Tips to Build Resiliency

Resiliency is the ability to spring back from and successfully adapt to adversity.

Resilient people are often flexible in their thinking, endure difficulty with a realistic outlook and use the experience in self- empowering ways.

Experts are not all in ageement about how much of resilience is genetic. So the thought is that resilience can be learned.

Below are tips from the APA Help Center 

1. Make Connections. Good relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.

2. Avoid Seeing Crises as Insurmountable Problems. You can't change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult situations.

3. Accept That Change Is a Part of Living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.

4. Move Toward Your Goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"

5. Take Decisive Actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.

6. Look for Opportunities for Self-Discovery. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, a greater sense of personal strength even while feeling vulnerable, an increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and a heightened appreciation for life.

7. Nurture a Positive View of Yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience.

8. Keep Things in Perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

9. Maintain a Hopeful Outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

10. Take Care of Yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.

8 Types of Toys for Depressed Children

Shopping for toys during the holiday season always takes a bit of resourcefulness. You need to learn what’s new, what’s out, what’s flying off the shelves - and then carefully consider whether your purchase will add to your child’s entertainment stockpile. But if you have a child with special needs, especially one who is struggling with depression, finding the right toy can feel even more daunting.

Though there are many different kinds of games and toys, here are 8 categories that I teach parents to consider thinking about when holiday shopping. These themes help with healing and are also super fun too. 

1. Seek out toys that teach about feelings. Though most children find it a challenge to label feelings, depressed children struggle even more in identifying and expressing them. Toys like Eggspressions, Kimochis and Moody Monsters Memory Game invite depressed kids to see the subtle differences between and among emotions. They also teach how actual expressions look on others’ faces as well as their own. Playing with these toys will help your child learn how mad is different than irritated. How sad is different than lonely. Once children learn these subtle differences, they can better label what they’re feeling and talk about it.
2. Get artsy. Research shows that the expressive arts, like drawing, painting and creating music not only lift mood, they help children express and manage feeling states. Old-school toys that encourage artistic expression like crayons, paints, clay are great items. So is getting your child a musical instrument. And don’t forget the new-school digital ways of getting art and music into your child’s life with downloadable apps and computer software like Toca Band, MoMA Artlab, Garage Band or iDraw, for example.
3. Choose problem solving toys: Depression can cause distractibility, lower reasoning and interrupt flow of thinking – parts of the brain area called “executive functioning.” Toys and games that challenge your child to find solutions, tap judgment or use logic will help sharpen these important cognitive skills. Classic games like Chess, Othello, Battleship and Trimonos are terrific board games. Digital ones like Star Wars Pit Droids, Angry Birds, and Bubble Ball are fun and educational too.
4. Pick games that build resiliency: Games that teach depressed children how to be resilientunder pressure can improve self-esteem and reduce hopelessness. Consider classic toys like Jenga, Don’t Break the Ice, Don’t Spill the Beans, Topple, Kerplunk, Crocodile Dentist, Flinchand Hot Potato. Shop for educational and gaming apps for your child that likes tech-y things over old-school games by searching online at stores like Amazon or Toys-R-Us.
5. Toys that relax: Toys and games that incorporate color and lights increase feel-good endorphins and are instant mood lifters. Classic toys like Lite Brite, Melissa and Doug’s Light Box, Rain Tubes, Sand Windows, Water Volcanoes, Sand Play and Lava Lamps are home run toys. Even a simple jar of bubbles can teach children how to deep breathe, offering a space for fun and relaxation skill building. Night Lights like Cloud B Tranquil Turtle, Rainbow Bulbs or Uncle Milton’s Shooting Stars are soothing as are Aromatherapy Stuffed Animals like Sonoma Lavender Bear or Cozy Plush Microwavable Animals.
6. Don’t forget the cape: Any toys or games that encourage pretend play are wonderful ways to encourage imagination for emotional and physical release. Research shows that pretend play reduces anxiety and depression, reduces pain, improves coping and regulates feelings states. Be it Disney princesses or Marvel Avengers, girly dolls or action figures, playing house or walking on the moon, pretend play is great, healing fun.
7. Go for silly over serious: Laughter is great medicine, and scientific studies show that having silly experiences raises the feel-good hormones dopamine and serotonin. Some of my favorites are Duck Duck Bruce, Pass the Pigs, Slamwich, Gooey Louie, and What’s in Ned’s Head. And never underestimate the giggle power of miniature hats and stick on mustaches. They rank top of the list for children I work with.
8. Games that spark storytelling: Getting depressed children to talk about their struggles isn’t always easy. But the built-in rules of certain games allow children to safely share. For your depressed child games like Tell Tale, MadLibs, SketchIt, Ravensburger’s Tell-A Story Games, IlluStory’s Make Your Own Story and Rory’s Story Cubes can be a springboard for emotional expression.

