I'm 22. I'm in college. I'm unemployed. I drink a lot. I smoke a lot of weed.

I hate talking about emotions. Let alone my emotions.

But i'm sitting here drunk at my computer at 4:11 a.m. and I just can't help but think of how alone I feel.

I was diagnosed with HIV in January (2018).

Being gay, an alcoholic, a drug addict, and HIV+ is sooo fucking lonely.

I don't even know why i started this post but here I am just typing with tears rolling down my eyes and a Mike's Hard Lemonade beside me. I'm such a mess.

I wish I had some kind of motivation but it just feels like im on autopilot.

I honestly want to have a happy normal life, but I don't know how I will ever have that.