Banks
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Okay, You Can Start Worrying About Robots Now
JPMorgan’s equities robo-trader is coming for you.
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Promoted
HOW TO SCORE RISK AND ASSESS THIRD-PARTY VENDORS
With enhanced terrorism financing threats, financial firms need to be unwavering in their diligence when inspecting prospective third parties.
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Next Time A Drunk Client Promises You A Huge Bonus At A Bar, Get It In Writing On A Cocktail Napkin
This is a lesson Merrill Lynch’s Jeffrey Blue has learned the expensive way.
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In Dramatic Show Of Contrition, Ex-Execs Cover 0.3 Percent Of Deutsche Bank’s Post-Crisis Fines
A rare symbolic victory for John Cryan.
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Bonus Watch ’17: Frankfurt Is Great If You’re The Kind Of Person Who’s Into Money
Pro: No one willingly lives in Frankfurt so you can demand a raise. Con: No one willingly lives in Frankfurt.
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Brian Moynihan Choosing Dublin As BofA’s Post-Brexit Home Because Who Doesn’t Love A Cliché
It has fewer Irish people than Boston, but BriMo is gonna love it.
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Deutsche Bank Getting More Deutsche By The Minute
On second thought, maybe London isn’t the best place to run a global banking business.
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Citi Traders Might Regret Taking A ‘Let Them Come Sue Us’ Approach To Lehman Derivatives
What remains of the failed investment bank wants some of its $2 billion collateral back from Citi.
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Promoted
Building a Broker Dealer Compliance Program
For broker dealer compliance, the latest customer due diligence guidance may seem agreeable, but recent SEC and FINRA enforcement actions indicate otherwise. Given the heightened AML enforcement regime, brokerages of all sizes must work diligently to promote a culture of compliance.
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For Big Banks, Frankfurt Is Brexit’s Wurst-Case Scenario
If Theresa May forces you to stop being her neighbor, you’re not gonna like where you’re going.
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The Deutsche Bank Exodus Ain’t Over Yet
The 2016 (non) bonus season might be over, but managing directors are still saying auf wiedersehen.
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For A Guy Who Just Brought In $26B, Jamie Dimon Sure Hates America
The JPMorgan boss just lost his shit and somehow Mike Mayo has nothing to do with it.
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RBS Still On Track For Aluminum Unprofitability Anniversary
The Scots are not quite ready to make money again.
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Which of course has nothing to do with attracting the biggest IPO in history.
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How many one-night stands can one trading supervisor arrange during a workday?
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TriBeCa Whole Foods Officially Too Expensive For Area Investment Bankers
Jordan Lupu’s allegedly sticky fingers have us wondering about how things are going at BMO.
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Jamie Dimon Will Be Doing his Brexit-ing In Paris, Thank You Very Much
Frankfurt may be ready and Dublin might be cheap, but all Jamie D wants to do is take a moonlit stroll down the Champs-Élysées.
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In The Dog-Eat-Dog World Of Asset Management, Prime Brokers Are Vultures
Brokers like to leak information of fund liquidation fire sales, science says.
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Morgan Stanley Finally Admits How It Really Feels About Snap
It’s technically the second time, but this time the price target changed.
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Wolfgang Schäuble’s Swimming In Prosecco
“Things have gone very well in Italy?” What have you done with the real German finance minister?
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John Varley Gets Some Good News
The former Barclays CEO has the faith of the courts that he’s not mulling a Brexit.
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For Johnny Cryin, the choice is between weltschmerz and nothingness.
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And why not? It’s not like they’ll need those capital buffers anymore, and there’s much to celebrate.
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Deutsche Bank Is Gonna Go Ahead And Fine Itself $60 Million For Latest Apparent Volcker Lapse
The shame is punishment enough.
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Short Sellers: If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Give ‘Em $15,000-An-Hour Consulting Gigs To Turn Rat
Nothing says “we’re a legitimate company” like offering thousands of dollars to make the mean people go away.
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Survey Results Paint Picture Of Litigation Finance Landscape
More than 400 practicing litigators and in-house counsel members shared insights regarding this increasingly established means of accessing capital….
Lloyd Blankfein, Whose Favorite Leisure Activity Is To ‘Lie On The Couch,’ Tells Interns To Be More Interesting 
Robinhood Is Just A Few More Snap IPOs From Eradicating Inequality 
Goldman Is Wondering If Anyone Else Is Getting Weird Vibes From This Trump Guy 
New Study Reveals That Business Schools Are Failing To Pull MBA Heads Out Of MBA Asses 
Jeff Bezos Is Sadistically Curious If He Can Personally Make Blue Apron Stock Worth Negative Dollars 
Goldman Sachs Became Obsessed With Millennials And Now David Solomon Is An EDM DJ 
Blackstone Associate Regrets Sending Threatening Emails After Being Called Out For Sending Threatening Emails 