The wheels on the bus go...

 I heard the school buses running again this morning, a teensy weensy part of me said, "whew, I don't have to go". I hated school and as an awkward, extra small, red headed gay kid, I really really hated school. It's a significant number for me this year, a year with a nine, as in 2019. I remember when I first started high school back in 99, we didn't have cell phones or the internet.. oh wait.. no I didn't start in 99, must have been 89. I remember when I started back in 89, we didn't have laptops or iPads to do our homework, we didn't even have DVD players to watch movies yet. Also we had to.. oh wait, who am I kidding, as much as it pains me to say this, I started high school in 1979, oh mother of pearl, how did this happen. Computers.. heck we didn't even have VCRs or walkmans yet! Elton John was straight, Madonna was still a virgin and Michael Jackson was still black!  We didn't have junior high so grade seven was high school for me.

 I don't remember much about that first day, I know we were afraid of the older kids. There was a hazing ritual for new students. It certainly was a change from before, with our elementary teachers planning every step we had to make. I remember liking boys but I wasn't gay in my eyes. It's just that my man feelings hadn't kicked in yet, I had let myself think about being with my friends and must have gotten addicted to the day dreams, (gay dreams). I just needed to get them (my attractions) under control and I would be alright in a few months, even find a girlfriend maybe to hang out with at dances.

 That first day must have been alright because I have no memory of it. I was probably already doing homework, getting myself ready for the following day at this time (7:15 p.m.) I wasn't happy about entering high school though, I always knew getting older sucked. I was the opposite of all my friends, I wanted to be a kid forever, I never wanted to grow up. It's funny to think about all those years ago, starting on my first steps towards being an adult. High school seemed like an eternity and yet now all these years later, we can see it was just a blip in time. I certainly never thought I would be back home, alone writing about it forty years later.

Weddings and empty wishes.

 September first, I have to accept it, I thought if I tried stapling all the calendars to August, then maybe it would stay summer longer. The frost on the deck roof this morning said otherwise. Fortunately it didn't affect anything in the gardens. Well... I will make myself enjoy the month, I actually do enjoy fall, I just have to remind myself that I do.

 Actually September first does hold a special day for our family, without it... I wouldn't be here. This is my parents wedding anniversary. September was a popular month to get married, cool enough to dress up but warm enough not to have to wear extra clothes. I was thinking about visiting mom and wishing her a happy anniversary but there is no point now, she has no memory of being married, she no longer recognises my dad in photos, he has been gone too long. I know she would say "thank you" but only to be polite. It would be a hollow wish on my part.

 I decided instead to look through the wedding album. Some pictures made me tear up a little... now seeing them as young people just starting a life together, made me feel proud of them. I miss that couple so much. I'm not going to be sad about it, I'm happy to be reminded of the adventure they were about to begin. I used to come home for the long weekend and babysit the farm while they celebrated their anniversary. They would leave Friday morning and go to a weekend music festival. Around this time Sunday evening (9:00 pm) I would see the lights of their car and know they had returned home. I had a dream of them coming home the other night, the lights pulling into the driveway. No one came in however and I eventually woke up. I had forgotten that memory, odd that it shows up at this moment in time.

 Today there was another perk to this month, I needed to do some work outside and even though it was sunny, I needed a heavy shirt, it's so much nicer trying to work in cool weather and best of all, noooo bugs. I was trying to think of a theme picture for September, the leaves on the trees are still green, so it would be a little cliche to try and put up fall colors. I didn't sow pumpkin this year and an onion just doesn't say "it's September" so I will have to work on that one.

 Another September perk, my dinner was almost completely from my garden, the only exception was bread and some mayonnaise. It was yummy-licious, nothing beats fresh vegetables, I will see how long I can make this last. In 2018 I had tomatoes right into December. If you can keep green ones coming up until October, they will ripen on your counter top and still taste better than the store bought ones.

 I watched cars going back and forth, back and forth all day while I was working outside, it's a holiday and yet everyone seems so busy, life no longer let's people relax. That's really sad because most people don't realize how precious time is until they are running out of it.

 Happy anniversary mom and dad, I love and miss you. :,(

Where are you going.. summer?

 Last week after I came home from pride, I went out to check on my garden because I had been absent Saturday and Sunday. I saw something that hit me like a door in the face. The potato plants were lying down, some were turning brown and some yellow... noooo! You see for the non gardener, when the entire patch lays down like this and they are healthy, they are getting ready to go dormant. The plants die off and then you harvest the potatoes. The onions were doing the same and the tomatoes were dropping their leaves. 

