Catalog Living

Because I’m testing him, Elaine. If Santa’s the pro he claims to be he’ll see that the Christmas tree is actually the other way.

After seeing their new wallpaper and bookshelf, Gary and Elaine agreed that next time they would hire a less literal designer.

People book Gary and Elaine’s Airbnb for the prime location and clean accommodations, but what keeps them coming back is the thrill of riding a full size wicker motorcycle.

Until Pink reports back as to whether there’s a possible escape route, the other bags can only watch anxiously from their hooks as she slowly scales the ladder.

Elaine, remember that huge room in that wing of the house we never use? Well I think it’s safe to say I’ve found the perfect spot for that bust your mother passed down to you.

Quoth the raven, “fall decor!”

Penny and Maxwell stared into the distance, hoping that somehow the silence would erase the embarrassment of Rufus the Dog overdoing it at the tea party once again.

Strangers assumed it was a Halloween pillow, but friends of Gary and Elaine were well aware that it was just one of their 365 pillows with a date and a bird on it.

I hope you don’t mind, Elaine, but I added a couple of photographs to the wall on your side because it was looking a little desperate.

Gary’s choice of fireplace accessories left Elaine confused as to whether he loved dogs or hated them.

You know Gary, I think I will try to “enjoy the little things,” starting right now with this $200 brass sign the size of a toddler.

Should I use the matches to light these unripe mangoes now Elaine, or wait until our guests arrive?

They’re actually rolled up kid’s menu placemats from diners, Elaine, but now that you mention it old maps would have been a much cooler thing to collect.

I finished A Farewell to Arms if you’d like to have it, Elaine, or are you still reading your brown paper bag of 26s?

Gary, you know I can’t wake up without a strong cup of coffee and getting hit in the face with a pendant lamp.

Gary, my magazines are blowing away! My rope ball! For the love of all that’s holy, get my rope ball!

Gary and Elaine love having guests stay with them, but sometimes the turnover is so quick there’s hardly time to set out fresh water and replenish the hat basket.

“Simple really is beautiful,” Elaine thought to herself while lighting a sixth candle and placing a wooden necklace around the one vase not filled with sparkling Pellegrino.

This may surprise you, Elaine, but when you go out of town I do just fine making my own meals.

When Elaine inherited her grandmother’s writing desk she chose to follow the tradition of always displaying beautiful blooming hydrangeas and a discreet tin of number one.

Gary stands by his claim that even the most pretentious grouping of items can be toned down with a random sprinkling of nuts.

After waking to a distant tapping sound, Gary and Elaine ran downstairs just in time to witness their Christmas tree hatching.

Lloyd had, at best, a faint recollection of when drumming was a dignified profession.

Gary knows most guys would just carve notches in their bedposts, but then again, most guys don’t have a porcelain tile artist on retainer.

Peter was never quite sure what to think about this girl who was always around and who his parents referred to as his “sister,” but he figured if she were really important she would have her name on a towel.

You were right, Gary. Taking off my huge necklace did make it easier to rip the covers off these books - I finished the whole bowl!

And on the fourth attempt at fitting “camembert” on the tiny chalkboard, Gary calmly set down the board and chalk, threw the easel across the room, and went for a long drive.

No Elaine, I don’t think it’s taking our nautical theme “too far” to give our guests the feeling that our living room has capsized.

I’m afraid that’s what you get, Elaine. You wanted furniture “with a history” and these end tables used to be cheerleaders.

Oscar wanted Lou to know that even though he’d been promoted from ladle perch to condiments he was still the same old owl he always was, but Lou refused to even look in his direction.

Roy the Bear wasn’t too pleased with the creepy looks his new neighbor was sending his way, but with everyone else on his floor already paired up he knew beggars couldn’t exactly be choosers.

Gary wasn’t entirely sure what “crockery” was, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with the fact that some of the stuff in his dining room was real and some of it was just drawn in chalk.

Being away until 6 worried Gary, as he was uncomfortable leaving Elaine home alone all day with only flimsy wire cages to hold back the wildly unpredictable and occasionally vicious clay pots and rope balls.

I don’t want to tell you your business, Gary, but I think you might get more done if you made your typewriter a little more accessible.

Normally a proponent of decorating in odd numbers, it pained Elaine to know that her oar collection was decreased by one-third simply because Gary was too impatient to wait for her to finish with the butter knife. 

Changing her fifth diaper that morning, Elaine was unable to appreciate the appropriateness of the personalized quilt and wished she and Gary had sprung for spelling out Ava’s middle name.