Clients From Hell

The client I was working with gave me a rough design concept that I worked on for two weeks. He...

Thu, 22 Dec 2016 10:20:16 -0500

The client I was working with gave me a rough design concept that I worked on for two weeks. He didn’t give me much in the way of feedback, but signed off on every iteration over two weeks. I had a nearly finished version ready in time for a final round of revisions before going to print, but hadn’t heard anything for days.

One day before the print deadline, the client sent me an email:

Client: Make it more visual.

He then went to a meeting for the rest of the day and took the weekend off.

I’m still not sure what he meant.

Client: For your final term with us, we’d like to have you with us full-time for three...

Thu, 22 Dec 2016 08:40:15 -0500

Client: For your final term with us, we’d like to have you with us full-time for three weeks.

Me: Final? I thought you were happy with my work?

Client: Yes, we are, but we have decided just to get a couple of interns from [unnamed] university over the summer and have them produce content to cover us for the full year. It’ll be cheaper that way.

Me: So, what do you want me to do for the three weeks?

Client: Train the interns.

"Can you please move it up a tad and down a hair?"

Wed, 21 Dec 2016 10:20:28 -0500

“Can you please move it up a tad and down a hair?”

Client: Can you replace the logo with this new one please?Me: No need, the logo is the same just a...

Wed, 21 Dec 2016 08:40:26 -0500

Client: Can you replace the logo with this new one please?

Me: No need, the logo is the same just a different filename.

Client: Can you still replace it though?

Me: Even though it is the same logo just with a different filename?

Client: It might visually be identical but I’ll know it’s different.

Me: ….

Client: ….

Me: …done.

Client: Great! Thanks!

I didn’t change a god damned thing. If he could tell the difference, he hasn’t mentioned it to me.

> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

Client: I need a logo. My business is called [name] and we do [service].Me: Can you provide me with...

Tue, 20 Dec 2016 10:20:05 -0500

Client: I need a logo. My business is called [name] and we do [service].

Me: Can you provide me with a more detailed design brief?

Client: I already told you!

Client: I’m free all day. You pick a time to meet.Me: Ok, how does 12:30 sound?Client: Nah. Doesn’t...

Tue, 20 Dec 2016 08:40:09 -0500

Client: I’m free all day. You pick a time to meet.

Me: Ok, how does 12:30 sound?

Client: Nah. Doesn’t work for me. Can we do 11:30?

I work for a web design and hosting company for doctors, and through that we manage their...

Mon, 19 Dec 2016 10:20:16 -0500

I work for a web design and hosting company for doctors, and through that we manage their emails through the same hosting.

Client: I can’t sign in to my email, you guys changed my password for no reason.

Me: We did not. What is the password you’re using for which email?

Client: The password is ******* and the email is client@domain.

Me: Dot com or dot net?

Client: I’m trying to sign in to my email, not go to my website, are you an idiot?

After twenty minutes of me trying to convince him to add the .com to the end of his email, I finally signed in to it myself to show him it was working, and when he tried it himself he spent a solid three minutes of signing out and signing in again muttering about how that didn’t make sense. I left him with an outlook set up guide and a passive aggressively extensive guide on how to type in the correct email and password.

For the record, this guy is also a doctor.

> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

I’m working on some album art for a client. He seemed like a nice guy and he made a 50% deposit.I...

Mon, 19 Dec 2016 08:40:15 -0500

I’m working on some album art for a client. He seemed like a nice guy and he made a 50% deposit.

I did a round of sketches. He wasn’t sold. No problem. I do another round and he’s still not feeling it. I ask him to give me a more detailed description of exactly what he wants and he does.

What he described wasn’t my typical style, so I sketched up a quick draft of the image as he described to see if it would work for him. He loved it! At this point I was actually pretty excited about the project, so I get to work right away. Just as I was finishing up I got this message:

Client: Hey man! I actually just got back from France and I found this amazing painting in the Public Domain that I want you to use instead.