 Summer is over. There was no mistaking the message, plants go by daylight hours, they don't care what the calendar or weather man says, they follow their own rhythm.

 No little onions.. get up! Get up! It's not time to sleep, please get up, hurry before winter hears about this, we don't want him coming!

 Noooo little potatoes, get up! Get up! Please do it for uncle Steve! Get up you little bastards or I'll poutine your dumb asses!

 No little tomatoes... nooo, stop dropping all your leaves, you still have time to grow! Now stop that baring your branches, shame on you, we can see your balls.. urr tomatoes. What are the neighbors going to think, filthy little plants, I'm never reading posts from Maddie's blog to you again!

 Gasp! Gassssssp! What? What has happened? Farewell rhubarb, you have earned your rest my old girl, you may sleep for you were the first to herald spring when I needed a sign of spring. You were the first real flavor after a winter of frozen or canned food, many plants have come and gone over the years but you have always been loyal to my family, good night, until we meet again some day.

 Hey at least the peppers are still doing kickass!

 I don't care what the calendar says, today is the last day of summer for me, tomorrow is the first day of fall. In this part of the world, the weather agrees with me. There is a chill in the air and this long weekend is always very different temperature wise from even last weekend. There is no more swimming in lakes and frost is a real constant danger now. Over all the summer of 2019 has been a pretty good summer, it started off cold but warmed up into a pleasant normal summer. Doesn't that sound weird to say or read, summer of 2019, really.. seriously it's been 19 years since the year 2000? When did that happen, imagine 2020, seems almost like the title of a science fiction novel or movie.. but I'm rambling.

 Even where the sun sets now is unbelievable in how far north the planet's tilt has progressed. My mom used to be saddened by the position of Sun, she passed that obsession on to me. You can see the sun setting on the left, on June 21 it sets on the right where you can see a tiny bump of a treetop. Hard to grasp in a photo but a huge distance in real life. You can see why things cool down, in another week or so, the sun will no longer shine on the north side of the buildings, or for that matter any hill, mountain or forest. The flowers on the north side of the house will stop blooming because of lack of light. The ground will begin to cool off as ever growing large sections won't see sunlight again until next spring.

 Tomorrow begins the decent into darkness, death and cold but as you see... I'm keeping a positive attitude towards it. :p

My nipple clamps arrived!

 I'm so happy, my nipple clamps arrived and they came with shocking power to give that extra spark!

 Well you people did say to get more in touch with my sexuality. Plus every nipple clamp purchased during August comes with a free set of fuzzy handcuffs! Grrrrowl.

 I can't believe it's been a week already since my pride weekend. Time flies when you're trying to get shh.. I mean, stuff done. It's too bad I didn't bump into anyone at the parade. I was prepared to meet people, even straight people from work, many are LGBTQ positive and I could see them bringing their kids out to have fun. I know it would have went like this, "what are you doing here"? Even though I would be wearing a button and carrying a little rainbow flag, I would have said, "these are my people, this is my tribe". Then I would be the Monday morning gossip but that's ok with me.

  We have a number of out lesbians at work and I was surprised none were there, neither was the two trans people. Actually at work, no one even knew pride had happened.

  A blog buddy said to me last week, while we were emailing back and forth, "what are you going to do to keep the moment going"? I like that he said that because it's exactly what was on my mind. I am trying different groups to socialize with, not dating sites but groups to make friends. I figure make friends first then maybe out of that I will meet Mr Right. Unfortunately this city seems so lame. In other cities these same groups meet, socialize and the groups thrive, here nobody goes, nobody puts any effort into meeting someone new and the groups disband in a year. Anyway I'm going to keep trying, onwards and outwards. Now I have to remember to turn the power down on these nipple clamps, last shock nearly made me wet myself and not in an erotic way!

Call of the wild, shh don't answer!

 I wish I could record what I have been hearing most evenings this summer. I have tried but the phone doesn't pick it up. Some nights it's just coyotes howling, creepy enough but they are mostly just yappy when they howl and bark a little as well. However some nights there is a sound that even frightens the coyotes into silence. The hair standing up on the back of your neck comes from the wolves, apparently some must have built a den just north of the buildings because as night falls, they start howling after dark. It's not a silly yapping howl, it's the blood chilling deep moaning wail of a creature stalking the woods for its next kill. You get an image in your head of a dark figure, skulking from tree to tree in the evening mist. All the fairy tales filled with night terror become real. The big bad wolf, is the big bad wolf..  but only if you are another animal, they tend to stay away from people but they will kill anything they can get a hold of and when they get really hungry, they will do things that can get really scary, like come into your yard during the day.

