 03:16:04 -0500

Should you roam the wilderness, or cuddle up with a sexy Scot in a wee cottage?

26 Times Shit Got Way Too Fucking Real In Britain In 2016

Thu, 08 Dec 2016 10:58:40 -0500

Stolen crisps, fighting nuns…will the madness never end? H/t the amazing Angry People In Local Newspapers and @SlowSlowNews.

When the Mail exposed an illegal nun-fighting ring.

"Yeah, can I put a £100 accumulator on Sister Mary Caroline, please?"

When this man "triggered" a police search.

Boom.

When this guy was far too good at his job.

When this guy popped up on the BBC's live feed.

Sod Corbyn, can we please get Crawley Council on Newsnight ASAP?

21 Rude Scottish Gifts That All Sweary Cunts Will Love

Wed, 07 Dec 2016 11:45:57 -0500

Because everyone needs a bawbag tote, and fucknugget lights.

This beautiful "fannybaws" cross stitch.

Just like your sweariest granny would make. Get it here for £12.00.

This dainty "get tae fuck" necklace.

What a sweet way to tell people to piss off. Just £8.00 from this Etsy shop.

This amazing Scottish insult mug.

Other designs include "Yer maw's a welder". Amazing. Get it here for £9.95.

This classy bawbag tote.

Perfect for transporting your vulgar cross-stitches. £10 from this shop.

35 Twatty "Apprentice" Candidate Quotes: Translated

Fri, 02 Dec 2016 09:18:27 -0500

“I run a successful baking business.” – I sell cupcakes at car-boot sales.

BBC / BuzzFeed

1. "I'm going to give it 110%." – I'm going to fail to do any basic research or make a plan, then blame my teammates when things go wrong.

2. "I'm a great salesperson." – I chase people down the street until they buy a £9 salad.

3. "I definitely nailed that pitch!" – I remembered the name of the product we're trying to sell, and I didn't throw up or piss myself. Result!

4. "I'm not here to make friends." – I am hoping to get laid though.

5. "I set up my own company when I was 15." – I was in Young Enterprise at school.

6. "I work in finance." – I'm a temp at Skipton Building Society.

7. "I run a successful baking business." – I sell cupcakes at car-boot sales.

8. "I'm a marketing expert." – I once used MS Paint to make a poster for my car-boot cupcake stall.

9. "I'm a social media guru." – I took a photo of my cupcakes and put it on Facebook.

10. "I earn a six-figure salary." – But two of those figures are .00

11. "I've got tons of business acumen." – I have no idea what the fuck "acumen" is but I've heard other people say it so...

12. "I'm the best in my field." – But that's only because my field is "living in my parents' basement and reselling things on eBay".

13. "I'm the reflection of perfection." – I'm a vain cockwomble with a rhyming dictionary.

14. "I can walk the walk, and I can talk the talk." – I will repeatedly hide in the background until Lord Sugar forces me to be team leader. Then I'll get fired.

15. "I'm a natural-born leader." – People do what I say just to shut me up.

16. "I'm a business shark/unicorn/dragon." – I'm slightly unhinged.

17. "LET ME FINISH. LET ME FINISH." – I've run out of things to say, but I'm pretending I haven't by shouting "LET ME FINISH."

18. "I'm the project manager of this task." – So please just let me get on with fucking it up in peace.

19. "Numbers are my strong suit." – I got a gold star on my maths homework in year 3.

20. "I've worked out the costings." – I've made up some of the costings, and got the rest horribly wrong.

21. "Yes, he/she was a great team leader." – We've guessed that we're probably going to win so we're going to suck up to them.

22. "No, he/she wasn't a good team leader." – We've guessed that we're probably going to lose so we're going to throw them under a bus.

23. "Sub team leader." – Scapegoat.

24. "I'm an alpha male." – I once saw an episode of Planet Earth and now I think I'm Harambe.

25. "Yes, that was myself, Lord Sugar." – I think that saying "myself" makes me sound intelligent, rather than someone who's forgotten the word "me."

26. "I should be team leader because this is my job. This is what I do." – I have literally done this thing once four years ago.

27. "Calm down." (From a man to a woman) – I'm a patronising arsecandle.

28. "Calm down." (From a woman to a man) – Maybe it's not such a good idea to shout at your teammates in front of customers.

29. "People won't notice if we cut costs." – I've completely misunderstood the point of this "luxury event" task.

30. "I've made a canapé." – I've balanced some tomatoes on a cream cracker.

31. "If you'll just give me one more chance..." – ...I'll just fuck up again.

32. "I can do better." – No, I can't.

33. "I've got what it takes to be Alan Sugar's business partner." – No, I don't.

34. "Thank you for the opportunity, Lord Sugar." – Fuck u m8.

35. "You haven't seen the end of me!" – My cupcake stall will be coming to a car-boot sale near you soon.

The Ultimate Australia Vs. Scotland Debate 2016

Thu, 01 Dec 2016 11:12:33 -0500

Haggis nachos: Nice or nasty? Neighbours: Great or shit? Join our mass debate.

Exhibit 1: Black pudding (Scotland)

Jemima (Australia): At first, I thought someone had just left their English muffins in the toaster for way too long. I don't know what the hell black pudding is supposed to taste like, but the description I found of it being a sausage of pork fat and pork blood made me want to hurl. Why the fuck would you choose to put those two things in your mouth? And why is it so black?

Hilary (Scotland): Sorry, but black pudding is delicious. Sure it's made with blood, but people eat rare beef oozing with the stuff all the time, and in black pudding you'd never know it was there. It's basically just a gigantic sausage, and everyone needs more sausage in their lives. Amirite, ladies? *waggles eyebrows*

Instagram: @gazmorgan / Via instagram.com

Exhibit 2: Pie floaters (Australia)

Hilary (Scotland): What the shit is this, Australia? It sounds like something you’d leave in the toilet after a heavy night out, and it looks like it as well. Putting a pie in some pea soup is just plain weird tbh. Doesn’t the meat pie go soggy? And why do you think that tomato ketchup and pea soup is a nice combination? Did someone hurt you in the past – is this why you do such terrible things?

Jemima (Australia): Let me first clarify that this is an Adelaide thing, and they do things really differently down there. (Google "cheese slaw" if you don't believe me.) When you think about it though, this isn't all that odd. Mushy peas on pies are definitely a thing; why not go all out and make them into a soup?

commons.wikimedia.org / Creative Commons

The 22 Most Wonderfully Glaswegian Things That Happened In 2016

Mon, 28 Nov 2016 09:48:40 -0500

It’s been a hell of a year for the funniest, most batshit city in Scotland.

When someone told the Google Street View car where to go, in no uncertain terms.

Twitter: @ciaran_globel

When this sun-starved tenement dweller hung her arse out of a third-storey window.

In full view of a group of startled office workers.

And when a dog walker was strolling around their estate on a Sunday morning and spotted this:

"How's the training for the Ned Olympics going, guys?"

Twitter: @robbieesmart

When a graffiti artist told the world how he felt about Boris Johnson being named foreign secretary.

Twitter: @finlayharris

Life In Japan Vs. Life In Britain

Wed, 23 Nov 2016 07:11:15 -0500

Why fill in a sinkhole when you can just draw a cock and balls around it instead?

Festivals in Japan:

Afp / AFP / Getty Images

Festivals in Britain:

Twitter: @CaraWalker95

Customer service in Japan:

commons.wikimedia.org / Creative Commons

Customer service in Britain:

Twitter: @jones462