I’m reading a book about a woman who had big dreams but had to give them up.
She’s stuck in the same place she was born and bred, while all she wanted was to fly far far away. Glamorous places, away from the norm. She is also the main carer for her mum, suffering from dementia. It’s not an easy life.

Yes, not an easy life, and I could understand her frustrations, but as I read it, began to wish I could swap places with her. Live in the place I grew up in, be near my parents, be there to look after my dad, to have been there for my mum.. I wish I could.. How nice it would have been. Of course I know all about the grass being greener on the other side and stuff, but I can’t help feel a tiny bit jealous when I hear my colleagues talk about weekend plans with their families, family weekends, etc. For me to have one of those, I need to plan an international trip!

But that’s life, isn’t it? We get what we get. It feels so unfair at times, while at other times, you feel grateful, knowing that you have been blessed.

Today when my Dad has gotten in that flight back to India, I’m afraid, I’m feeling more than a bit rubbish. All I want is to hold him tight, never let go, be around him.. 2 months of having him here, of having his calm reassuring presence, being there when he needed me, knowing that all the pieces of my heart are together, that comfort, even in the middle of mourning for my mum… I’m missing all that.

All I can hope for, is for his strength and positivity to come through, to help him combat the loneliness that is waiting for him. Hope is all I have…and that hope I will cling on to….

I spoke too soon when I mentioned my lovely Sunday. It came to bite me yesterday.

After two lovely days, the weather decided that we have had our share, back to normal programming. Just about to hit five in the evening and a colleague glances out of the window and says, ‘Is that rain or is it snow?’.

The good news was that it wasn’t snow, but it was the heaviest possible rain. Another colleague came back from outside announcing that,’ it is absolutely chucking it down’.

Now that didn’t help me. I was supposed to use the public transport (long story, if I ever get the time to write it all down, you’ll get to hear it :). Any way to cut the long story short, my efforts at using public transport came to grinding halt. It took me 45 mins to get a bus to travel a distance which should have taken me 25 mins if I walked and under 8 mins by bus ( because the bus takes a longer route). Why didn’t I just walk? Because it was pouring, no chucking it down and with just a rain jacket, I would be completely soaked by the time I got home. Of course, it wasn’t just raining, it was also biting cold. My feet started hurting even though I was standing in the shelter of a bus stop. And who knew it would take so long to get a bus anyway.

You know how it works? You wait for a bus for 5 mins, and then think lets try another 5. Now that you’ve waited 10, what if you start walking and miss the bus which, with my luck, would arrive at the stop, at the precise moment that you are too far to run back. So calculating all that, you stay put. Hoping that the bus would arrive. I didn’t just rely on the bus, I even tried the taxis. However, it was the wrong day! Traffic was apparently held up and they couldn’t give me any guarantee of when they could get a taxi to me. Not wanting to have two uncertainties, of buses and taxis, I decided to wait it out. And a proper wait it was, 45 mins of standing in freezing cold with gusts of wind bringing stinging rain hurtling towards you. Not pleasant at all.

Buses aren’t the only things I’ve been missing. I’ve also missed posts. I’ve missed two posts since the start of this marathon. But given that I have plenty of things to worry about, I’m not going to stress myself out on this. If I do get the time to make up for the posts I missed, I will, although I wouldn’t hold my breath.

That is about all I can type up, although my mind, for a change has been churning out stuff to write down, my eyes refuse to cooperate. They are ready to shut shop for the day. Gnight.

I’ve been asked many a time, what is the one thing you would want if you had a choice. And I’ve always struggled to figure out what I want.

It’s only when I have to answer that, that I realise that I don’t really want for anything. I’m quite a satisfied being in that sense. Happy with what I have.

That wouldn’t be entirely true. There is one thing I guess I’ve always wanted. I’ve always wanted to have a library at home. As far back as I can cast my memory. Books have been part of my memories. I remember being quite jealous of my cousins who owned some ladybird books. The kind they would read to us from school. Those days I didn’t own them. My mum and dad would tell me loads of stories but I didn’t own those exotic books. Until my granddad gifted me one. I still remember the name of that book, I just have been five then. I can’t recount how excited and happy I was.

All through my childhood, books were always my favourite things. That’s all I ever wanted for gifts. And there was a time when I even wanted to be a librarian. I couldn’t imagine a cooler job.

Of course that never materialised.. Neither did my dream of having a library. Some of my books are packed away in our flat in Bangalore, some are in Wayanad in my parents’ place and some here. I don’t have too much here. Just a few. Even those have become homeless because Daughter decided that her books needed the entire bookshelf. Can’t really blame her as it is rather full.

I always had plans to have a section exclusively for books when we live in our own place. Now finally we are living in a house of our own, after 14 years since we bought our first property. That must be a record of some sort. So as I was saying, Daughter chucked out my books from ‘her bookshelf’, so I was forced to look for alternatives.

I’ve had to find makeshift places to store them, until I find some nice bookshelves to fix up.

It also drives home the fact that I’ve not been buying many proper books in the recent past. But whenever I read a proper book, it is so much more fun. Maybe I should buy that book shelf and get rid of the Kindle.

What do you say?

This is the very first birthday post. I don’t do birthday posts ( my birthday posts , that is). I don’t know why but I’m very private that way. And that reflects in the blog as well.

It was my birthday today. It was wasn’t a day I planned to celebrate or was even looking forward to. I didn’t want to think of a birthday where my mum wouldn’t be around. My dad calls her his calendar. She used to remember every body’s birthday, anniversaries, etc. Towards the end when she couldn’t talk, she would just get my dad to do all the calling, but her mind, sharp as ever would still be working at it’s furious pace. I couldn’t imagine or face a birthday without her in this world.

So today was supposed to be just a regular day. Being a weekday, right in the middle of the week, helped.

However, I woke up to messages on whatsapp from friends and family. Lovely presents from husband, my dad and daughter. Husband got me something that absolutely perfect. I’ve never had a gift I want more. And I didn’t realise how much I needed it until I got it.

I thought I’d turned off the birthday notification on FB, but it had got turned on again. Wonder if daughter has been playing with stuff on the phone. I had planned to keep it low at work but people knew and I got some lovely messages and had an absolutely lovely time at work.

For a day which I wasn’t looking forward to, I have to say, I’ve never felt more pampered and loved…

It sure feels easier to type out a book review than write something here! I wonder why…
https://anyexcusetoread.wordpress.com/2016/01/05/book-review-the-readers-of-broken-wheel-recommend-by-katarina-bivald/