 It's the call of nature and when you hear it, let the machine pick up, "sorry, I can't come to the phone right now, plus to be honest I wouldn't taste that good, I'm all bones... and my friend Jim is here.. you know.. the hunter"!

 It's interesting to hear them, I know people travel out into parks at night to listen for them. There are a lot more wolves around now than there used to be. My favorite actually is hearing the owls at night, I will miss them when I move. Now how do I set these wolves to shut off at eleven, life in the country.

Pride 2019.

 I was thinking I better get this post done before it's been a week since the parade. Interesting (to me anyway), I happen to look back ten years ago to see what I was doing. I was posting about going to a pride parade, only the Montreal one and not Ottawa. I found that startling because it was the last parade I went to, I can't believe it's been ten years since I went. Anyhoo here's some pics.

 Here Debra, some amazing boobs for you! Even better, some nice wholesome lesbian sex slaves with dog leashes and everything.

 Just like with our mayor finally coming out, the beautiful thing about eventually coming out, is it changes people for the better, like this fellow, welcome to the rainbow side.. like father like son?

 I can't imagine how great it is for younger people, sadly they probably don't realize how lucky they are, to get to have gay proms etc. I loved this little guy, he was about twelve or so and was fabulously leading his group in a butterfly costume. The expression on his face was priceless, he loved his role.

 Even though it was downtown Ottawa, surprisingly a group of bears showed up! I want a bear hug!

 It wouldn't be right of me not to include a gay rugby team, drool drool pant!

 Speaking of athletes, how about the volleyball team, drool drool pant!

 Every pride parade needs a unicorn!

 Speaking of animals, lots of people brought their dogs and puppies. This gorgeous young man was so good at keeping his three pups in line. Take note John Grey since you love dogs.

 Of course our special ladies are always front and center.

 Who wouldn't enjoy a burlesque show? Heck I want to go see that. Maybe even get to wear the tassels!

 There was much much more, it was hard to get good pictures but this was a small part of what I saw. The crowd was huge, I heard yesterday that they estimated it to be at least a hundred thousand, I totally believe that number from what I saw, good thing I went because 999 999 just doesn't sound as sexy.  I can remember a time years ago, when I heard 5000 showed up and I was amazed it was that big.

 I always feel very emotional for days after any big LGBTQ event. I spend my life thinking I'm alone only to be snapped into reality that I'm not and that I have a whole community that can relate to me. I never want to leave something like a pride parade. Walking back to my car always feels so weird to me, like for a brief moment I get to live in a world where people are like me, then later I'm transported back to a world I'm not fully a part of.

 It was important that I went this year because of all the bigotry I've heard being directed towards the LGBTQ community in the last twelve months. We got together, we played thumping dance music, we dressed up, (some undressed), we laughed, we cheered, mostly we had fun! I'm so thankful that as a gay man I live in Canada. There was a guy in the parade with a t-shirt that read, "this parade is gay" thankfully.. yes it is!

Speaking of good signs.

 Just another short post this morning. Speaking of signs at the parade, there were many, some hilarious, some thoughtful, some straight to the point (no pun intended).

 There was a different kind of sign however and it made me feel really good inside. There were no news cameras anywhere that I could see, no reporters, no journalists.. nothing. Probably at some point the media came out for a few sound bites but otherwise stayed away. A sign that the pride festival and parade is something no longer news worthy, not like some kind of street riot, this is the way it should be. Of course the early coverage did help get the message out but the feel of it was predatory at times.

 I remember in the early days when I was really uncomfortable with my sexuality, that was one of the annoyances. News crews would be running up and down trying to capture the freaks on display. You could hardly sit down without a camera suddenly being shoved in your face.

 "What do you see Bob"?
 "Well Kent there are a number of homosexuals eating on this restaurant patio, it appears that most have ordered the salad with their meal, clearly this must be some kind of sexual signal"!
 " You heard it here first folks, we will be keeping an eye on this story, next up is Janice and her unbelievable story about a lesbian that has never been to Home Depot"!