My neighborhood has a bit of an odd, bad setup. It sits between two major roads, and sometimes people on one road think they can skip traffic by cutting through the neighborhood to get to the other road. The problem is it that doesn’t go all the way through and connect. Once you turn off the main road and into the neighborhood, the street just gets smaller and then splits into smaller streets that don’t go anywhere.

Every six months or so, some big truck will try to take this “shortcut” through the neighborhood, try to make too many tight turns on too small of roads, and end up stuck in a ditch. Then, the cops come and close off the road where the truck turned while the truck is cleared.

My house is about seven houses in from the main street.

One day, I pick my young son up from daycare and try to head home at about 4:30, only to find that the road is blocked right at the entrance to the neighborhood by a cop who looks very young. I don’t see a stuck vehicle, but I figure that’s what’s going on, so I decide, “Oh, well,” and take my son out to get some food.

Around 6:30, we come back and the road is still blocked, so I ask the cop:

Me: “Hey, is the road going to be open soon?”

Cop: “The road is closed.”

Me: “I know that. I was just asking if you had an estimate on when we would—”

Cop: *Cutting me off* “THE ROAD IS CLOSED!”

I don’t want to escalate things with a jumpy cop, so I take my son to a park. We hang out for a little bit until it is close to my son’s bedtime and he is getting tired. Around 8:00 pm, we try to get in, and the same jumpy cop is there.

Me: “Hey, can we just get through to take my son home?”

Cop: “The road is closed.”

Me: “I get that, but I can see my house. There is nothing between us and there. Can I please just take my son home to go to bed?”

Cop: “The road is closed. What you want is not more important than police business.”

Me: “Look. A truck gets stuck in here two or three times a year, but it’s never blocked the whole neighborhood before.”

Cop: “The road is blocked where I blocked it.”

At this point, a line is forming behind me of other cars trying to turn into the neighborhood. Luckily, one of those cars is another police car with some kind of supervisor in it, and he comes up to us.

Supervisor: “What’s going on here?”

Me: “Hey, I’ve got a little boy who’s past his bedtime, and my house is that one right over there with the maple tree out front. I was just hoping to get by and put my son to bed.”

Cop: “And as I was informing this man, the road is closed, and what he wants is not important right now.”

Supervisor: “Wait. This is for a truck in a ditch, right? Where is it even at? I can’t see it.”

Cop: “It’s at the corner of [Street #1] and [Street #2].”

Supervisor: “That’s miles down the road! Why on earth would you close the road here?”

Cop: “The road doesn’t go through. No one should need to get down this road to go anywhere.”

Supervisor: “Except for the people who live here! There are dozens of houses between here and the truck with people that want to go home. Did you think all those houses were just for f****** decoration?!”

The cop stutters for a second before replying.

Cop: “Sorry, sir, I was just thinking—”

Supervisor: “Stop doing that! You are bad at it!”

Cop: “Yes, sir. I will move the roadblock.”

Supervisor: “No, you will load yourself back in that car, go back to the station, and wait for me. Then, once I’m finished here, we are going to have a long discussion about how if you can’t figure out how to use both of your brain cells at the same time, you aren’t allowed to go outside.”

With that, the young cop moved his car, and I was finally able to get home. While I was glad to finally get my son to bed, I kind of wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall for that conversation back at the station.

Our call centre has a large bingo game on the whiteboard that we call “Idiot Bingo”. Every time a certain phrase is used by a caller, the representative handling them gets to put their name next to that phrase on the bingo board.

Sadly, we average about three winners per week. The winner gets a voucher for a free lunch after the manager has listened to the calls and verified that the phrases have been said.

Some of the bingo squares are:

• “Of course I unplugged it!”
• “Let me speak to a man!”
• “I’ll have your job!”
• “You did it for me before!”
• “I hope you [die in some manner].”
• “I am NOT resetting it again.”
• “You need to get a tech out here NOW!”

You get the gist.

[Coworker] has just returned from a two-week holiday and has sat down for his first call. After almost half an hour, he ends the call, stands up, and wanders over to the bingo board.

Coworker: “I got bingo.”

Me: “Very funny.”

Coworker: “Seriously.”

Me: “You’ve taken one call since you got back.”

Coworker: “I know.”

Me: “You got…” *quickly reads the five bingo squares he’s added his name to* “…all of those from a single call?”

Coworker: “Yup.”

Me: “Welcome back?”

The manager listens to the call at lunchtime and calls it. The poor sod won a bingo game in a single call on his very first call back.

Coworker: “I think I need another holiday!”

I manage the retail side of a video game and electronics store and repair shop. When we get phones in for repair, we tell them up front that the turnaround time is about an hour and a half to two hours. We especially emphasize this to the people who drop off phones around two hours before we close.

