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EMBARRASSING: Winning Melbourne Cup horse just ran around in a big circle like some kind of idiotIt’s been revealed today that Melbourne Cup winner Cross Counter only won the race by running around in a circle like some [...] |
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 Nation to begin process of hiding Palmerston North for Harry and Meghan visitNew Zealand will tomorrow begin its traditional process of hiding the city of Palmerston North in advance of a royal visit. On Sunday, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex [...] |
Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. I say “hi” four times so each of you get your own greeting. Everyone deserves their own “hi.” That’s why in an ACT government, we’ll be promoting our Legal Hi Bill. Everyone deserves a legal hi. Over the past four years, many New Zealanders have asked […]
Yesterday former National MP Jami-Lee Ross released an explosive recording in which opposition leader Simon Bridges described one of his MPs, Maureen Pugh, as “fucking useless.” Bridges and Ross also discussed how two Chinese MPs were apparently worth more than two Indian MPs, and so we thought it was only […]
Simon was right. I am fucking useless. I’m not ashamed of it. I never have been. In fact, that’s why I became an MP. I became an MP because I wanted to represent you, the people of West Coast-Tasman, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re useless. […]
National MP Judith Collins is said to be panicking after her mind lost all control of one of its host bodies in the late hours of this morning. The body, apparently accelerating its programming by several years, went on a 50-minute press conference rampage, accusing leader Simon Bridges of everything […]
One Auckland mother is reportedly furious and distraught after finding her finances several million dollars short due to purchases in the video game Fortnite by one of her ministers. The minister, 55-year-old Phil, has reportedly racked up untold numbers of cosmetic purchases on the mother’s account without her knowledge, and […]
The Wellington man who broke the Len Lye Water Whirler sculpture may be relieved today after a report revealed that his antics on the waterfront art piece have actually doubled its value, an increase largely attributed to the whirler’s violent crowning of its assailant. A panel of experts assessed the […]