It was a Picasso I was replaced by a f**king Picasso.

Don't be afraid to talk about what a failure you are

Mon, 19 Dec 2016 06:01:08 -0500

You’re going to fail,and that’s okay.

Bryce Bladon and Kai Davis discuss the impact of failure on their careers, the anxieties and fears tied to freelancing, and why you need to sacrifice comfort to grow yourself and your business.

> Kai’s Free Outreach Course

> Ask Kai anything!

Questions? Episode ideas?

Talk to Clients From Hell or Bryce Bladon on Twitter. Or shoot us an email!

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DEAL: Winter Design bundle for $11 - 98% off!

Sun, 18 Dec 2016 10:20:11 -0500

This week’s deal is everything you need to create winter themed designs for only $11! That’s a savings of $631!

This bundle contains 9 packages that make designing winter themed ads a breeze. Real snow textures and overlays, frozen text effects, snowflake smart objects and romantic winter backdrops, this package is a one stop shop for creating images that will make you feel cozy and warm.

All of the elements in this bundle retail separately for $642, but for a limited time Clients From Hell readers can get them all for 98% off at $11!

> Check out the deal here.

Client: Could the back page be more white-ish?The back page is black, which is what he asked for....

Sun, 18 Dec 2016 08:40:10 -0500

Client: Could the back page be more white-ish?

The back page is black, which is what he asked for. I’m not sure how to make black “white-ish.”

I was at my local pub, watching a Chiefs game. Most everybody knew who I was and that I was a...

Sat, 17 Dec 2016 10:20:12 -0500

I was at my local pub, watching a Chiefs game. Most everybody knew who I was and that I was a designer/photographer. A dude I didn’t know came up to me - he owned a handyman business, and had learned I was a graphic designer, and asked if I’d do some work for him.

Client: Can you make me a logo and design some shit for me? I need some flyers and business cards and whatever. Maybe some pictures. I can give you a percentage of money that comes any business I get from this stuff.

Me: (stunned) No, I require at least a deposit to start any work. You wouldn’t roof a house if someone only paid you if it didn’t leak after ten years, would you?

Client: (exasperated) Well, what if it doesn’t work? I could only pay you if you got me some business.

Me: Well, your marketing isn’t my problem. I provide design and print brokering services. I don’t guarantee the success of your business.

Client: Must be nice, being able to turn down good work! Some of us have REAL jobs!

At least the Chiefs won that afternoon.

> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

Client: I was thinking – could the sidebar be the same color as the gradient in the banner? Me:...

Sat, 17 Dec 2016 08:40:09 -0500

Client: I was thinking – could the sidebar be the same color as the gradient in the banner?

Me: Well… the banner gradient ranges from #000000 to #632B06. You’re going to have to be more specific about which color you mean.

He points his finger at the screen and drags it about a half inch.

Client: From there to there would be great.

I was developing a website for a client for a flat fee. His business was selling machines that...

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 10:20:07 -0500

I was developing a website for a client for a flat fee. His business was selling machines that I didn’t understand at all, so every meeting I’d remind him that he needed to supply me with written content for the site. I finished the site, sent it to the client, and was still waiting for the copy to add to it.

Two weeks later he “checked up” on me.

Client: Well let’s see your progress!

Me: Well – the site is done, but there’s no copy in it yet. We’re waiting on you for that.

Client: What? It’s been two weeks! How have you not done anything in that time?

Me: The site is done. I’m not a writer, and I don’t know anything about what you sell. Once you give me the copy, I’ll add it the site and it will be done.

Client: (furious) I’m paying you for your services, how can you NOT have made any progress? I need this site done!

Me: The site IS done. The writing is not. We agreed on this when we started.

Client: So you haven’t done anything at all since we last talked.

Me: Once you give me the write-ups, the site will be ready to launch in a day.

Client: But you have NO progress to show! I PAID you to show progress.

