Opening Bell
-
S&P 500 becomes No Snaps Allowed club; Greenspan speaks; White House officials fall for our old friend the email prankster; unrest at the Bank of England; and more.
-
JPMorgan rolls out trading robot; HSBC lives; Floyd Mayweather will make a “shit ton of money” from an ICO; the weird, sad world of bespoke porn; and more.
-
Promoted
Survey Results Paint Picture Of Litigation Finance Landscape
More than 400 practicing litigators and in-house counsel members shared insights regarding this increasingly established means of accessing capital….
-
Barclays hits the skids; Scaramucci gets a few things off his chest; robbing bank, stripping nude and throwing cash actually comedy routine, says guy; and more.
-
As of 7:55 a.m., Anthony Scaramucci is having a pretty rough day; Deutsche Bank whiffs; Libor going bye-bye; Ray Dalio poetry; and more.
-
Gary Cohn might finally get that Fed chair he always wanted; bankers are quitting in search of digital coin riches; here’s one way to tip your Uber driver; and more.
-
John Cryan opens up (kind of); Goldman bids adieu to ETF market making; Wisconsin company literally getting under employees’ skin; and more.
-
Och-Ziff has all its eggs in one 34-year-old’s basket; Justice Department gives up on London Whale traders; “brosectomies”; and more.
-
The Mooch is going places; Guggenheim is being torn apart by a love that dare not speak its name; Dali’s mustache lives; and more.
-
Goldman is losing ground to Morgan Stanley; John Cryan sees a hard Brexit coming; doctors found 27 contact lenses in some lady’s eye; and more.
-
Promoted
-
Morgan Stanley beats estimates, Goldman; stocks are weird; hedge funds are winning again, kinda; winter is here for Pornhub; and more.
-
Goldman, BofA beat; crypto investors spend $200 million on coin without “any uses, purpose, attributes, functionalities or features”; Hamptons investor punches kid; and more.
-
Nelson Peltz wants a seat at P&G; France isn’t being very laissez-faire about Brexit; Ayn Rand might not be the best management guru; and more.
-
JPMorgan doesn’t need no stinkin trading; David Solomon is also apparently a DJ?; vomit ruins self-driving cars, hedge funder’s life; and more.
-
Meet Lloyd Blankfein version 3.0; people actually want to be CEO of Uber; high-speed traders are making no money at a record clip; Cards Against Humanity *For Her*; and more.
-
Gary Cohn could actually be Fed chief; Paul Singer wants to see Warren Buffett talk dirty; your sous-vide circulator doubles as a pawn in a global bot war; and more.
-
Randy Quarles finally gets his Fed spot; low volatility is good for Tinder; a whole lot of millennials use Venmo for drug transactions; and more.
-
It’s hard out here for a macro manager; nobody wants a new open-outcry trading pit; sequence your kids’ DNA to know if they’ll be soccer stars; and more.
-
Some employees don’t want Deutsche Bank to be so Deutsche; Paul Singer hasn’t forgotten about Akzo; millennials are ruining sex; and more.
-
Add Janet Yellen to the list of people concerned about the VIX; Deutsche Bank still eyeing Frankfurt; bomb found in Manhattan actually a nightclub’s time capsule; and more.
-
Warren Buffett just made a few bucks on Bank of America; hedge funds did naughty things with hot IPO shares; Goop vs Infowars; flying weiners; and more.
-
Banks are having a payout party; NYSE president thinks short-selling is icky and unamerican; that time the TSA found a 3d-printed mouse penis; and more
-
Blue Apron shares still priced $10-$11 too high; Scaramucci is now finally officially 100 percent in the Trump administration; poop bandits; and more.
-
More on the Biden-Ackman affair: “If I could, I’d punch you in the face”; Europe demands Google pony up $2.4 billion; Uber for poop; and more.
-
Dan Loeb takes a bite out of Nestle; stress test results aren’t as tidy as you think; Sports Illustrated stretches the definition of “swimsuit”; and more.
-
Even in the clink, Bernie Madoff is still helping his clients; Burton Malkiel is taking a not-so-random-walk; politics is affecting our porn habits; and more.
-
Warren Buffett comes to the rescue up north; Bill Ackman has a glimmer in his eye; the future of cycling is (literally) shit; and more.
-
Travis Kalanick hitting the dusty trail; brokers are stealing investors’ best ideas; Trump gets poorer; Canadian bar owner incensed at theft of human toe; and more.
-
Crisis-era Qatar deal comes back to bite Barclays; Whole Foods’ John Mackey says Amazon deal was sex; this tick might make you allergic to meat; and more.
Sponsored Content
HOW TO SCORE RISK AND ASSESS THIRD-PARTY VENDORS
With enhanced terrorism financing threats, financial firms need to be unwavering in their diligence when inspecting prospective third parties.
Sponsored Content
Building a Broker Dealer Compliance Program
For broker dealer compliance, the latest customer due diligence guidance may seem agreeable, but recent SEC and FINRA enforcement actions indicate otherwise. Given the heightened AML enforcement regime, brokerages of all sizes must work diligently to promote a culture of compliance.
Lloyd Blankfein, Whose Favorite Leisure Activity Is To ‘Lie On The Couch,’ Tells Interns To Be More Interesting 
Robinhood Is Just A Few More Snap IPOs From Eradicating Inequality 
Goldman Is Wondering If Anyone Else Is Getting Weird Vibes From This Trump Guy 
Next Time A Drunk Client Promises You A Huge Bonus At A Bar, Get It In Writing On A Cocktail Napkin 
New Study Reveals That Business Schools Are Failing To Pull MBA Heads Out Of MBA Asses 
Jeff Bezos Is Sadistically Curious If He Can Personally Make Blue Apron Stock Worth Negative Dollars 
Goldman Sachs Became Obsessed With Millennials And Now David Solomon Is An EDM DJ 
Blackstone Associate Regrets Sending Threatening Emails After Being Called Out For Sending Threatening Emails 