Christmas Creep-Off

It's a Christmas Creep-Off!

Hit us with your best shots, bakers!

Oooh, now that's creepy.

But this is creepier. [shudder]

AAAAAUUGHH!

I mean, er, points for finding a way to make a candy cane look like it's made from someone's collection of skin suits, bakers. That's... that's really something. [backs away slowly]

Hey, ever wonder what Richard Kind would look like with shaved eyebrows?

(This is Richard Kind.)

BEHOLD!

Yep, nailed it. So why am I terrified? How DO you do it, bakers?

Hey, ever had a reeeeally bad sunburn?

And then wanted to eat it?

Then this Christmas, YOU ARE IN LUCK.

0.o

K, I'm calling it: that's definitely the creepiest.

Thanks to Danica G., Patrick M., Robyn B., Sheri P., & Lindsay L. for the Christmas face-off. (Ew.)

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Christmas Blues

I have a problem around this time of year. It's kind of embarrassing, but I'm hoping I'm not the only one. 

It goes like this:

I'll be out shopping somewhere with John, when suddenly:

I'll hear it.

And I'll think, "No, it can't be. They wouldn't play THAT song. Not here! It must be some other song."

Then a few more seconds will go by, and I'll realize:

It IS that song.

They're playing Christmas Shoes.

 

So I tell myself I'll just ignore it. I talk to John a little louder. I try humming It's A Small World. But it's no use:

 

I start listening, in spite of myself.

And ninety seconds later:

[sobbing] "Buy him the shoes! BUY THE LITTLE BOY THE SHOES FOR HIS DYING MOTHER! AaahhhaaaaHAAA!!"

 And my mascara's running everywhere...

And the cashier is like:

And all the other customers are like:

And I turn to John for support, but he's crying, too, so we're BOTH like:

And THAT is why I'm never going back to that Honey Baked Ham outlet.

Thanks to Hannah F., Kimberly S., Linda M., Anony M., Rachel S.,  Marissa C.,  Jodee R., Kizzie F., & David G. who might claim they don't cry at Christmas Shoes, but if so they're filthy, filthy liars.

And just in case you've never had the pleasure, here it is. BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.