These special categories of toys and games give depressed children a healthy way of distancing themselves from sadness. 

When you sit and play with your depressed child, your time and attention helps with their healing.

Remember, for children, toys are their words and play is their conversation.

  

Staying Positive During the Holiday Season

Sometimes it's a challenge to stay positive during the holiday season. 

Want to keep hub-bub and the hum-bug to a minimum? Try to stick to these simple rules:

1. Avoid over-scheduling yourself. Use a calendar to keep track of your holiday commitments so you can physically see what you're committing to. Give yourself room to say "No" to things that aren't important this holiday season and learn to delegate so you can get things done with help. 

2. Lower your expectations. Don’t strive for perfection, and learn that good enough is okay. Don’t expect family and friends to be on their best behaviors either. People who are toxic year round rarely take time off for the holiday. 

3. Make a budget and stick to it. Beware of the joy-to-stuff myth ratio: that more stuff equals more joy. It doesn't. Instead, work within a budget and use lists to keep track of presents. 

4. Spread your socializing in the months after the holidays. Don’t try to pack a year’s worth of socializing into a few weeks. Start a new tradition with friends or family to connect in the New Year if you can't get to see them during the holidays.

5. Get as much rest as you can. Schedule some pajama days for yourself or for the whole family during the holiday season. Stay home, rest and enjoy some time together without rushing about. Holidays are for celebrating what is truly important: being with loved ones. 

12 Tips to Prevent Broken Heart Syndrome

Valentine’s Day is not always a candy coated day of love and romance. For many who've lost a loved one, suffered a break up or are on the brink of separation or divorce, this day is anything but sweet. 

Learning about Broken Heart Syndrome can help you heal from your love trauma and make it through emotional calendar events like this.

Facts about Broken Heart Syndrome

Profound emotional sadness doesn't just weigh heavy on your mind. It significantly impacts your body. The depths of being heart-broken lowers your immune system, increases blood pressure and heart rate and causes significant muscle weakness, just to name a few. Stress from heartbreak grief can flood the body with hormones, specifically Cortisol, which causes that heavy-achy-feeling you get in your chest area. The heartache that comes from lost love can increase the likelihood of a heart attack. In fact, a recent study showed that a person who has a tendency to be depressed and has recently suffered a love trauma was 5 times more likely to die than a person with depression alone or a heart condition alone.

The actual medical term for this deeply emotional mind/body experience is called Stress Cardiomyopathy also known as Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. The colloquial term: "A broken heart." And women are ten times more likely to suffer from Broken Heart Syndrome than men.

12 Tips for preventing “Broken Heart Syndrome”

1. Take control. Prepare yourself for the holiday crush that comes from television, radio, online and in print. Limit your exposure to such things if the overblown seasonal attention becomes too much.
2. Realize that you’re not alone in feeling lonely, letdown or unhappy during this time. Many are quietly suffering just like you.
3. Don't hold in your emotional pain. Studies show that expressing emotions greatly reduces the body's stress response.
4. Don't put a time limit on your grief. And don't let others set one for you either. Your healing time for this love trauma is uniquely yours.
5. Make sure you tend to your physical needs. Softness, warmth and touch can be healing. Feed your other senses too – music, scents, beauty - don’t forget to taste the world.
6. Don't ignore chronic aches or pains. Check in with your physician to make sure that you’re medically fit.
7. Make sure you eat well, choosing healthy foods to keep you nourished during difficult times.
8. Keep a routine sleep schedule. If you require medication to help you with sleeping, or to regulate moods or for cardiac management, don't feel ashamed. You're going through a significantly stressful time.
9. A broken heart leaves many people feeling stunned and stuck. Move. Get out of bed. Take a shower. Go for a walk. Feel the sun on your face.
10. If you feel fragile, limit your exposure to emotionally driven holiday events. That doesn't mean you should avoid people completely. Decide what social connections will give you support, and which ones may be too taxing.
11. Don't forget your spiritual side. Prayer, even meditation, has been shown to comfort a broken heart.
12. Above all, remember: A broken heart doesn’t make you unlovable. At this moment in time, you are healing. But remind yourself to be open when love presents itself again.