Today was a decent day, and we actually managed to get the store closed out by the time we closed at 7:00. Both registers were counted and turned off for the night, the trash was taken out, everything was cleaned for the night, and money was on its way to the safe.

Our store phones automatically send calls to voicemail starting at 7:00, and one call tonight just managed to sneak in by all of five seconds, so I did the kind thing and picked up.

Me: “[Store], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Y’all close at 7:00, right?”

Me: “Yes, we close at 7:00, and we are technically closed for the night.”

Caller: “Well, I dropped my phone off for repair. It’s [Caller].”

I check the name.

Me: “Yep, I do have the phone right here, repaired and ready for pickup in the morning. Our registers are already closed for the night and with how the repair system works, they do have to be rung through the register.”

Caller: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?! I LIVE THIRTY MINUTES AWAY! I HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING! I NEED MY PHONE TONIGHT!”

Me: “I’m sorry, our registers are closed for the night. I was also present when you dropped the phone off, and I did hear the associate let you know that the repair would be completed sometime between 6:30 and 6:45 and that you should be in the area around then.”

The caller starts yelling to someone in the background.

Caller: “AND NOW SHE’S ACTING LIKE SHE DOESN’T EVEN CARE! YOU KNOW D*** WELL SHE’D BE DOING EVERYTHING TO GET HER PHONE BACK!”

The caller returns to yelling at me.

Caller: “Y’ALL ONLY CALLED ME TEN MINUTES AGO! I DON’T LIVE TEN MINUTES AWAY! YOU NEED TO OPEN THE REGISTERS BACK UP! I HAVE THE CASH! I CAN JUST GIVE IT TO YOU!”

Me: “I did also check with the technician, and it looks like according to our records, we reached out to you around 6:00 tonight. I’m very sorry you’re not able to pick it up tonight.”

Caller: “I NEED YOUR MANAGER OR SOMETHING!”

Me: “I am the manager. I’ve let you know what options you have, but unfortunately, I can’t open the registers and store back up.”

Caller: “I’M LEAVING Y’ALL A ONE-STAR REVIEW, AND I’M NEVER COMING BACK TO Y’ALL AGAIN!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

The caller starts yelling to someone in the background again.

Me: “Okie-dokie, have a great night.”

I hung up the phone. About a minute later, the new voicemail alarm went off, and then again two minutes after that, meaning she tried to call back two more times and left angry voicemails when she couldn’t get through.

It was very clear that she was still at home when she called, which would’ve meant me keeping my staff here for a MINIMUM of forty-five extra minutes past their scheduled end time because we can’t close alone.

Poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine.

I’m a seventy-two-year-old man and have been retired for a few years. Getting bored, I went to work for the local [Big Name Grocer] as a checkout clerk.

On my first (and only) day, an Entitled Jerk came to my lane complaining loudly about how the store only stocks certain items and not the ones she’s shopping for.

So, I said, in a not-too-quiet voice:

Me: “Lady, no one in this entire store gives a s*** about your opinion, so shut your trap, pay for your food, and get the f*** out.”

The manager, who was right behind me, tapped me on the shoulder.

Manager: “Best response I’ve heard all year. But turn in your things and go home. You don’t belong in retail.”

The funny thing is that he sent me a $250 bonus check at Christmas with a hearty thank-you message.

I am checking in a woman who is traveling alone. Her credit card keeps declining the $300 incidental hold – the room and tax have been prepaid.

Customer: *Going into sob story mode.* “My mom died last month! So did my dog! Is there any way you can waive the incidental?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We can hold it as a cash deposit if you have any on you, or would like to use our ATM?”

Customer: “I have absolutely no money with me! None!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a five-star luxury beach resort. You have my sincerest condolences, but this is our policy.”

Customer: “Can I talk to a manager? I’m just… going through such a hard time right now. I have no money after paying for my mother’s funeral! My aunt died this year too…”

I call my manager over before she manages to kill off more relatives. After explaining the situation:

Manager: “Ma’am, forgive me for asking but if you have no money at all, how are you planning to eat while you’re here? You’re here for a week and our resort is the only infrastructure for miles.”

Customer: “Money is just so tight right now.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but your room is almost $1,000 a night. If money is so tight that you don’t have any money for incidentals, maybe a $7,000 luxury resort booking isn’t the best use of your funds.”

Customer: “That’s very presumptuous of you!”

Manager: “Almost as presumptuous as thinking we’d waive a mandatory hotel policy for you because you’re having a bad month.”

The customer stared my manager down but eventually produced a shiny platinum American Express and used that for the incidentals. I have no idea what her game was, was she planning on trashing the room?