Keep in mind, he was supposed to pay me a flat fee – he wasn’t paying me for the last two weeks.

This song and dance continued for another five minutes before I walked out. He, to this day has not updated his website.

> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

A client recorded a long training session on a subject I’m completely unfamiliar with. He didn’t...

Fri, 16 Dec 2016 08:40:05 -0500

A client recorded a long training session on a subject I’m completely unfamiliar with. He didn’t want to waste the footage and wants it turned into a course for that reason.

Me: Do you have a course description or goals? Why are we making this? Who has to take it?

Client: No, but there’s a document with the videos. Just look at that. Now, when you edit the videos into a course, be sure to remove all of the swearing and anything that might be offensive. I’m telling you, this guy is a lot of fun and he swears a lot. Cut it all up into logical parts. Oh, and he doesn’t always tell you what he’s talking about and he doesn’t go in any order. Sometimes he starts talking about something and you don’t even know why until a few hours have passed! He’s great. I need this by the end of next week.

Me: I updated you on this a while ago – I’m away next week. I won’t be able to work on this if that’s your deadline.

I’ve been telling him about this for months, and at least once a week for the past month. It’s also on both of our calendars and the group calendar.

Supervisor: Well, you can do it in two days then. I could do it in one day. In fact, just get it done.

There are actually seven hours of video (not five), the document is TOTALLY useless, and the video isn’t in any sort of natural order. I don’t know anything about the subject, so I can’t help there. So in two days, I’m supposed to download and go through seven hours of video I’ve never seen before, cut and edit it, remove anything offensive, bounce it all, upload to the server, create the course, and more

Also, the guy in the video swears A LOT. Like, a lot a lot.

> Want to know if freelancing is for you?

I was working on a project that had previously failed to make a windows shell extension. The client...

Thu, 15 Dec 2016 10:20:17 -0500

I was working on a project that had previously failed to make a windows shell extension. The client blamed the previous developer for everything in the last phase, and I was in the process of trying to familiarize myself with the project I got this email:

Client: I know the previous developer left some code behind that I’m sure you can reuse. We’re moving on to a windows driver project now, so we’d like to get the old shell finished. We have two sprints per month now so the boss expects two weeks of development and two weeks of testing. Since there’s code you can reuse, you should be able to get this done in two weeks, right?

You mean the failed code that didn’t produce a finished product in a year? Yeah, no problem. Easy.

Client: That project went pretty well. The investors are happy with the results. Me: Great! Glad to...

Thu, 15 Dec 2016 08:40:13 -0500

Client: That project went pretty well. The investors are happy with the results.

Me: Great! Glad to hear it.

Client: How old are you again? You live in [city] right? My son is about your age, you should go on a date with him.

Me: …

I worked for a programmer, designing the websites he was working on. I finished a website design and...

Wed, 14 Dec 2016 10:20:18 -0500

I worked for a programmer, designing the websites he was working on. I finished a website design and he complained:

Client: The color is too dull. Change it.

I did. He didn’t like it. I changed it again. Repeat. When he was finally happy with the color, he complained:

Client: You work so slow. The color doesn’t matter. Try to keep up.

Best. Job. Ever.

I believe I just finished burning a bridge with a client. She sent me eight photos of people doing...

Wed, 14 Dec 2016 08:40:16 -0500

I believe I just finished burning a bridge with a client. She sent me eight photos of people doing yoga with this request:

Client: Hey! I need you to edit these photos so that they’re more “original.” Do you have any ideas?

I’m pretty sure I know what she meant by “more original”; the images she sent all had watermarks and, with a google image search, I was able to find the original artist.

I work at a newspaper and I just got this request for a B&W ad I’m working on:Client: Can you...

Tue, 13 Dec 2016 10:20:19 -0500

I work at a newspaper and I just got this request for a B&W ad I’m working on:

Client: Can you print our ad in a brighter white so that it stands out when you print it?